The door opened and Jackie stepped out.
Whoa.
Blair and I had only discovered that we had a sister a year ago when Jackie’s paternity was exposed by Capital Confessions. Since then we’d spent as much time as our crazy schedules allowed trying to build a relationship, trying to make up for twenty-one years of lost time. Even though I didn’t have a lifetime of memories with her like I did with Blair, and even though our relationship would probably never be the same, I loved Jackie. She was my sister in every way that counted. So seeing her standing there in her wedding gown was something special.
I didn’t really get into clothes, so I couldn’t tell who the designer was, or what kind of shape it was, or anything about the material. I just knew that she looked beautiful. And happy. So happy.
“You look amazing,” Blair whispered, tears filling her eyes. Between the two of us, she was definitely the crier.
I grinned. “You really do. Will’s going to freak when he sees you.”
He always looked at her like he would never get tired of it, as though there were something new to dazzle him each time, but I figured there was something special about seeing the woman you were going to marry in a wedding dress. Especially, when you looked like Jackie did.
“You don’t think it’s too conservative?” she asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror with a critical eye.
I shrugged. “I mean, I can see cleavage, so I’m thinking no.”
Blair laughed. “It’s perfect. You’re right; you want something that will look good for Will’s staff to use in official photos. It’s feminine and sexy, while still perfectly appropriate for the wife of a rising political star.”
Jackie grinned, her eyes gleaming, and I knew she was already scheming up ways to use their wedding to help Will’s career.
“I think this is it, then. I saw it in the bridal magazine and thought it might be, but I really wanted to come try it on and see for myself.” She gave us both quick hugs. “I can’t believe I just found my wedding dress. Thank you guys so much for coming with me.”
Blair stood, handing Jackie and me champagne flutes. She lifted hers in the air.
“To our amazing sister. We wish you and Will a lifetime of happiness.” Her eyes teared up. “I’m so glad that we have you in our lives. We love you so much.”
Jackie grinned. “Thanks. I love you guys, too. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Despite all of the shit with my father and all of the issues I had with my family, my sisters were the best part of being a Reynolds, no contest. I knew my parents hated that Blair and I had a relationship with Jackie; besides the press conference they’d conducted when news of Jackie’s paternity had come out in the media, they’d made it clear that they didn’t want us to be linked with her publicly. When it came down to a relationship with the sister we loved or the approval of the parents we could barely stand, there hadn’t been much of a question for Blair or me. This was our father’s legacy, whether he liked it or not.
We finished our champagne and then Jackie went back into the dressing room to get changed, leaving Blair and me together.
“So do you think you and Gray will get married someday?” I asked, curiosity getting the best of me. Blair was pretty private about her relationship—and given everything that had happened before, I couldn’t blame her—but they’d been living together for several months now and they seemed really happy. And I’d thrown mock weddings with Blair more times than I could count when we were kids. That said, I knew Gray was divorced, and considering Blair’s last attempt at marriage had resulted in her fleeing the altar when she’d learned her fiancé was gay and cheating on her, I wouldn’t exactly be surprised if neither one of them had a favorable outlook on matrimony.
Blair’s cheeks turned a little pink. “Yeah, I do.”
I waited to see if she’d share more.
“We’ve talked about it and we both want the same thing, want to have a future together. I think he’s a little nervous about the rest of it—having children, feeling like he’s ready to be a husband and father. With his track record and the way he was raised, he definitely still has some baggage, but it seems like he gets more comfortable with the idea the longer we’re together, the more he sees that our relationship is solid.” She shrugged. “Maybe in a year? Neither one of us is in a huge rush. We love each other and we’re happy. Plus, we’re both really busy getting our careers off the ground.”
Blair had started working at a nonprofit in Boston a few months ago and seemed to really enjoy it. Gray had opened his own private legal practice and while I knew he’d tried to cut back on his hours, he still worked a lot.
“I always thought that I needed to get married, like it was some box I had to check,” Blair continued. “But honestly, I never really figured out who I was before. It’s different with Jackie. She probably came out of the womb telling the world to suck it, kicking ass and taking names.”
I laughed. That did totally sound like Jackie.
“I still feel like I’m figuring out who I am and what I want independent of everyone’s expectations of me. Don’t get me wrong; Gray is awesome and so supportive, but I just want to spend a little time working on me before I start working on a marriage. And I think he feels the same way. He’s only been sober a couple years now, and we both just want to be in a good place before we shake things up.”
I reached out and squeezed her hand.
“That sounds like a really smart plan. I’m glad you found someone who makes you as happy as he does. And I’m so happy that you’ve found someone who lets you be you and doesn’t try to put you in a box or make you think you have to be someone you’re not.”
I’d been lucky—I’d always had Matt there to accept me for who I was, even when I’d clearly disappointed our parents. But Blair had spent most of her life playing by their rules. It was good to see her making her own choices now.
“How are you doing?” Blair asked. “Jackie told me the blind date didn’t go so well. Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have pushed.” She gave me a wry smile. “I know how annoying it is. I just got excited thinking that you might be ready to move on, at the idea that maybe you could find some happiness with someone else, that I pushed when I shouldn’t have. I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t be. You were being a good sister.” I took a deep breath. “Listen, do you think you could come by the apartment after we go to lunch? Just you? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Sure.” Worry filled her eyes. “Is everything okay?”
I smiled. “Yeah. It is.”
I didn’t know why I was nervous about this, but I was.
I figured Blair would understand why I’d kept the truth from her, knew I could trust her to realize how important it was to keep the news about Matt a secret. And at the same time, he felt like something I needed to hold close to me and protect, a secret I would die to keep. But Blair had grown up with him almost like a big brother, and she’d loved him, too. She’d held me while I cried after I received the phone call telling me that he’d died, had stood next to me at the funeral, her arm around me, holding me up. I hadn’t been able to lean on my parents, and in those first few days, before I’d shut down completely, I’d leaned on her.
We sat down on the sofa in my living room, and I took a deep breath, steadying myself.
Here goes nothing.
“Matt’s alive. He didn’t die in Afghanistan.”
Blair stared at me, the color draining from her face, the look of shock on her face mirroring the emotion I’d felt that first night he showed up in my apartment.
“What?”
“He’s alive. I’ve seen him. His unit was ambushed in Afghanistan and they were all killed. Matt was shot, but he survived. They dumped the bodies in a pit, and when it was safe, he clawed himself out.”
It was still hard to talk about, incredibly painful to imagine him in that position. I didn’t know how he’d walked away from all
he’d been through, couldn’t imagine how he managed the memories and lived with the dreams.
“Oh my god.” Blair sat frozen, her mouth open, shock etched all over her face. “Oh my god.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “How? How is that even possible? What happened? He’s really alive?”
I nodded, my throat clogged with tears rising to the surface. More than anyone, she knew what this meant for me. She’d been through my grief, had struggled to get through to me, to support me, even as I’d pushed her away.
“Kate. Oh my god, Kate.”
She wrapped her arms around me, engulfing me in a hug, and for the first time in years, I took down the wall I’d put around myself, and let her in.
Tears spilled down my cheeks, my body racked by sobs as she held me, as we cried together, some mixture of happy and sad tears mingling together until I didn’t know which was which. Everything felt so overwhelming, in an unimaginable, hopeful sort of way, that it peppered our tears.
I’d needed to be strong for Matt, had sensed that despite his bravado and the edge to him now, there were parts of him that were crumpling under the weight of everything he’d endured over the past few years. I didn’t want him carrying me, too. But now, for a moment, I relaxed into the embrace of my big sister, of the only other person who’d always had my back and who I knew had been waiting a long time for me to let her in.
Blair pulled away first, wiping at her face, her eyes wide with amazement. “You have to tell me everything. How did this happen? How long have you known? Can I see him?”
I nodded, figuring it was best to start at the beginning. I knew how worried she’d be, but I hoped that the fact that I had Matt on my side, protecting me, would give her peace.
“The night of my birthday, I woke up to the sound of someone breaking into my apartment …”
I went through everything that had happened leading up to last night, skimming over the sex, and the fact that things were sort of up in the air between me and Matt, and not going into too many details about our father. I still wasn’t ready to share everything, not until I had enough proof to know what I was sharing. I walked a fine line between needing to come clean with my sisters and wanting to keep them protected, far away from this mess.
When I’d finished, Blair had a dazed expression on her face.
“How are you doing?”
“Okay, I guess? I know that might sound weird, but the hard part was when I thought Matt was gone. Now that I know he’s safe, everything else seems manageable.”
“If by ‘manageable’ you mean completely and totally insane.”
“Basically.”
“How is Matt handling all of this?”
“That’s the tough part. It’s obvious that what happened to him in Afghanistan left a mark on him. I want to get him the help he needs, but it’s hard when he’s also trying to lie low so that no one realizes he’s still alive.”
I hesitated. We’d never really talked a lot about our relationships. Blair was pretty private, and Matt and I’d had the kind of relationship that didn’t really need a lot of analyzing. But now I needed my sister, needed someone to help put all of this in perspective. “Things are kind of weird between us, too,” I admitted.
“What do you mean?”
“I think he’s hesitant to get involved with me. Afraid that it’s dangerous for him to be around me. We’ve had sex, but things aren’t like they used to be between us. I feel like he’s closed off and I can’t break through if he doesn’t want to let me in. There are moments when it feels like I’m close, but at the same time, I know I’m not. Not really.”
Sympathy filled Blair’s gaze. “I know how hard that can be. And how frustrating. In the beginning, Gray tried to push me away. He was convinced that with his past and his position as my professor, our relationship would ruin my chances at a legal career.” She made a face. “Which it sort of did.”
I winced, hating myself for having contributed to their struggles. “I’m so sorry about that. If I could take it back, I would. I know that’s not a consolation, I know there’s nothing I can do now to make what I did then okay—”
She reached out and squeezed my hand. “No, I don’t mean it like that. In a weird way, it was a major blessing in disguise. We were both following paths that didn’t make us happy. It took our worlds getting shaken up a bit to make us reevaluate our priorities and what we wanted out of life.
“I love our life in Boston and wouldn’t trade it for anything. I needed to start over. Needed to get out of D.C. I needed to find something that I was passionate about doing, and for the first time in my life, I feel like there’s more to me than just being a Reynolds. That I’m actually doing good in the world and helping people. Considering where we come from, I like to think that hopefully, in some small way, I’m counteracting our family legacy.”
I figured that would have been a challenge for Mother Teresa given our father’s megalomaniacal worldview, but I got her point.
“Do you still love Matt?” Blair asked.
“Really?”
She grinned. “Right. I forgot how ride or die you are.”
I laughed. “Is Gray teaching you phrases like ‘ride or die’? Somehow I’m having a hard time connecting with your wild side.”
She smirked. “Very funny. I’ll have you know that I have a pretty impressive wild side.”
“I’ll bet,” I teased.
Gray wasn’t my type, but there was no denying that he was fine. Really fine. And by the look of things, he definitely had a wild side. If he was bringing that out in my sister, good for him and even better for her.
“Does he still love you?” Blair asked, her voice gentle, worry in her gaze.
I swallowed. “He has my initial tattooed on his chest. Over his heart. He says that he can’t do love, that he’s killed people, that—”
“Those are excuses, all the reasons why he thinks you shouldn’t love him. That’s not exactly an answer.” Blair paused for a moment. “He loves you.”
She said it like it was a given, and the second she did, I realized it was.
“Yeah. He does.”
“So what would it take for the two of you to come out of all of this together?”
“Honestly? I don’t know.”
“Would you need to leave town?”
“Probably. If by ‘leave town’ you mean develop new identities and go on the run. Even if we figure out who’s responsible, even if we expose them, I think we’ll always be looking over our shoulders; there will always be someone else who’s threatened by the information that comes out. You know how these things are; it’s like a hydra, once you cut off one head, two more pop up. Everyone’s in bed with each other, everyone’s connected. We can’t have a life as ourselves anymore.”
“Would you be okay with that? Would you be okay with leaving everything behind—your job, family, friends—and starting a new life with Matt?”
The answer made me feel so guilty, but I said it anyway.
“Yeah. I would. I love you and Jackie. So much. But Matt’s my family, too.” He was more than that. He was also my heart. “It’s not just about Matt anymore, though. People died because of our father. How many more people will be killed because they stand between him and something he wants? Someone has to stop him. I think I have the tools to do it. And if it means saving Matt, then I don’t see how I have a choice. It’s the right thing to do. And it’s what I want. I don’t want this to spill over to you and Jackie. I just want to keep the people I love safe.”
Blair was quiet for a moment. I knew she was reluctant to get too involved in this, knew that she hated the dirty side of politics, the ruthlessness that seemed to go hand-in-hand with the way our father conducted business. I wanted to shield her from as much of this as I could. She’d spent her whole life playing big sister; now it was my turn to take care of her.
“I get it. That’s how I felt about going to Boston with Gray.” She shot me a sad smile. “It’ll be the end of an era. N
o Reynolds girls in D.C. What will Capital Confessions do?”
I laughed, despite the urge to cry. “I think Jackie will hold down the fort. Hell, she’ll probably be running this town in no time. I fully expect Will to be in the White House before he turns forty.”
Blair grinned. “I was going with forty-five, but if you want to make a wager …”
“Deal.”
Blair’s expression sobered. “Whatever happens, wherever you go, you’ll always be my sister. And I’ll always love you. I’m here for you, for whatever you need.”
“I know.” Emotion clogged my throat. “I love you, too.” I wrapped my arms around her. “We’ve done pretty well for ourselves, haven’t we? No horrible arranged marriages to men decades older than us. You say ‘fuck’ occasionally and you stopped wearing those stupid pastel dresses that our mother always tried to dress you in and I haven’t seen a ginormous bow in your hair in ages.”
Blair snorted. “God, those were horrible.”
“And I’m happy. Really happy.”
“I know.” Blair grinned. “Yeah. The Reynolds sisters did well.”
Chapter Thirteen
Capital Confessions is sad to report the death of …
—Capital Confessions blog
Matt
I walked up the stairs to Kate’s apartment, feeling the first stirrings of hope that we might have a way out of this. The guy I’d talked to had worked personal security in Afghanistan for Intech, and while he’d signed a nondisclosure agreement, he’d seen enough over there to be willing to speak to me. I couldn’t use him as a source, but he’d given me what I needed to point me in the right direction.
I used the key Kate had given me earlier, wondering if she was back from lunch and shopping with her sisters. I opened the door and froze over the threshold.
Kate sat on the couch with Blair, their eyes red, their gazes locked on mine.
Kate broke the silence first. “I told her.”
I shut the door behind me, feeling a bit like the walls were closing in. I’d grown up with both of them, and while Kate and I had always been closer, Blair had still been like a sister to me. We were the same age, and even though we’d always had different personalities, we’d been close. Seeing her was a punch to the gut, a blast from the past that I’d known I’d face eventually, but still felt unprepared for.
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