Ana briefly pursed her lips, then rose and exited the room. I played with the fringe of a throw pillow and ignored Sophie and Lily’s silent questions. I needed to think.
A moment later Ana returned, followed by Henri. “Delilah has already turned in for the evening, so you’ll have to make do with some herbal tea,” she said.
The diminutive butler set down the tray holding two pots and five mugs. He served each of us, then retreated into the other room. I took several sips of my tea, trying to think of a plan.
“Calista, dear, if you need to speak, then please do so. The Council is waiting.”
“We can’t take him to the Council, Ana!” I protested.
Her eyes narrowed. “Why not?”
I set down my mug and grimaced. I had no choice but to be straight with her. “Don’t you see? Their spell will mess him up bad. And he doesn’t want it! He doesn’t want to forget who he is and what happened, and I don’t think he should!”
“What he wants is irrelevant, I’m afraid,” she said with a sigh. “Besides, it’s for his own good. He can’t possibly live a happy life knowing what he knows…he’ll lose his mind.”
I shook my head and leaned forward. “No, that’s just it! I—” I paused and glanced at Nicholas, who was watching me with great interest. “We found a different way. A better way.”
“A better way?” Ana’s eyes narrowed as she took a sip from her mug. Sophie and Lily just stared.
I glanced at Nicholas again and took a deep breath. He reached over and squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“Nicholas and I went somewhere tonight… a place he learned some of his magic from. He took me to see a spellcaster named Saffron. She told me of a way—”
Ana cocked her head to the side. “What did you give her?” she asked.
“What?”
There was genuine concern on her face and in her voice. “You heard me. What did you give her as payment?”
“I didn’t give her anything, she just—”
Ana quickly rose to her feet. “Do not lie to me. What price did you pay for your better spell?”
I gulped and stared down at the rug. “My amulet,” I whispered.
“Oh, no,” she gasped. She dropped back into her seat, her face ashen. “Calista, what have you done?” Her face twisted into an angry scowl, and she glared at Nicholas. “What did you get her into?”
“Ana, don’t blame Nicholas. He was just doing as I asked. I needed to find a way to save my friend, and you guys only cared about lobotomizing him. So what if I gave away some metal and stone to someone. At least she tried to help Justin, which is more than I can say for you and your coven!”
I wasn’t prepared for the intense wave of wounded sadness that radiated from Ana. Tears sprang to my eyes, and the crushing weight on my chest left me unable to breathe. I got up and started to walk around the room. Immediately Nicholas, Lily and Sophie were at my side. But despite her internal anguish, Ana remained stoic on her chair.
Finally I regained my composure. But I still had to fight back tears. Only these weren’t my tears…they were Ana’s.
“You went looking for answers you thought you needed to find,” she said quietly. “And you paid a very heavy price for those answers. So let us hear what they are.”
“Well, there’s a spell I can do that will let him remember the past, only make it different…better,” I began. “He won’t remember that he tried to kill me, or that he’s a Hunter. We can rewrite history, so to speak.”
She nodded, her eyes still sad. “What else?” she asked.
“Well, if you guys are so worried about him telling people about magic, there’s this spell we can do, the ligo lingua spell. It makes it so—”
“I know what it does,” Ana interjected, her mouth drawn tight. “I’m very aware of that spell. Did you not think there might be a reason we wouldn’t use it?” She studied me carefully. “Do you think there is something we are hiding from you? Something that we could do if we wanted to, but have just decided for some reason not to do it?”
“Well, isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?” I retorted defiantly. “Why wouldn’t you use the ligo lingua spell instead of taking the risk of erasing his memory?”
Ana shook her head sadly. But I was making a perfectly valid point. Why not try a less invasive approach first, before going in and possibly turning his whole brain to total mush?
“Calista, the reason it was never considered is because it can have disastrous results…worse even than if we tried to erase his memory. This Saffron woman…did she bother to mention that the person speaking has NO idea that his words are gibberish? That he thinks he is making perfect sense when in reality he sounds like an insane person, and therefore gets treated like one?”
A small ball of panic began to form in the pit of my stomach. What had I done? I looked down at the floor. “No,” I mumbled. Nicholas gently wrapped his hand around mine. “She didn’t say anything about that…”
“And did she mention the unintended consequences? The rippling effects of creating new and false memories for him?”
“No…what do you mean?” I felt foolish, and increasingly frustrated. And the ball of panic was growing.
“Not even the best wizards can do perfect memory replacements. Everything has to be meticulously planned out, with every possible detail accounted for and covered. But that’s the easy part. The hard part is following through with these new memories forever. And he’d still be living a false life…one that doesn’t match up with reality.” I couldn’t bring myself to meet Ana’s disappointed gaze. “Calista, just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.”
I was crushed. Defeated. It had all been for nothing. My only chance to help Justin, and it had totally backfired. More than just backfired…it had exploded in my face. I could tell that Ana was positively devastated by what she felt was my immature betrayal.
Tears spilled down my cheeks, and this time they were my own. I buried my face in my hands as Nicholas slowly rubbed my back. That was it. That had been our only hope.
Now Justin’s fate lay in the hands of the Council.
I took several deep breaths and tried to think positive. Who knows? Maybe their spell would go off without a hitch. Maybe, when all was said and done, Justin wouldn’t remember a thing that was bad, and we could all return to life as usual. I mean, it wasn’t like the Council was evil. They wanted the best for everyone involved.
Didn’t they?
“I admire you for wanting to help your friend,” Ana went on. “It says much about your character. But Calista. What I don’t understand, is why you felt you had to seek outside help. Why you couldn’t trust me.”
Suddenly, all my rage, all my frustration and helplessness boiled to the surface. I looked up and glared at her. “You want to know why I don’t trust you?” I asked, choking back the tears. “Because I know you haven’t been honest with me. I know you are keeping things from me!”
Ana’s eyes widened. “I don’t know what you think I’m keeping from you. I’d never do anything to harm you. My only desire is to protect you—”
“Like not telling me about my mother? That she practiced dark magic and got my grandfather killed? That was for my protection, right?”
Lily gasped.
“Oh my God,” Sophie whispered.
“Calista, now is not the time for this.” Ana’s voice was low.
“On the contrary, I think it’s exactly the time.” I felt Nicholas stiffen beside me.
Ana cleared her throat. “I wasn’t intentionally keeping that a secret from you. I’d always planned on telling you when the time was right,” she replied softly.
My tears spilled forth once more. I was hurting her…I knew I was. But I couldn’t stop myself. I had no choice.
“Okay…” I gasped for air. “Then answer me this. Just when exactly were you going to tell me that my mother was still alive?”
Chapter 23. A Lamb to Slaughter
&n
bsp; There was dead silence. For a moment, no one moved, or even seemed to breathe. Nicholas shifted uncomfortably beside me. But when I met Ana’s strong gaze, it conveyed a quiet resolve. For some reason she didn’t appear shocked by my question. In fact, she almost seemed to be expecting it.
With a slight nod of her head, she rose and walked over to the roaring fire. She prodded the giant log a few times with the poker, then turned back to us.
“Would you like to talk about this in private?” Her voice was quiet.
Lily and Sophie started to stand up, but I gave them a look and waved them back down. “No. I’d like them to stay.”
Ana nodded and returned to her seat. Her face was stoic, but I felt immense sadness coming from her. “I’ve had my suspicions about Gabby for a while,” she finally admitted softly. “As I told you when you first arrived, the bond between mother and daughter is the strongest one there is. Despite what had happened between us, I knew…I know…if something truly horrible had happened to her…if she had died, like you’d said she had when I first told you who I was, I would have felt it somehow… some way.”
I shook my head in stunned disbelief. My gut instinct had been telling me the same thing…that my mom was still alive. But I couldn’t be sure. Hearing Ana basically confirm my suspicions… Suddenly, my head began to reel, and my hands grew cold and clammy.
“Oh my God, Callie.” Sophie’s voice sounded in my mind.
“Are you okay?” asked Lily.
I nodded at them and tightened my grip on Nicholas’s hand.
“Why did you let me continue to think she was dead?” I whispered.
Ana lowered her gaze. “Well, unless she wants to be found, in a way she is dead. Dead to all of us. Clearly, she has no intention of ever coming back, and doesn’t want to be part of our lives.”
I suddenly felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. I hadn’t thought of it like that…that my mom was deliberately choosing to stay away from me. A tear slid down my cheek. I’d always thought she was dead, and the void her absence had left in my life had been devastating. But now, the possibility that it had all been intentional was almost more than I could endure.
“This is good news though, isn’t it?” Sophie asked meekly, her eyes round with compassion.
Was it good news? My whole life I’d wished my mom was alive, and now that I knew she might be, instead of being happy, I felt shattered and rejected. My mind was a blur, and the room was starting to spin. I felt ready to crumble into nothingness, with only my skin keeping me together.
I leaned into Nicholas for support. I needed him now more than ever. I didn’t care about some stupid tattoo anymore. Nicholas was all that mattered.
“I’ve always held out hope that one day Gabriella would return home,” Ana said wistfully. “And yes, as long as she is alive there is hope. For that, we can be thankful.”
“That’s why her spell on me never faded,” I murmured. Slowly, things were starting to fall into place.
“What spell?” Nicholas asked.
I sighed and shut my eyes. It was all too much to absorb right now. “You explain,” I thought to Lily.
“For all of Calista’s life she was under a cloaking spell that basically made her pretty much invisible to almost everyone. They could see her, but they never really saw her, if you know what I mean,” Lily told him.
“I believe Gabby placed it on both of them before Calista was born,” Ana added. “She wanted to stay hidden…off the radar so no one could find her. The spell stayed with Calista for many years.”
Nicholas gazed down on me with a new understanding. “That’s what you meant when you said no one looked at you before I did.”
I nodded. “That’s what was bugging me so much about our first meeting on the beach. How you did see me…went out of your way to talk to me, when no one else my age ever had. But why would it have changed?” Suddenly I was alarmed. “Clearly her spell is gone from me now. Does that mean that she’s—?”
Ana shook her head. “You broke through Gabby’s spell. You did that. You have more natural magic in yourself than Gabby ever did. When you wanted to break free, when you were ready, you did.”
I shook my head. “But I didn’t do anything different. I just—”
“Hold on,” Ana interrupted, holding up her hand. She tilted her head slightly to the side and lifted her chin.
The four of us looked at her, confused.
She gave a small nod. “I have just been informed that a Council member will be here within a few minutes to pick up Justin,” she said. Her eyes settled on Nicholas. “Will you please get him and bring him back here? Out by the sentries like before.”
I jumped up. “No, Ana, you can’t let them take him!”
“Calista, there is no other way.” She shook her head. “This is for his own good.”
“You mean your own good. The Council’s own good,” I retorted. “Justin doesn’t want this to happen. He doesn’t want to be the only one who doesn’t remember. Why are you taking away his choice? Isn’t that the very thing that you say is bad about the other witches? The ones who are so dark and evil? Their magic is all wrong because it’s mind manipulation, and strips humans of free will. But isn’t that exactly what you are doing now?” I faced Ana, my hands on my hips. Nicholas stood up, and I could feel his silent support behind me.
Ana’s gaze shifted slightly from me to Nicholas. “You did this to her, didn’t you?” Her tone was unnaturally quiet. “You made her think she couldn’t trust us.”
“He has nothing to do with this,” I snapped. “He’s been nothing but helpful, risking his life to keep me safe. And you still dislike him.”
“I never said I disliked him—” Ana started.
“You don’t have to! It’s so obvious…the way you treat him and talk to him. You don’t trust him.”
“Trust is earned.”
“And he hasn’t earned it by now?”
Ana’s eyes narrowed. “Do you trust him, Calista?”
“With my life,” I replied evenly, matching her steely gaze.
She let out a long breath and sat back down. “This is not the time or place for this,” she murmured.
I remained standing, Nicholas by my side. I wasn’t sure why I was attacking Ana, of all people.
“Nicholas…” Ana repeated pointedly.
“Don’t do it,” I whispered to him.
Ana closed her eyes and sighed. “Calista, I wish you’d pick your battles more wisely. This is not one you can win. Having Nicholas bring Justin to us is a courtesy to Nicholas’s family. A Council member could just as easily extract him.”
“Why are you doing this?” I demanded.
“Why are you fighting it? Don’t you want things to be better? To go back to how it was before all this happened?” she asked.
I shook my head in disbelief. “You aren’t turning back time, Ana. You are removing a huge section of his life from his memory and possibly making him go insane in the process!”
She pursed her lips. “I have been assured that they are working on a very specific charm that will have minimal side effects. No one wants him to be healed more than us.”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have any better solutions to offer, and I’d already dug myself in a hole. Maybe I was just making things worse.
“Calista, what are you really so afraid will happen?” Lily asked softly. “We all care about Justin and want him to be better.”
I sat down, and fought the tears that threatened to spill again.
“I’m afraid that he’ll forget everything…who we are, that we are friends. The little things, like what I like to do after school and on weekends, shows I like to watch, foods I like to eat. Will I remember that I like surfing Dawn Patrol at the pier? Will I still know how? Will I still like my Nikon camera better than my Canon? Will I remember how beautiful she looked that night as I held her in my arms and we danced to the slow songs at the ball? The last happy moments of my life
before it all turned to hell? Will I forget the feel of her lips and how for a split second she kissed me back—?”
“Calista!” Lily drew a sharp breath.
I blinked and looked at her, confused. “What did I say?” I murmured.
“I think your Empathy with Justin is confusing you,” she replied. She glanced at Nicholas, then stared at the floor in awkward silence.
Nicholas just shrugged. “I’ve been able to read him from day one. None of this comes as any surprise to me.”
Ana nodded. “That must be it. Calista is reacting to his emotions. Of course! And it’s natural for him to be scared. But believe me, this really is for the best. There is no other way for us to get past this.”
I was starting to remember the words I had just spoken…referring to myself as Justin had seen me…as if I were expressing Justin’s feelings instead of my own. I began to wonder if I could trust anything I was feeling anymore…or saying. Maybe I’d been wrong about everything.
I let out a long sigh and squeezed Nicholas’s hand. “Bring Justin here,” I whispered.
“You’re sure?”
I nodded slowly. What other options did we have?
“We’ll be by the sentries in one minute,” Nicholas said, and wavered away.
*****
I couldn’t look at anyone. What had I done? Why did I feel like I had just handed Justin over like a lamb to slaughter?
“Can we go out there and see him? Say goodbye?” Sophie asked.
Ana shook her head. “It’s best that you don’t. It might make things worse. And remember, this isn’t goodbye.”
I started to pour myself some more tea, but my hands were shaking. “Allow me,” Ana said, eyeing me as she filled the cup. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, and another tear slid down my cheek.
“I’m sorry, Ana. I don’t know why I was being so hard on you…”
She threw her arms around me in a warm embrace, and I felt her love wash over me. “There, there my sweet girl. It’s okay. You’ve been through so much. We all have. It’s only natural we’d be a bit on edge.”
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