'Culture.' He distributed the coffee and the sugar bowl. 'Now that handed a laugh to every crew-cut creep out in Flatbush where I was raised, because culture ain't something to put your arms into like an Abercrombie & Fitch overcoat.
'But me and a guy named Leo Williams-hyphen-Cohen, who was an old buddy of mine from way back and a would-be refugee from the sheet-music racket, had struck it rich with a couple of flags [Patriotic songs.] at the beginning of the Korean War. I said it's now or never, "Wilco" baby - everybody calls him "Wilco" - we are going to snap out of being disorganization men and cut ourselves into the team tapped for the 1975 Time magazine covers.'
It was about 11.30 a.m.
I walked to where Giorgio was standing looking out of the balcony doors. There were occasional smacks of warm raindrops on the balcony tile-work. On the beach two long lines of men were pulling at each end of a U-shaped net.
H.K. was saying, 'Nerts to the big-time art guys, I said, I'm for Mr Average Feller every time. And so we set up "Art for the Average Guy, Inc.", just a little stash on East 12th at first, with Wilco borrowing his brother-in-law's truck for deliveries once a week.'
'Harry, you are priceless,' said Charly, 'whatever were you delivering?'
'Well, we printed a little sheet called "Art for Aay-Gees"; Average Guys, see. We put it out to the coffee joints on McDougall and Bleecker and a few ads in the egg-head weeklies. We do all right - we don't have to buy vicuna coats for the Government - but we do all right. But one day my buddy Leo Williams-Cohen (with a hyphen) says to me, "Nerts to these Average Guys, Harry, they're just a set of peanut-circuit nogoodniks. What we need is a class angle." And he thinks of one there and then: "Art for Cognoscenti," he says.'
Harry Kondit walked across to the bookshelf and removed a pale-blue leather folder.
'It worked out?' Joe Macintosh asked. He was still lounging back on the bright sofa holding an empty coffee cup on his knee.
Harry Kondit flipped open a copy of Esquire to a full-colour Modigliani nude. The caption read, Art for Cognoscenti Club are honoured to present as 'Pic. of the Month' for January this fine colour reproduction of one of the world's masterpieces. Join this month and receive two full-colour reproductions of famous nudes from the world's great works of art, each suitable for framing as exquisite decor for office, workshop, or den.
Receive each month a beautiful portrayal of unadorned womanhood, chosen by a panel of famous artists, teachers, and educationalists and accompanied by clear concise explanatory notes, criticism and description by Henri Zahn.
Charly started to clap her hands and Singleton, Giorgio, Joe and I all joined in. H.K. didn't take offence.
'But,' said Joe, 'how come you can live here in Albufeira?'
'Simple. I look through these here books...' H.K. grabbed three large books of art reproductions from the shelf, 'and choose the Pic. of the Month.'
The removal of the art books revealed three small ones that had fallen down the back of the row of books.
'But,' said Joe, 'it says...' Joe's face bloomed red in embarrassment I quickly plucked out the books.
'Sure it says there's a panel of artists and jokers like that,' H.K. agreed.
One book was called Formulae for the Physicist, the next Setting up a Lab. '... they choose it...' H.K. went on.
The third book was called Molecular Structure. I couldn't help thinking of the ice-melting theories. They rearranged molecular structure of water to make it ice.
'... but I, Henri Zahn, select it.' H.K. laughed a great boom of a laugh and smashed his thigh with his big hairy fist like he'd collapse in hysterics if he didn't beat himself serious quickly.
*
That Wednesday was one long wasted day as I look back on it Giorgio and Singleton were to try a dive in the afternoon, but Giorgio's reducer was defective (which caused the air to blast into the demand valve instead of flowing). They turned back after only a few yards. I suppose I was a bit edgy, cursing myself for overlooking the package the night before and being a little too critical of everything, including the Borbigoes - large cockles - that Charly had cooked with hot paprika and smoked ham sausage for lunch. After lunch she disappeared back to H.K.'s and I had a talk about expenses and car hire with Joe Macintosh, who was doing all the bookwork as well as being in charge of diving.
I was concerned about Giorgio. He had been so boisterous and effervescent until we began diving. Joe said all divers are like that after they begin a job.
'They mope around and worry about fresh-water currents and whether to remove a bulkhead door. He'll be O.K. when we complete diving.'
I looked at the diagram of the U-boat. Giorgio had cross-hatched the sections he had worked and there was a small red blob where the empty canister had been found under the control-room floor.
The marked area seemed very small compared with the size of the U-boat. I wondered how long it would be before we found the currency or log book, or London gave us permission to cease operations, or Mr Smith appeared on the scene.
It was when Joe was locking the plan of the submarine back into the writing-desk drawer that he noticed it.
We checked, sat down and thought about it, but Joe found the broken woodwork and then there was no doubt at all. The empty canister was exactly as we'd left it, still locked into the wardrobe, but someone had stolen the photos of it.
There is no alternative in situations like this. It wasn't something that every young intelligence worker finds enthralling. It was a sordid little job of the sort that constitutes much of our work. Joe and I began to search everyone's room.
Apart from the usual personality insights that these searches always provide, there was only one remarkable thing. Among the several articles in Charly's room that a young single girl shouldn't know how to buy were twenty-five rounds of 7.65 parabellum ammunition.
Joe had called London and they brought a light civilian plane down to Algarve for me. It was a fine clear night when I went out to the airfield via da Cunha's house.
There were lights on, and outside the front door was a black Mercedes and a Seat car. Each had an E-plate and Madrid registration. [Madrid numbers commence with an 'M'.] Farther along under the almond trees was H.K.'s little deux-chevaux. I knew that, as surely as a follows a rhino, a two-stroke motorcycle would be somewhere near by. It was. I remembered the Portuguese proverb that says, 'From Spain, neither fair wind nor good marriage.'
A bell jangled deep in the interior and echoed back like a belly laugh. I rang again. Finally da Cunha opened the door himself. A gold tooth glinted in the lamplight, and he passed me the package from under his velvet smoking jacket. It was still wrapped in brown paper and string and was as heavy as good advice. Joe had the motor running when I got back to the car.
The little villages were dark except for the doorways. Low-wattage bulbs shone yellow amid the black furniture and rough whitewashed walls. Here and there a sharp glint of light reflected from a bottle.
Inevitably there were the laden burros, bicycles, and unlit carts wobbling along the black roads. I drew up at the place marked on my map; palm leaves cut jagged pieces of darkness from the stars. The trees were heavy with olives and the warm night air held their aroma. From near by came the purr of a light aeroplane engine. I got the green canister from the boot and scrambled aboard.
We were skirting the Bilbao air traffic control zone before I discovered the note that da Cunha had tucked into the package. I showed it to Joe.
Dear Smith,
During April 1945 the body of a German sailor was washed ashore a few kilometres to the west of here. I arranged that the body should be afforded a decent Christian burial and the accompanying package, which was the only thing found on the body, was buried with it. Since the fishermen who first discovered the body are now anxious that the package should be given to you, and since hi my opinion the British Government has an obvious claim of ownership, I have pleasure in restoring it to you.
Your obedient servant, DA CUNHA By 3 a.m. Ga
twick airport was grudgingly clearing us for landing among all their big boys. In our little cabin the instruments glowed numbers and with a sudden leap the landing lights cut through the winter's rain. I began to worry whether Brown's Hotel would have a room for Joe.
19 Never say this
Dawlish picked it up and held it under the Anglepoise lamp. The burnished metal coruscated in the hard artificial light.
'Just gave it to you, did he?' said Dawlish. He flung me a fresh packet of Gauloises. 'Very good. A stroke of luck.'
The phone rang. Alice said she'd run out of feoffee, would Nescafe do. It was 6.25 a.m. and Dawlish told her she'd better go home and get some sleep, but she brought it up for us.
'New cups and saucers, eh Alice,' I said. Her smile was like a shaft of Christmas-afternoon sunshine. Dawlish handed her the block of metal. It was eight inches by six and about two and a quarter inches thick. The arcs of milling shone as she twisted it in her bony hands.
A large hole was driven through tide carbon steel block. Fitting exactly into the hole were three discs. Two of the discs were over an inch thick. Alice shook them into her open palm. The dies carried a fine intaglio design, on one a man on a prancing horse, on the other a portrait of Queen Victoria. Nestling between them was a shiny sovereign.
Alice studied each one carefully, and looked up at me and then at Dawlish.
'Isn't it just as I said, Mr Dawlish?'
'Yes, you were right, Alice,' said Dawlish. 'Excellent quality die for forging sovereigns.'
'But didn't I tell you that it would have Queen Victoria on it?' she asked Dawlish.
'All right, Alice,' I said, 'I was wrong, but we aren't through diving yet.'
Alice trotted off home at 6.45 a.m. and over our coffee Dawlish and I sat down and talked about staff changes and overseas finance and how many days to Christmas and it didn't seem like it and it doesn't interest us but Dawlish's kids liked it and the expense of it all; until Dawlish suddenly said, 'You never relax; it's getting you down, this job?'
It wasn't that he'd change it if it was, he just liked to know it all. Outside, dawn was bringing the sky to the colour of a mechanic's handkerchief.
'I can't make it fit together,' I said, 'and some things are too convenient.'
'Convenience is just a state of mind,' said Dawlish. 'It's understanding that's important. Understanding the symptoms you encounter will refer you to just one disease. You find a man with a pain in the foot and the finger and you wonder what he could possibly be suffering from with two such disparate symptoms. Then you find that while holding a nail one day he hit his finger with a hammer, then dropped it on to his toe.'
'O.K.,' I said, 'so much for Emergency Ward Ten. Now listen to my problems. First, I am signing contracts with these rebels who want to take over in Portugal, and since the Foreign Office want to help them along a little I have to dive into an old Nazi sub. to find counterfeit money. So far so good, but while I am doing that damned frogman course two cars follow me down the A3. Whose cars? Mr Elusive Smith, British Cabinet Minister. I ask to see a file about him but it never arrives...'
'It will,' said Dawlish, 'it's delayed, that's all.'
I gave Dawlish the curly-lip treatment 'O.K., then there's this man Butcher who sold us the ice-melting file.'
'And a lot of rubbish it was too,' said Dawlish.
'No one thought so at the time,' I said, 'and the department paid over six thousand pounds for it.'
'Five thousand seven hundred,' said Dawlish.
'So you looked it up,' I challenged. 'So you think it's dodgy too.'
'I wouldn't say that,' said Dawlish.
'No,' I agreed, 'you'd say "inconsistent with departmental precedent", but you'd think it was dodgy.'
Dawlish took out a handkerchief and lowered his nose into it, like he was going from a seventh-storey window into something held by eight firemen. He blew his nose loudly. 'Go on,' he said.
'Well, I am followed by this dark-blue job from Vernon and this man Butcher. When I get to Gib. they are going through our mail...'
'Oh, I wouldn't
'Well, I would,' I said loudly. 'And behind all three there is the paternal Mr Henry Smith. When we finally get something out of the submarine the canister is empty except for a piece of paper money. Out of this American clown's shirt comes another bill within a dozen serial numbers of it.'
'Yes, that was convenient,' said Dawlish.
'Convenient is the word,' I said, 'it stinks.'
'A...' Dawlish hesitated, '... a frame-up,' he said very proudly.
'What's that mean?' I asked.
'It's an expression that American...' then he saw me grinning and he frowned. I went on, 'Then finally da Cunha gives me a long lecture about old Portuguese customs like he's the Horizon Holidays man and this die, and says it's for a Mr Smith.'
'So what do you conclude?' asked Dawlish.
'I don't conclude anything,' I said, 'but if I see a man with a Union Jack in his buttonhole wearing a deerstalker I begin to wonder if he's trying to convince me about his national characteristics, and I wonder why.'
'What about the canister and the grave?' Dawlish asked.
'I'm hoping that the canister isn't as empty as it looks,' I said.
'And the grave?'
'Was never full,' I said, 'just a hole in the ground.'
'I trust you can tell a grave 'from a hole in the ground,' said Dawlish sardonically. He was staring out of the window. 'There's a new instruction about your diving,' he said without turning round. I said nothing. 'Foreign Office is not interested in the currency any more.' Outside on the window-sill a starling was getting itself a lungful of diesel smoke.
'O'Brien isn't interested in the money,' Dawlish said again.
'He's swinging with the syntax,' I said, 'but he's forcing the story line.'
Dawlish tried to touch his nose with his tongue. He said, If there are any containers that might hold scientific papers you are to send them to the Embassy people unopened.'
'How do I find out what's inside if I don't open them? Did they tell you that?'
'Unopened,' said Dawlish.
'So they are worried about the ice-melting stuff after all.'
'Ice-melting,' said Dawlish, 'who mentioned ice-melting? You've got ice-melting on the brain. The only ice-melting equipment that they are interested hi is a glass of Johnny Walker.'
'All right,' I said, 'now try and see this from my point of view. The political people at Lisbon tell us that they'd like this job done and give it a BBS requirement importance. [All jobs requested have R.I. codes and are then given D of C (Difficulty of Completion) code. A low R.I. (i.e. not very important job) will be attended to if it gets a low D of C (i.e. if it's easy to do). Similarly a high D of C job requires a high R.I. to get it approved for action.] They tell us they've chosen us because it must be completely undercover as far as the Portuguese Government are concerned; that means that I can't check properly on all these people: da Cunha, Harry Kondit and this smalltime eminence grise Fernandes Tomas without risking a leak. You know what will happen the minute I ask 37 [ Rue Valery: Interpol.] for a shred of information - every phone in Lisbon will ring.'
'Well,' said Dawlish, 'I can understand their point of view; they don't want to upset anyone.'
'Yes,' I said, 'exactly. Now that's the Embassy position as a rule, isn't it? Not to upset anyone. Don't upset all the good work we're doing - all that crap. Now doesn't it strike you as odd that the Embassy people at Lisbon not only egg us into this set-up and tell us,.mark you, not to let the Portuguese know that we are doing anything down there, but they are all bright smiles and elevator shoes about it. Send us this Singleton character and this girl.'
'Well,' said Dawlish, 'what do you want me to do about Singleton?'
'Give him back to the Ovaltineys,' I said.
'Now then,' said Dawlish, 'don't start on that again. I know you don't believe it but I've checked those answers myself. Absolutely nothing. Singleton may be wh
at you call "a jerk", but he's just a junior assistant to the naval attache and he's as normal as income tax. Prep, school, Dartmouth, good marks there too. Sea time with Mediterranean fleet. What else do you want me to do?'
'Just one thing,' I asked, 'keep the wraps on that sovereign die find. Don't say a word about it to anyone without me okaying it. Let's keep it a nice cosy secret between the people in this office.'
'And Senhor da Cunha,' Dawlish said, so I knew he was agreeing to do so. (He would never promise to disobey regulations in so many words.) He continued as though I hadn't mentioned the die. 'The girl,' he said, 'Admiral's daughter, right schools, lives in Lisbon except when she goes to Naples with her father. Mediterranean holidays. You should think yourself lucky Lisbon are on their toes. You must admit it was a good idea. You couldn't have used local labour in the house, the security position being what it was. Why, you'd all have been standing around with damp dishcloths all day.'
Len Deighton - Harry Palmer 02 - Horse Under Water Page 8
