Opening the medicine cabinet in the bathroom I rummaged around and found some pain killers, and quickly swallowed them with a glass of water before leaning on the counter to conserve some energy as even the simplest of tasks were becoming more difficult.
After composing myself, I slowly applied some makeup to my swollen face but by the time I'd finished, I could easily be mistaken for a clown.
Liam didn't like me to wear makeup, he said that it made me look cheap and attracted the wrong kind of attention so I had thrown away the majority through fear of upsetting him. The one tube of foundation I did have was saved from my teenage years and I now applied it slowly to my face using an applicator. Although it was a little gunky because of its age, it did the job by covering some of the bruising. This was the only way to cover the bruises from the children, my way of trying to protect them from what I'm sure they already knew.
Their father hadn't always been an aggressor, I was fourteen when we first started dating and couldn't believe my luck when he asked me out. At first I thought he was speaking to my friend Sonya because she was the girl that all the boys fancied but he wasn't, he wanted to actually speak to me.
I didn't have many friends and was somewhat a loner but this handsome seventeen year old boy with such a beautiful face, caring eyes and charisma that could charm the birds out of the trees, wanted me. I quickly fell hard for Liam as he made me feel special and that I was the only girl in the world for him.
At first he would parade me around like a trophy, taking me to parties and other social gatherings but over time he preferred to spend more time alone, and the majority of our evenings and weekends were spent at his mother's house in the country. I quickly lost contact with the small group of friends I did have and became isolated from my family. I loved Liam and wanted to make him happy, I was willing to do whatever he asked of me. The relationship became serious and he quickly became my world.
We moved into our first apartment when I was only sixteen much to the protests of my parents but Liam had been given a promotion at the bank and although still relatively young he was building a solid career for himself.
I fell pregnant with the twins soon after and was the happiest I had ever been, I had a lovely home, fiancé who was soon to become my husband and we were now about to embark on the exciting adventure of becoming a family.
It didn't take long for the bubble to burst and I slowly watched my world come tumbling down around me. Liam was suspended from his job at the bank while the police investigated an allegation made against him for sexual assault. He assured me that the woman in question had invented the story and that it was a misunderstanding on her part. She'd become obsessed with him and he regularly had to deal with her suggestive comments and predatory behaviour, until one day when he embarrassed her by openly turning down her advances and now she was out for revenge. I obviously believed Liam, I had no reason not to and stood by him through the trial that ended his career at the bank and damaged his reputation.
By this time in our relationship, I was totally dependent on Liam. I had no form of transport, no job or money of my own and the relationship with my family had broken down completely after Liam had made me choose between him and my parents. I couldn't possibly leave the father of my children so I decided to cut all ties much to the pleasure of Liam. At every stage he reassured me that everything would be fine, I wouldn't have anything to worry about ever, and I had no reason at that stage to distrust him.
The first major incident happened when I was three months pregnant with the twins. Before that event there had been the usual yelling, insults and put downs but I had nothing to compare it to and just assumed that this was a normal relationship. We were young and trying to do the best we could in what had now become difficult circumstances.
I had arrived home late from shopping for groceries at the local supermarket. The queue's were snaked around the aisles as everyone was purchasing their last minute food for the bank holiday weekend but I couldn't turn up at home empty handed, we'd have nothing to eat.
On entering the house, I knew immediately that something was wrong by the grimace on Liam's face and his demeanour. I smiled at him and placed my bags on the table before hanging my jacket on the coat hook. He continued to watch me like a hawk but didn't make conversation which I thought was strange but not wanting to antagonise the situation I picked up the groceries, and that's when I felt him follow me through the living room and into the kitchen, stalking me like I was his prey.
"Where the fuck have you been?" He asked rage burning on his face.
"Sorry, the shops were really busy Liam." I tried to explain quickly as I heaved the plastic shopping bags onto the kitchen table. I turned my head and squinted as I braced myself, not wanting to see what I knew was coming. I was quickly becoming familiar with his mood swings and facial expressions, and knew that I was not going to like what he had in store for me.
With one quick movement of his arm the shopping was swiped from the table. I anxiously turned to see what was happening, when Liam pulled back his arm and punched me in the face. The force made me stumble backwards but he yanked me by my hair as my legs became week beneath me.
"You fucking lying cunt, don't talk shit!" Liam snarled in my face as I felt moisture hit my cheek.
He spun me around forcefully and shoved me against the kitchen table, I tried to put out my hands to stop some of the impact and protect my tummy but I wasn't quick enough and the corner pierced my skin sending a shooting pain down my groin.
"Liam I'm sorry, please...please don't do this Liam!" I cried, hoping that he would stop.
He spread his hand wide and placed it roughly on my head, forcing my face against the cold surface of the table as he leaned over me, covering my body with his. He used his other hand to lift my long skirt and moved it frantically so that it was bunched around my waist.
"You're just a slut, you think I'm fucking stupid," Liam tugged on my underwear, ripping the material from my crotch leaving a stinging sensation. "You aren't giving it to me Louise so you must be getting it elsewhere. Who is he?"
"There's never been anyone else Liam, only you. I've only ever been with you." I screamed as he used his knee to roughly spread my legs.
He applied more pressure as he used his body weight to keep me still and rummaged around my private area, scratching and pinching until he reached his goal. He abruptly inserted two fingers inside and moved them around roughly, I could feel the pinch between my thighs and the feeling of being violated by the person who was supposed to love me unconditionally.
"Keep still or you'll live to regret it." He stated as he inserted another finger stretching me further.
"You're hurting me Liam, please stop." I begged hoping that he would hear my pain.
"Why isn't your cunt tight like Jade's?"
Jade? Who the hell was Jade?
"She didn't do as she was told either. That's why I had to do it Louise, she made me do it. She walked around the office in her short little skirt, crossing her legs suggestively making sure I saw just enough of her thighs to get excited." Liam pulled his fingers out abruptly and I heard his belt and zip unfasten. "That night at the office she refused my advances stating that I was messed in the head, fucking bitch. I had to teach her a lesson babe, just like I'm teaching you now." He positioned his length at my entrance and pushed inside me, "Aggghh...Don't that feel good babe?"
I continued to whimper as he took me by force, I didn't have the courage or the will to fight back and knew that I needed to let him do this or I would regret it. The fact that he had just admitted to sexually assaulting the girl in the office, made the whole situation worse. He was a monster, a vicious predator and I didn't know what I was going to do?
The assault lasted thirty-seven minutes in total. During the attack the clock was the one thing I could focus on as I allowed the depraved monster to do unspeakable things to me, things that no one should ever have to endure.
Once the assault was over h
e continued to throw his insults. "Don't even think about leaving me because if you do I will find you, and next time you won't be so lucky." He stood and pulled up his jeans, "Now go and clean yourself up, you look a fucking mess."
This is what was to become my life. The violence continued but stopped for three months around the time I gave birth to my beautiful twins which made me hopeful that things may return to normal but this was short lived as the violence came back with a vengeance and this time with more rigor.
Conscious of the time, I hurried to the kitchen to prepare the packed lunches for Liam and the twins and eagerly started to make breakfast.
"Good morning sweetheart," Liam said as he snaked his hands gently around my waist making me flinch. I didn't hear him sneak up behind me otherwise I could've prepared myself, his term of endearment sickened me but it was his usual way of apologising. I played along and smiled like I usually did, the only difference being that this time I knew would be the last.
"Let's take a look at you." Liam placed his hand under my chin to direct my face towards him frowning at my make up, "Are you going out today?" he asked swivelling my head so that he could see the severity of the damage he'd inflicted.
"I need to take the children to school," I pulled out of his embrace and turned to continue making their lunches so that I didn't have to be in close proximity to him.
"I'll take them and I'll ask my mother to pick them up and keep them for dinner. We have things to discuss this evening." He stated coldly and I could feel his eyes bore into my skin.
I knew what he meant even though he didn't say it. I had stood up to him somewhat last night whilst trying to protect Tommy so he obviously wanted me to pay for it somehow.
I turned to the noise of the children coming down the stairs and felt my heart wrench at the sight of Tommy's face as he observed his father in the kitchen.
"Hurry up kids and eat your breakfast, I'm taking you to school today." Liam said as he made himself a cup of coffee.
I scurried around the kitchen placing the bowls full of breakfast cereal quickly on the table, giving them a little extra to try and make the situation a little better. Devon woofed hers down in record time to keep her dad happy but Tommy sombrely sat at the kitchen table stirring his milk around the bowl oblivious to the onslaught that was about to come.
Whack!
I spun on my heels, turning at the sound to see Tommy sprawled on the floor holding the side of his head. I quickly ran to his aid and positioned myself in front of Liam to protect Tommy from another blow. Crouching beside him I held up my hand and placed it on Liam's stomach to stop him from advancing further, preparing to do whatever it took to protect Tommy.
"Liam please don't start now, the children are going to be late for school. We can sort this out tonight just you and me, you don't need to bring them into it."
Liam flexed his fingers and wrist as hitting Tommy had obviously hurt his hand. I stared him down as the anger built inside me, and saw him contemplate what I'd just said.
"Get him ready, I'm leaving in five minutes." He stalked out of the kitchen to go and retrieve his briefcase from the living room.
I gathered Tommy in my arms and soothed his head, rubbing it gently as he whimpered softly.
"Shhh little man. It's going to be okay, you're just going to have to trust me." I turned to Devon who was staring at the table, a coping mechanism she had learned during situations like this, to try and make herself invisible. "Devon, get your coat and bag baby and hurry along to the car." She didn't make eye contact but quickly slithered from her chair and made her way reluctantly down the hall.
I lifted Tommy so that he was now standing and placed my hands either side of his head directing his eyes towards mine. "Tommy, I promise with all my heart that your dad will never hurt you again." He stared at me as a lone tear trickled down his cheek, I wiped it with my thumb and pulled him into my embrace. I positioned my mouth close to his ear to whisper, "You've got to trust me Tommy. Please know that I'm telling you the truth." Tommy eventually nodded.
"You better get going." I stood from my crouching position and Tommy grabbed me around my legs so that he could hold me close. As much as I wanted to hold him, I needed to get him in that car and at school in order for my plan to work. I wanted to tell him what I was about to do but I couldn't through fear of getting caught. The frustrating thing was that I wasn't ready to leave as I hadn't saved enough money but it was one thing to hurt me and a completely different thing to hurt my children. There was no way I was ever giving Liam that opportunity to hurt either of them again.
I stood at the front door waving as Liam's BMW pulled out of the driveway. To anyone witnessing the gesture, I looked like the doting wife lovingly sending my husband to work which couldn't be much further from the truth with the mounting anger building inside me. Once they were out of sight, I calmly closed the door and rested my back against the hard interior contemplating my next move.
I calculated that I had seven hours until Liam's mother would be collecting the children from school and a further two until Liam would be expected home, although Mary would contact him immediately if the children weren't at school when she went to collect them. This was enough time to drive to my chosen destination and be far away by the time he'd realised we were missing which would hopefully be too late to track us down.
I quickly ran up the stairs taking two at a time and flew into my bedroom, pulling out the bottom drawer from my bedside cabinet. I emptied the contents onto the bed and turned the drawer over to unfasten the envelope that I'd stuck securely with sticky tape. My adrenaline had kicked in and I began to shake as I carefully opened the envelope to remove the money that I'd been saving over the past year. I had only managed to accumulate £243.37 but that was enough to get me to the women's refuge in Essex.
I had made contact with them initially six weeks ago, making sure that I called from a phone box so that Liam didn't suspect anything. I explained my situation but informed them that I wasn't yet in a position to leave which they understood. I had made further contact on Thursday of last week and they explained that they didn't have room for me and the children until this Saturday but I had now run out of time. I needed to get away before he hurt the children further and I was doing it today, even if it meant we had to sleep in the car.
I collected two holdalls from the bottom of my wardrobe and filled them with essentials for myself and the children including underwear and pyjamas, I needed to travel light to prevent curiosity from the neighbours.
Once the bags were packed I placed them into the boot of the car. Luckily I could get to the garage through an internal door, that way the neighbours wouldn't see me loading the vehicle but I was still cautious. The majority of the neighbours were elderly in our cul-de-sac and because they were retired they had a lot of time on their hands and were very nosy. They liked to know everyone's business and they respected Liam because he helped them with odd jobs. Considering how nosy they were, not one of them in the past six years had ever asked if I were okay. They had clearly seen the bruises and had probably heard the screams for help but no one came to my aid. What was more surprising though was the way they looked at me. It wasn't pity I saw in their eyes, it was disgust. They probably thought I deserved what he gave me or that I pushed him to it as he always portrayed such a fun loving, caring father and husband.
I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts, I didn't have time to consider what people did or didn't feel about the abuse clearly going on as my only priority were the children.
I gathered some food from the pantry and made some cordial in a plastic bottle so that the children could have a drink during the three hour journey that would hopefully be the start of a new life.
"Mrs Walker, these aren't the correct protocols. You need to try and make all appointments outside of school time."
I stood in the reception area of the school, tapping my foot impatiently as the jumped up receptionist scolded me as if I were one of her
pupils.
"I'm truly sorry but it was the only appointment they had available and as you can appreciate oral hygiene is very important for young children." I smiled tightly, "Do you have children Miss Nunn?" I knew full well she didn't have any children, her fiancé dumped her last year as she was caught having it off with the school caretaker.
"No I don't." She stated folding her arms across her chest as her cheeks heated.
"Then you wouldn't understand, would you!" I smiled smugly as I ushered Devon and Tommy out of the building.
"Where are we going mum?" Devon asked as we walked briskly across the car park.
"I'll answer all of your questions once we're in the car." I answered in a clipped tone ushering them along, eagerly looking around for possible unwanted visitors.
Devon and Tommy sat in their booster seats as I secured their seatbelts before I got into the car, letting out a loud sigh of relief that I'd cleared the first hurdle.
I started the engine and pulled out of the school car park, slipping easily into the steady flow of traffic heading in the direction of the M3. "Right, what do you want to know Devon?" I asked looking at her in the rear view mirror expectantly.
"Where are we really going? We went to the dentist the other week."
There were no flies on her, for a five year old she was very knowing and I found it difficult to pull the wool over her eyes.
"We're going on holiday," I hadn't really put any thought into what I was going to tell the children. I knew Tommy would just go with the flow as he was so easy going but Devon was a little spit fire.
"Where on holiday? Is it by the seaside?" she asked excitedly.
"I'm afraid not Devon but I'm sure we can have a day trip to the seaside, if that's what you want to do?"
I loved spending time with the twins. When they were away from Liam, they were allowed to just be children and say and do whatever they wanted. I had actively encouraged them to be inquisitive but Liam had shot them down at every opportunity trying to subdue them. He thought that children should be seen and not heard, a sentiment that I didn't agree with.
Spike (Aces MC Series Book 3) Page 2
