"Are we going to see Spike and Amy today?" Devon asked as I placed a bowl of cereal in front of her.
"I don't know yet, they're probably really busy but I hope so."
When we were showered and dressed in our new clothes, we took what should've been a thirty minute walk to the women's refuge. This journey in fact took a lot longer than expected but walking with two young children and the constant feeling of being followed didn't make for an enjoyable walk in the last of the September sunshine. By the time we arrived I was a nervous wreck and the children were clearly restless.
I pressed the bell and could see a middle aged friendly looking lady making her way towards the door, greeting me with a smile.
"Good morning, can I help you?" she asked as she looked down continuing her smile towards the children.
"My name's Louise Walker. I'm not due to come here until Saturday but I was told to pop along this morning to complete some paperwork, to get the ball rolling with benefits and housing."
The woman smiled and opened the door further so that we could enter the foyer which was a square room containing a desk in the far corner and a bright red comfortable looking corner sofa. The lady directed us into what looked like an interview room and handed me a huge pile of forms.
"Are you okay to complete these Louise or do you need me to help you?" she asked softly.
I smiled, "I'll be fine thank you." I would try to complete the forms myself before asking for any help as I needed to prove to myself that I didn't need to rely on other people all of the time.
She turned and propped open the door with a wooden door stop, "I'll just be outside if you need me." She glanced at the twins, "If you open that box, you'll find some toys to play with." She said pointing to a pine wooden toy box in the corner of the room.
The twins ran over to the box excitedly, lifting the lid quickly to see what delights were inside. I smiled graciously at the lady before I turned to complete the paperwork.
I hated to ask for help because it made me look and feel so weak. I was determined to give myself a time limit and be off benefits by Christmas. To do this I would need to think about enrolling the children in school and look for a job, something local and flexible so that I could still take the children to and from school. I was still anxious around large groups of people, I hadn't worked a day of my life because I'd had children at such a young age but I had skills that I think some future employee's may want such as organisational skills, cooking and cleaning which were things that I'd become accustomed to over the years.
I completed the forms and handed them to the women on the reception desk. The children were now bored with the toys and were grateful that it was time to go. I politely thanked the lady who was now smitten with the twins, offering them another biscuit from her secret supply before we left the building.
There was rain in the air and I didn't fancy my chances walking back to Amy's for fear of getting wet. I looked in my purse to see that I had just over £180 which had to last me until my benefits came through. I had never relied on handout's from the state before and this was going be tough but I didn't know how long it would take so I needed to budget.
I came across Amy's mobile number, I needed to take Tommy to the local walk in centre so that I could get him checked out. I was still giving him paracetamol for the pain but I needed him looked at by a professional to make sure nothing was broken. I let the twins run on the field to burn off some of their energy but not too far so that I could still keep a watchful eye.
Rummaging around in my purse I found some loose change for the phone box and dialled Amy's number, hoping that she could point me in the right direction.
"Hello!" Amy answered slightly out of breath.
"Amy, it's Louise." I stated hoping that she'd be okay about me contacting her.
"Hi Louise, I popped round this morning but you weren't there. Is everything okay?" she asked in a concerned tone.
"Yeah, we're fine. I needed to run a few errands this morning."
"How did you and the twins sleep? I hope you had everything you needed?"
Amy was just unreal, she was so caring and generally concerned about our welfare, "We all slept great, thank you once again." I could hear the emotion in my voice and tried to gain my composure, "Erm...the reason I'm calling is that I need to take Tommy to a walk in centre. Is there one in the area?"
There was a brief silence, "Where are you now Louise?"
I hesitated, "I'm at the park."
I heard her muffled voice as she covered the receiver talking to someone, "Louise, I'm at a friend's house and we're about to have some lunch. Why don't you and the kids come over?"
I glanced over at the twins happily chasing each other around the field. "Thanks for the invite but I really need to get Tommy to a doctor," I stated.
"The club has a doctor. If you come over to Maggie's, I'll arrange for him to come here."
Here I was again at a crossroads in my life. What type of club was it to have a doctor on hand? "I think I'll just try to find a walk in centre but thank you Amy." I said hesitantly in a quiet voice. I didn't want to appear ungrateful but I just didn't feel comfortable accepting more help from her.
"Louise, have I given you any reason so far not to trust me?"
I shook my head and then realised she couldn't see me, "No!" I said quietly.
"We have a doctor who works for the club and if he can't come then his son will. Tommy will be given the same level of care, if not better as we pay the doctor a substantial amount of money. I know your struggling to trust and I totally understand why Louise but sometimes you need to go with your gut instinct."
The twins had now run over to where I was standing looking at me inquisitively, "Okay I'll come."
I heard Amy let out a sigh, "Good, I'm pleased Louise. Are you at the park by Somerset House?" she asked.
"Yes."
"I'll call a taxi for you and don't worry, I'll pay for it when you get here. See you soon."
She hung up and I stood there in the phone box a little confused as to how the conversation had gone.
"Where are we going mum?" Tommy asked looking at me with a confused expression.
"We're going to see Amy and her friend."
"Yeah!" The twins said in unison.
We arrived outside the character property in a quiet cul-de-sac. I opened the door to the vehicle and stared at the houses with their quirky individual features. Amy came bounding out of the house, making her way over to the taxi driver to pay him the fare, then turned to give me a huge hug. "Hi Louise, I'm so pleased you came."
"I did have to turn down several lunch dates to come here," I stated with a wry smile. Amy was so easy going that I couldn't help but like and feel comfortable in her presence.
Amy smirked as she directed us towards the house where a lady who looked to be in her early fifties stood, with a broad smile on her face.
She bent down so that she was eye level with the twins, "Hi I'm Maggie, nice to meet you both." She held out her hand as the twins took it, to politely say hello. "I've got a little problem that I thought you may be able to help me with?"
This comment grabbed the twin's attention and I was intrigued as to what she may ask them.
"My husband loves to eat cookies and I have to make some before he comes home from work this evening. Do you think you'll be able to help me?"
"Yeah! I'm really good at cooking." An excited Devon said.
Maggie stood, glancing in my direction as I smiled. This group had welcomed us with open arms and were making us all feel welcome, things like this didn't happen to me and I was wondering when the bubble may finally burst.
We walked through the spacious entrance hall and into a large kitchen. The children quickly ran to where the ingredients were positioned on the kitchen work top and Maggie busied herself getting the children into aprons and making sure they had washed their hands.
"Join me in the garden Louise." I was pulled from my thoughts to see a pleas
ed Amy gesturing to the patio area outside. I looked beyond her hand in the direction of the magnificent garden that had an array of different boarders containing flowers that I had only ever seen on television. As I looked around, I could see a vegetable patch and further down the garden there was a huge tree that had a tyre swing and a tree house.
"It's impressive, isn't it?" Amy said as she opened the patio door and stepped outside into the garden. I quickly glanced behind me to see the children in full flow and smiled knowing that they were enjoying themselves.
I entered the garden and took in a deep breath, taking in the aroma from the flowers, "This is like an oasis, it's beautiful." I joined Amy on the wicker chairs under the sun umbrella adjacent to where she was sitting and stretched my legs, making myself comfortable.
"They've lived here for over thirty years, it's seen its fair share of ups and downs during that time."
Amy glanced around the garden obviously reminiscing but I wasn't one for gossip. We all had our secrets so I wasn't going to probe her for more information.
Amy's eyes returned to me, "Do you want a drink?" she asked holding up the jug which looked to contain lemonade.
I nodded and smiled as she poured the fizzy liquid into two tall glasses. Taking the drink, I quickly took a sip and found it refreshing as I leaned further into the chair resting against the soft cushion. I hadn't realised that I was so wound up but as I sat here, I could feel some of that tension leave my body.
"How you doing Louise? What did the refuge say?" Amy asked, curling her feet beside her on the seat before taking a sip of her drink.
"I had to complete the relevant paperwork and they're still okay for me to move in on Saturday." I placed the glass onto the table and leaned forward slightly, "I just wanted to thank you again for letting us stay at your apartment. You took pity on me when I needed it most and I will be forever in your debt." I reached out and touched her arm.
Amy placed her hand over mine and smiled, "Don't be silly. I only did what any normal human being would have done."
"That's where you're wrong Amy, normal people shy away from confrontation. You're a strong woman, you certainly know your own mind. I only wish I could be more like you."
"And so are you Louise. I don't know your back story but you mustered the courage to leave your husband and get your children to safety."
My eyes dropped from her face, I couldn't bear to look at her through fear of crying. I didn't want her pity, I was far from courageous or brave. I was weak, I had allowed a man to rule every aspect of my life and with that had come so much pain. I had allowed him to hurt me and my children, that was unforgiveable and something that would take me a long time to get over, that's if I ever could.
"The first batch is cooking in the oven." Maggie placed a tray full of sandwiches on the table before she slumped into the chair beside me, closely followed into the garden by Devon and Tommy.
"Mum, the cookies look great. Will we be able to eat them?" Devon asked jigging up and down excitedly.
"Ask Maggie darling," I stated not wishing to presume.
"Of course you can have some Devon but they need to be left to cool down once they've been cooked before you eat them."
Our conversation was stopped by the sound of the bell.
"That'll be James, I'll get it." Amy stated as she jumped to her feet and tried to walk casually to the door containing her excitement at his arrival.
James appeared at the patio door holding his black doctors bag and smiled sweetly as he nodded in our direction, "Good afternoon ladies, oh and gentlemen." He stated as he saw Tommy at the far end of the table."Are you okay for me to examine him?" he asked as his eyes met mine.
He was a stranger but he was a professional so I didn't see any harm in him looking Tommy over. I was just grateful that he could do it straight away rather than waiting for an appointment and this way it wouldn't be on Tommy's records.
I followed James into Maggie's bedroom holding Tommy's hand reassuringly as he looked nervous. I crouched in front of him, "Tommy, I need you to be brave. James is a doctor and he wants to take a quick look at your bruises to see if you need more medicine to make you better."
Tommy didn't say anything but his eyes spoke a thousand words. I knew that look as I'd seen it before, he was petrified and his little body started to shake as I held his hand firmly. I moved closer, "Tommy, it's going to be okay. James is a doctor, he's here to help." I repeated again so he fully understood. Placing my hands gently on his shoulders, I looked directly at him until he nodded in agreement for James to examine him.
James joined me on the floor as he also crouched beside Tommy and held out his hand. "Hi Tommy, I'm James. I just need to take a look at you but could you point to where you are hurting the most."
Tommy looked at me for encouragement and I nodded indicating that he was free to do as James had asked.
He slowly pointed to his side and James put on a pair of latex gloves before he gently lifted Tommy's t-shirt to reveal the bruising. He pressed lightly around the area and Tommy grimaced at the contact. "You're doing well," James stated as he continued to apply just enough pressure to make sure nothing was broken. He followed the trail around his back, pressing lightly as to not hurt Tommy further.
"It's just bruising but I say that in the loosest of terms." He stated, clearly annoyed but trying to be professional. "Can we take your t-shirt off so I can get a better look?"
Tommy lifted his arms so that I could remove his t-shirt and James twirled him around to observe his bruises in more detail.
James furrowed his brows and nodded his head, "Do you hurt anywhere else Tommy?"
"He was complaining of..."
James held up his hand to quieten me, "Sorry but I need to hear it from Tommy." He slowly lowered his hand as I nodded in agreement embarrassed by my outburst.
He was right, I didn't know where he was hurting only Tommy knew for sure.
Tommy glanced in my direction, then back at James and I could see him hesitantly lift his shaking hand towards his groin. I let out a gasp and had to put my hand over my mouth to try and control my emotions.
"Tommy, are you okay for me to take a look?" James asked in a soft tone with caring eyes.
My brave little soldier nodded and quickly pulled his trousers and pants down so that James could examine him further.
James' facial expression didn't change as he pressed around the clearly bruised area of skin, "Okay buddy, you can get dressed now and go and finish your lunch."
I assisted Tommy with his clothes and he briskly walked out of the room a lot happier than when he walked in, closing the door behind him.
James removed his gloves and sat back on his heels to look at me, "What are the chances of you returning to your husband?"
I shook my head vigorously, "None."
"I'm pleased to hear it. That's a vicious attack on Tommy and I can see by your face that he was also violent towards you."
I moved my hand to my cheek to the area that Liam had punched me repeatedly for trying to protect my son.
"Do you want me to take a look at your injuries?" James asked in a softer tone.
I took a deep breath and silently stood as I looked towards the door.
"We can open it or I can get Amy to sit with you if you would feel more comfortable?"
I closed my eyes and shook my head drumming up the courage as I pulled my t-shit up over my head before turning so that he could examine my back. I knew he would be able to see through the recent bruising at the permanent scars caused by a belt buckle but although embarrassed I needed him to see it because as a professional he would hopefully understand that it wasn't my fault, and I needed people to realise that.
I wanted to start a new life for myself and my beautiful children and not live in fear or regret. I knew that the first step after that initial decision to leave would be to accept what had happened to us. It didn't make it right, no person should ever violate another but I needed to accept it for
what it was and move on.
Revealing my injuries would cause people to question my motives or they would see me as being weak for letting it happen but I had been groomed over the years, made to feel useless, worthless, disgusting and that if I spoke out no one would ever believe me and I may even lose my children. I'd had some low points, I had even contemplated suicide over the years but it was the love for my children that kept me going and as they grew older, I grew more confident knowing that I would one day have the strength to leave him. My only regret is that this gave Liam the opportunity to hurt Tommy and I would have to live with that for the rest of my life. There is no worse feeling then not being able to save your loved ones.
I could hear James rise to his feet and felt him behind me as he put on another pair of gloves. James pressed gently around the bruising and I squeezed my eyes tight as my heart rate increased and tried to compose myself, chanting in my head that this wasn't Liam touching me.
He must have felt my body stiffen, "Louise it's okay, try to control your breathing. Do you want me to open the door?"
I hadn't realised that I was now breathing so heavily and on the verge of hypoventilation.
"No, I'm fine." I whispered as I stepped forward out of his reach to breathe slowly.
James waited until I had composed myself, "I'm going to need you to lie on the bed so I can examine you properly."
I shuffled nervously at first by his words but I did as I was asked and laid on the bed hesitantly, and watched his every move as he walked across the room and leaned over me to push lightly on my tummy. He worked his way around my side and up and over my ribs, just applying enough pressure to not be too uncomfortable.
"Has your vision been effected in any way?" I shook my head, "Have you experienced any dizziness or headaches?"
"No, honestly I'm fine." I stated as I rose slightly now leaning on my elbows.
James nodded his head and gave me my t-shirt so that I could cover myself. I could see that he was clearly annoyed which only fuelled the fire inside me, "I can see your annoyance and disapproving looks but no one understands what I went through. The first sign of him abusing my children, I left. I would never want any harm to come to them, you have to believe me James."
Spike (Aces MC Series Book 3) Page 6
