She enjoyed conversations with Mercy, but hated when their talks ended abruptly. I always do this, she thought with regret. I always have to say something that makes it weird, or makes Mercy hate me, or something.
Inside the house Theia continued to shadow Mercy, who was putting her keys on top the coat hanger, then walked into the kitchen to pull food from the upper cabinets. “Sorry for making it weird,” she said, preparing to offer a hug if need be.
“You didn’t, Theia. I just think it’s best you don’t talk about your family with me.”
“How come?”
“Because I’m not your mother, and I don’t want you to think I’m replacing her.”
Theia started walking away slowly, but before she disappeared around the corner into the hallway, she said, “I wish you were my mom.”
–––––––
Every night, like that night, she procrastinated falling asleep as long as she could to listen to the neighborhood. Every night, she expected to hear what she heard in the streets of downtown. Still, she wasn’t adjusted to the silence; the peace. It was good, and that was a bad sign. It couldn’t be trusted. Once she dropped her guard, people would come breaking into the house. Kids her age and younger would be with them. Never, not once, did she allow herself to sleep until seeing the Army pass by on the street, whether it was a couple of guys with rifles, or a tank. She needed to be reminded there were people out there that wouldn’t let an evil gang hurt them. She feared for Mercy’s safety as well. She often imagined her father protecting her as an angry mob rushed toward the house. He couldn’t fight them all by himself, or with her help, but he would know how to survive the attack.
It was late, but she didn’t want to sleep yet. She didn’t think she would. Something compelled her to face her fear of the night. She had to fight the enemy her eyes couldn’t see: paranoia. She wanted to be brave.
Keeping her cotton pajama shirt and pants on, she put on a daytime shirt, and then her favorite, navy blue hoodie over that. Part of her believed that hoodie, which she received from the Army as a way of celebrating being rescued from downtown, brought her good luck. Slowly, she opened her bedroom door, catching a peek of the light in the living room down the end of the hall, where Mercy had fallen asleep reading. Every night, unfailingly, Mercy remained awake until she knew Theia was asleep. Both arranged it when Mercy adopted her, because of how the darkness made Theia feel. Tonight, for the first time, Mercy fell asleep first.
Now or never, Theia thought.
Carefully, methodically, she opened then crawled through her window. It seemed almost too easy. Nobody was there to stop her nor slow her down. Peering around, seeing the darkness illuminated by street lamps, she smiled. Like the lingering fear of encountering lunatics, she remained ever thankful to just be able to see. Quickly, she rushed across the lawn onto the pavement, standing right in the midst of the street.
Theia did nothing for several minutes. Absolutely nothing. Like a warm ray of sunshine after several straight weeks of rain, she soaked in the artificial light with a smile, eyes wide open. This inspired her to henceforth come out every night, until the novelty diminished.
Standing in the lamp glow was only the beginning of her nocturnal adventures. In its own way, the neighborhood was relieving the weight of her memories. She looked around at the houses, all of which were unlit. Once she remembered they were only dark because it was late, she breathed easier again. Still better than dark buildings, she thought.
For fun, she jumped and spun to choose a direction at random, then walked down the street that way. “Where to go, where to go?” she whispered to herself, making quiet clicking sounds with her tongue. For having only just gotten out there, she felt she was handling herself phenomenally well.
Joyful thoughts came to an abrupt pause when her shadow was cast on a few of the trees ahead. A car approached from behind. Turning, she saw that it was a regular car; probably driven by an ordinary person. That brought a smile too, as she stepped off the road before being seen, hiding behind an untrimmed hedge. The car didn’t pass, but stopped exactly where she had been on the street. Before there was time for anyone to find her, she ran between the nearest two houses, which fortunately were not fenced off.
Walking down that next street, Theia spotted a distant convenience store, and it was still lit, surprisingly. Against her better judgment, she headed toward it. After all, it was something to do. When the building was close enough to appear larger than a distant white dot, she stopped, freezing solid.
Apparently, tents and parked vehicles occupied that intersection. Everyone who set up the posts was still awake. Great. I’m definitely going to get caught now. Theia turned around, but realized immediately. I am totally lost.
For a brief moment she tried to think of where her house might be, then she decided not to bother. Well, if I’m gonna get caught, I might as well have all the fun I can until someone finds me.
She thought of the train tracks, which she knew couldn’t have been far. There was no risk of being run over now, she believed. Therefore, she made that her destination as she proceeded to pass between more houses and narrow alleys, following along the road leading to them.
The tracks weren’t deserted, but they weren’t being used. A MAX train sat at the station that lied a mere hundred feet away. Carefully, she observed and listened to her surroundings as her tiny feet crept up to the tracks. It only added to the thrill – the thrill of breaking the rules. Walking on the ballast made Theia realize how thin her shoes were, but she didn’t care. As a way to release her excitement, yet remain silent, she started jumping on the wooden ties. Getting carried away, her jumping quickly turned to hopping, like a rabbit or kangaroo. No one was around to judge. I wouldn’t care anyway, she thought.
Upon reaching the stagnant train, which was a deserted double-car, she circled around to an entrance, nearly jumping inside, but refrained. The inside was too dark, and being alone, she dare not risk it. Regardless, it was thrilling to get so close.
At the nearby railroad crossing, another vehicle passed, this time it was some kind of military car and a police car followed behind. I haven’t seen a police car in a long time. The Army must be using them for extra cars.
Time to go home. Theia was going to try finding someone who could deliver her. She had had her fill of fun. This time, she traveled the street that had been occupied at the intersection up the road, walking the middle. Little did she realize where exactly she was: in a very different kind of neighborhood. She remembered seeing houses like these. Rundown apartments, trailer homes, and even a few huts comprised of trash, probably leftover from before the troops restored order. People there were loud and strange. Never a threat, but never friendly either. Suddenly, she didn’t want to wander up that street alone, even if troops were close.
Isn’t that why I came out here in the first place? she thought. Great. I’m making myself do something only because I’m afraid of doing it. Good reason, Theia. Good reason... A simple right turn later, and she was walking up the driveway leading into the neighborhood. Most of the homes were obscured from view by trees. Good thing, too, she thought. The homes were covered in moss, the surrounding ground was covered in branches, some glass shards, cigarette butts, and other items too numerous to note. Her footsteps couldn’t be silent no matter how lightly she treaded.
Up ahead, only by a few dozen feet, she heard muffled shouting. Only one home was lit – the likely source. For a solid minute, she froze, listening intently, curious what the screaming was about. It seemed to be a typical dysfunctional couple arguing over nothing. Every time she heard such things, she was reminded of her parents behaving similarly. Dad didn’t act like that… Not at first. Mom drove him crazy enough, eventually.
A while later, the trailer home’s front door flew open, loud enough to wake the neighbors. It likely did, and Theia prepared to run. A drunk man with a sizable build stumbled out. A beer bottle was in his hand, and a cigarette in his mouth. By
the time he made it three steps from the front door, he tripped over himself, dropping both. “Fuck! You see what you made me do?”
A frail woman dressed in a gray night gown remained at the door. She appeared much healthier than her partner. “Babe, come back inside before you hurt yourself,” she said to him.
The man laughed hysterically. “Don’t give me any ideas.” He picked up the bottle, then threw it full-force at a neighbor’s house, shattering the window it struck. “Oh no. I might have to pay for that.”
While others were annoyed with the man, Theia pitied him. Her father didn’t drink, but he was often accompanied by people who did. From time to time, he invited them over to the house so long as they weren’t dangerous drunks. Mom drank a lot, she recalled as well.
Theia could elucidate the reason certain people drank. Loud, careless, angry, but not hurting anyone… He’s hurting. Weird, how men get angry and throw things instead of crying. They probably think it’s more manly than crying.
A vehicle rolled up the driveway. Fortunately, the bushes concealed her far enough that the driver probably couldn’t see her either. The car looked ordinary, but two Army soldiers swiftly stepped out from it. They wore no cap like she expected, but they were armed with rifles. “Sir!” one of them called as they ran toward him. “You’re disturbing the peace. You have to come with us.”
“YOU?” screamed the drunk man. He glared like he planned to fistfight them. “I’m not going anywhere with you! You hear that? ANYWHERE!”
“Sir, we don’t want trouble. If you can’t cooperate, we’ll have to arrest you.”
“Send me straight to the Slums,” laughed the man. He staggered toward the road, past the troops. “Don’t worry, boys. I’ll escort myself out.”
Theia got the impression the soldiers were acting more like policeman; gentler, more patient, more understanding. Even when the Army saved her and the other kids from downtown, she always pictured troops as being nothing but conquerors. Cogs in a war machine, geared for nothing but achieving victory. These troops weren’t on a mission, they were simply asking someone to calm down. That’s seeking victory in its own way, she figured. Oh wait! She silently laughed at herself. The Army IS the police now. These guys were probably officers before.
As the drunk stumbled away, the two soldiers followed carefully. His wife put on something warmer and began following as well. Theia waited until everyone passed so that she could keep an eye and still remain unseen. He was babbling all the way onto the road. Strangely, he started ranting about what he thinks of the Army, accusing them of something. She could barely make sense of his words. Whatever it was, it was aggressive.
His volume grew when they were all out of sight. Theia emerged from the bushes, hurrying toward them. First thing she saw once they were in view again was the man abruptly turning around starting to scream in the soldiers’ faces. One of them reacted, shoving him back then swinging a hard punch at his head. The drunk laughed it off, shortly before delivering a punch of his own. His lady screamed at him to stop.
Theia ran at them, just as the soldiers threw the man onto the concrete, proceeding to pummel him. Not one ounce of her believed he deserved that. “Stop it!” she screamed. “Leave him alone!”
All four of them appeared shocked. “What are you doing out here, honey?” said the wife, grasping her shirt’s neckline fiercely.
The soldiers stopped, slowly rising when Theia confronted them directly, encroaching their personal space just as much as the drunk had. “I thought you guys were nice. Can’t you see he’s just drunk? He didn’t punch you first so just back the fuck off!” The men did as they were told. “Well, help him up!” Again, both obeyed. “Now, leave him alone. All of you!”
“Young lady, what are you doing out so late–”
Theia, ever filled with rage for what they did to the man, didn’t hesitate to kick one of the soldiers in the crotch, twice. No one came to his defense. They were speechless, more than the first time. Leaving the rest behind, she stomped away, grabbing the drunk by his shirt and dragging him along. Despite being capable of fighting, she was still small. The drunk continued to flail around but Theia kept him at a distance. “What happened?” she calmly asked him.
“Huh?”
Judging from his reaction and overall behavior, he didn’t seem to notice he was speaking to a prepubescent girl. Theia repeated herself, elaborating this time. “What happened? Why are you getting drunk?”
“Feels good,” he laughed. “There’s shit I don’t wanna remember.”
Behind them, the two soldiers observed intently, while the man’s girlfriend and a few others watched as well. Theia didn’t care, so long as no one interfered. One of the soldiers pulled up a radio …
“What are you trying to forget?”
“Doesn’t fucking matter.”
“It matters to me.”
For what felt like an hour, the man stared at Theia. He had, at least, calmed down, but his heavy breathing persisted. He walked away, and she persistently followed.
“Where are you going?” Theia had to ask, since she had looked back and spotted a vehicle following them alongside the others who already were.
“Gonna take care of something.”
She begged, “Please stop. Please stop being like this.”
An apartment complex, which didn’t lie far from the tracks, was his destination. He stomped onto the property, continuing to sway and lost balance every other moment or so. “I got a friend here. He can help me.”
“Help with what?” Now, Theia was questioning why she was still following the man.
Ultimately, he landed on the third floor of one of the buildings. He knocked once then entered before waiting for a response from inside. “Hey Greg! You in here?” He was screaming again. Theia grew worried, nearly crying. While she stood at the door, the man disappeared around a corner. “You know what, I don’t care. I’m sure you won’t mind if I borrow … this…”
A gun…
Theia leapt out of the way, diving to the opposite end of the porch. “He has a gun! He has a gun!” Both soldiers who had been following ran up the stairs, but by the time they reached the third floor, it was too late. The drunk had shot himself, which Theia figured by how the soldiers stopped abruptly. The gunshot was loud, making her gasp.
After that, it was time for her to be turned in. Theia sat there on the porch whilst the soldiers used the information she provided to contact Mercy. The noise unceasingly, ruthlessly echoed through her mind. She was frozen, yet shaking. Most of her psyche questioned if what she witnessed truly happened. The line between reality and memories blurred, seemingly becoming the same thing.
By the time Mercy arrived, half the neighborhood was awake, a few people asking her what had happened. Mercy was furious from the moment she stepped out of her car. Theia wasn’t afraid. She could only think about that man.
If this is real, I need to leave… She watched Mercy approach. If this is not real, I need to leave… Portland’s a nightmare. I need to get out of here. Get out, get out, get out…
–––––––
“After everything that’s happened … everything we’ve experienced … how could any part of you think this was a good idea? What compelled you to do this in the first place? Was it something I did? Something I didn’t do? What, Theia? Tell me what’s making you so unhappy.” Mercy was screaming this as they were entering their house.
Never had Theia felt so ashamed for making someone else feel guilty. Two or three months – she wasn’t exactly sure – they had been together, and happily. True, she missed her father immensely, but knowing his promise soothed the pain of his absence. Theia came to love her as the mother she would rather have had. A healthy relationship like that made waiting to be reunited with her father all the easier. On multiple occasions it came to mind that her father and Mercy ought to be together. According to Mercy’s story about being in downtown, it seemed the two got along just fine once his intentions wer
e revealed. Now, for the first time, Theia and Mercy had what equated to their first argument.
“I’m not upset with you or anything, Mom, er, Mercy. I just… I don’t know what I was thinking. Sorry. I always liked you. You’re a good person.”
Mercy’s hysteria calmed some, but her emotions remained. “Did I ever tell you about Jayden?”
Theia shook her head. She scooted closer to her guardian.
“It wasn’t long after I lost Haley. Two kids, in such a short period of time… And I failed them both. I found Jayden when I was scouting with Isaac’s people one night. He was hurt badly. I brought him back to Isaac’s shelter and cared for him. When he recovered, he lost his mind. He was crazy. I don’t know if it’s because I did something wrong or… And Haley… If only I had kept Haley from stealing my gun from me. I do the best I can, Theia, but when you have two failures on your record, and now you’re third chance at being a good mother just runs off in the middle of the night… I don’t know, Theia. I keep thinking your father made a mistake choosing me to take care of you. It’s not like you needed someone to protect you. For weeks you were on your own, in an environment like that, and you made it out alive.”
Theia made sure to address something as soon as possible. “Knowing my dad, he didn’t choose you to protect me. He already taught me to protect myself. Running off and stuff… I know better than that. He’d be angrier than you. I’m not perfect, and my dad knows that. So, I guess I need some protecting and … guidance … but, mainly… I know my dad just wanted someone to love me. He didn’t want me to be alone or feel alone.” She shook her head. “I’m probably not making any sense.” Looking at Mercy again, she said, “He chose you because you were the best choice. I know that.”
Tears streamed down Mercy’s cheeks. It that moment she understood something which had been true from day one: They needed each other. Stepping forward with her arms extended, Theia offered Mercy a close embrace, and Mercy accepted.
Resurrection Page 3
