I think you’re just overly-obsessed with family. It’s more admirable than deplorable. You have to protect them, you have to provide for them, etc. It’s all you understand. I think that’s your mental block. If anybody isn’t your family, you may as well be an unfeeling sociopath; but when it comes to family, you’re the most generous, sensitive, altruistic person I know. I don’t think you kissed me for any sexual reasons. Apparently, you don’t even have a sex drive. I think you just love me, because I’m your family, and that night was a tremendously rare occasion. You’ve never made any moves on me before, and I doubt you would again if given the chance. Like I said: rare occasion.
Regardless, I’m leaving. Disappearing. I think you can figure out what I’m going to do next. I know you won’t approve of the life I’m going to choose, and that’s why I didn’t tell you before I left. If I told anyone else, including and especially you sister, they wouldn’t care at all. I don’t even think my dad would care. If you knew exactly where I’m going, I believe you’d do everything in your power to stop me. That’s why you mean so much to me, but it’s also why I can’t tell you. I don’t want you to stop me. I don’t want you to interfere. I’m not good at anything, I don’t have any motivation to be successful… I just can’t.
So, you, if you find this entry among my possessions, I hope you understand. And I am sorry.
THEIA
Military personnel interacted with Fallon as if she belonged to their ranks. Everyone’s voice was inaudible to Theia, but that didn’t strike her as intentional. The helicopter was loud, but she also thought, Maybe they think I wouldn’t understand what they’re saying. Now twenty minutes into the ride home, she was bored. Riding in an aircraft had already lost its novelty. She could hardly see through the windows, and nobody even attempted to converse with her. The feeling was worse than being a fish out of water. Well, I’m not dying like a fish would be, she thought. She just had strong desire to be important like the rest of them.
One sporadic moment at a time, she was able to catch phrases and sentences that made sense. It sounded as if the Army was talking to Fallon about what parts of Portland they used to control. A lot of past tense talk. We’re losing again? she wondered. But things were getting better….
“Mom, how close are we?”
Mercy answered, “I don’t know. Half way, maybe. We’re going to downtown first, though.”
“Downtown? Why?”
“Sounds like the troops started having some issues again.” Theia looked at Mercy expectedly, hoping to hear more details. Mercy seemed to pick up on her signal. “They executed some war criminals, including Paul Ritter. After that, some people went crazy. A few neighborhoods are up in flames now.”
“We’re burning houses down?” asked Theia, terrified.
“No, of course not us. The people are. Citizens. We need to figure out how to stop it. Looks like the troops need to talk to all the civilian leaders, like Fallon. A couple leaders are refusing to cooperate, though. We might need to force them to cooperate.”
Theia scowled, feeling that would be the wrong course of action. “Wait,” she said. “Force them to cop-erate…co-wopper… Ugh!” She wanted to say the word correctly, like all words she used.
“‘Cooperate,’” Mercy said for her. “I know what you mean.”
“Force them to … do that? Isn’t that wrong? Isn’t that what everybody’s mad about in the first place?”
Mercy shook her head. “Not exactly. Things aren’t that simple. One of reasons for the conflict is that General Alexander isn’t–”
“Ms. Espinoza,” said Fallon. When Mercy looked at her, she was shaking her head.
“Yes, ma’am,” said Mercy. “Sorry, Theia, looks like I can’t talk about this with you.”
“I can help. Why won’t they let me help?”
“Nobody thinks an eleven-year-old can help with much. Now that the troops are seeing you for the first time, though, I’ve been hearing them talk about your father a lot.”
Theia nearly responded, but she started thinking about her father, and swiftly lost the energy to speak. Mercy didn’t notice she suddenly became quiet; she simply went back to waiting patiently for the chopper to land. Theia decided likewise, and it was back to how things were before. This time, however, she paid no attention to the chatter surrounding her.
A buzzer sounded. One of the Army personnel informed everyone that they were nearing downtown. Shortly after, Theia heard something that caught her attention like nothing before it. She heard one of the men speaking to Fallon say something about ‘the city of books.’ Theia’s eyes opened wide and she turned her head, fixated on the one who said that. However, nothing the man said hence had any relation to books.
“Mom, did you hear what that guy–”
“Strap in, honey. We’re about to land.”
Theia obeyed. Landing was turbulent as expected, but it didn’t scare her this time. When the back opened, she and Mercy were among the last out. A good thing, though, because she was awe-struck by the number of people freely moving about in the city. Walking to the edge of the heliport, which was on one of the taller buildings, she saw what was truly a city again. She smiled.
“Mercy!” called Fallon. Theia turned around, seeing the boss approach her guardian. “I need you to run these to…” she said, and Theia tuned out the rest. Regardless of the instructions, apparently Mercy would be absent for a little while.
A minute later when Fallon finished, Mercy came up to her. “I’m gonna be gone for a little while, honey. Please don’t cause any trouble.”
Theia nodded. “I’ll be good. Can I ask you something first?”
“Sure. What?”
“I heard the guy say, ‘city of books.’ Or, I think he said that. I heard him right…, right?”
Mercy smiled. “Yeah. He was talking about Powell’s Books. Haven’t you heard about it?”
“It’s a bookstore – was a bookstore? – I think. They’re all over the place.”
“Yes, but the main store is here in downtown. It’s called ‘City of Books’ because it’s a three-story building covering almost a whole city block, full of books.” Mercy looked at Theia with confused expression. “You’ve never heard of it? It’s part of Portland pride. Like the rain, and Voodoo Donuts.”
“I heard of Voodoo Donuts. Is that still open? Can we go there if it is?”
“Oh, I doubt it. Most businesses aren’t operating, honey. At least, not as trademarked franchises and whatnot.”
“Books don’t go anywhere, so we can go look at the books, right?”
Mercy affirmed. “When I’m back, maybe. I have to go now, though. Let’s go downstairs.”
As Mercy and the rest of the adults headed down the stairs into the building, Theia remained beside Mercy. Once they landed on the top floor, Mercy headed down a hallway alone, saying goodbye to Theia for the time being. Then, Theia kept her eye on Fallon. Without Mercy, it was already becoming an overwhelming situation. She felt more out of place than ever. But once Fallon called her forth, she ran hurriedly to.
They, and some other ordinary-looking adults, only two or three of whom were wearing Army attire, entered an office suite on the other side of the floor. Fallon put her hand on Theia’s back, gesturing for her to sit on a chair in the waiting room, saying, “Wait here. Could you watch my stuff too, please?” Fallon removed her purse and jacket.
“Sure,” said Theia.
Theia could see Fallon sitting at a large round table with the other men and women. She thought it was going to be a short meeting, or at the very least, that Mercy would return soon, but she was wrong about both. After forty-five minutes of patiently waiting, Theia decided to do something. Fallon had already stopped occasionally glancing back to make sure she’s still in the lobby.
The roof again, thought Theia excitedly.
Roof access proved easier than she expected. All doors leading toward it were unlocked, and no adults saw her headed in that direction. She
reached the roof with ease. The pilot, and several others she recognized, were still up there, she saw. To avoid detection, she hid around the stairwell hut. Then, she soaked in the view a second time.
Smiling wide, Theia was delighted to see hundreds, if not thousands of people socializing, loitering, and conducting business like the days before the Collapse. Most of the other buildings had helicopters on them. From there, she could see the KOIN Tower, with its distinct spire shape and red brick makeup. She glanced to her left, and much further away was the building everyone called Big Pink. The memories flooded back in. Within mere seconds, everything else was a trigger as well, including the river and the smell.
Think about something else, she ordered herself. After a long moment to ponder, she remembered the books. She thought, What do so many books look like? I’ve been to the library, but the City of Books must have a hundred times as many books.
Dad always liked it when I read. He said Mom used to write a lot, but she never published anything. Did I read so much because Mom liked books? I wonder why Mom liked books so much.
Theia stared blankly at the city below. Her thoughts diverged, half on her memories, half on books. Like trying to peer at a distant object in the midst of a wind gust, she couldn’t focus completely. Her heart rate accelerated. Her emotions broke down her composure, but the opposition didn’t prevail. For the time being, she shut out all negative thoughts, and even forgot they had been there in the first place.
I learned so much from reading, she thought. It was like having Dad around when he was at work… Maybe that was why he liked it when I read: I was learning things. Just from reading. Books are like … information. Not just ink. It’s information, like in a computer. She pictured computer coding. Even computers need to read. The code is information too.
All at once, it came to her. “Books record information,” she said aloud. “That’s why they’re so important! How much would I know if I read all the books in all the libraries and every bookstore? I’d know so much!”
It hadn’t been long after this epiphany that Theia realized she needed to return to where she was last seen, or she’d be assumed missing. She hurried back to the lobby, completely unnoticed, and apparently no one had recognized her absence.
Another half hour passed before Mercy returned. She said a quick hello to Theia before entering (practically breaking into) the meeting room with a stack of papers in hand. From Theia’s perspective, it seemed Fallon thanked Mercy, and then Mercy left the room.
“All done. Ready to go?” asked Mercy as she shut the door quietly.
“Yep,” said Theia. “Can we go to the City of Books now?”
Mercy laughed. “Well aren’t you in a good mood. Of course. I’m sure it’s still intact … and still open to the public. Maybe you can take a few for free.” She looked at her watch. “Fallon and everybody will head home around six o’clock, so we probably have time.”
Carts, stands, open trailers, etc. Every type of venue was present on the streets. As they walked to their destination several blocks away, it brought Theia some happiness to observe people behave normally. Order, commerce, and peace had returned. She could touch fresh food, including fruits and vegetables. She could smell cooked foods, like meats, beans, and breads.
“Only five months ago, this all looked very … different,” said Mercy. “People can be very resilient. Children most of all, I believe.”
“What’s that word mean?”
“Resilient? It means … coming back to the way things were before.”
Theia smiled. “Yeah. You’re right. People can be resilient. I hope things don’t go bad again. We shouldn’t do the things that … you know … made things go bad before.”
Mercy pointed ahead. Theia saw the sign to where they were headed. “Like what?” Mercy said, replying to Theia. “Like being human?”
Theia turned Mercy, smiling wide with excitement. They entered the store, seeing dozens of people reading miscellaneous writings, from magazines to novels.
“We can’t stay as long as we want. It’ll be six relatively soon.” Theia agreed to the terms. “So, what are you going to read?”
“I don’t know. I like history books. Oh, and science books too. My birth mom was a writer. She wrote stories, but never got her books published, though. I wonder why. What about you, Mom? What books do you like to read?”
“I was never much of a reader, to be perfectly honest. What kind of history have you read before?”
They passed aisles of bookshelves, all stacked over ten feet high. “Mostly American history. My Dad has this book called The Odyssey. It’s not history, but it’s kinda like the history of Greece. Like, what they believed back then and stuff. We had a lot of dinosaur books in the house, too. I liked reading about different dinosaurs and what planet Earth was like millions of years ago… Did you know the dinosaur extinction was not the biggest extinction ever? Uh-I mean ‘mass’ extinction. The biggest mass extinction. It was the biggest mass…”
“I know what you mean, honey,” chuckled Mercy. “Yes, that is interesting. You seem to know a great deal.” She made that ‘intrigued’ look, as if she was Sherlock Holmes deciphering a clue. “You’re a bright little girl. I think I know the perfect book for you. Wait here.”
Theia remained where she was. The sign hanging from the ceiling read, “Young Adult,” as the genre for that aisle. She read the countless titles on that shelf alone, and was disgusted by the covers and descriptions. They featured graphics of attractive, older boy models, and likewise with girls, while none of the descriptions sounded remotely interesting or educational. Theia hoped Mercy would reappear soon so she could get out of that section.
“Here it is,” said Mercy, finally returning some minutes later.
Theia eagerly took the book. “A Short History of Nearly Everything…” she read aloud. “Is this about the history of the universe? That’s what it sounds like.”
Mercy nodded. “Pretty much. It’s philosophical. Right up your alley.” She examined her watch again. “Take it home with you. Read it later, because our ride’s about to leave downtown.”
“I can take it without paying for it?”
“I’m sure we can arrange something if we have to. Hardly any businesses are running still, so this is probably a giant collection of free books, but I’ll check.”
Theia started reading the book while Fallon’s convoy drove back to Northeast Portland. She finished it four days later. School was about to begin soon, and nothing excited her for academics more than that book. While reading, she couldn’t help but be reminded of her recent epiphany – the information found in books; in writing. After finishing the book, she wondered, Was writing the thing that changed our species? Theia thought about how other animals share many similar traits with humans – in the way of communication, emotions, aging, mating, and even whole societies – yet no other creature could record information learned from previous generations. It’s like a staircase, she thought. The more we learn, the more we can pass on and build from! Oh my god. If I can learn this much before I’m twelve, I wonder how much I’ll learn by the time I’m twenty. Or fifty!
–––––––
Finally, day one of school…
When that day arrived, Mercy drove Theia to H.B. Lee Middle School, which also happened to be where Mercy and Fallon worked. Mercy explained that since resources were short, including staffing, Fallon’s husband Lt. Corwin ordered entire squads to provide security at the schools, and subjects would be taught with mixed grade-levels. Like a year ago, before the civil war, Theia saw kids being dropped off by buses and parents, everyone wore a backpack, and she wasn’t regularly fearing for her life. Still, she remembered Mercy saying something about neighborhoods up in flames. Even with troops to protect everyone, she feared people attacking the school. Maybe nobody will, she thought, because nobody would do that unless they were starving. Besides, there’s not that much food at school. It’s not like at the farm. Maybe there
’s no reason for an attack at all.
The farm… Yet another memory that needed repressing. Theia shook her head and proceeded to locate her classroom.
Math was the first class. There were so many students in the class that some had to hear the lesson standing up in the back, and along the sides of the room; then, the overflow had to move out to the hallway to do their work. Tables, which seemed to be the lunch tables, were set up in the halls so nothing would need to be done on the floor.
A mess.
Some students looked familiar. Some looked outright identical to Marcus Solomon’s child soldiers. Perhaps a portion of them were… In case it was true, she prayed none would recognize her.
She was one of the overflow students working in the hall. The kids were well-behaved. After all she had witnessed in recent months, she nearly forgot kids her age could behave themselves. If it wasn’t for Ben and Spencer, I’d think all kids are psychos… Well, I’m a kid and I’m not crazy. I guess I might be.
Math dragged for two hours, though the adults had said subjects would only last for one. Apparently, there were problems transitioning students to their next class. Out there in the hall Theia could already hear adults complaining openly and under their breath, gossiping to each other, demeaning the system. The school didn’t have a principal, but several – Army officers, and Fallon. From Theia’s perspective, that was why the school was a mess.
History was next. Every history class she’d taken before revolved around American and British history. Today was no different, except the adults apparently felt the need to teach much more recent history. Namely, the history of the divisive politics, and wide wealth gap that led to the Collapse. It’s important to teach us how to not repeat the mistakes of everyone responsible, she figured. Incidentally, history class was not tame like math.
Resurrection Page 23
