Ryan took a moment with this information, looking outward. “Yeah, maybe. I’m not so sure. I knew that I never could have gotten to him, but maybe the two of us could have gotten to him together.”
Corrina considered this. She’d always believed that she needed to shield Ryan from any discontent she had with any aspect of her marriage. In her mind, it wouldn’t have been appropriate to do anything else. Ryan was Gardner’s kid. What Ryan was saying here, though, was something she’d never given any thought. At some level, all relationships were built on behavior modification. That was how societies worked and why so many people had dreadful memories of middle school. If she had teamed with her stepson to show Gardner that he needed to give them more of his attention, would he have?
“Sorry, Ryan. I never saw it that way.”
This time, Ryan shrugged. “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked, anyway. Dad was who he was. I felt bad all those nights you’d make a big meal and then he’d call at the last minute to tell you he was going to be in the office for another few hours.”
“I appreciated your sitting at the dinner table with me . . . at least most of the time.”
Ryan looked off toward the television, and for a moment Corrina thought he was going to turn it back on. They’d had any number of conversations over the years that had ended that unceremoniously.
“We haven’t had dinner together much lately, huh?” he said.
Corrina couldn’t help but chuckle. “If by ‘not much’ you mean ‘not at all,’ then yeah, we haven’t had dinner together much lately.”
Ryan glanced toward her. He seemed to appreciate that she wasn’t letting him off easy.
“I realize I’ve been kinda invisible. I just didn’t want to have the big conversation, you know?”
Corrina genuinely didn’t know where he was going with this. “Which big conversation are we talking about?”
“The one where you talk to me about my options.”
“Options?”
“About where to live. My mother has a cousin in Denver, and I think Dad’s brother is out of rehab now and –”
“– You really don’t want to stay here?”
“I wasn’t saying that.”
Corrina felt a chill at the back of her neck. “It kind of sounds like you were.”
Ryan seemed genuinely confused by the direction in which this conversation had gone. Corrina could appreciate that, because she found it completely baffling.
“Look, I’ve checked it out online,” Ryan said. “I know you don’t have any real obligation to me.”
For some reason, Corrina noticed just then that she still had her soup bowl in her lap, the soup long having gone cold. She leaned over to put her bowl on the coffee table and then leaned a little closer to Ryan.
“Obligation has nothing to do with it,” she said softly.
“It’s gotta have something to do with it.”
Corrina shook her head slowly. “Ry, we’re family.”
Ryan didn’t say anything, but his expression spoke volumes. It showed a level of vulnerability she hadn’t seen in years, and it touched something primal within her.
“I’m beginning to realize,” Corrina said, “that I might have been playing things by the book with you a little more than I should have. I never wanted to make you feel that I was trying to step in for your mom, and I never wanted you to think that I was expecting you to treat me like a mother. But I’ve been considering you my kid for a very long time.”
She could tell that this declaration astonished him. “You have?”
“Yeah, of course. I mean I realize I have nothing to compare it to, but I have a lot of those basic mom feelings for you. You know, protectiveness, pride, irrational sensitivity, all that stuff.”
“So when Dad died, the very first thought that came into your head wasn’t, ‘Now I can get rid of Ryan?’”
Corrina locked eyes with him without saying a word.
“Okay,” he said weakly, “the third thought?”
“Not even the thousandth. In fact, the thought hadn’t even entered my mind until you said it just now.”
Ryan seemed to be experiencing a bit of information overload. Corrina wondered if this was what she looked like during her “fugue states.”
Finally, he said, “So you were just thinking that we’d rock on?”
Despite the intensity of the conversation, Corrina had to chortle. “I’m not sure ‘rock on’ was the way I was thinking about it, but I certainly expected us to stay together.”
Ryan grinned, some of the usual bravado returning to his face. “I have options, you know.”
Corrina grinned back. “Yes, you do. You would do great with your uncle. He’s the perfect role model for a young man. Was he in rehab this time for the Vicodin or was it for the bourbon? Oh, wait, was this the sex addiction rehab?”
Ryan smiled; it was a grownup smile. “I didn’t say I had good options.” He shook his head slowly. “So I’ve been running and hiding and you’ve just been trying to call me to the dinner table?”
“Literally, in many cases. I realize was being a little vague about that, using questions like, ‘Ryan, would you like dinner?’”
“Oh, was that what you meant?”
“I’ll be more direct in the future.”
He laughed again then. Not the ironic laugh she’d become accustomed to over the past few years, but the kind of laugh you offered when you weren’t conscious about others noticing you laughing. Corrina stood up, gave Ryan’s knee a squeeze, and collected their soup bowls to bring to the dishwasher. She didn’t think there was more to say on this topic for the moment, but she felt confident that Ryan would do something about it if he felt that he wanted to continue the conversation.
She made them more tea and then went back into the den. Ryan was playing with the TV remote when she got back. Corrina would have been happy to keep on just chatting on the couch, but she had the sense that they would be better off with a little screen time for now.
“Another episode of Girls?” she said.
“Nah, let’s switch it up.”
As Ryan scrolled through what was available, Corrina grabbed two blankets from a nearby chair, offering one to her stepson. She cozied up with the other on her side of the couch as Ryan decided on Silver Linings Playbook, first confirming that she was okay with the choice, and that she was okay with paying for it, since it was on a premium streaming app. When that movie ended, they segued into The Dark Knight Returns, which proved to be a somewhat jarring transition for Corrina, at least until the action swept her up.
By the time that movie was over, it was after seven o’clock and the room was dark other than the glow coming from the TV. Corrina turned on a light and glanced over at Ryan, noticing that his color was more normal. She checked his temperature again and it was below a hundred.
“This is a good sign. Are you feeling better?”
Ryan nodded quickly. “Yeah, a lot, actually.”
“Are you hungry? I can’t do the magic chicken soup trick again, but I could throw something together.”
Ryan seemed to consider this for a moment and then said, “Do we have any ice cream?”
Corrina tried to remember what she’d seen in the freezer earlier when she pulled out the soup. “Nothing good. I think there’s a carton of something that’s been in there since August. Is that what you’re in the mood for?”
Ryan waved a hand. “Nah, that’s okay.”
“I’ll go get some from The Creamery.”
“Really?”
“Of course. It’s your birthday.”
“Oh yeah. I’d nearly forgotten.”
As Corrina headed to the closet to get her coat, Ryan threw an arm over the couch. “Hey, Cor, thanks for hanging out with me and taking care of me today.”
Corrina smi
led at him. “That’s what you do for your kids.”
Ryan’s eyes twinkled a bit. “Maybe this can be our birthday thing from now on.”
“That would be great. Without the fever, though, right?”
“Yeah, definitely without the fever.”
Corrina put on her coat and went to her car. Before she got there, she stopped and thought about how this day had unfolded. She realized she was once again letting her mind lock her up, but she knew instinctively that this was something different, maybe even the kind of thing that would truly get her moving forward again. By tomorrow morning, Ryan’s recovery from his illness would be complete. She had a feeling they’d do the rest of their recovering together.
A note from the author
I hope you enjoyed this story. One of the very first images that came to my mind when I started writing about the Gold family was of Corrina and Ryan contending with their unconventional family relationship once both of Ryan’s parents were gone. I’ve wanted to write this story since then, but I could only realistically get to it after I’d written Leaves, the novel that introduces the Golds. It feels very good to finally bring this to life.
This story is the first of a cycle of four that I’ll be releasing between Gold novels, each of which focuses on a different sibling. Next is “An Anniversary Feast,” which features Deborah and Sage and tells of their three-month anniversary and the surprising revelations gleaned from a day together in the kitchen. I’ll follow this with “Harmony,” a story about a critical decision that Maria needs to make when her family and her passion for music come into conflict. After that is “Putting Yourself Out There.” It follows Tyler on a trip up the East Coast from South Carolina to promote his photographs, a trip that teaches him unexpected things about his ambitions.
These four stories lead up to the next full-length novel, Everything or Nothing. All of the Gold siblings will be around for that one, but the focus of the novel will be on Maxwell as he tries to deal with two campaigns essential to his future: one for mayor of Oldham and the other for the heart of his wife.
I’ve become quite fond of the Golds, and I hope you’ve taken a liking to them as well. As always, I welcome your comments and suggestions. Feel free to reach out to me at [email protected].
Thank you so much for reading.
The Novels of Michael Baron
Bestselling author Susan Elizabeth Phillips said of Michael Baron, “I never thought a guy could write women’s fiction this well. If you want deeply emotional, totally romantic novels that take you into the heart of a man, you need to read Michael Baron.” RT Book Reviews noted, “Nicholas Sparks fans will rejoice to hear there’s a new male author on the scene who writes beautifully about love and emotionally charged relationships.”
Author of multiple national bestsellers, Michael Baron writes intensely emotional fiction in stories populated by relatable and truly unforgettable characters. You can sample some of his other work in the excerpts that follow, each preceded by an introduction from the author.
Leaves
I write about families often, because I find family dynamics fascinating. However, Leaves is my first attempt at writing a family novel. Instead of one protagonist, there are five in this novel, as each of the five Gold siblings contribute to the evolution of the story. In this scene, you get to meet all of them.
“Yes, I know I’m late,” Tyler Gold said, not making eye contact with his brother or his sisters as he entered the common room of the inn. “I’m sorry.”
“We’ll get over it,” Corrina said in the sharp tone he’d grown accustomed to hearing from her. It was difficult to know these days if she was angry with him for a specific reason or simply angry with him because he existed.
Deborah called out from the dining room. “Dinner’s getting worse by the minute. Is Tyler here yet?”
He was a little surprised they’d bothered to wait for him and simultaneously wished they hadn’t, though Deborah’s cooking would almost certainly be the most pleasant thing about this evening.
“I’m here.”
He made his way into the dining room with the rest of them, Maxwell clapping him on the shoulder as he passed by. These days Tyler felt more like the baby of the family around these people than he had since before he’d graduated high school. He had no idea why that was, given how world-weary the past year had made him feel otherwise.
Deborah ladled soup from a tureen, something orange and redolent of cinnamon and nutmeg. She topped each bowl with a dab of sour cream and snipped fresh chives over that. Ever the maestro, even in this crowd.
“Deborah, stop waiting on us,” Maria said. “We’re perfectly capable of serving our own soup.”
Deborah simply smiled at her older sister, finishing at last and sitting with the rest of them.
Then the lights went out.
Just like when Dad died, Tyler thought instantly. It had been the night of the funeral. A beautiful but unsatisfying service that followed three days of communal heartache and eulogizing. Mourners came back to the inn with them that day, but at night the family gathered alone for dinner. Mom had been crying for a week, but just before the meal began, she stood at the head of the table, raised her wineglass, and said, “Joseph, what you gave us will be with us forever.” Tyler touched his glass with the others and sipped through his tears. He knew what she’d said was true, but it didn’t help him miss his father any less.
As Mom sat down after that tribute, the room went dark. For a moment, no one said anything. Then Maria started singing, her voice somewhat otherworldly coming out of the black. She sang “Autumn Leaves,” Dad’s favorite song. Tyler joined her, the youngest sibling attempting to lend ragged harmony to the oldest. It was the only jazz standard to which he knew all the words, in fact the only jazz standard on his iPod. Soon, all of them were singing, Mom’s voice, nearly as mellifluous as Maria’s, coming in last and with a purity that refuted her sadness. When the song ended, they sat in silence, Tyler half-expecting Maria to continue with another song, an impromptu concert to mark the occasion.
At last, Maxwell went to the basement, flicked a circuit breaker, and the power came back on. However, the tenor of the day, of that terrible week, had changed. After all the comfort they’d tried to bring each other at the wake and the funeral, it seemed to Tyler that this group song had managed to give them a modicum of peace.
Tyler didn’t know whether anyone else seated at the table tonight flashed back to that previous power failure the way he did. All he knew was that the lights went back on of their own accord a few minutes later.
And this time no one sang.
**^^^**
“I’m just saying that I think we’re getting off to a bad start with the party,” Corrina said, her fork poised outward above her plate. “We have less than a month – a lot less than a month, really – to get everything together.”
And what happens if we don’t get everything together perfectly, Tyler thought. Will a huge hole open up and swallow us, taking all of Oldham with it? The party meant a lot to him, too, especially this year, but Corrina had a way of making it sound like the fate of the free world depended on having just the right balloons.
Maxwell leaned toward Corrina’s still-suspended fork. “I really would dedicate all of my time to it, Cor, but I kinda have this job thing that gets in the way. I mean if it wasn’t for the annoying obligation to feed my family, I’d take care of the entire party myself.”
Corrina scowled. “Yes, I have a job too, Maxwell. Yet I still manage to think about this function a little. It’s called multitasking. Try it sometime.”
“Great salmon,” Maria said to Deborah in a stage whisper.
Deborah rolled her eyes toward Maxwell and Corrina. “Thanks.”
“I can do more,” Tyler said, not really stopping to think. The fact was he could do more. Without Patrice and with business as slow as it was, he had much more free time than he needed
or wanted.
Corrina shook her head. “You have enough on your plate.”
“Really, I don’t.”
“It’s fine, Tyler. We’ll get it all done.”
There was no way to win with her right now. If he said he was maxed out, she would have criticized him for that. At least Ryan wasn’t here to sneer at him tonight.
This was the first Wednesday in two months that all of them had gotten together for dinner. It hadn’t been a weekly thing since before Mom got sick. Corrina, for reasons known only to her, wanted this particular one to be a siblings-only event. No spouses or kids. Tyler wondered how Gardner, Annie, and Doug felt about being excluded. Were they offended or relieved? Almost certainly the latter. Maybe they were even laughing together at a nearby restaurant.
“Let’s just go over everyone’s responsibilities again, so we’re clear,” Maria said.
Corrina sighed. “You’re taking care of the entertainment, Maria. And it really is getting tight if you want to book a DJ. Deborah is doing the food, obviously, and we need to finalize the menu soon. Maxwell is in charge of promotion and publicity, and Tyler needs to take care of the decorations.”
“It’s all very doable,” Maxwell said.
“As long as we really want to do it.”
Maxwell narrowed his eyes. “Why wouldn’t we want to do it? We all agreed to throw one more Halloween party.”
Corrina seemed a little flustered by this confrontation. Tyler thought she might even cry. “It just doesn’t feel like we’re giving this our all.”
Tyler stood up. “We’ll get it done. We’ll even get it done well. Maybe not as well as Mom and Dad always did it, but it’ll be good. Listen, I have to run.”
Corrina offered him a confused expression. “You’re leaving already?”
“I know I should have cleared the whole night, but I couldn’t. I need to get some shots cleaned up before tomorrow, and I’m already gonna be at this until just before dawn. Deborah, thanks; dinner was great. I’ll see you all soon.”
Recovery Page 4
