by Eve R. Hart
“Yeah, um,” she looked at me with sad eyes and I wondered what the hell was going on. “I don’t have your number. I mean, I guess I could have asked one of the guys but…”
Her voice trailed off and I knew exactly what she wasn’t saying. She had hoped that I would be the one to give it to her. I swallowed hard, knowing I’d hurt her again. My feet carried me closer to her. The scent of the chicken mixed with hers and became an intoxicating combination. I couldn’t even begin to explain how she smelled. It was sweet and sexy and uniquely her. I’d never smelled anything like it. And damn if my dick wasn’t stirring in my pants right then.
“Give me your phone,” I said in a strained whisper.
I’d spent so much time trying my best to keep distance between us. It was hard enough just being in the same room as her, but this, being so close that I could lean down and kiss her, was pure fucking torture. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I felt a pull to do so. No matter how many hours I’d spent wondering how she would taste. Or how many nights I’d lay in bed thinking how soft she would feel. I fucking couldn’t. And it killed me.
In a daze, she reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. Not taking her eyes off of me, she unlocked it then handed it over. Reluctantly, I broke eye contact as I added myself to her contacts.
“There,” I said handing it back. Her fingers brushed over mine and she inhaled sharply at the static charge that ran through us at the contact. Like she’d been burned, she pulled her hand and phone away quickly.
“Thanks,” she said with a shake of her head like she was clearing her thoughts. “Um…what the hell have you been doing all day?” Her face scrunched up as she took a step back and scanned my body from head to toe. It was cute as hell and I couldn’t help but smile.
“What?” I cocked my head as my lips twitched. I had no doubt that I not only looked gross, I smelled it too.
“You should shower. Yeah. You smell like a hamster's ass. I can’t eat with that odor you’ve got going on.” She waved her hand in front of her face like it would somehow get rid of the stench.
I couldn’t help it, my head tilted back as I let out a loud laugh.
“Got it. I’ll be out in a min,” I said as I backed out of the kitchen. Her smile was warm and playful and I didn’t want to take my eyes off of it.
“Take your time,” she called out once I’d rounded the corner. “Scrub everything, like, twice.”
Her giggle followed me all the way to my bathroom.
After my shower, I left my bedroom to find the living room full already. I thought I might have gotten a few more moments with Gwen alone, but that was not my luck. Maybe it was a good thing though.
“Lake!” Gwen’s voice rang out over the conversations that surrounded me. I knew she was at the front door and I wondered how the hell she knew who he was. But then again, she worked at the bar and I had no doubt that she’d probably met most of the brothers by now, and the enthusiasm was just her. She was always one to make everyone feel welcomed, so it didn’t really give me any hints as to how well she knew him. But as I made my way to view their encounter, I noticed she pulled him in for a hug. My hairs stood on end and I was frozen in place feeling like an angry asshole.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” she said as she ushered him further into the apartment.
“Hey, man,” Lake said as he caught my eyes. “Thanks for the invite. Smells good in here.”
“I’m making my mom’s famous lemon chicken.” Her head turned my way and her eyes met mine as she said it. Just like that my anger faded. She’d made that just for me and that thought was confirmed when she gave me a soft smile and tucked her hair behind her ear.
“It’s amazing stuff,” I said, my eyes never leaving hers. Though she’d never made it for me, I had no doubt that there would be as much love in it as her mother had made hers with.
“Make yourself at home. There’s beer in the fridge and the guys are…well, I’m sure you can hear them.” She gave him a smile and then ducked into the kitchen.
The night rolled on easily. The food was amazing, and if I closed my eyes, it was like I was right back there with Gwen’s mom sitting down to dinner. I tried my hardest to hide my emotions, but as Gwen stared me down, I knew she understood and knew what I was feeling at that exact moment.
I blinked and looked around. None of them knew. None of them understood. None of them had that bond with her that I did. I only wished that I could let her know how deeply I felt. But for now, all I could do was bask in the small things and secrets we shared but wouldn’t dare say out loud.
“You remember that one night?” She had made her way across the room and sat on the arm of the chair I resided in. Everyone else seemed too engrossed in their conversation to notice our moment. “When you brought that report card home with all A’s and she made this?”
I nodded because of course I fucking did. That was a night I’d never forget. Like so many others.
“And she made my dad and your dad drop everything and come home to eat with us,” Gwen said with a wistful sigh. “They were all so proud of you. I was too, but then again, I always knew you were smart.”
“Your mom was always telling me how I could do anything if only I applied myself a little more.” I paused and chuckled. “She was forever telling me that I shouldn’t wait until the last minute to do things and that the future me would be grateful if I put a tiny bit more into it.”
“She always believed in you. So did I.” Gwen’s fingers brushed my arm and I wasn’t even sure she was aware that she had done it. “I know she would be happy with the man you turned out to be. I know I am.”
That meant so much to me. The fucking world. And it was all I could do to choke back the fucking tears. I wouldn’t have said that I agreed with her, but it warmed my heart that she had said that.
Gwen slipped away before the moment could get any more intense. I was thankful for the break but at the same time, I felt cold with her so far away.
Not long after that, Gwen said her goodnights and slipped away to her room. The night carried on and I toyed with the idea of taking the party to the clubhouse. I needed to get away, I needed some space to breathe. But in the end, I decided to stay put. I was a mess and I knew it was starting to show.
“Now that the fire pit is done we need to celebrate with a barbecue or something,” B-ry said snapping me out of my daze. I had no idea how long I’d sat there lost in my own head while the conversations continued around me. “I’m thinking this weekend.”
“Really?” Mouse deadpanned. “You will find any excuse to party.”
“Hell yeah. Don’t act like you don’t agree.”
“No, I think it’s a good idea. I’ll run it by Iron but I’m sure he won’t say no,” I said with a nod.
We all had been working hard and it was time for a break. It was also a good excuse to get everyone together to hang out. We needed more unity and this was a start.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Gwen
It was Saturday night and Tara and I had decided that we needed a night out. While clubbing wasn’t really my thing, I felt like we both needed to do something different. And since Iron told me to take Sunday off because he was closing the bar for the day to do some repairs, I thought it was perfect timing. It seemed like Tara didn’t have a lot of friends and I felt like I was either studying or hanging out with the brothers when I wasn’t with Tara. The chance to go somewhere and blend in had the kind of appeal I was looking for right now.
“So what’s up with you and Knight?” Tara asked.
She was lounging on my bed while I dug through my closet trying to find us both something to wear. It seemed that Tara didn’t own much other than jeans and t-shirts. Or so she had mentioned when I told her we were going out. I didn’t mind helping her out though. She was a sweet person and I was hoping that tonight was the perfect excuse to help her up her confidence a little. I knew if she’d be more outgoing that she wouldn’t lack for fr
iends or anything else.
“What?” I said as I buried my face further into the closet.
Knight was something we hadn’t really talked about, mostly because I didn’t want to. It was a subject that was off limits for a few reasons.
One, I hated thinking about the past and how much he’d hurt me.
Two, I didn’t want to think about the feelings I’d been holding in for so long.
Three, I was selfish, I guess. I wanted to keep my Knight times to myself. Hell, I wanted to keep him to myself, but I knew I couldn’t.
And four, if I talked about it then I would have to think about it. If I thought about it, I would have to try and define it and that was something I just couldn’t deal with right now.
“I mean, the guy follows your every movement. Have you not noticed? Whenever you two are in the same room, his eyes are on you the entire time.” I couldn’t tell by her tone if she was a bit annoyed or being a little catty. I did my best to brush it off thinking that it was all in my head.
“We’ve known each other a long time,” I said with a half-shrug. “I’m sure my dad asked him to look out for me, so that’s why he may seem a bit…protective, I guess.”
I chewed on the side of my lip. So far, I’d done a good job walking through the day to day, not indulging in the little things that I may or may not have noticed. Now, it was all threatening to crash down on me and the more Tara pushed, the more I’d be forced to admit it.
“What about this?” I asked as I whipped around and held up a short, black dress that had a bit of lace around the hem. I was desperate to brush off this conversation and determined to distract her from bringing it up again.
“Um, for me?” She sat up cocked her head. “I don’t know. I think that will look better on you.”
“No,” I said with a smile. “This is perfect for you. Try it on.” I tossed the dress at her then turned around and continued to dig through my clothes.
I reached for the deep, red bodycon dress that was hidden in the back. I wasn’t even sure why I’d bought the thing. While I was in no way self-conscious about my body, in fact, I didn’t even mind showing off my assets at all, but there was something about the dress being tight and revealing at the same time that always made me hesitate to wear it. But hey, it was a night out so why shouldn’t I, right?
“I don’t know,” Tara said and I turned to look. She played with the sleeves awkwardly. “My bra straps stick out. Maybe if they weren’t pink it wouldn’t look so bad.”
“So take it off. The top should be tight enough to keep you from flopping around too much.” I laughed as I went over to help her maneuver the bra out. “See. Looks good!”
“Yeah?” she asked sounding a little unsure.
“Hell yeah! Now you need shoes. Oh, there’s a sapphire pair of strappy heels in the closet. Get those while I put this on.”
Once I had the damn thing on, I started to rethink the whole thing. Sure I felt sexy as hell but did I really want to call that kind of attention to myself? It wasn’t like I was going out because I wanted to pick someone up. Truth was, I wasn’t really the boy crazy kind of girl. Maybe because there had ever only been one guy to overtake my mind.
With a sigh, I shifted the fabric around until it felt like it was sitting right.
“Wow,” Tara said with a whistle. “You look amazing.”
“Thanks. I hope it’s not cold where we go tonight,” I said with a giggle.
“These?” Tara asked as she held up the heels with more straps than I could count.
“Yes, those will be perfect. And I have some sapphire earrings you can wear. Look in that jewelry box on top of the dresser.” I pointed as if she wouldn’t have understood my direction.
“Oh, you should wear these.” She pulled out a satin black pair of retro, platform heels. They were one of my favorites and I loved the huge bow on the back.
“Now we need makeup.”
The next hour I spent doing both our hair and makeup. I gave Tara a heavy smoky look while I chose to go with a more cat-eye look. Her hair was down and it fell just past her shoulders after I put some loose waves in it. I decided to give myself big curls and then pulled it up into a high ponytail. Even when it was all up it was still long enough to lay over my shoulder. I tried to remember the last time I’d actually gotten it cut. It had to have been right before the end of last semester. Maybe it was time for a change. As I looked into the mirror, though, I knew I’d never do anything drastic.
I’d tried to cut my hair short a few times in my life. When I say tried, I meant I went to the salon with the intention of getting it lobbed off, only to lose the nerve at the last minute. I knew why. The long hair made me feel closer to my mom. The years I did have with her were filled with too many wonderful memories to count. One of my favorite things was when she would brush my hair and put it up. She always took her time making it look perfect, even if it was just a simple ponytail.
“I think we’re ready,” I said shaking myself out of my walk down memory lane.
“I don’t even look like myself,” Tara said, her eyes still glued to her reflection in the mirror, where she’d been for at least the last five minutes. I let out a little laugh.
“Yes, you do. You look amazing.”
“Yeah, okay. Let’s do this,” she said as she blinked and stood up tall.
We walked through the apartment giggling like school girls. I wasn’t planning on drinking all that much but I didn’t even want to chance it, so we both decided it would be best to call a cab.
“The fuck?” The deep, angry growl rang out from behind us right before we made it to the door. I wasn’t even aware that Knight was in the apartment, I hadn’t heard him come in. Then again, I had been kind of wrapped up in getting ready.
As I turned to face him, I realized that maybe I should have thought this through a little better. Sure, there was a part of me that knew he wouldn’t be too happy about the fact that I didn’t tell him that I was going out. But hey, I was a big girl, I had the right to do what I wanted when the fuck I wanted to.
“Um, Gwen,” Mouse said as he shot up from the couch and put his hand on Knight’s chest as if he was trying to hold him back or snap him out of whatever insanity he was about to unleash. “Where ya going?” His tone was light and almost playful, but I could tell it was only because he was trying to cut the angry tension rolling off of Knight in waves.
“We’re going out,” I said with a tight smile.
I wasn’t in the mood to deal with overprotective watchdogs. I felt a tinge of regret calling them that, but at the same time…come on. I just needed one night of freedom. One night where I could go out without one of them lurking around. One night to let my hair down, so to speak, and have fun without eyes on me.
“Fuck no,” Knight said, his stance rigid and his chin dipped down as his eyes pinned me in place. The muscles in his arms and shoulders were tight and twitched with every breath he took. He looked ready for a fight. The look in his eyes felt like he was ready to tear something apart. A shiver overtook my body and I couldn’t stop my skin from prickling. “Not like that, you’re fucking not.”
“Knight,” Mouse said in a deep whisper. But his words weren’t going to stop either of us.
I was tired of whatever this was between us and I wasn’t the type of girl to bow the fuck down and give in. I was a bit hot-headed at times. This was one of those times and as my body flushed with an angry heat, I opened my mouth and didn’t hold back.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” I barked, not giving a shit who was around to watch this car crash happen. “You aren’t my father.” My feet took me closer to him with each word I said. “You aren’t my fucking keeper, because in case you haven’t noticed, Knight, I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself. It’s not like you would know, though. Is it? It’s not like you’ve been around the last seven years, and you stopped giving a shit about me before that. I’ve made it this long without you watching over me, no nee
d to fucking start now.”
Holy shit! Maybe I’d been holding it all in for far too long. However, I never wanted it to come out this way, with me red-faced and shaking in front of other people. But he’d pushed me. He had no right to say that, to make me feel like a fucking child and scold me with not so much as an ounce of care for how it made me feel.
“This isn’t back home. I’m not your world anymore, Knight.” I blinked the tears back. “I haven’t been yours for a long time, either.”
His body jerked as if I’d hit him. His face went through a rainbow of emotions in a matter of seconds. Anger. Rejection. Hurt. They were all there and more. I felt sorry for a half of a second but it wasn’t like I could take the words back. I hadn’t said them to be mean. I had only spoken the truth of how I’d felt for so long.
His Adam’s apple bobbed with a hard swallow and regret swirled in his blue eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I whirled around and bounded for the door. Between the heels and how shaky my legs were, I was amazed I made it out the apartment without collapsing. Tara was hot on my heels and when the door shut behind us I let out a shaky breath.
“You alright?” she asked softly as she put her hand on my shoulder.
“Yes,” I said not sounding convincing even a little. “Let’s go have some fun.”
I straightened my spine and walked away from the apartment—from Knight—with some sort of new resolution. What that was? I didn’t know quite yet.
I was suddenly grateful for the ride waiting outside because I now had it in my head that I would be drinking this night away.
I did my best to shake off my bad mood. Tara didn’t deserve to get the shitty part of me. This night was my idea and it took a good amount of convincing and promising a fun time for her to agree to come out.
“Okay, so um, where to first?” she asked as we stood on the corner where we’d been let out.
