by Stahl, Shey
I also knew that this was where I belonged though. I belonged in the car, showing my respect out on the track with the other drivers that made all my dreams come true because of Charlie.
If it wasn’t for him I would have never become the driver I am today. He allowed me to race out here in the off seasons and after school. He also gave me the love of my life and pushed us together when we least expected.
On the second lap, I remembered the very last thing he said to me.
“Jameson...I’m counting on you to take care of my little girl. She loves you and that’s the only thing that matters to me. You’ve always been like a son to me...and I’m incredibly proud of the man you’ve become.”
I promised him I’d take care of Sway and I intended on keeping that pledge, always.
On the backstretch of the second lap, we all started revving our engines, eager to start racing.
You couldn’t see other drivers in the car because of how low you sit in a sprint car but I could scarcely make out Justin taunting me by revving his engine and edging forward.
I saw Sway perched in the flag stand still, holding the green flag so when I passed by on the last memorial lap I revved the engine for her, knowing she loved the sound.
My dad, Tate, Justin and me were on the front row, leading the cars down out of turn three when the fireworks started exploding.
The excitement of being back in the type of cars I loved was pulsating through me. I loved it here.
Once the green flag was dropped, it was racing as usual. Dad and I messed around the entire time, not taking anything too seriously. It had been close to a year since I was last on the track with him. He’d pass me and then I quickly take him on the outside where he usually never went. Justin and Tate got in on the action as well and by the time there were a few laps left it was clear none of us would be able to catch Justin once he got past Tyler for the lead.
When the race ended, I pulled my car down under the flag stand, as did dad. We stood there for a moment, smiling as JD, our announcer, made his way down to us.
He handed me the microphone first.
“Jameson...how does it feel being in a sprint car again? Does it bring you back to your roots?”
“Definitely. I never remember how much I miss racing these until I come home.” I laughed. “It’s in my blood, I guess.”
The fans screamed in response and even from thirty feet away the sound was deafening.
“Now was this your idea to have the memorial race for your father in-law on his birthday?” JD asked.
Sway and Axel had made their way onto the track right about then and I took Axel from her, wrapping my arms around the two of them.
“No, it wasn’t my idea. Mallory Kelly wanted to have the event for him, which we thought was a great idea. It was Sway’s idea to have the race on his birthday.”
JD pushed the microphone at Sway but she shook her head, tears toppling over her flushed cheeks.
Axel, who was staring at the sprint car, said “Dadada” and then squealed bouncing in my arms.
Dad laughed at how focused he was on the cars and stood next to JD as he asked him a question.
I leaned down and kissed the top of Sway’s head softly.
“So Jimi, how’s it feel racing with your son again?”
“It feels good.” He told him with a smile. “This race was just for fun. I’d known Charlie since he bought the track some sixteen years ago. He was a very good friend of mine and I’m glad I was able to come out here and show my support for him and our families who were so deeply touched by him.” His voice broke near the end and Sway to started crying again reaching for him.
I took the microphone from JD.
“Sway and I just want to thank everyone for coming out and paying their respect for Charlie.” I looked down at Sway wrapped in dad’s arms as I held onto Axel, who was trying to take the microphone away. “I don’t know how many more races I can make out here but thanks for supporting the track, we appreciate it.
The crowd roared to life as I waved and climbed on the back of a 4-wheeler Justin had brought onto the track.
I tried to make my way back to the pits but was quickly encircled by hundreds of screaming fans. Handing Axel over to Van for protection, I began signing autographs once again and attempted to get back to my hauler. It wasn’t nearly as bad as being at a NASCAR race but it was a thick crowd tonight.
I don’t know if I’ll ever understand this whole fame thing but one thing holds true, what you give up to follow your dreams never changes. It’s all about the sacrifices you’re willing to give up.
I knew what I wanted though. I wanted my son to have someone he could look up to and someone he wouldn’t be ashamed to say, “Hey...that’s my dad.”
I understood that everything came with a price. But I came to realize that those sacrifices could have some amazing returns.
Roll Cage – Sway
I was loading the remaining merchandise boxes into the back of my Expedition when a familiar voice came from behind me.
“Hey Sway...do you have a second?”
My entire body froze as a chill shuddered through me.
“What are you doing here?”
“I just came to show my respect for Charlie. That’s all.” Mike told me holding up his hands in surrender. “I swear that’s all.” His wide eyes conveyed his nervousness. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“You shouldn’t have come here.” I whispered shaking my head. I knew he didn’t mean any harm by the way his eyes darted around the parking lot. He was scared shitless. “If Jameson finds you...” I shook my head not wanting to think of his reaction to this.
“I’m sorry. I had to apologize for everything that happened. I had no idea that’s what Darrin was planning. I swear to you, I didn’t. I’m not that kind of person.”
“I suggest you leave.” A snarled voice warned echoed stepping out from the dark cagey shadows of the parking lot.
I wasn’t entirely surprised to see Van walking up and thankful it wasn’t Jameson.
Mike held his hands up. “I just came to show my respect for Charlie and tell Sway I’m sorry.”
“Well...” Van’s voice faded stepping closer to Mike, cornering him next to the beer garden and my truck. “Don’t. Ever. Come. Back. Again...and I’ll think about not telling Jameson.”
“I’m sorry.” Mike trembled. “I don’t mean any harm.”
“I do though.” Van ran his hand along his jaw. “You don’t even want to know how much harm I can cause. And frankly...I’m not the one you should be scared of. It’s Jameson. If he finds out you’re here...”
Mike didn’t waste another moment talking before he was running away, literally sprinting away.
Van laughed and slung his arm around my shoulders.
“I can’t let you out of my sight for a moment, can I?”
“Apparently not. Did you install some sort of GPS on me?” I teased and loaded the last box.
“No, I just know you by now.” I closed the back of the Expedition and Van smiled. “Now come on...your husband is looking for you.”
Before we reached the pit gates, I stopped him. “Van...don’t tell Jameson...please.”
“I won’t Ms. Sway.” He assured me and motioned to the crowd where Jameson was. “Now get over there. He misses you.”
Jameson still wasn’t over the whole ordeal with Darrin and Mike for good reason. Hell, I still wasn’t over it and seeing Mike just then sent me into panic overload but I couldn’t let that break me.
Mama Wizard couldn’t be broken damn it.
Watching my husband amongst a crowd of screaming fans, all suppliantly idolizing him, I realized how lucky we were. Against all odds, we had made it. And despite the world trying to tear us apart, we glued ourselves back together with Dirty Heathen and Mama Wizard super glue. The edges may have been blurred and distorted, but they were solid.
While I was standing there, Ami approached me holding Lily in her arm
s. I smiled at her. “I can’t believe how big she’s getting.”
“I know,” Ami laughed. “It feels like I just had her yesterday.”
“Well it wasn’t that long ago.” I reminded her. Lily was only a month old. “Oh, are you and Justin coming over for the barbeque tomorrow?”
“I think so, then we leave for Knoxville Nationals.”
“Right. It’s that time of year already, huh?”
Ami and I looked over at Justin and Jameson signing autographs for the fans.
“It never changes, does it?” Ami asked softly kissing Lily’s tiny hands.
I looked down at Axel for a minute and then smiled. “No, it doesn’t. But that’s the life we live. We’re racers wives.”
Roll Cage – Jameson
It was around two in the morning before we finally made it back to the house on Summit Lake. Even though we’d officially moved back to Mooresville, we kept the house on the lake for times like this when we didn’t want to fly home right away. We had to leave tomorrow for an appearance in Jacksonville but it was nice to sleep in my own bed for a night.
As I carried my sleeping son into his bedroom, I understood a lot about my life looking at his innocent face.
I still believed it was better to dream than to not be able to dream at all because who would you be without it?
I knew, for me, that there was no such thing as “say when” because I was always going to want more and most of all, the dreams I thought would never be, were now my reality.
I couldn’t say when. I couldn’t for the simple fact that I wanted more. Who wouldn’t?
After my first National Quarter Midget Championship, I wanted more. After my first Night Before the 500, I wanted more. After the Hut Hundred, the USAC Triple Crown, Turkey Night, the Chili Bowl...I wanted more. Say when wasn’t an option for me and never would be.
I began to understand that my life was measured in moments. There were moments that tested you, challenged you, and moments that could make you fall to your knees, begging for one more moment but you see, those moments defined you as a person. You need to take them as they come because before you know it, you’re out of moments.
Peering down at my sleeping son, I remembered the doubts I had in the beginning. I never thought I was good enough for Sway and all along she was thinking the same thing.
I remembered a phrase Charlie used to say to us, “It’s not the track you race at. It’s the high line you chose that takes you to the victory.”
We all thought he was crazy toward the end, but that’s when he had the most inspirational words of wisdom. More than likely he got them off commercials and cereal boxes but they were still helpful.
I padded down the hall into our room where Sway was waiting for me. She wasn’t sleeping, but wrapped up in the sheets, waiting.
Removing my clothes, I crawled in bed with her and drew her against my bare chest.
“Thank you for coming tonight,” her eyes glistened, her breath light and steady. “He would have loved tonight.”
“Anything for you honey,” I murmured against her neck.
“Will you sing for me? I miss the singing.” She rolled over facing me, the moon light coming into our room reflected off her glowing ivory skin.
I sang softly to her with just the right amount of drawl and timber she loved that wouldn’t make Ray Charles cringe.
These were the moments that I wanted more of. These were the moments that would make me beg for more.
10. Burn Off – Jameson
Burn off – Burning fuel during the course of a race. As fuel is burned, the car becomes lighter and its handling characteristic change, challenging the driver and crew to make adjustments to achieve balance.
The hot Florida sun was beating down on me inside the car, blinding me in the apex of turn four, my entire body was sweating from the physical exertion. Kyle and Aiden’s raucous voices drowned out the vibrations in the engine that I didn’t want to be feeling in the last race of the season.
My arms and hands burned from gripping the wheel so tight. These last few races of the series were taking its toll on my body.
The season, much like the year before, had its ups and downs. In Talladega, Paul and I were caught up in the “big one.”
I flipped my car eight times on the backstretch earning me a visit to the infield care center and then the hospital. I’ve had more broken bones in one year then one should receive in their entire lifetime but still...I was unstoppable.
I knew what I wanted.
“Don’t overdrive the car Jameson.” Kyle said. “I know you want this but don’t push too hard. Just have patience and feel the car.”
I knew that already. I wanted to reply with, “Hey thanks for the advice!” but I kept my mouth shut.
Surprising huh? I like to think I’ve matured since I turned twenty-four but that’s probably unlikely.
It was the last race of the season and I was running twelfth. All I needed was a top fifteenth finish to clench the title once again.
Despite a blown motor in Texas, I ran the car for two laps with no power to finish the race. I was like a nasty cold, persistent and unstoppable.
“Maybe try a half round down in wedge.” I suggested when the pushing into the corner didn’t improve after the last stop. “And I have a vibration. It’s not bad, but it’s there.”
“All right you heard him boys...half round down, four tires and one can. Gentry, pull the hood pins and take a look.”
“Pit roads open this time by.” Aiden announced.
I slowed my speed coming out of turn three to make our scheduled green flag stop.
When I pulled down on the apron, Kyle came over the radio.
“Bring it down...second gear 4200...three...two...one, wheels straight, foot on the break.”
Mason instructed the crew while I waited for them to finish.
It’s times like this when I really got hasty because for one I had no control and as a race car driver, that was the worst feeling.
I think that goes back to my days racing sprint cars when you made the changes to your car based on your driving. If you were tight, it was something you were doing and could adjust. Now, I relied on my crew.
Kyle came over the radio again as the race neared the end.
“Twenty laps to go this time by.”
This was about the time in the race where it got intense. It was a part of the race where you laid it all on the line. If you saw an opening, you took it and hoped to hell it was the right move.
So many things went through my head when I was in the car. It’s hard to tell you what I focus more on. I think of pretty much everything you’d think one would think of when racing and then some.
“That was 30.75 last time by...clear by three on the twenty nine.”
I focus on anything from how the car is handling to what my next move might be and how that particular shift of just an inch could change everything about the way my car was handling. You had to always be looking ahead. If not, you’d get boxed in and could forget about your next move.
“Inside on the line...still inside...clear,” Aiden said. “Fourteen is looking inside. Clear by two.”
“Where are we at in the points?” I asked Kyle once I made it through the string of lapped cars.
“If the race ended now you’d finish with a thirty-seven point lead.”
That calmed me down a little but the vibration in the engine flared up again.
Aside from the many thoughts about my car during the race—I also heard voices, strange I know, but I do.
“Fifteen to go,” Kyle told me. “Watch your marks. Take it easy on that engine.”
I heard the voice of my mother telling me it’s all in my actions and make the best of them.
I heard the voice of my grandpa Casten telling me everything in life is only worth what you make it.
I heard the voice of my dad telling me his any man worth his salt speech, which I’d yet to figure out.
&n
bsp; “What are your temps now?”
The last few laps, my engine and oil temperatures had been slowly climbing along with the vibration.
“218—240,” I read off the water and oil pressure to him.
“How’s the splitter working?”
On the last stop, Shane, our front tire changer had changed out the splitter for a new one. The splitter was an aerodynamic device fitted to the front of the car that generated down force, creating grip on the track.
“Seems good...I’m still vibrating on the exit.”
“Ten to go...last lap was a 30 flat, clear by ten.” Kyle said. The radio frequency we were on kept breaking up garbling his words. “There’s a car slowing—” “on the—” “three—”
We ended up changing channels so I could hear him without the interruption.
“I can’t run the top anymore. My right rear is sliding on entry.” I told him as I passed another lapped car.
“Just do what you can bud. Five to go this time by. You’re running tenth.”
The more I thought about those voices again, my parents weren’t the only voices I heard. I heard the voice of my wife telling me to follow my dreams and stand my ground when pushed. I heard her telling me that champions aren’t made they’re born. And finally, I heard the voice of my son, saying “Go daddy!” to me on the phone this morning.
“White flag next time by. Great job this season, way to stay focused!”
I drew in a deep breath...thankful the season was finally over.
I loved racing but I also loved that time with my family.
My dad came over the radio next as I crossed the finish line. “Nice job kid...you did awesome!”
“Thanks dad.” I smiled.
There are times in your life when a calm washes over you in the midst of revelry. Could it be that everything in your mind falls into place? You see the race for what is was and who wanted it the most. You did.
Burn off – Jimi
It’s hard to envision how your life will turn out let alone the lives of your children. With Jameson, I knew at a very young age he would achieve his dreams but I had no idea he would win back-to-back championships. It’s hard enough to win one in the cup series title let alone two in a row.
