by Stahl, Shey
“Don’t bother me.” His voice was muffled from the pillow.
“Don’t bother you, huh?” Straddling his legs, my hands reached out to his.
“Yes, don’t bother me.” His tone was now clipped and slightly edged the way he used with reporters. Not me.
And despite his shitty mood, his fingers wrapped around mine.
“I think I could improve your mood.”
He let go of one of my hands to rip the pillow from his face. “What did you have in mind?”
“Oh you know...it’s been a while since I did any micro polishing.” My finger traced the line of his ready camshaft through his jeans. For being damn near forty now, the Dirty Heathen and his Mama Wizard had no problems with dyno testing.
“I think that might improve my mood.” His hands moved from mine to behind his head. “Let’s see what you got.”
I gave my dirty heathen some of the best micro polishing I could.
Lowering myself down his body, his eyes lit up when I got his jeans undone. The rolled back when I went to work and they squeezed tight, his legs stiffened, and he squirmed a little when he met his rev limit.
When I finished, I was a tad breathless and crawling up him. “How’s the mood now?”
Jameson chuckled, slightly breathless as well. I felt pretty good about my efforts there.
“Much better honey,” His arms reached out to pull me close to him, holding me tightly against his chest. He was quiet for a while before he whispered into my hair. “Every year...” his head shook. “It never gets easier. It’s the same shit. Same fucking story they always wanna print.”
“Do you ever think about walking away?” Deep down, I knew he never did but I decided to test the water. Stick a toe in so to speak.
“No.” his response was immediate. “I can’t imagine not racing.”
And he couldn’t. When I thought about Jameson, I immediately thought of racing. The two went hand-in-hand.
The season went on much the way it had in the past with Jameson and Paul never getting any better at communicating. But every week we just chalked it up to two hungry drivers. That’s all any of this was and you couldn’t read into it too much.
Darlington Strip – Jameson
I’ve pointed this out before but pit lizards these days were constantly looking for new ways to get at me. The more I won, the worse it got. The older I got, the more they swarmed me. You’d think getting older would deter them but no. Rumor has it; I got better with age. At least that’s what my wife told me.
So in October when I walked into my hotel room while in Las Vegas for the race, I wasn’t entirely surprised to see a woman in my room. This wasn’t the first time this happened. I once woke up with one naked in bed with me only to find out my goddamn brother had bets with Colin Shuman she couldn’t get into the room to actually get naked. It was a complete misunderstanding and could have been a disaster if Sway didn’t believe me, but she did.
“Jameson, please,” the woman begged when I told her to get out. “God you are so hot!” She was completely naked, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, her legs around my waist.
I struggled against her grasp but I’ll give her credit, she was stronger than she looked which is probably how she got past security.
“You need to let go, now!” my arms fought to get her away. “Get off me.”
“Just give in. Your wife will never know.”
Oh fuck!
Sway had the room key and I told her to meet me in here. Oh goddamn it.
“Get off me!” I roared at the women and gave one final tug to her body as she crashed to the ground, naked. I quickly averted me eyes, not that I even found her attractive anyway.
“No, no, no, no.” I gripped my hair. “This can’t be happening.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Go away,” I said with a shaky breath and knelt on the ground so that I didn’t collapse.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“I said go away. You shouldn’t have been in here!” My chest vibrated with such a growl that I almost sounded like something from a safari. “Get the fuck out of my room, right now.”
“You’re a jackass,” she huffed and stomped out slamming the door behind her.
My breathing was to the point of gasping, and all I could think about was Sway.
Do I tell her?
What do I say?
I tried to shut the questions up in my head, but they kept coming. When I glanced up, I saw Sway standing in the doorway. “What happened in here?” she asked, her lips pursed as she saw the sheets and blankets ripped from the bed.
“Nothing,” I answered quickly standing from my place on the floor. “I just...nothing,”
Way to go dumbass, lie to your wife.
“Who was in here?”
“Just me,”
“Jameson,” Sway let out a deep sigh shaking her head. “I opened the door to the bedroom when you told that woman to get out. I heard you and more importantly, saw her.”
Goddamn it, I fucking did it again. Just like the girl in Texas and Charlotte. I lied because I thought she wouldn’t trust me, when she had no need not to. I’ve had more women thrown on my dick than Hugh Heffner these days and not once have I ever acted on it. But I lied to avoid telling her it was happening. I didn’t want her to think it was happening in fear she wouldn’t trust me. Obviously, this had back fired on me. I also knew my wife well enough that she wasn’t stupid, she knew it was happening. How could she not?
“I need to go.” She said turning toward the door. “I can’t keep doing this with you if you don’t understand why this is important to me.”
“Don’t do this honey, please.” I choked following her. “I love you...just don’t leave.”
“It’s not about love Jameson. That we have and always will.” Her red tear filled eyes met mine. “You lied to me,” her voice was soft but her words stung because it was the truth. “I know you well enough to know that you had no intention of sleeping with her...but you lied to me. Why lie about it?”
“I didn’t mean too. It wasn’t intentional.”
“But you did Jameson.” She stopped to look at me for a moment. “All I have ever asked from you was honesty.”
I hung my head.
“I never meant to hurt you by it. I thought...I thought not telling you would be better. It looked worse than it really was.”
“I know what it looked like.” Her lips pressed into a hard line. “I saw it with my own eyes.”
Flinching at her words, I hung my head. It had to have hurt her to see that but I knew what stung worse was me lying to her face.
“I’m sorry,” was all I could say.
“I can’t keep doing this with you. I know you would never cheat on me but you’re constantly lying to me about it.”
“I’ve never cheated on you, Sway. I never would.”
“I know that but you still lie to me.” She moved toward the door and reached for the handle.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“What about Nadia?” she remained facing the door, her breaths light and calm.
I felt like someone had just punched me as she spoke those words.
“What about her?”
Sway turned around, her eyes searching mine for an answer that would have her doubting my love.
“Have you ever been with her?” her body trembled reaching for the handle behind her back.
My eyes darkened as an anger spread throughout. It wasn’t an anger like before. Now it was almost rage. It was a one that my wife would question my intentions or my sacred regard for our marriage.
How could she ask me that?
“Are you honestly asking me that question?” My tone was bitter and sarcastic.
Her right hand quickly swept across her cheeks brushing away her tears. She turned to face the door again.
I panicked and ran over to her. “Don’t go.”
“I can’t stay right now.” She said quick
ly wiping her tears away again. “I need some time to think.”
“What does that mean?” My voice was harsh, my eyes flared with anger. The thought that she would ever leave was real now and I admit; it pissed me off because I didn’t do anything. Yeah, I lied but I only lied to protect her. I never meant to hurt her.
She didn’t say anything for a long moment, I wasn’t sure she was going to until she sighed. “I came to Vegas this weekend because I wanted to be alone with my husband for once. Just for one evening, I wanted him all to myself.”
“Sway I—”
She shook her head. “Jameson, I came up here to be alone with you and I see another woman, naked, wrapped around my husband. I just...I’m not leaving you—that’s not me. I wouldn’t do that. I know you didn’t do anything with her but you lied to me, you always lie about them. I just need some time to think.”
“That’s leaving!” I snapped back at her brusquely.
I stepped closer to her reaching for the door, slamming it shut.
“Anyway you look at, if you walk out that door, that’s leaving me.”
“This is why I need to be alone. You’re acting like a child about this.” She pulled away from my grasp. I knew she was referring to my temper and my inability to control it when it came to us.
“We need to talk about this.” I shouted.
“We need to think about this before we say something we’ll regret. I need to go.” She replied calmly because I was inept in doing so, and then she left. This time I just stood there until her actions caught up with me.
“Sway,” I yelled after her but she never stopped.
I think I laid on the floor for close to an hour before I realized I was lying in the middle of the hallway. I know that sounds pathetic but if you knew our past and what lying to Sway meant, you’d understand my frustration with myself and my option to just lay there.
“Are you all right Jameson?” the timid sound of Alley’s voice made me look up from the floor. I shook my head at her question. I wasn’t all right. No, I was far from all right.
Spencer, who walked in behind her sighed and put his hand on my shoulder. “Sway left.”
She had every right to leave. I lied to her...I yelled at her...I deserved her leaving me. I was hardly the model husband here and in the fifteen years we had been married, she came second to racing and she never deserved that. I knew how Sway felt about these women and she had every right to want the truth. I don’t know why I felt the need to lie because not one advance had I ever acted on. I had nothing to lie about, but I did. I lied because I never wanted her to know how bad it really was.
My eyes fell back to the floor. “Did she say where she went?”
“Casten is racing in Williams Grove tonight.”
“Shit.” I scrambled to my feet. I remembered he asked me to come with him the other night.
“Go talk to her and see your son’s race.” Spencer squeezed my shoulder. “The longer you wait, the harder it will be.”
Alley stopped me at the door. “Jameson, you have an autograph session in an hour followed by an interview with ESPN. You can’t leave.”
“Fuck that, I need to see my son race and apologize to my wife.”
“So you want me to call up Simplex and tell them what?”
“Jesus Christ!” I threw my arms up in the air. “I can’t be in two places at once.”
“I’ll go watch Casten and talk to Sway.” Spencer offered.
“I’d rather you didn’t.” I clipped. Spencer meant well but I just wasn’t in the mood. Besides the last time Spencer intervened in an argument we had, I ended up doing more apologizing.
There was no way out of the obligations and I knew it. If I cancelled, I had to re-schedule and with everything else, I just didn’t have time.
So Spencer once again went to Casten’s race, where Sway was. Spencer, Van and Aiden saw my kids more than I did these last few months. I was once again battling for the chase these year and time wasn’t on my side.
I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit in my time but nothing compared to the way I felt knowing Sway didn’t want me around. After my interview and autograph session, I flew to Williams Grove but Sway had already left back to Mooresville with Casten. On the way there, I called.
“Sway?”
“Jameson, what are you doing?” she asked in confusion, the hum from the jet caused static on the line making it hard to hear her soft voice.
“Well, I tried to catch you guys in Williams Grove but I just missed you. I’m on my way to Mooresville now.”
“We’re not there.”
“Where are you?”
She was silent for a few moments. “I took Arie and Casten back to Washington for a little while.”
“Then I’ll come there.”
“No, you have to be in Richmond on Wednesday. It’s Tuesday. You don’t have time.”
“I’ll make time.” I quickly said. “Practice isn’t until three.”
Again, there was a silence on the other end before I could hear her sniffle. “Jameson, I just need some time to think. Stay in Mooresville for now.”
“Sway,” my voice broke as I tried to catch my breath. “Honey please, I need to see you. I can’t leave it like this.”
“And I need to be alone right now.”
“For how long?” I pressed getting impatient. I was finding it hard to breathe so I leaned forward in the captain’s chair. My hands obsessively ran through my hair. “How long?” I asked again when she didn’t answer.
“I...don’t know.”
“So that’s it?” I snapped. “I don’t get to say nothing in this?”
“I told you why I needed to think and as my husband, I hoped that you could see that.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Okay stop!” she snapped. “Stop being an asshole. I don’t want to see you right now. You lied to me, again. I asked you if someone was in there, you said no. I saw her. All you had to do was tell me the truth. Just like in Texas when that girl kissed you. You told me she didn’t and then I see a picture of her kissing you. Or what about the time in Vegas when you woke up with a woman in your bed? You denied it and then I later found out why she was in there. I know that wasn’t your fault. Or what about the drink you had with Nadia in the bar that I had to hear about from her? I don’t understand if you have nothing to hide, why do you lie about it?”
“Because...I never wanted to hurt you,”
“But you did! Lying to me hurt worse than knowing. You of all people should understand why that hurts me. I know you don’t sleep with any of them. Hell, the entire time we’ve been together I’ve never seen you give another woman an ounce of attention but you can’t tell me the truth.”
The line was silent for a moment before I finally made it worse, “I don’t know what you want me to say. I said I was sorry.”
“And I said I needed time to think.”
“Think about what?”
“Everything,”
“Are you...thinking of leaving?” The dead silence said it all. I lost it. “Goddamn it Sway, answer me!”
I threw the water bottle I had been tossing around in my hand across the cabin. I never meant to yell at her like that but the thought of her leaving me was not an option.
“No I’m not, but I shouldn’t being treated like this,” and she hung up.
“Sway?” I looked down at the receiver to see she did hang up. I couldn’t blame her.
I wanted to drown my sorrows. I wanted to numb the pain I was feeling but I also knew that wouldn’t solve anything. I had done that for years and it had never worked in my favor anyway. This was all on me and I needed to just face it.
Once I got home, I did have a beer, or two or maybe it was three but who cares?
Axel was home, which surprised me. I hadn’t seen him in a few weeks and thought for sure he was supposed to be in Terre Haute this week.
“What are you doing here?” I asked peeking inside his room.
“I don’t have to be to the track until Friday so I thought I’d sleep in my own bed. Spencer just dropped me off.” He looked up from his computer. “Where is everyone?”
“Elma.” I mumbled stepping inside his room to sit in the beanbag in the corner.
“Elma?”
“Yes, that’s what I said.”
He looked at me confused for a moment and then raised his eyebrows. “Are you two fighting?”
“You could call it that.”
“Care to talk about it.”
“Nope,” I took another swig of my beer. “She made it pretty fucking clear what she wanted.”
“And that was?”
“Space...or whatever,”
I eventually stopped talking. Axel didn’t need to hear about my problems and he especially didn’t need to hear about my problems with his mother.
“How was your race in Grand Rapids?”
Axel shrugged. “Won my heat, dash and took fourth in the main.”
“Not bad.” I nodded taking another drink of my beer before setting it down on his night stand. “I see you took over the points lead last week though.”
“Yeah but Woods is only ten points behind me.”
Smiling at him, I chuckled softly. “You’ll get it.”
I spent the majority of the night sitting in his room with him talking racing. Even though everything was so shitty with Sway, it felt good to be alone with my son. I hadn’t realized how long it’d been since we were together that way and eventually we found ourselves hovering over his car looking for things that could give him a little more edge over Woods.
Knowing my wife the way I did, I knew she simply needed some time to think. Sway never stayed angry with me, even when I deserved it. That wasn’t Sway. But she did need space, or whatever.
23. Lapped Traffic - Sway
Lapped Traffic – This refers to any cars that are not on the same lap as the leader.
Leaving Jameson in Vegas was difficult but I needed to do it. The only way he was going to understand any of this was if I left him alone. Being around me, he wouldn’t understand it.
