by Stahl, Shey
I took my time walking toward her, stripping away my clothes as I walked with my eyes focused on hers as she smiled up at me. The warm glow from the candles lit throughout the bathroom made her green eyes smolder. Or it could be that sexually we hadn’t been together in nearly two months between our schedules and her trip to Washington.
Glimmering flecks of light radiated from her as her legs moved under the water. “You gonna join me or just stare at me?”
“I’m taking off my clothes aren’t I?”
Before she could say any more, I was slipping into the tub with her.
Sway’s head leaned back as my arms wrapped around her. Though I wouldn’t say it, this reminded me of the time I accused her of sleeping with Mike. If there was an award for the worst husband of the year, or decade, I’d definitely be in the running for it.
“I went to see Charlie and Rachel’s graves. Arie went with me.”
“Mmmm...” Gently I kissed along her collarbone, sweeping her hair away from her neck as my lips got closer to her neck. My left hand wrapped around her hair pulling it to one side to give me better access to her skin.
Sway melted at my touch, her body relaxing instantly as her head leaned back. It’s always been virtually staggering to me what just being in the arms of a woman can do for a man. Thinking back to the days when I took it for granted compared to now and how I couldn’t get enough.
Through everything, this woman has been there for me and so many times, I’d taken this for granted how just these arms can take me back to where I belonged.
“Was it hard for you?”
Sway leaned her head to one side, her legs shifting in the water. “Harder than I thought. It never gets any easier for me.” I kissed her shoulder once more taking the sponge on the tile next to the shower and covering her chest with warm water as she spoke softly. “I just thought...maybe it might get easier, you know?”
“It won’t. I wish it would but it will never go away.”
Her hands reach for mine, her finger running over callouses formed from years of racing and engine work.
“I know that you never meant to lie to me.”
“Good.” My lips brushed over her shoulder once more. “I would never intentionally hurt you.”
We laid in the tub until the water was cool enough that Sway was shivering worse than Arie was the time she spent four hours in the back of Spencer’s truck.
Once in our room, I warmed her up physically after playing the piano for her. She insisted.
“I want this to be good for you.” I said kissing her cheek softly as I laid her in the middle of our bed. Her legs spread allowing me the contact I wanted.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” she seemed genuinely curious. “We’re good at this. Make up sex is good for us.”
I chuckled against her lips. “I have about two months of pent up sexual frustration. I’ll probably only last thirty-two seconds.”
She laughed at my admission, kissing my neck softly. “Don’t worry...it will be like my first time. Though that lasted about a minute so he’s got you beat there.”
I glared, she laughed. “I won’t let that fucker last longer than me. Get me a stopwatch. I’m going for one minute, and one-tenth of a second.”
Her response was to push her hips into mine, her hands finding my hair. “That is definitely not helping me set fast time or in my case, slow time.” I told her shifting away.
“Jameson...” she whimpered reaching for me. “You forgot it’s been two months for me too.”
“Shhh...” I whispered kissing the path down her chest to between her thighs. “I need a sponsorship guarantee.”
I did some of my best deburring during that time and from her moans, I’d say she enjoyed it. Chuckling to myself, and quite proud I might add, I crawled back up her body and rested between her legs preparing for some much needed align boring. “Now prepare for the best minute of your life.”
Lapped Traffic – Sway
After I returned home, it took Jameson a day or so and he seemed to think he needed to apologize more and again, if I was honest with you, I understood why.
That night, though incredibly emotional was probably one of the strongest connections we’d had in a while.
I found him in the kitchen, staring at the lake through the sliding glass doors.
“Jameson,” my hands crept over his shoulders pressing my chest to his back. “I don’t want you to keep beating yourself up over this. You said what you needed to say. I said what I needed. Let’s just move on from this.”
He turned to face me.
“Stop,” he breathed, parting his lips over mine and trying to calm the storm. “I know I was wrong but I told myself I was doing the right thing.” His lashes glistened as though they were diamonds cutting through the sadness.
The fault here lies within me. I shouldn’t have left and I knew that. Face the fear that drowns the light was what I always told myself.
Did I listen? No.
His hands were restless, searching for himself, between the shadow and smoke. He needs me and I knew that. He never meant to hurt me.
The sun was setting over the lake, chalky orange smudging the sky. Standing against the counter, I looked over at him when no words were spoken.
“Will you go with me somewhere tonight?” he asked flickering his gaze to mine.
I blinked slowly, the sight of him being so vulnerable brought back so many memories my heart ached for him, for us.
His smile was soft, slightly higher at one side of his mouth and my heart stumbled reminded of the child in him I once knew. It was reassuring when I saw that side of him comforted by the innocence.
I stroked his jaw and shivered, outlining the curve of his smile as my fingers moved to rest at his mouth.
Our lives, much like a car straight out of the hauler, are never perfect right from the start. They require adjustments along the way. This wasn’t any different.
I followed him up the stairs to our room where he pressed me against the wall. The light shining through our room was soft just like his touches. Inside the room, he had Purple Rain playing softly.
My mind flashed to that first night with us again in Charlotte and the way his hand felt on my calf asking me to stay with him. And here now, in a roundabout way, he was begging me to stay again.
The moment got to me. This was his way of apologizing again. I made a strangled noise and turned my face away.
“Don’t do that,” he choked out wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “Don’t do that, please. I’m holding on by a string right now and to see you cry...I can’t handle it.”
He pushed my dress away and hands lingered memorizing each curve, fabric rustled as it descended. His shirt quickly followed while our mouths became desperate, teeth and tongues took time as hunger claimed its victims.
His hand slipped around my back, his other rising as he grasped my hair and moans swallowed us as I pushed and pulled and arched my way to his belt. Buckle loosened and pants unzipped, I worked hard to get his clothing aside.
Strong hands trailed over my body taking over and his voice brought me back to his face.
“Tell me you love me,” he panted, shifting his position to look at me.
I pushed his hair from his forehead, my gaze lingering and holding focus with his eyes before my lips found his.
“I love you,” I told him between kisses.
He kicked away the remaining barriers of clothing and moved from the wall to the bed, my head supported as he lowered me to the mattress. His knee between my thighs, tongue between my lips, my hands greedy as they slid over his back muscles and squeezed his shoulders in an attempt to bring him closer. After weeks of separation, I needed him closer.
His look was long and hard, our loud breathing filled the room as his hands rested on either side of my head as he pushed forward. His knees spread my legs; each movement was slow and so good.
He pressed his chest closer, warm skin comforting.
“Your heart is beating so fast,” he murmured, staring down at me.
I brought my fingers to touch his lips, outlining their softness and feeling his kiss.
“It feels it’s other half.” I said quietly, the volume diminished under the intensity of his gaze.
He shivered, my hands grasping his hair as his head tilted back and then his trembling lips found my neck. He swallowed thickly, his mouth returning to mine kissing me slowly before dragging his lips down my chest, open mouth pausing over my heart.
“I want to live right here,” he breathed, his arms shaking as he held himself above me.
I tasted the tears at the back of my throat and assured him that he already does.
He exhaled and pressed his lips once more to my chest. He studied my body with his eyes and tongue. I gripped the sheets and urged for speed as his fingers curled into the pillow.
I made a noise when he entered me and he stopped waiting for me to respond.
“No, keep going.”
And he did. Just his skin against mine calmed me and assured me I was the only one though I didn’t need to know that. I knew.
Nothing compared to this feeling, to the weight of his body as he groaned and pressed himself closer, suffocating me with his love. But it wasn’t suffocating at all. It was finally being able to breathe. These moments of skin against skin, was the only time I could really breathe.
“I love you like this,” he panted focusing on my face. “flushed and breathless beneath me.” He accentuated his words with a soft grunt, his breath hot on my cheek.
My lashes fluttered but I didn’t close my eyes. I wanted to see his face. The way his lids fall and open and the way his mouth parted. I wanted the noises that escaped and the feeling of being wanted. I wanted it all.
He whispered that he never wanted to stop and I whimpered a plea that no space remained between us.
“Fuck,” he breathed, his nose brushing mine as he traced my bottom lip with his tongue.
He raised himself, hands fisted in the sheets and pushed forward. His eyes grass green, bright with desire clouded and cheeks flushed.
My nails dug into his sides, while I kissed from chin to temple and back as he cradled my head. My eyes drifted closed and took everything he was giving me, groans chasing whispers of desire, fire shared spreading through me like igniting compressed aerosol gasoline with a spark.
I guided my palm to his heart.
“Let this always be mine,” I pleaded. His eyes blinked heavy and my words were low. “Please.”
He took my bottom lip between his teeth before pushing forward one last time, a low moan trapped against skin.
“It’s always been yours Sway,” he murmured against my chest. “That will never change for me.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, slick bodies meeting their limit and shadows lighted. Lines drifted in the wake and hearts connected in their path. The fear of being alone fades with his embrace.
“Don’t ever leave me again.” He said staring at me, holding my gaze with a fire that is still present and burning just as bright as the day we formed this sacred bond. “I can’t do this without you.”
The way he watched me, scrutinizing every breath and every blink assured me there is no bitterness there. He doesn’t hate me for leaving and forgives as unconditionally as he loves with every fiber, every piece of himself that he gives to me.
24. Brake Caliper - Jameson
Brake Caliper – The part of the braking system that, when applied by the driver, clamps down on the brake to slow the car.
Soon after Axel turned sixteen, we headed for Tulsa for the Chili Bowl. I hadn’t been in three years and wasn’t even racing this year, this was all about Axel. It was also strictly a “boys” trip.
Sway, Alley, Emma and my mom took the girls to the Florida Keys for the weekend. This left me traveling with all the males in my family. Not something I enjoyed.
I had one order for my wife though. No parting with my sister. She agreed and I hoped she kept that promise.
Despite my concerns for my wife, all that was outweighed by Axel’s excitement.
The entire plane ride you could see the excitement in his eyes but you could also see the nervousness peeking through at times.
The racing started with hot laps and practice on Monday with the final A-Main event on Saturday. Wes flew us to Tulsa on Sunday morning. Axel’s midget was already there waiting for us, courtesy of Tommy and Justin’s cousin Greg.
After a half-assed continental breakfast Monday morning, we were on our way to the Tulsa Expo Center to get Axel registered.
My brother had other ideas and was acting like a retard while trying to get free bagels from the Embassy Suites where we were staying.
“C’mon Spencer,” I groaned. “for once...act normal.”
I just wanted to get to the track and here’s my idiot brother who is forty-three years old, is coning innocent hotel clerks out of ten dollars’ worth of bagels.
“Not possible,” Cole, Spencer’s youngest, guffawed with a smile. “He’s incapable of it.”
Still arguing, we all piled into a cargo van Alley rented for us.
“People are going to assume you’re some kind of...weirdo stealing bagels like that.” Aiden told him eating a package of peanut M&M’s he stole from the counter in the lobby. He wasn’t any better.
“Oh, and what will they think of you?” Spencer snorted; angry he didn’t get his bagels.
“Well, based on the tightness of these damn jeans, they are going to know for a fact that I am hung like a fucking horse. Where did these come from?”
“Your wife probably,” Spencer replied ripping the candy from his hands. “That’s what you get for letting her buy your clothes.”
Axel didn’t say anything while all this was going on. Casten tried to provoke him but he never responded. He stared out the window at the snow along the Interstate 44 while his iPod blared in his ears, his head bobbing to the beat.
Knowing this was his distraction; I didn’t bother him and pulled his annoyingly entertaining twelve-year old brother away from him.
“Why don’t we give Axel a break?”
Casten smiled. “I don’t think so, it’s fun to get him mad.”
“Fun for you...or fun for him?” My eyebrow raised in question.
“Me of course,” He bounced up snatching Axel’s phone from him as he was sending Lily instant messages.
Axel snapped yanking his headphones from his ears.
“Give that back!” he yelled causing everyone in the van to look over at him.
“All right boys.” Keeping my voice calm, I put my arms between Axel and Casten. “Casten, give him his phone.”
“He should be concentrating on racing...not Lily in a bikini.” Casten snickered holding the cell phone above his head giving Lane and Cole behind him a clear view of Lily’s modeling pose.
My first thought was, why is she sending him that kind of thing? My second was you weren’t any better at sixteen. If a sixteen-year old Sway had sent me a picture of herself in a bikini, you wouldn’t have seen me for hours while I took proper care of bleeding my pressure valve.
Now that his little brother as well as his cousins had seen his half naked girlfriend’s body, I was sure Axel was irritated with Casten.
“You fucking jerk.” he stood up reaching for him once again. “Give that to me!”
If you thought I was protective of Sway, my son had inherited that side with Lily.
In one quick motion, Axel had grabbed him by the sweatshirt, dropped his shoulder and punched Casten in the stomach with I’m sure as much force as he had. Casten fell over clutching his stomach, coughing and then choking as he started crying.
I wasn’t sure what to do because really, if Spencer had done that to me, I would have punched him too. “Uhh...” I stammered as I glanced between Axel, who had sat down now, having pulled his hooded sweatshirt over his head and Casten, who was hunched over in pain
.
There wasn’t much of a size difference between the boys and their four years and I figured that had to have hurt. I know when Spencer punched me at that age; I felt it. Axel wasn’t big by any means, he was the smaller of our kids at barely five foot eight, Casten was catching him in size but still, Axel put all he had into that punch.
This was one of those moments where I needed Sway; she’d know exactly what to do. Looking to Spencer and Aiden for advice did nothing. They couldn’t believe he did that either and stared back at me with wide eyes. Axel had hit Casten before but never like this. He literally punched him with something similar to a professional boxing match.
Aside from Casten’s coughing, an eerie silence spread over the van. Thankfully, he stopped the crying. My dad, who’d remained quiet this morning, nudged me when Axel took the sleeve of his black sweatshirt and swept it across his cheek wiping tears aside. I knew right then that he didn’t mean to hurt his brother but he was also already freaked out about racing in the midget nationals. He didn’t need his little brother adding to his already jumbled mindset.
Oh goddamn it. Where is Sway? Now I had two kids crying.
“Talk to him.” He whispered slouching in his seat tilting his head toward Axel in front of me. “And for god’s sake, comfort the little one.”
Both my parents were suckers for Casten as most people were. I had to admit that Casten was adorable. He looked similar to Axel but had Sway’s big eyes, thick black lashes, chubby cheeks and nose with my good looks. We had made some cute kids.
When he fluttered those said big eyes, everyone gave into him.
Casten had pulled his hood of his sweatshirt up over his head as well. His tears were still streaming down his cheeks as he tried to shield them from view. I can count the number of times I’d seen either one of my boys crying and it was usually earned.
Not that being punched in the stomach didn’t warrant a few tears but he had to understand if you provoke someone enough, they react. Maybe not in the best ways but they react in some form. And you’re usually not on the favorable side.
