by Viveca Sten
“Please.” Mina opened the refrigerator and took out cheese and butter. She wasn’t hungry at all, but knew she ought to try and get something down. She’d already lost weight.
“Don’t you think it’s time you took a walk to explore the area?” Anna-Maria said. “You could take Lukas and check out the grocery store. The idea is that everyone shops for their own food here.”
Mina hadn’t left the shelter since she arrived. She’d taken Lukas out into the garden for some fresh air occasionally, but that was all. The first few days had passed in a kind of fog. If the staff hadn’t reminded her to eat, it would never have occurred to her.
“There’s a stroller by the front door—you’re welcome to borrow it if you like,” Anna-Maria continued. “I put it there a little while ago. It’s a beautiful day, and it would do you good to get out for a while.”
Mina mumbled noises of agreement without turning around.
“It’s not far, it’s a lovely walk. You just go to the gate and turn left. You could try Uppeby, too—that’s where the local community center is. It’s open for a few hours each day.”
Anna-Maria disappeared into her office with her coffee. The silence when she’d gone was such a relief. Mina quickly made a sandwich and forced it down in tiny bites. She carefully wiped every surface, then swept the floor with a broom she found in one of the cupboards.
The stroller.
She opened the front door. The sun was shining, though it was still hidden behind veils of mist. There was definitely a hint of spring in the air; on another day she might have appreciated it.
There was a blue stroller at the bottom of the steps. The fabric was stained and worn, and the wheels were dirty.
Mina reached out and touched the handle. Lukas’s own stroller was much nicer. It was back home in Kolarängen, of course.
She went back inside and closed the door. There was a timetable for the Vaxholm ferries in the hallway. Boats plied the route between Runmarö and Stavsnäs on an almost hourly basis, with bus connections into the city. The trip to Stavsnäs took only five minutes, while the bus journey was just over an hour.
The idea suddenly came to her. If she changed at Nacka Forum, she could go home, get some money, and pick up her own things.
She looked around; there was no one in sight. The shelter was only half full at the moment. Several women had left, and there had been no new arrivals. She took out her phone and quickly photographed the timetable. There was a departure at nine forty-five. She could be in Kolarängen by eleven fifteen, and back at the shelter in the early afternoon.
Anna-Maria would never know.
Everything would seem so much better if she had her own clothes. She felt lost, like a homeless person, like one of those unhappy women in the city, carrying their possessions around in plastic bags. She hated asking to borrow yet another essential item.
She wasn’t like that; she had a home and a family. She wasn’t like the other women in the shelter either.
Mina checked the timetable once again, tried to make up her mind. Did she have the courage to risk it, to go home?
Andreis was rarely there during the day; he was always busy. She could sneak in and out, and he’d never even realize she’d been there. Her keys and bus pass were in her purse. She would be so careful.
She thought about Lukas. He’d already been exposed to so much in his short life. If he couldn’t lie in his own bed, at least he ought to be nicely dressed and have his own cuddly toys. She hated the horrible washed-out sleeper he was wearing now.
Mina straightened her shoulders. She would do it for Lukas.
Andreis need never know.
CHAPTER 54
Andreis had asked Dino to pick him up at ten thirty. The day usually began much earlier; Andreis didn’t need a great deal of sleep. Even when he was up late at night, he woke early. There was no end to his restless energy.
But nothing had been the same as usual recently.
When Dino left the freeway and headed for Kolarängen, he was seized by a strong impulse to turn the car around and drive straight out of Stockholm, just keep going until he reached a new town where nobody knew who he was.
Make a fresh start.
He continued toward Kolarängen. His life was here in the capital; he couldn’t simply take off. There had to be another way to solve his problem, but right now he couldn’t work it out. He was driving himself crazy thinking about it.
His guts were still like jelly, and he was running to the bathroom all the time.
Nothing had been said the previous evening. Dino’s heart rate had eventually slowed down. Andreis and Emir had behaved normally, talking and joking, drinking one beer after another before moving on to vodka shots. It was only when Dino had to go to the bathroom that Emir had let out a whistle and pointed to his back. “Did you take a shower with your clothes on?”
Dino’s shirt was drenched in sweat. He’d muttered something and hurried out of the room.
He turned onto Trastvägen and parked in the usual place outside the terra-cotta-colored house. This was a very “Swedish” neighborhood, not unlike the street in Skuru where Mina’s parents lived. It was Mina who’d wanted a nice house not too far from her mom and dad. Dino knew that Andreis had enjoyed showing off to his in-laws how easy it was for him to come up with the purchase price.
Presumably he also relished the fact that no one could really see in, except through the kitchen window. The previous owner had planted a dense evergreen cypress hedge around the perimeter of the garden, protecting the house from nosy neighbors.
Andreis might like it here, but it wasn’t for Dino. He could never feel at home in a place like this.
It took a long time for Andreis to answer the door. He was wearing only his underpants, his eyes were bloodshot, and his breath stank.
“Late night?”
Emir had stayed when Dino left. They must have carried on drinking, judging by Andreis’s appearance. The house still reeked of stale cigarette smoke.
At least Emir wasn’t here now; his car was gone.
“I won’t be long,” Andreis muttered as he disappeared into the shower.
Dino went into the kitchen and sat down to wait. It really was disgusting. Andreis clearly hadn’t lifted a finger since Mina left. He’d always insisted that everything should be spotlessly clean and tidy; more than once Dino had heard him yelling at Mina because something didn’t meet his exacting standards. Now he’d let the place go to hell, as if he were punishing her.
The pizza boxes on the counter smelled unpleasantly of yesterday’s cheese and tomatoes. Dino went into the living room. Lukas’s stroller was still in the corner, with a cuddly toy poking out. He picked up the toy and gazed at it, then put it back.
For the first time he wondered if Mina wasn’t coming home. Had she actually left Andreis?
She ought to know him well enough to realize that he would never allow such a thing. Lukas belonged to him; he would never let her leave with his child. Even if he ended up in jail, he would find a way to hold on to her.
An unwelcome thought came into Dino’s mind. If Andreis were charged with assault and Mina testified against him in order to help the prosecutor secure a conviction, would Emir take his place?
Dino sincerely hoped not.
He glanced at his watch. Almost eleven o’clock, he’d been waiting for twenty minutes. Andreis was taking his time. They were due to meet some guys in Södertälje at midday, and Andreis didn’t like to be late.
Dino went back into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He knew better than to hassle his boss.
CHAPTER 55
The bus to Kolarängen was virtually empty. There were just a couple of retirees and Mina, who’d positioned the stroller by the back doors. Her hair was tucked beneath a baseball cap, and she kept her head down. To be on the safe side, she was also wearing sunglasses. No one must recognize her.
Not that they would, given the condition of her clothes.
She almost gave a wry
smile at the thought, but found herself suppressing a sob instead.
Boarding the ferry had been straightforward, and the bus had already been waiting when they arrived in Stavsnäs. Changing at Nacka Forum had also been problem free.
They were approaching Kolarängen; the soulless cityscape had given way to more verdant areas. It was an attractive location near Lake Älta, not far from Skarpnäck. Mina often used to go for long walks with Lukas in his stroller in the mornings. There were plenty of places to swim nearby. It was perfect for families with young children. That was why she’d wanted to live here; she’d thought they’d be so happy in an area like this.
She’d thought everything would be wonderful.
Mina stared out of the window. She could still change her mind, stay on the bus until it reached the terminal, then go back to the shelter. Everyone would assume she’d been out for some fresh air, as Anna-Maria had suggested.
A little voice pointed out that that would be the most sensible thing to do.
Lukas woke up and started whining. Mina dangled a plastic toy in front of him, and he soon calmed down.
Her cell phone rang. She didn’t recognize the number, so she rejected the call. Then she put it on silent; she couldn’t cope with talking to anyone right now.
“Sävsångarvägen,” the driver announced over the loudspeaker. He slowed down and stopped with a jolt. An elderly lady with a cane got off, pulling a small shopping cart. The doors closed with a hiss, and the bus began to move.
The next stop would be Mina’s. She rested her forehead against the cool glass. She had to make up her mind. What should she do? She had only minutes to decide. The bus was traveling fast. There wasn’t much traffic at this time of day.
The stained fabric on Lukas’s stroller caught her eye; the borrowed sweater felt scratchy at the back of her neck.
Not long now.
She promised herself she’d be careful.
She reached out and pressed the “Stop” button. It immediately glowed red. She adjusted Lukas’s blanket and got to her feet.
CHAPTER 56
Anna-Maria was busy filling in the online questionnaire from the council when she was interrupted by her office phone.
“Hello?”
“Good morning, this is Herman Wibom. Am I disturbing you?”
Mina’s counsel. They’d met briefly when he visited the previous day. “Not at all—how can I help?”
To be honest, she was glad to take a short break. Whoever had put together the form seemed to have no idea how a shelter was set up. The questions were idiotic. She was getting increasingly irritated about all the cost specifications required, while the qualitative aspects were clearly not a priority. She wouldn’t be surprised if Birgitta Svanberg was behind the whole thing.
Bitch.
“I’ve been trying to reach Mina on her cell phone, but unfortunately she’s not answering.”
“If you hold on, I’ll see if I can find her,” Anna-Maria offered.
“That’s very kind of you.”
She put down the receiver and walked over to Mina’s room. She tapped on the door, waited a few seconds, then tried again. No response.
She pushed down the handle and peeped in. There was no one there. Presumably Mina had gone for a walk, as Anna-Maria had suggested at breakfast time. That was good; the girl needed to get out and about instead of sitting indoors, brooding. Fresh air did everyone good; it helped to dispel the demons.
Anna-Maria returned to her office. She glanced through the window and saw that the blue stroller was gone.
“She seems to be out,” she said. “Her jacket isn’t on the hook, and our stroller isn’t here either.”
“Have you any idea where she might be?”
“I expect she’s gone for a walk. We discussed it earlier.”
“I’ve tried to contact her several times.”
“Maybe she’s put her phone on silent by mistake?”
“The thing is, I have bad news. I’d actually prefer to come over and tell her face to face.”
“I’m sure she’ll be back soon. When were you thinking of?”
“There’s a boat at one o’clock—would that be OK?”
“I’m sure she’ll be back by then—I’ll let her know you’re coming.” Anna-Maria hesitated. “Can I ask what you mean by bad news? Is it to do with her mother?”
“No, no, not at all.”
The answer came quickly; Wibom sounded troubled and concerned. Anna-Maria didn’t like this at all; Mina had enough problems. “So it’s something else?”
“I think it’s best if we wait until I see Mina. Client confidentiality . . .”
“Of course. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
Anna-Maria ended the call. After a few seconds she picked up the phone again and dialed Mina’s number. No answer. She tried again—straight to voice mail. Slightly worrying.
She left her office and went in search of one of her colleagues. Siri had just finished a therapy session and was writing up her notes.
“Have you seen Mina?” Anna-Maria asked. “I can’t find her.”
Siri closed her file. “I think she took the stroller and went for a walk. I saw her heading toward the road a while ago.”
“What time, roughly?”
“Shortly before ten, I think.”
Anna-Maria thanked her for her help and returned to her office. She tried Mina’s number again. Still no answer.
She glanced at the clock on the wall; it was just after eleven. Mina had been gone for a little over an hour. She had probably decided to go for a long walk and was enjoying the fine weather.
There was nothing to worry about.
Bosnia, March 1993
There was a knock on the front door. Selma put Emir down on a blanket on the floor and went to see who it was. Zlatko had just taken Andreis to the grocery store, because someone had said there was meat for sale.
She couldn’t help exclaiming when she saw who her visitor was.
“Aunt Jasmina! You’re alive!”
After all the terrible news, she hadn’t dared to believe that her aunt had survived. Her aunt’s little village had been attacked; the story had been on the news. Selma hadn’t managed to get through on the phone, and had feared the worst as time went by and she heard nothing from her aunt and cousins.
“Can I come in?” Jasmina said in a hoarse voice.
“Of course—I’m sorry. I thought you were . . . I heard about . . .” Selma gave her aunt a hug. “You took me by surprise.”
“Well, I’m here now.”
Selma took a step back and tried not to stare.
Jasmina was only fifteen years older than her, and had always been regarded as a beauty, with her dark eyes and her long, thick hair. Now she looked like an old woman. Her gaunt, lined face was almost unrecognizable, and her short gray hair was lank and greasy. She moved laboriously, as if everything hurt. Slowly she took off her shabby jacket and sat down at the kitchen table. Selma set out bread and jelly and put the water on to make tea. She forced herself to hide her shock, in spite of the alarming change in Jasmina.
“Have you heard anything about Mom and Dad?” she asked, against her better judgment.
“There’s no point in asking. All hope for Sarajevo is gone.”
Jasmina almost sounded as if she didn’t care about Selma’s parents and their fate; that frightened Selma even more. Emir had fallen asleep on his blanket. Jasmina hadn’t touched him or acknowledged his presence in any way, in spite of the fact that they hadn’t seen each other since he was born. Under normal circumstances she would have picked him up and sung his praises.
What had happened to her?
Selma placed two cups of tea on the table. Jasmina lit a cigarette and stared blankly at the blue smoke. Her hands were dirty, her nails broken.
“Aunt Jasmina?” Selma ventured after a while, when the silence became unbearable.
Jasmina gave a start; she must have been far, far away. She took a
deep drag, then stubbed out the cigarette. “I just came to say good-bye. You’re my last living relative.”
Selma gripped her cup tightly. “Don’t say that.”
“They’re all dead. There’s nothing left to live for. I’m a widow, your cousins are gone.”
Alija and Mehmed—they were only twelve and fourteen. Gone? Alija, who had a slight squint, and Mehmed, who loved playing football and fishing in the stream near their house.
Jasmina’s eyes were bottomless pits. “I want you to know what happened to me and my family. Someone has to know. If I don’t survive, then someone has to tell the world what they did to us.”
Selma wished she could avoid hearing whatever it might be. “Wouldn’t you like to have a rest?” she suggested. “We can talk some other time. Don’t you want to get cleaned up first?”
“I can’t stay long. I’m going to try to get to Bihać, it’s supposed to be a safe zone. I’m being picked up shortly.”
“You’re leaving so soon?”
“Listen to me. It wasn’t easy to get here, even for a short visit.”
Jasmina’s eyes held Selma’s, her gaze simultaneously present yet distant.
“It began at dawn. First they fired shells, I woke up and pulled on some clothes. When I stepped outside, there were explosions everywhere. I could smell blood and gunpowder, rockets lit up the sky. I saw little Aiša, my neighbor’s granddaughter, she was only six years old. She was standing in the road, staring at something white on the ground. It took a little while before I realized what it was. She’d lost her arm.”
Selma couldn’t speak.
“It was lying there, bleeding in the dirt, even though it was no longer attached to her body. She didn’t make a sound.” Jasmina clasped her hands. “Her face . . . I carry it with me.”
Selma glanced at Emir. So far he was unhurt; how long would he remain safe? How could she protect her sons?
“The noise of the shells was relentless. We ran down into the cellar and hid. I was shaking so much with the horror of it all that my muscles ached for hours afterward.” Jasmina sat up a little straighter. “Then the soldiers came. They went from house to house forcing everyone out onto the street. Some people were in their nightclothes, some were barefoot. The soldiers separated out all the men, including young boys of no more than ten or twelve, and old men who couldn’t walk without a stick. They made them get up onto flatbed trucks, packed tightly together like a wall of human flesh.”
