by C. Michelle
“I sure was!”
My jaw literally drops from shock. “I thought a cat was being tortured! You’re telling me...it was just you...singing? Fuuuuuuck...you suck! I don’t think you could possibly sound worse even if you tried!”
“WHAT...EVER.” Nina rolls her eyes. “You’re just jealous that I have mad vocal skills. You’re a mean ogre.”
“Mad skills? They’re so mad they’re pissed as fuck that they sound so horrible! Me...mean? Nope. I’m honest. Sometimes the truth is just ugly...kind of like that turd on your head.”
“Shut up, hater! Hurry up and get dressed before I change my mind about running before the rooster’s even up.” With an exaggerated smirk she adds, “Besides, I wanna tell you all about my love day and tattoo.”
“All right, all right. I see Josh is fucking some sense into you if you’re willing to run this early in the morning.” I stare at her with disbelief. “Wait. A tattoo? You’re scared shitless of needles. I know you didn’t get ink on you...quit fakin’ the funk!” I chuckle loudly.
“For your information...Josh didn’t just fuck some sense into me, he also fucked my fear out of me. So I did get a tat.” She states proudly and after a second thought excitedly yells, “Fuck! My man’s TALENTED!”
I shake my head with skepticism, but smile when I see Nina’s enthusiastic facial expression. “Go make me some coffee while I get ready. I’m gonna need to be fully awake to hear all about the Tree Hugger’s skills.”
“Okay!” She jumps off my bed then leaves my room, but within seconds she returns, slightly raises my head, and plants a big kiss on my forehead. Then, she laughs out loud.
“You just kissed me after having Josh’s dick in your mouth. Didn’t you?” I scowl at her. “You better have brushed your teeth since then.” Just the thought of it repulses me. “Real mature, Valentina Moretti...real fuckin’ mature.”
She chuckles so hard, she snorts. “That’s what you get for making fun of my angelic voice!” Nina slaps my thigh hard. “Hurry up. Your coffee will be ready shortly.”
“Fine...but for the record, you’re a sick and twisted woman.” I state gravely.
After our run, I shower and begin my day’s work for my job and the projects I’ve been doing on the side for my own clients. Although I enjoy working for my employer as a web and graphic designer, I’m ready to venture out on my own. My list of clients has rapidly grown over the past few months. I need to stop working hard for others and making them rich. It’s my turn. Focusing my undivided time, effort, and skills into my business is essential for its success. No one is going to do it for me. No one is going to come knocking on my door to tell me there are countless opportunities out there for me. I just have to go after what I want and take it. I have the experience, knowledge, and clientele. Now, it’s just a matter of making things happen. Taking the initial step in achieving one’s goals can be terrifying, but if I never take a chance, I’ll always come out losing.
Multitasking both my jobs’ responsibilities and my personal projects this morning have left me mentally drained. I’ve been working for six hours straight taking five minute breaks every two hours to eat my protein. Ensuring my body has all its necessary nutrients throughout the week is imperative because I like to poison it with alcohol on the weekends. Life is all about balance.
After being in front of my computer for several hours, I decide to make a chicken stir fry and take some to Celeste and Mama V. I’m sure Celeste is sick of the hospital food and Mama V usually works so much she often forgets to eat. She rarely eats what she bakes...too many carbs.
I arrive at Mama V’s bakery. The first thing that catches my attention is the new young and pretty cashier behind the register.
Well, hello there...prime meat.
She looks up at me with her emerald eyes and gives me a warm smile. I return it with a seductive one of my own. Immediately, she blushes. I maintain eye contact. Seeing a woman or man become weak in the knees just from my presence alone will never get old. I love it. I love the chase. I love the hunt. I love the conquest.
Just then, Mama V steps out of the kitchen and into the store front. “Son! It’s so great to see you. Why didn’t you tell me you were stopping by?” She welcomes me with a grand embrace and genuine delight, then whispers in my ear, “Don’t even think about it, little boy. No more fraternizing with my staff. Understand?” Then pinches the back of my arm for confirmation.
“Ouch!” I rub my arm. “I always get in trouble...even when I don’t do anything wrong.” I pout.
Mama V gives me “the look”...the look that is so powerful it says a million threats without a single word and holds the fear of death within its gaze. Yeah...that look.
“Fine. Sheesh! And here I came to do a good Samaritan deed by bringing you lunch.”
“Thanks, son. Actually, I’m starving. Come. Let’s have a seat by the window and enjoy our meal as we people watch.” Mama V affectionately caresses my cheek. “I’ll be right back. Let me get you some fresh treats right out of the oven.”
I have a seat by the window to observe the tourist filled street and inhale the delicious aroma of baked goods. It’s a scent I’ve been surrounded with for over a decade, a smell that represents home, family, and love. All thanks to the beautiful woman who approaches me with a radiant smile, a large glass of milk, two cannoli, and a warm biscotti.
“You know I keep losing staff due to your Casanova ways. You need to stop leading people on.” Mama V halfheartedly reprimands my whorish behavior.
“It’s not my fault people don’t believe me when I tell them I’m not looking for anything serious. After a few weeks, they try to sink their claws into me, wanting to be the one who makes me settle down. People are ridiculous if they think they’re going to tie me down just because we fucked.” The crude statement escapes my mouth too quickly for me to retract my words.
“Oops! Sorry, Mama V.” I apologize with a huge grin. One would think that I could tone down my raunchiness slightly during the day or at least in front of the woman who raised me half my life...nope. Thank God she loves and accepts me for me. “Anyway, people shouldn’t make irrational assumptions. I don’t want a relationship. I considered it for a few days…hours actually, then realized it was just my medication talking. I’m young. I just wanna have fun. I don’t lie to anyone and I’m upfront about who I am. Wild beasts aren’t supposed to be tamed. We need to be free and fulfill our wild oats.” I state in as much of a dignified manner as I can conjure up.
Mama V stares at me intently then bursts into laughter. She tries to speak, but can’t. I notice tears begin to shed and she hurriedly wipes them away. “I can’t. I just can’t with you!” Then continues to laugh out loud even more.
I’m confused by her exaggerated behavior. “What’s so funny?”
She continues cackling like a hyena. “You!” She takes deep breaths and begins to speak, “You...a wild beast? Honey, you’re forgetting that when you’re sick I’m the one who takes care of you, Mr. Please-feed-me-I’m-too-weak-to-feed-myself and Mr. Everything-aches-including-my-hair. Let’s not forget how demanding and whiny you get when you’re feeling under the weather. You’re the biggest baby and a total nightmare!” Once again her hysterics are back. “So don’t give me that nonsense about being a wild animal who can’t live in the zoo! You’re my delicate flower that requires fragile care!”
“Mama V! I’m a wild beast! A wild beast, mom...NOT a wild animal or a delicate flower! Get it right. I can’t believe you’re ridiculing my moments of weakness.” I make it a point to show her my sullen expression. It only makes her chuckle harder and within moments, I join her in her laugh fest.
After having lunch and dessert with Mama V, I head over to the hospital to check on Celeste. As I’m entering the hospital, I run into Jacob, the surgical intern who I’ve been seeing for the past week. He invites me out to lunch tomorrow. I accept and make arrangements to pick him up at his house. Initially, I was intrigued by Jacob, but the more
time I spend with him the less appealing he comes across. It’s strange because when I set eyes on him, I was instantly attracted to his handsome features, chocolate skin, and faint Jamaican accent. I decide to go against my nagging feeling and go on a date with him. It’s been a long minute since I’ve been with a man. It’s time.
Celeste is asleep. I decide not to wake her. She needs to rest. I leave the food behind along with some magazines to keep her entertained once she wakes up. As I’m driving home, Nina calls to cancel our date for tonight due to work. We agree to postpone our anti-Valentine’s Day bash until tomorrow night. Since the day we met, neither one of us has ever been in a serious relationship, so for Valentine’s Day, we celebrate being single but in a sexy, gothic sort of way. We dress in all black, hit the sex shops, and then party our asses off at a dance club with plenty of alcohol. Although my Cheesecake is no longer single, she refuses to break our tradition. Her change of plan works for me since I still have plenty of assignments to complete.
The next morning, I head to Golden Gate Park. Although the sky rise buildings, the high energy of daily hustle, and the fast pace of every day is part of San Francisco’s beauty, I also enjoy connecting with this tranquil green oasis and having my own taste of the natural world. Just for a short period, I appreciate running on trails where I’m surrounded by gardens, lakes, picnic groves, and beautiful people in tight workout clothes.
After my morning jog, I return to find Cheesecake asleep on the couch with the television still on. She dozed off watching the show Love and Hip Hop. I swear, her addiction to reality TV has gotten out of hand. Last week, she yelled at a man for cheating on his pregnant wife, by her reaction one would have thought babies and kittens were being slaughtered. I leave her alone and prepare for my lunch date with Jacob.
Once I arrive to Jacob’s house, I text him to inform him I’m outside. For whatever reason I can’t grasp, I’ve already lost interest in him, but decide to make the best of my Saturday afternoon. As I wait for him in my car, I’m able to appreciate the architecture of his Victorian home. I’ve been inside, although the outside structure is from an older era, the inside of his house has been completely renovated and showcases high end modern amenities. Jacob’s parents paid for everything, his home, his medical education, and still provide him with a hefty monthly allowance. I can’t comprehend such a concept since my biological mom deprived me of basic necessities. When I moved in with Mama V, she instilled good work ethics into both Cheesecake and I ensuring we both valued our hard earned money.
After waiting for quite some time, Jacob finally gets in my car. I wait for an apology. Nothing. Strike one. He simply begins to ramble about what...I have no clue. Jacob is the type of man who can be very self-centered; I doubt he’s ever had to fight for anything in his life. Jacob may be easy on the eyes, but one of my pet peeves consists of inconsiderate people. I’m in a good mood and decide not to let anything ruin it. I even consider allowing him to give me some head. Just the thought of shutting him up with my dick in his mouth brings a smile to my face.
We finally arrive to the restaurant he chose. It’s modern, sophisticated, and very trendy. By the time we’re seated, I’m starving. We have a decent conversation over lunch, but only because I made it interesting. Jacob is quickly unveiling how egotistical, materialistic, and condescending he really is. Despite his character flaws, I refuse to end our date without first getting my dick sucked. I excuse myself to use the restroom. Once I’m exiting the bathroom, I feel a strong blow strike the pit of my stomach. The shock of seeing her again has me at a standstill. Not many things or people can leave me speechless, but at this moment I’m left dumbfounded. Standing before me is…Emme, the conniving wench who lied to Cheesecake and me, the bitch who betrayed our trust, and the evil whore who I considered a future with. It takes all my power to keep my mouth shut and not give her another tongue lashing. She’s not worth my time, energy, or breath. As I begin to walk away, she grabs ahold of my arm. I stop. What the fuck does this bitch want?
Slowly, I turn around with absolute loathing radiating off every inch of my skin. Emme appears nervous, but with determination set in her delicate features. “Kade, we need to talk. I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but I really need five minutes of your time.”
I can’t believe this bitch has the audacity to demand anything of me. She’s fucking crazy! I bring myself closer to her and whisper, “Fuck no.”
“Please.” She begs. “After today, you won’t have to speak to me again.”
Although I don’t owe her anything, curiosity gets the best of me. I sigh heavily. My annoyance is evident. “I’m going to excuse myself from my date. I’m only going to give you five minutes, not a second more. I’ll meet you outside on the terrace shortly.”
She nods her head in agreement and walks away. I return to my table and vaguely inform Jacob of my pending conversation on the terrace. He seems understanding and tells me to take my time since he has plenty of emails to check on his phone. I thank him for his patience and head towards the exit leading to the terrace.
I find Emme pacing back and forth at the far end in a secluded area away from the people dining outside. I make my way to her. Briefly, the good memories of us treacherously begin to invade my thoughts. Now, I’m nervous. And she definitely looks bothered. She’s biting her lower lip. Her pretty face has a worried expression. I can’t comfort her. I can’t comfort her. She’s not who I thought she was. She’s a conniving bitch. She’s a conniving bitch. Just listen to her and walk away...walk away, Kade!
Emme sees me and stops in her tracks. As soon as I approach her, I put my game face on. There’s no way I can let her know how much she hurt me and that I miss her. Fuck that shit. “Okay, Em...time is ticking. You have five minutes.” I look at my watch. “Start talking.”
She looks up at me with glassy eyes and closes the distance between us. I look down at her determined not to give in to the desperate yearning I have to hold her small figure in my arms again. She exhales slowly and whispers, “You got me pregnant.” Then looks down afraid to see my reaction.
What the fuck? I feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me for a second time. “You’re pregnant?” I ask for confirmation.
Emme begins to gently sob and looks up at me once again. “I was.” Then wipes away her tears and stares at me intensely, full of regret willing me to understand without having to utter her next words. But I stand still, waiting to register the chaotic thoughts running through my mind.
With a lifeless expression, she states, “I had an abortion last week.”
What the fuck? The tension between us is profusely thick, nothing can pierce through it. This blow to my gut feels worse than the first two. Immediately, I feel myself lose control. “If you had an abortion without discussing things with me first, then why the fuck are you even telling me about the pregnancy, you stupid bitch?” Emme remains silent as she stands before me.
“Answer me! Why tell me now? What’s the point?” I see red and start fantasizing of choking her until she breathes her last miserable breath.
The sadness she was displaying earlier has now transformed into anger. “Because it wasn’t fair for me to be the only one who lives with the abortion on my conscience!” She yells with hate seeping from her words. She takes a deep breath then continues. “I found out the day of the ‘Walk for Life’ marathon. After you had that horrible confrontation with your mom, I knew you were in a vulnerable state of mind. I was afraid of how you would handle the news of my pregnancy. So, I didn’t say anything. Then I decided to tell you that evening, after dinner, but that’s when the shooting occurred and I didn’t get a chance. When I went to visit you at the hospital to explain myself for being involved with Nina’s dad, you and Nina verbally attacked me. You made it clear I repulsed you and never wanted to see me again. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you I was pregnant with your baby.”
I take a moment to allow her words to sink in. “How do I know you’re
telling me the truth? How do I know you were really pregnant? How do I know the baby was even mine?” I regret the words as soon as I say them, but hold my ground. She can’t be trusted...she’s a conniving, heartless liar who lacks a conscience and morality. But for whatever unfathomable reason, in the pit of my being I feel the baby was mine despite the turmoil of my feelings.
Emme looks appalled. “Why the fuck would I lie, Kade? I have nothing to gain. I already sacrificed my life to save my family from being murdered by Nina’s dad, I couldn’t see myself sacrificing more of myself for this baby. I need to live my life now. I’m finally free. I couldn’t allow this baby to tie me down.”
“I get it, but you should have told me! You should have given me the chance to step up and help you! You can’t just make that type of decision on your own when it included us both! What the fuck were you thinking? I had the right to know!”
Emme laughs. “You can’t seriously expect me to believe that you would’ve stepped up to be a father. All you do is party, worry about yourself, and fuck anything that walks! Being a parent requires a lot of sacrifice. Besides, I didn’t want to be linked to you for the rest of my life. You hate me...remember?”
“No, I don’t. I don’t hate you.” I state quietly. Her confirmation that I wouldn’t be a good parent slices through my heart like a fine razor blade. “I despise you with every inch of my being.” I grab her arms with more force than intended. “I had the right to know. You made the choice of killing the baby without giving me a chance. The abortion is for your conscience only. I won’t carry it with me. I may fuck around and be self-absorbed, but that’s because I’m single with no one depending on me! I don’t know shit about kids, I’ve never dealt with any, but I had the right to at least try to be a father! You deal with the decision you made of killing the baby just because it would inconvenience your life, you fuckin’ bitch!” I let go of her arms as if electricity just jolted from her skin. I step back and turn away from her.
