by Melody Grace
Luke gave a shrug.
“He’s being strong and stoic,” his brother answered for him. “But he’s a wreck.”
“I’m fine,” Luke lied, not wanting her pity. “Or at least I will be. Eventually.”
Alice bit her lip. “Have you talked to Natalie?”
He shook his head. “She pretty much bolted in the opposite direction when I saw her at the pub. I’m just trying to give her space.”
“Still, maybe you should just check in and see . . .” Alice looked like she wanted to say something, but she stopped herself. “I promised I wouldn’t interfere. So . . . how about the Red Sox, huh?” she asked instead, and Jackson laughed.
“Wrong team, sweetheart. We’re die-hard Phillies fans here.”
“Speak for yourself,” Luke corrected him.
Jackson snorted. “Traitor.”
They reached the counter and ordered. “Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?” Jackson asked when Luke insisted on getting his sandwich to go. “It’s all clear. See?” he said, gesturing around the busy café. “No exes around.”
But his brother clearly put a jinx on the place. Before Luke could reply, the door swung open again, and Natalie walked in.
Luke’s heart stopped.
She looked so beautiful, bundled up in a red sweater with her dark hair pulled back, glossy and thick. He was suddenly hit with a torrent of memories: the two of them in bed together, snuggling in the morning light; Natalie’s face, relaxed and sleepy . . .
He shook his head, trying not to think of it, but there was no denying the way she affected him from just a glance.
From the very first moment they’d met.
Natalie saw him standing there and froze. The moment lasted, a pained eternity for Luke. It was clear from her expression that she wanted to find some kind of escape, but with Jackson and Alice right there, she couldn’t just bolt again.
Finally, she made her way over to them and forced a bland smile that was somehow even worse than if she’d hightailed it out of there.
“Hey,” she said, awkward.
“Hey,” Luke echoed.
There was silence.
“So!” Alice blurted, looking back and forth between them. “Is everyone ready for New Year’s? I know making resolutions is the least effective way to change your behavior—apparently sixty-eight percent of people quit by the end of February—but it’s worth a try, right? I’m thinking we should make group goals and help keep each other accountable. What do you think?”
Jackson cleared his throat. “I think that sounds great. I’ll be cheering you on . . . from the sidelines.” He dropped a kiss on Alice’s lips.
“Come on!” she protested, laughing. “It’ll be fun. I’ll make us a schedule, ooh, and stickers for hitting our goals. You guys love a competition,” she added, tempting. “Natalie?”
“I don’t know if I have any resolutions this year,” she replied quietly. “Trying to change . . . It’s like you said. Most of the time it doesn’t last.”
There was something so hollow in her voice, it took Luke by surprise. He searched her face for some clue to how she was feeling, but Natalie looked away. “I shouldn’t cut in line or there’ll be a riot,” she said quickly, sounding upbeat again. “So, I’ll see you all around.”
“At the Hootenanny,” Alice insisted. “Because you are coming, right? You have to! Start the new year as you mean to go on.”
Alice nodded slowly. “Maybe.”
She gave another weak smile and then moved away to the back of the bakery line. Luke watched her go. It seemed impossible that he wasn’t kissing her right now or draping his arm around her shoulder, the way he’d done a dozen times.
How had he taken any of it for granted?
“See? That wasn’t so bad.” Jackson slapped him on the back.
Luke gave him a look.
“I mean, you didn’t fall to your knees and beg her to take you back, or anything,” Jackson amended. “That’s a win as far as messy breakups are concerned!”
It didn’t feel like a win to Luke. He hated this. Seeing her so close, but knowing that there was a canyon between them now.
Would this ever become normal to him?
His order arrived, but Luke just stared at it. He’d lost his appetite now. “You know, I think I’m going to get out of town,” he said, deciding in an instant. “I still have stuff in storage back in Philly. I should take a trip, go collect it, look in on some clients . . .”
“Are you sure?” Alice looked uneasy. “I don’t know if it’s the best time for you to be leaving . . .”
It seemed like the perfect time to Luke.
“I won’t be long,” he said, warming to the idea. “A couple of days maybe. Just until I get everything straightened out, packed up for my new workshop.”
And stopped feeling like the ghosts of his relationship with Natalie were lurking on every corner.
Yes, some time away was exactly what he needed. Space to clear his head and figure out what the hell he was going to do now that the woman of his dreams could barely stand to look at him.
And what had gone so wrong.
* * *
Luke packed a bag and hit the road that very afternoon, driving the winding highway back down the Cape until he met the mainland traffic. It was almost an eight-hour trip back to his old neighborhood in Philadelphia, but the miles disappeared outside his truck windows as he blasted old Tom Petty and tried not to think about Natalie.
Tried, and failed. Miserably.
He still craved her, even after everything, and the heartache would be bad enough on its own, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something. Some clue that would explain her 180-degree change of heart.
They’d been happy, everything so full of possibility. And now . . . ?
Luke went over their brief run-in at the bakery, trying to decipher Natalie’s few words. Was she feeling as lost as he did right now?
Or maybe, he just didn’t want to accept that their relationship had been so one-sided that she could walk away without a backwards glance. From the first moment he’d laid eyes on her, Luke had fallen—and hard. But Natalie had taken time to come around to the idea of opening her heart again. And when she did . . . it had been breathtaking to see: her joy, her passion. She was a woman made to love wildly.
But in the end, when she was finally ready to share that love with someone, that lucky guy wasn’t going to be to him.
Luke pushed aside that grim thought and focused on the road, instead. Soon enough, he was driving down familiar streets in the city he’d called home until just a few months ago. He’d drop by and surprise his mom later, but for now, he had a ton of stuff just sitting in storage that needed to be moved. Calling it quits with Jess, he hadn’t wanted to hang around and quibble over who got what lamp and record player, so he’d left it for her to figure out what she wanted to keep and stash the rest in their storage space for him.
He climbed the steps to their old brownstone and went to unlock the door. He caught himself just in time. This wasn’t his home anymore.
Luke rang the bell instead. No reply, and his polite text went unanswered, so finally, he went around to the back alley and unlocked the garage. A pile of boxes stared back at him, all neatly packed and labeled: Luke – closet. Luke – living room. Luke – misc.
Jess had organized everything, which was probably more than he deserved.
Luke began to load up his truck. Now that he had the new workshop space, at least he’d have somewhere to stash it all, but soon enough, he’d need to find a real living situation in Sweetbriar Cove—one that didn’t involve Grandpa Earl’s laundry hanging outside his door. He was almost done when a tap on the garage door made him look up.
“Hey, stranger.”
Jess stood in the yard, wearing jeans and a duffel coat, her blonde hair hidden under a knit cap. Luke straightened, feeling awkward. “Hey. I hope it’s OK I came by. I texted before, but . . .”
“Sorry
, I was in a meeting.” Jess gave a smile. “I just signed another store to carry the new dining line. They’re in Miami, too, so it’s a whole new market.”
“Congratulations,” Luke replied carefully. “That’s great. So, business is going well?”
“Without you, you mean?” Jess’s lips quirked in a teasing smile. “Actually, yes. I have a great team executing the designs, and we’re building our client list all the time. Not everyone can shell out the big bucks for a Luke Kinsella original,” she added, grinning.
Luke relaxed. “I’ve still got more demand than I can handle, so maybe I’ll send them your way. Winnow down the list a little.”
“I’m happy to take your sloppy seconds,” Jess joked. “Anyway, I actually have some paperwork inside that needs your signature. Just admin stuff, transferring the lease over to me. Plus your checks for licensing your designs. Why don’t you come in? I ordered pizza from Lorenzo’s,” she added. “Unless you’ve found a better slice on Cape Cod.”
“Better than Lorenzo’s? Never,” Luke said, and he followed her inside the house. He was still wary, waiting for Jess to unleash on him over everything that had happened between them. Lord knew he deserved it.
But instead, Jess seemed relaxed, like this was no big deal. “How’s your mom doing?” she called as she went to the kitchen.
“She’s well,” Luke replied, looking around. She’d made changes since he’d moved out, he noticed. A new colorful rug . . . Different chairs at the counter . . . Some Polaroids on the wall, snapshots of nights out with friends—and unfamiliar men. Luke peered closer, curious. Not that it was any of his business now. Jess could date whomever she wanted.
He just hoped she was having better luck with it than him.
“I saw her the other week at Judy’s fiftieth,” Jess said, returning with two beers. “She said she would have to move to that Sweetbriar place soon enough, if all of you kids kept showing up there.”
Luke accepted the bottle she offered. Jess tapped it in a toast. “Here’s to us having a calm, civilized conversation,” she said, teasing. “We’re breakup role models. We should teach a class.”
Luke exhaled. “You’d have every right to hold a grudge,” he said, looking around at the home they’d once shared. The life they’d been building. “I demolished us well and good now, didn’t I?”
Jess shrugged. “Yes and no. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t happy to have my entire life blown up overnight. But . . . I could have seen it coming, if I wanted to,” she admitted with a rueful smile. “I was always the one steering us to the next step. I guess I should have asked if you even wanted to come along for the ride.”
“I did,” Luke told her, guilty. “Things were great for a long time. I really did love you.”
“I know. Just not enough.” Jess took a gulp of beer. “It’s OK,” she added with a sigh. “It happens. At least this way, I’m free to find someone who does love me enough. And you get to be with . . .” She paused, and Luke looked up sharply.
“What have you heard?”
Jess gave a smile. “Cassie may have mentioned something. Chocolate, huh? You always did have a sweet tooth.”
Luke winced. “Well, that’s old news. It . . . didn’t work out.”
Jess’s eyebrows shot up—right as the doorbell sounded. “That will be the pizza,” she said. “Don’t you move a muscle. I want to hear all about this.”
* * *
Three slices later, Luke found himself in the unlikely situation of telling his ex-girlfriend all about his broken heart. “Is this weird?” he asked, stopping the story. “I mean, it’s only been a few months since we . . . you know.”
“Were madly in love? Or at least, comfortably in cohabitation,” Jess replied, matter of fact. She had her feet kicked up on the ottoman and had pizza sauce on her chin. She shrugged. “It’s only weird if we let it be. You were my best friend for five years,” she added, giving him a sympathetic smile. “I’m not going to just switch that off overnight. Yes, there was some drunken cursing of your name, but at the end of the day . . . It’s you, Luke. You’ll always matter to me.”
“And you to me,” he said, glad they hadn’t screwed each other up completely. “Plus, I’m guessing it helps that I just got my heart absolutely stomped on.”
Jess grinned. “Just a little. But I don’t understand it. You were so certain this woman was the one. Destiny and fate and all that jazz. It can’t be over already.”
Luke gave a sigh. “She said she doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t understand it, but . . .” He gave a helpless shrug. “What else am I supposed to do?”
“So, are you moving back to town?” Jess asked, reaching for another slice.
“What do you mean?” Luke frowned.
“Well, you moved there for her, basically—don’t even try to deny it,” Jess added. “You can’t want to stick around now, can you?”
Luke paused. To tell the truth, leaving Sweetbriar Cove hadn’t even crossed his mind. As much as the town was haunted with ghosts of his time with Natalie, there was a comfort to that, too.
He slowly shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere. I know Natalie doesn’t love me like I want her to, but maybe one day we can be friends again . . .”
Jess whistled. “You must really love this woman.”
Luke paused. “I do,” he said quietly.
“So why are you sitting here telling me that instead of fighting for her?”
He shook his head. He’d already been through this with Jackson already. “I’m trying to respect her wishes. Give her the space she wants.”
Jess raised her eyebrows.
“You don’t understand,” Luke said, feeling defensive. “She got out of a really bad relationship. This guy, he put her through hell. If she says she’s not ready to move on . . .”
“OK,” Jess agreed. “I get it. But there’s a big difference between being a persistent asshole and coming back to tell her one more time—respectfully—that you love and adore her and will do anything to make it work.”
Still, Luke paused. “I don’t want to be a glutton for punishment,” he said, exhaling a weary sigh. “It hurt bad enough when she broke up with me the first time. I’m not exactly crazy about a repeat.”
“But what if she’s changed her mind?” Jess prodded gently. “What if she’s had some time to think about things and is wondering if there’s a way to make it work?”
Despite everything, hope flared in his chest.
“You really think so?” he asked. “Or are you just saying this to try and make me feel better?”
Jess laughed dryly. “Mending your broken heart isn’t exactly high on my list of priorities right now. But, I know you, Luke. And you’re not easy to walk away from. If this woman broke it off, she must have had her reasons. Don’t you want to know what they are?”
He did. If only to be able to lay their relationship to rest without being tormented by what-ifs and should-haves.
“Look, just talk to her,” Jess urged. “What do you have to lose?”
Besides what was left of his dignity? But who was he kidding. He would have happily burned the rest of his self-respect to the ground just for a chance to talk to Natalie and have any hope of understanding what had gone so terribly wrong.
“What if the answer is simple?” he asked, hating himself. “What if she just doesn’t want me?”
“You’ll live.” Jess’s lips curled in a wry grin. “I did, didn’t I?”
Luke winced, but Jess hadn’t said it cruelly.
“The only thing that helped me move on was that I knew you meant it,” she continued. “You didn’t love me like that, not anymore. It was freeing, in a way. Painful, but freeing. So, even if she says that to your face, it’ll be an answer.”
An answer Luke already knew he needed. Because this wondering . . . It would drive him crazy. And if that answer still turned out to be the end?
Well, maybe then his heart would get a clue and give up on t
his crazy, distant dream that maybe, just maybe, Natalie really did love him back.
The way he still loved her.
21
It was New Year’s Eve, and Alice’s words were echoing in Natalie’s head.
Not her friend’s plan for resolution schedules and gold-star rewards, but the other thing she’d said.
Start the year as you mean to go on.
Natalie looked around her tiny apartment and winced. Did she want to flip over the calendar while in ratty pajamas, curled up in front of the television, hiding away from the world?
Voices suddenly filtered through her window from the town square outside. Laughter and excited conversation: people on their way to the big party.
Natalie watched them go and felt a pang. She didn’t want to stay shut away like this. It had been a week since she’d last seen Oliver, and for all she knew, he could have been a thousand miles away already, ringing in the New Year at one of his boring, exclusive cocktail parties. He had no reason to stick around, after all—he’d already sabotaged the most important thing in Natalie’s life.
And she’d let him.
She tried not to think of Luke, but of course, he was always on her mind. Serving customers at the shop, she would look up every time the bell sounded, half-hoping to see him walk through that door, as solid and irresistible as the first time he’d caught her taking that tumble, months ago. He would insist that he still loved her, that Oliver was wrong, and that together, they could face any challenge.
And Natalie would believe him.
But that was just a fantasy, she realized sadly. Luke must have been keeping a low profile, too, or just plain avoiding her, because there was no sign of him around town. Natalie couldn’t bring herself to keep quizzing Alice about where he was; she couldn’t bear the sympathetic looks. Or worse still, the confused ones. She knew her friend still didn’t understand why Natalie had pushed Luke away. And the truth was, a part of Natalie didn’t, either.
She’d been scared. Panicked. Feeling like the past was closing in on her and that nothing she did would ever let her escape her failures. Oliver had always known how to tear her down and make her feel worthless—nothing but a waste of space, an anchor around the neck of everyone she loved. And coming back around the way he did . . .
