by Penny Wylder
Pushing the door open, I don't go in, but I call to her inside. “Sylvia, you in here?”
“Go away!” she yells, then vomits into the toilet. “I'm fine!”
“You don't sound fine. I'm coming in.”
“N—n. . .” She can't finish the word as she throws up again.
Stepping into the bathroom, I find her huddled around one of the toilets, her face hanging over the edge.
She's torn the scarf off her neck and unbuttoned the top few buttons on her dress. “Go away, I'm fine.”
“Stop, you're not fine.” Dropping to my knees behind her, I rub her back and hold her ponytail out of the way so it doesn't fall into the line of fire. “I'm not just going to leave you here like this.”
Sylvia vomits a few more times, then dry heaves a couple times before letting out a heavy breath. “I think that's it.”
“You sure? Don't get up just yet, give it a minute.”
“No, I'm good, really.” Sitting back on her knees, she lays her hands on her lap. “I feel better.”
“Your color's back, so that's good.” Rubbing her back, I pull her into my chest. “What'd you eat, something bad? Or was this all nerves?”
Tears bubble up on her eyes instantly, and she starts to sniffle. “No, it's nothing like that.”
“Well, what is it? What's wrong?”
“I fucked up, Phade. . .” Pausing, her teary eyes float up to mine and she blinks, releasing the rush of water. “We fucked up.”
“I don't understand, what are you talking about? I thought the interview went well, we didn't say—”
“No,” she says, rolling her head on her shoulders. Her face dips and then turns up so she's looking at me. Her eyes are seeping, water is pouring down her cheeks, and dropping into her lap. “I'm pregnant, Phade, I'm having a baby.” Her voice trembles on air as she tries to keep her breathing steady, but her chest is lifting in short rapid bursts, like she's about to hyperventilate.
“You're what?”
“Pregnant.”
My heart instantly lurches into my throat, beating erratically. “Pregnant? Did you just say you're pregnant?”
Sylvia nods, fresh tears spilling down her face. “I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you sooner, I just didn't know how. I didn't mean for you to find out like this.” Grabbing some toilet paper off the roll, she wipes her nose and throws it into the bowl. “What are we going to do?”
Every nerve in my body sparks with feeling. Fear, excitement, joy, anxiety. . . Love.
Dropping her head into her hands, she sobs. Her shoulders shake as she takes in hungry breaths of air. Gripping her chin with my thumb and forefinger, I tilt her face up so I'm looking in her eyes.
“We're going to have a baby, that's what we're going to do.”
“Wh. . . What do you mean? You want this?” she asks, her voice weak and thin. “You're not mad?”
“Syl, I could never be mad about something like this,” I say, taking her face in my hands and bringing my forehead to hers. “Of course I want this. I want this baby and I want you. You saw how I grew up, no real family, no one who really cared about me. My father took off when I was a baby and my mother wasn't a mother at all.” Pressing my forehead harder into hers, I clutch her cheeks in my hands. Setting her hands over mine, they're soft and delicate. “I didn't think having a family was something I was meant for. I always thought I was too broken—”
Shaking her head, she says, “You're not broken, you're no more broken than the rest of the world, me included.”
Kissing her forehead, I smile. “I love you, Sylvia. I wasn't able to see it before, but now I know, I feel it. I feel you in my heart and soul. And this baby, this baby was meant to be.”
Her eyes sparkle as they search my face for truth. “You mean that? You love me?”
“I love you like I've never loved anything before.” Lowering my mouth, I brush my lips over hers.
“I love you, too.” Whispering the words against my lips, she starts to smile, pulling her face away from mine. “I'm sorry, my breath. . . It must be—”
“Shut up and kiss me,” I demand, scooping my hands deeper around her face and holding the back of her head.
Pressing my lips to hers, I kiss her hard, I kiss her so she knows she's my air, my life, my world.
And this baby, this baby just proves my heart was right all along.
17
Sylvia
“You're what?” Daniel's voice cuts through air, slicing me where I stand.
“Pregnant.” I'm trying to keep my shoulders tall and my back strong, I don't want to feel so weak around him, and it sucks that I do. He has the ability to make me feel small, unimportant, like I need to prove myself every damn day. “I'm having a baby.”
He isn't happy. A small piece of me wants to hear some sign he's excited, a hint of joy with a side of disappointment is fine with me. But, he's going to be a grandfather, isn't that a special moment?
“Did you tell your mother?”
Shaking my head, I frown. “No, not yet. I wanted to tell you first, I thought we could maybe come up with a fun way to tell her.”
Striking a hand through the air, his body stiffens. I watch him shudder in his chair. He looks disgusted. My heart breaks, my stomach knots, and I feel myself losing steam. I'm deflating inside, disconnecting from the happiness I walked into the room with.
“Absolutely not. You're not keeping this baby. You're getting rid of it.”
“What?”
Did he actually just say that? Get rid of the baby?
“This isn't what we talked about. We talked about a fake relationship, something that wasn't real. I didn't pay you to get knocked up by some asshole fighter.” Slamming a finger into the top of his desk, he glares at me. “You're not having this baby. End of story.”
“Excuse me? You can't—”
“Oh I can. . .” Daniel stands up quickly, pressing his palms into his desk. “Because I just did. You don't have time for a kid, Sylvia. And Phade. . .” Pausing, he chuckles to himself as he circles his desk, coming to lean against the front. “Phade isn't father material. I mean come on, you and I both know that. He's a walking STD, Sylvia, the girls he's been with—”
Holding up my hand, I stop him right there. “Daniel, Phade isn't who you think he is. He isn't a wild party boy, just looking for a good screw. He actually cares, he's excited about this baby—he loves me.”
“Love,” Daniel says with a sarcastic laugh. “He's taking you for a ride, Syl, period. He doesn't love you, are you kidding me? Phade's a muscle-head, he's good for drawing blood and putting on a good show, that's it.”
“That's not true.” I'm holding back my tears the best I can. I can feel them as they swell, prickling my eyes. I don't blink. Holding my eyes open wide, I force the tears down, back where they came from.
Daniel doesn't like to see weakness. Tears are weakness. I thought I had found some backbone, now I'm reverting back to childhood lessons. Muscle memory wants to force me into a ball, to nod and agree and let him win.
This isn't his choice to make, Syl! It's yours.
“Get rid of the baby, Sylvia. It's in our best interests if you do. Before you tell anyone else, and crush your mother's soul, just get it done. I can set you up with someone, we'll do it quietly, keep it out of the press.”
“No, Daniel,” I say, shaking my head. “I'm not doing that. I don't care what you think, I'm keeping this baby.” Placing a hand on my belly, I can already feel the life inside me.
It's strange. The second I laid eyes on the double lines on that strip of plastic, it was as if new air washed over my body. Everything changed in that split second. Nothing is about me anymore, it's about this baby.
“Sylvia—”
“No, Daniel! You don't get to control this—not this.” Baring my teeth, rage fills me. It starts in my chest and spreads down through my arms, coiling around my hands and turning them into fists.
He always has his hand in everything I d
o. Ever since I was a child, he's had to place his stamp of approval on my life.
It's going to stop and it's going to stop now.
Daniel's face turns bright red, and his mouth falls into a heavy frown. “Listen to me and listen to me good little girl, you're not in charge, not in this, not with anything. You've always done what I said, and you'll continue to do what I say.”
He takes a step toward me, forcing me to take a step back. He isn't even that close, but the look in his eyes is making my hair stand on end. I'm just watching him, the way his eyes turn dark and his eyebrows crawl across his forehead like caterpillars.
I don't want him anywhere near me or the baby growing in my belly.
Clenching his teeth, his nostrils flare. “Your entire life I've been there for you, even when your own father abandoned you like trash. I've given you what you need to be successful. I've held your hand and made your name shine like gold, and this is how you treat me?” His voice teeters on the edge of insanity.
“Dan—”
I can't even finish saying his name. He throws his arm at the door, eyes turning to slits as he yells, “Get out! Go! Get the hell out of here!”
I do. I leave. Quickly opening the door and closing it behind me before he chases me into the hall and demands I cut off a limb for him as punishment.
There's no way I'm getting rid of this baby. He can order me to do a lot of things, but that isn't one of them.
With my head down, I speed walk through the office, not looking up at anyone. Glancing at Claudia's office, the light is off and the room is vacant.
Claudia is still avoiding me, she won't answer my calls, my texts. She goes the opposite way in the hall and disappears before I get there. I can't get her to give me even one second of her time to explain myself.
It sucks. Because I could really use her right now.
The next two days I spend gazing at baby clothes and toys in stores. Phade's been busy training for the final, so we haven't seen each other as much as I would like.
Checking my phone, I open the tab for Claudia, wishing to see a response. Nothing.
'Browsing the mall and grabbing lunch at Panera. You in?' I send her a quick text. Maybe she'll have a change of heart, I don't know, but I'm not giving up on fixing our friendship.
I'll keep trying, until she either blocks me or gives in and hears me out. I'm persistent, and she knows it.
Dropping my phone back into my bag, I flip through a rack of tiny outfits. I can't help but smile at the dog designs, the pink ruffles, the happy dinosaurs, and all the bumble bees. Only in baby clothes will bees ever be cute.
Tiny shoes line a few shelves. Sneakers, miniature slippers, shiny red dress shoes with itty-bitty heels. They're so small I can sit them in my palm like they belong to a doll.
My stomach growls. It's loud, echoing like someone threw a rock into a cave. I glance over my shoulder, curious if anyone else heard it. No one seems to notice the hunger pains gurgling inside.
I'm not buying anything yet for the baby because I want to wait until I know if it's a girl or a boy. Phade isn't sure if he wants to know, he's leaning toward being surprised. I'm going to need to know. I won't be able to wait. I'm antsy to name our child, to call him or her something other than “the baby.”
Brushing my fingertips against the fabric as I walk by, I head for the exit. My head is down, checking my email on my phone. Most of it is spam. The rest I'll respond to later or tomorrow. But nothing is an emergency.
Thumbing the screen, I push through the doors, and I'm suddenly swarmed by a hoard of people. Flashes are going off, there are microphones being stuffed in my face, and questions getting thrown at me from every direction.
“Is it true? Are you pregnant?”
“Word on the street is it might not be Phade's, can you prove it's his baby?”
“What?” I ask, to everyone and no one at the same time. Twisting my head side to side, I can't focus on one person. They're all moving, corralling me like I'm a wild horse. “What's going on?”
“Do you have a name yet?”
“Can you tell us if the rumors are true? Is this really going to be Phade's fourth child with a different woman?”
My head is spinning trying to keep up with the questions, trying to hear them all, and understand how they found out about the pregnancy to begin with.
Do I answer honestly? Do I give them the truth?
How do they know?
I didn't tell them, and I know Phade didn't say anything.
I was only browsing the clothes, not buying anything. It didn't even seem like anyone in the store recognized me, so who the hell slipped this information to the paparazzi?
From my count there are three people that know; Phade, myself, and. . . Daniel.
No. Daniel wouldn't do this. He wants the baby gone. He wants it kept quiet.
Claudia? Does she know?
“Sylvia, do you know—”
“I'm sorry, I can't do this,” I say, cutting off the reporter. Taking a wide step, I try to force open the circle of bodies that have me trapped.
No one moves.
“Excuse me, let me through.” I'm not fucking around. My voice is stern as I lift my arm and attempt to push the human curtain aside.
The wall tightens, holding me captive. I can feel my chest start to grow heavy. It's getting harder to breathe, the air is thinning, and I'm starting to hyperventilate. Placing a hand on my chest, I try to push through again.
“I need to get by, please move.”
But no one is listening to me. They're all still jabbering off questions about the baby and Phade, his past sexual experiences and other unknown children running around the world.
I can't breathe. My body is hot, sweat is dripping down my temples and I'm taking shorter, shallow breaths. My eyes start to fill with water, the tears fall effortlessly because I have no power to stop them.
“Sylvia, do you know. . .”
“Sylvia, did he ever. . .”
“Sylvia, what are you. . .”
The questions keep coming and my head starts to spin. The world around me is moving, the ground beneath my feet feels like it's about to open and swallow me whole. I'm sick to my stomach, and if one of these people doesn’t move, they might even become a target of the vomit rising in the back of my throat.
“Get out of my way,” I say, my voice nonexistent to the onslaught of louder reporters.
Without warning, I feel a firm hand on my arm. Torn from the hoard, I tumble sideways and fall into Claudia.
“You all right?” she asks, her eyes scanning my face.
Wiping my cheeks, I take in a deep breath and nod. “Yeah, I'm okay.”
Standing up straight, she waves a hand and yells, “Go! Get the hell out of here! She's not answering any of your questions!” Claudia grips me by the outside of my arms, pulling me in protectively, and walking me quickly away from the reporters.
They're all still yammering questions, trying to stay with us as Claudia opens the door to her car and stuffs me inside.
Turning to the reporters she growls, “Don't you have anything better to do than harass people? Get a life, leaches!”
Claudia drops into the front seat and slams her door shut. She looks over at me and her eyes turn from hard to remorseful. “I'm so sorry, Syl, for avoiding you like I have been.”
“I get it. You like Phade, and you made that clear, and now all this. . .” Pausing, I roll my hand. “I'm the one that should be apologizing.”
“You think it has to do with me liking Phade?” Shaking my head yes, she goes on. “Well, you're wrong. I mean yes, I thought he was cute, and if he made the attempt to jump my bones, I would have let him. But that wasn't what made me mad. I was upset because you didn't tell me yourself, and I had to learn all this crap through those rat bastards.” Thumbing the group of reporters now dispersing around us, she tilts her head. “You could have just told me.”
“I wanted to, I did. But the way you looked
at him made me regret everything I was feeling and doing. I felt like a bad friend.”
“No, a bad friend is someone who doesn't want happiness for their friend at all.” She gives me a tender look, her mouth pulling up at the corner. “Is what they're saying true? Are you actually pregnant?”
“You really didn't know? Daniel didn't tell you?”
The thought crossed my mind that maybe Claudia had let the cat out of the bag. It was possible that Daniel dropped her a trail of breadcrumbs and she picked up the pieces. But now I know for sure that isn't the case.
Her eyes shoot to mine and a grin starts to form on her face. “You're really having a baby?” I nod. “You're having a freaking baby!” she calls out, gripping the steering wheel and shaking it. “Oh my God, Syl!!”
“I'm really glad someone else is finally happy for me. Daniel wasn't too receptive.”
“What about your mom?”
“I haven't told her yet.”
“Well, you know how Daniel is. Is Phade excited?”
“Yeah, he's super happy.”
“So, what now? Where do you guys go from here?”
“Honestly, I have no clue. He has the upcoming fight, and I guess after that we'll know where we stand with Daniel.”
“Do you love him?” she asks.
“I do.” I don't even have to think about it. I love Phade.
“Has he said he loves you?”
Nodding yes, tears are rising again, bubbling up from below. But I sniff hard, doing my best to keep it together. “He says he does.”
“Then nothing else matters, you already know where you'll go.”
Cocking a brow, I peer at her from the corner of my eyes. “And where's that?”
“It's wherever Phade is. You guys are going to be a family, and families stick together. If you love him, if you really feel like this guy is the one, I'll back you one hundred percent.”
Tears spill freely, and I suddenly feel lighter than I have in a long time. “Thank you.”
Smiling, she shrugs casually. “That's what friends are for, Syl.”
