It was only when she moaned softly in frustration, that Alex was able to pull himself away. Their kiss escalated far faster than any other Alex had ever shared. He barely remembered moving her against the wall, nor did he notice when his own hips began to grind into hers. He slowly kissed a trail along her chin to her ear where he then trailed his tongue down the side of her neck. He nipped lightly where her neck met her shoulder. Her head fell back and to the side offering him greater access. He could feel the darts that were her nipples as they pressed through the flannel nightgown and his leine. Both of his hands gripped her buttocks now, and the desire to enter her was almost overwhelming. It was only when he felt his cock leak a drop of seed that he forced himself to stop. He rested his forehead against hers as they both tried to catch their breath.
“Lass, that was far and away the greatest thing I have ever experienced.”
“Aye, ye have the right of it.” As soon as the words left her mouth, Brighde’s head snapped back, and she pressed against his shoulders urging him to release her. When Alex did not immediately respond, she pushed harder.
“Release me,” she ground out.
Alex was shocked at how the mood so suddenly changed that he could not understand when she wanted him to put her down. Slowly, he gently placed her back on her feet.
“What have I done wrong? Just a moment ago ye agreed that this was---” Alex trailed off as what she said finally registered with him. There was no hiding the burr of her own accent.
“Now ye ken. Is that why ye kissed me? To distract me and trap me into giving ye the information ye wanted?” Brighde felt sick at the thought that the kiss had been a means to manipulate her.
Is he just as Grandmama warned? Does he want naught more than a tumble? Would he use me? Do I want more? What does that make me?
“What? Nay! How could ye even think that?” Brighde knew that Alex could not have pretended the level of hurt and insult that she could see in his eyes. He stepped away from her, and she keenly felt the loss of warmth both from his body and his mood. She immediately regretted her accusation.
“Nay, I suppose I dinna really believe that. But why else would ye kiss me if nae to get something from me?”
Alex looked down to see a genuinely perplexed face looking up at him.
“I kissed ye, mo leannan because I dinna think I could have nae.” He said softly. He could not help but wonder what experiences she must have had to think that a man kissed a woman only when he expected something in return. “I kissed ye because I have thought of it so many times that it has made me feel wretchedly guilty for wanting ye while ye are still weakened. I kissed ye because ye are the bonniest woman I have ever seen, and I am drawn to ye.” He noticed that he was now holding both of her hands.
“I didna kiss ye because I expected something from ye though I did hope ye would return ma kisses. I would never abuse yer trust that way nor take advantage of ye like that.” He paused as he looked into her upturned face and shook his head slightly. “I feel guilty now for having done it since mayhap I did take advantage of ye since ye arenae fully healed, and ye are alone in here with me.”
“Dinna think that. Ye didna take advantage of me at all. I wanted yer kisses as much as I wanted to give ye mine.” She lowered her head and shook it before looking back up at him. “We are a right pair. I have wondered what it would be like to kiss ye since I awoke. I thought ye were an angel at first, but once I realized ye were the brawest and most handsome man I have ever met, and ye treat me like gold, I couldnae help but wonder.”
Alex brought her hands to his lips and pressed soft kisses on each knuckle. He then placed them over his heart with his hands covering hers. Alex’s heart was still pounding, and Brighde could feel it. It was a strong and steady rhythm even if it was a little faster than usual. He smiled down to her and kissed her forehead.
“Mary, I do want to ken yer past, but I willna ask ye again. I dinna want to, but I can wait until ye’re ready to tell me. If ye’re ready to tell me.”
“Brighde,” she said with a sigh. I canna keep lying to the mon. He doesnae deserve ma dishonesty. Nay, he is a mon with honor. I need to find some of ma own.
“Pardon?”
“Brighde. Ma name is Brighde, nae Mary.”
Alex forced himself not to step away. He was shocked to discover that not only had she been trying to deceive him with a false accent, but she lied to him about her name. What else? What else hasnae she told me? Dear God, dinna let her be married. Please dinna let that be. I dinna dally with married women, and I dinna think I can let her go to some other mon.
Bridge felt him tense under her hands and knew that he was withdrawing from her. She pulled her hands from his chest, and keeping hold of one of his, she pulled him towards the fireplace. As a bachelor, there was only one chair in the room, so she sat down on the floor. She looked up at him expectantly and said a silent prayer that he would sit with her. When he finally sat down, a small tear leaked from her eye. Alex reached out and wiped it away, and she could read the questions in his eyes.
“Why the tears, lass?”
“I thought mayhap ye wouldnae sit with me, so I am relieved that ye are. I ken ma dishonesty must seem ungrateful, but I do have a reason.” She took a deep breath before looking up at him. “I canna tell ye the whole of it, but I will tell ye what I think is safe.”
“Ye dinna have to protect me. That is ma job, to protect ye.” Before he could continue, she pressed a slim finger to his lips. Dinna suck it into yer mouth. This isnae the time. Pay attention with the right head. Dinna lick it either. Nay, dinna. Alex settled for a small kiss against her index finger.
“It is nae just to protect ye, it is to protect yer clan and maself. I didna grow up in the Highlands, but ma mother did. She died when I was six summers, and I went to live with ma grandmother and grandfather for the next eight summers until they both passed away from an illness that swept through their clan. Ma grandmama was English and never lost her accent. My grandda was a Highlander. After so many years of living amongst them, my own voice developed a burr despite being born in the Lowlands. I used to entertain ma family by doing impressions of ma grandmama, so that is how I developed a believable Sassenach accent.”
Alex waited for her to continue, but she seemed intent upon ending her story there. She explained only a small fraction of what he wanted to know, but he had promised not to push her into revealing anything she did not want to. He had always been the most patient member of his family, besides his father, but he found himself wanting to pull his hair out with frustration. He forced himself to sit silently in the hopes that she would continue, and he watched as she stared into the fire. The days were warm, but a fire was still being placed in the chamber because of her recent illness. Now it seemed sweltering to Alex who was trying to calm both his body that longed to return to kissing the soft warmth of the woman seated next to him and his mind which was jumping from one thought to another as he tried to puzzle out this mysterious woman. He forced himself to not fidget though he did lace his fingers back through hers and stroked his thumb along her palm. He heard her soft sigh as she turned to face him.
“I suppose ma story is nae too different from most women. Ma father arranged a marriage for me, and so I was being sent off to be wed.” Again, she stopped, and again Alex wondered if she was going to tell him more. She leaned into his side, and he wrapped his arm around her as he interlaced his other hand with hers. He wanted to not only maintain the bond they seemed to have at that moment, but he desperately wanted to make it grow. Never in his life had he had any serious interest in getting to know a woman. The only women currently in his life were his sister, Mairghread, who was married and living with her new clan, and his new sister by marriage, Siùsan, who was traveling with his brothers to see her family. Other than that, it had been ages since he had enjoyed the physical company of any woman, and he could not think of a single woman outside of his family that he had ever wanted to talk to in any great length
, let alone get to know emotionally. So he continued to stroke her palm with one hand and run his other hand up and down her arm.
Brighde had never sat so close to a man before who was not her grandfather or uncle. When her grandparents and uncle and aunt by marriage all died within days of each other, she had thought she would never receive or want affection again but being wrapped in Alex’s arms seemed like the most natural place for her at that moment. She knew she would tell him more, but she also knew she would draw out this moment for as long as she could.
“Brighde, I amnae going anywhere.” She knew that he was not talking about just that moment nor was it a threat to make her talk more. She felt his presence like a rock grounding her when she thought she might blow away with a strong wind. She leaned her head against his shoulder, constantly finding more and more comfort as more of her pressed against him.
“I ken,” she whispered. She turned her cheek to press it against the side of his chest. “I just need this for a moment longer.”
Alex lifted her from the ground and placed her gently on his lap. While he seemed to find himself often cradling her in his arms like a small child, there was nothing about this woman that reminded him of a child. He breathed in the familiar scent of lemongrass. While lemongrass usually reminded him immediately of his mother, it also gave him a sense of comfort and familiarity. He thought the first time he smelled it on Brighde would douse any physical interest he had in her, but his mind and body were more than willing to overlook the connection to his mother. He leaned his cheek against the crown of her head, and they sat like that for a long time. They were like that for so long that the fire began to die down, and Alex wondered if she was falling asleep. He was just about to move her to the bed when she spoke again.
“I dinna ken the mon that I am to marry.” The use of the present tense was like a knife to Alex’s heart. “When I first learned of it, I accepted the arrangement simply as a way to leave ma father. He was nae pleased to have me return home, so he arranged a marriage as quickly as he could. After ma mother died, he remarried before the year of mourning was even over. He married his mistress who had already given him three sons, two of whom are older than I am. The third is less than a moon younger than me. Since marrying they have had three more children, two daughters, and a son. There was nay place for me, and with the way his wife spoke of ma mother, I was more than willing to leave.” Brighde had not noticed that she was wrapping and unwrapping the string on the front of Alex’s leine around her finger until he stopped her by tilting her chin up and kissed her gently.
Alex already knew that his family was unusual in the amount of emotion and affection they shared. Their pledge of loyalty and love was unsurpassed and was what kept them bonded to one another even during times of trial and strife, but Brighde’s story sounded all too familiar after what he learned of Siùsan’s life before arriving at Castle Dunbeath. He was coming to realize just how fortunate he and his siblings, especially Mairghread, were to have been raised by two doting parents. While Mairghread was originally intended to enter an arranged marriage, their father had refused within days of meeting her intended. He would never sentence his daughter to a life of unhappiness or mistreatment. Alex remembered the bruising he had seen the first night Brighde arrived. He wanted to know who had done that to her. He remembered now that they had been varying shades of green, yellow, and purple which meant they were not all from the same incident. It had not registered until now.
“Brie, did ye father beat ye?” Alex did not want to hear the answer, but he also did not want to wonder any longer.
Taken aback by the use of a nickname only her grandmother and mother used, it took her a moment to register what he asked. How could he possibly ken? He couldnae. It doesnae sound the same coming from him. When he calls me Brie, it makes ma insides feel wobbly and warm. When his question finally permeated, she froze. Wait! Why would he ask that? Did someone tell him about the marks? How bad were they when I arrived? He canna ken what ma father did or that wretched mon.
“How did ye ken aboot that?” she asked rigidly.
Alex sighed before answering. He was going to have to share his own truths now.
“Please dinna fash at what I am aboot to say. That first night, ye had nae developed a fever yet. I brought ye up here, and the women came in to bathe ye in a hot bath. I came back once ye were settled into the bed. I sat in the chair next to the bed, and sometime in the middle of the night, I woke to ye shivering so hard that the bed shook. I kenned the only way to warm someone who is chilled to the bone is laying skin to skin. I ken I generate a lot of heat naturally, so I slipped into bed with ye.”
“Ye slipped into bed naked with me, ye mean.” Brighde interrupted.
“Aye, well, ye were unconscious at the time.”
“So that makes it all right,” she tried to shift out of his lap, but Alex held tight.
“I didna do it to take advantage of ye, and well ye ken that. I thought ye kenned better of me than that by now. I did it to save yer life. I did it because I kenned that I could call one of the women in to help ye, but they wouldnae generate nearly as much heat as I would nor, would they be able to cover as much of ye. I slid into the bed and gently gathered up yer nightgown as I rolled ye onto yer side. I kept ma hands on the outside of yer nightgown, but I did touch ye bare back. That is when I noticed the bandage around yer ribs. When I looked down, I could see yer back and sides were covered in bruises. I rolled ye over, and I did look at all of ye, but only to see the extent of yer injuries. I thought I was going to be sick. I have never seen a woman’s body so beaten and battered. I wanted to kill whoever was responsible with ma bare hands and then run ma sword through him for good measure. I tucked ye back in and held ye while we slept. It was early the next morning that I woke to ye having a raging fever.”
A surge of emotion swept through Brighde after hearing Alex’s story. First, she was angry that he had seen her undressed without her consent. She wanted to rail at him for taking advantage of her, but she knew he had not. He could have, but he had not. Then, she felt embarrassed that he might not have liked what he had seen, with or without the bruises. After all, he did say he wanted to be sick. Finally, she felt overwhelming shame that he saw what had been done to her on more than one occasion. Taking a shaky breath, she nodded her head.
“Brie, I saw the bruises around ye breasts and neck. Did a mon rape ye?” Alex was nearly whispering.
There was heavy silence after Alex’s quietly asked questions. He held his breath fearing what she might say. She turned into him and wrapped her arms around him, and he could feel her sobs. His heart broke at that moment, not because she was no longer a maiden, that mattered not a whit to him, but because someone had violated her, and he did not know if he would ever be able to avenge her.
He doesnae ken I was thrashed before this. He thinks it’s just recently. But I’ve already admitted that Father did. Damn witch’s tits. He’s figured out too much. I willna lie though. I am done with that.
“Nay. I killed him. Alex, I killed that mon and more than one other. I had to.” Brighde dissolved into body rattling sobs that she had been holding in since she was attacked. Alex let her cry until she had no tears left and was only able to shudder as she tried to calm her breathing. He found himself rocking her as he stroked her hair and whispered reassurances in her ear. When she was finally able to breathe easily, he cupped her cheek and looked into her watery eyes.
“I saw those bruises at least two weeks after they happened. I canna imagine what they must have looked like or the pain ye must have been in when they were fresh. Any mon who would hurt a woman deserves whatever death ye gave him.”
“Ye dinna think me a criminal for killing someone?”
Alex shook his head as he reassured her. “Do ye think I have never been in battle before? Do ye really think that I made it to this age without having killed instead of being killed? A 'chiad fhear agamsa, ye didna do aught wrong.”
His swee
t one? How can he think of me as sweet when I’ve just told him that I killed more than one person? How sweet will he think me if he finds out the whole story? Bah, not if but when. He willna give up till he kens it all. He maynae push me today, but I ken it will come out soon enough. Then what?
“Ye are ma sweet one. I ken what I said, and I mean it. Dinna doubt that.” He smiled at her surprised face. “I ken what ye are thinking. It is written across yer face. There is naught wrong with defending yerself especially when a mon, who is larger and stronger than ye, is trying to do ye harm. Ma sister, Mairghread, was kidnapped shortly after arriving at the Mackays. A potential betrothal went badly, but she married a mon who loves her more than aught. When her now-husband, my brothers, and I found her, she was strapped to a bed and aboot to be raped. I canna even tell ye exactly what happened next, but I ken that those two men didna live, and I had a bloody dirk that needed cleaning. Does that make me a criminal? Does any of that make me a criminal?”
She could only shake her head as she felt more tears leaking from her eyes. At this point, she was no longer sure what she cried about. It was a swirling mixture of her own guilt, a sadness for what he and his family experienced, respect and admiration for him and his protectiveness of his sister, and an overwhelming need to be closer to him again.
“Alex, I need ye.” She could barely do more than murmur her request. She was shocked to hear herself speak, but she did not regret the need she felt. It was only seconds before his mouth crashed down on hers. They breathed life into one another as their mouths and hands explored one another. Alex laid her on the ground and moved his body halfway over hers. He did not want to crush her, but he needed to feel her against him. He pushed his sporran out of the way, this time allowing his cock to press against her belly.
What is that? Good God, how can it be that long? I want to see it and touch it, but I canna do that. He will think me a whore for sure, and I dinna want this to end. I just want him. I want him not only like this but argh, I dinna even ken what else I want. She moved restlessly against him as she tried to pull him more fully on top of him. She lifted her hips to try to press more firmly against him. She felt a pressure building that she did not know how to release.
His Highland Prize (The Clan Sinclair Book 3) Page 6
