by E. L. Todd
Instead of being upset, Kyle looked confused. “I don’t understand. What happened?”
“What I just explained.”
“But…what’s the big deal about that?”
“It was just…intimate. We were standing there close together with our eyes closed. It was a vulnerable experience.”
“But there was no kissing, touching, or sex?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged. “It doesn’t sound like anything happened, Frankie.”
But something did happen. “You can cheat on someone without touching another person. I felt a lot of emotions toward him and he felt them toward me. It was…meaningful.”
“Well, I already knew you had feelings for him so this isn’t coming out of left field.”
“Really? You aren’t mad?”
“No.” He grabbed the muffin again and continued to eat it. “I thought you were going to say something much worse.”
No matter how much Hawke wanted me, he wouldn’t make a move, at least not a physical one. I wouldn’t cheat or lie to Kyle, and he wouldn’t manipulate me into doing it either.
He finished the muffin and tossed the wrapper in the trash. “So, let’s go. I got reservations at that new restaurant.”
“How did you manage that?”
“Pulled a few strings. And pack your bag. You’re staying with me all week.”
Goodbye
Francesca
Marie ignored her menu and looked at me. “Something happened with Hawke, didn’t it?”
Marie could read me almost as well as Hawke sometimes. “Yeah.” I kept eyeing the plate of fried mozzarella sticks. I shouldn’t order them because they were all fat and carbs, but I really didn’t care at the moment. “It’s one of those days when you really want some fried cheese.”
“Then that’s what we’ll get.” She snatched my menu away and looked at the waiter. “Two orders of the fried mozzarella sticks. Stat.”
I’d never seen Marie order anything besides grilled chicken or a salad after she got engaged. They’d been married for a while now but she still stuck to her diet religiously.
“Spill it.”
I told her everything about the trip and concluded with the embrace on the doorstep.
Marie didn’t seem the least bit surprised. “I don’t know what you want me to say. That sounds about right for you two.”
“He just confused me…”
“How so?”
“It seems like he’s changed—for the better. He’s been working on himself so he won’t have this problem again. He won’t leave me again.”
Marie wasn’t Hawke’s biggest fan to begin with but she quickly became his worst fan. “Hawke is a boy in a man’s body. He clearly has commitment issues and he always will. No, you deserve someone better than that, someone who isn’t going to drop you the second things get difficult. I’m all about second chances but you’ve already give him his. Since it’s been so long since it happened, it’s easy to downplay it and forget about it. But don’t forget what that man did to you. You tried to be there for him and he turned his back on you. That guy has officially struck out.”
When Marie spun it like that, I couldn’t help but agree with her. “What if it was Axel?”
“Axel would never pull that crap on me.”
“I know. But what if he did?”
“I’d move on and never look back.” She said it with such conviction there was no room for doubt. “We all have our hard times, and some days are more difficult than others, but that doesn’t give him the right to treat you like that. No, we’d be done.”
I took a long drink of my cocktail and waited for the haze of the alcohol to kick in.
“Just stick with Kyle. I know you really like him.”
“I do like him.”
“You need to get rid of Hawke—permanently. Stop seeing him, stop talking to him—completely cut him out. Then pursue Kyle with everything you’ve got. Kyle will be a great husband and father. Hawke…he’ll just screw you over down the road.”
I wasn’t sure if I agreed with that last part, but I agreed with everything else. “It’s hard for me to be around Hawke and not feel all those emotions.”
“And I don’t blame you. That’s natural. Don’t feel bad about it.”
“But Kyle deserves better than that.”
She nodded in agreement.
“I told him I’ll never love him and I’ve never misled him about my feelings for him or Hawke but I feel like I’m still doing something wrong.”
“Then cut out Hawke.”
“It’s not that simple,” I said. “He’s the one who comes around, remember?”
“I distinctly remember you agreeing to spend the weekend with him.”
“But that’s—”
“It doesn’t matter. No more, Frankie.” She was being a hardass on me, but it was for a good reason.
“You’re right.”
“Damn right I am. You were doing great before he came back into the picture. The second he’s gone, you’ll be back to normal. Everyone can move on and be happy.”
The idea of removing Hawke from my life was difficult and painful. Any time we went our separate ways, he was the one who made the decision. Now I was the one walking away—for good.
“But I have no idea how you’re going to tell him to back off. He clearly does whatever he wants.”
My fingers moved to the necklace around my throat. I fingered it gently, feeling the engraving under my fingertips. The day he gave this to me is one I’ll never forget. I’d always cherish it. “I have an idea.”
***
I placed the photo album inside the box with the other sentimental things Hawke had given me over the years. I stared inside and looked at the collection of things that represented our relationship. The only thing missing was my Muffin Girl baking pan, but that was on display at the bakery.
There was only one thing left to place inside.
I pulled my hair over one shoulder and unclasped the necklace for the first time. The weight was removed from my neck, but it felt like a new one had replaced it. I examined the locket in my palm and stared at the small engraving across the surface. Saying goodbye was much harder than I thought. How did Hawke do this so many times?
I opened it and stared at the picture of us inside. I was looking back in time, to when we first fell in love. Both of us were scared of where the relationship might lead, and we had every right to be scared.
Because we both got hurt.
I closed the locket then placed it on top of the photo album. It looked lifeless sitting there, no longer resting against my warm skin. Now it was just a piece of metal, a keepsake I wouldn’t look at until I moved again.
I took a deep breath so the tears wouldn’t emerge, and I placed the lid on top. When everything was hidden from view, I didn’t feel any better. I just said goodbye to the love of my life.
And nothing would ever make me feel better about that.
***
It was only a matter of time before Hawke made his move. He would stop by and see me eventually, or he would run into me on purpose when I was out with Marie.
I just opened the bakery one morning when he paid me a visit. When I walked into the shop, I knew he was there. I could hear his heavy footfalls on the tile. The slowness of his pace told me exactly who it was.
He came to the back where my private kitchen was and stared at me.
I purposely wore a V-neck shirt so my chest would be visible. My back was to him when he walked in, so I took my time before I turned around. I didn’t want to see the look on his face, to see the hope drain from his eyes permanently. He would be devastated, far more devastated than I was when I packed everything up.
“Hey.” He stayed behind me and didn’t approach the counter.
“Hi.” I set the whisk aside then wiped my dirty hands on my apron. Now was the moment of truth and there was no looking back. I closed my eyes briefly before I turned around.
> His eyes immediately went to my eyes, as they always did. He searched for solace there, finding comfort in the window to the same soul he possessed. Slowly, his eyes moved down, taking in the sight of my nose then my lips. When his eyes trailed further, he noticed the bare skin of my throat. The necklace was gone, removed by my own hands. He watched the area for several heartbeats before he swallowed the lump in his throat. The shock was quickly followed by devastation. Sorrow and misery came swiftly after that.
Hawke didn’t look me in the eye again. When his eyes left my neck, he looked at the ground. He didn’t react overtly. To anyone else, he would simply look lost, like he walked into the wrong kitchen on accident. But to me, I saw everything.
He turned away and slowly walked out, his shoulders not as broad and powerful as they once were. He carried a new weight that pushed them down, making his entire frame bend in a heartbreaking way.
It was the weight of defeat.
The Sad Truth
Hawke
“You’re sure you want to sell this place?” Maggie, my realtor examined my empty apartment, mesmerized by the floor-to-ceiling windows and the pristine hardwood floors.
“Yes.” I already sold my furniture and everything else I had.
Maggie clearly thought I was out of my mind. “It’s just…a place like this is hard to come across. And you got it at such a good price.”
“I don’t care.”
“You’ll definitely make a nice profit on it.”
“Don’t care about that either.”
Maggie gave up, realizing I wouldn’t change my mind. “I’ll take care of it. I can sell this place within a week.”
“Great.” I grabbed my final bag and walked out. “Thanks.”
***
I bought a townhouse that was really close to my office. It was just a block away, and it had a garage for my car as well as a small backyard. I needed a change of scenery, something that didn’t contain a hint of Francesca.
Now I shouldn’t run into her anywhere. I didn’t pass her bakery on the way to work, and I didn’t use the same gym, grocery store, or dry cleaning service. Her new apartment was dangerously close to my old one.
I could honestly say I never wanted to see her again.
She made her choice, silently destroying any hope I held for us. Whether she loved me or not, my past mistakes were too grave to be forgiven. I’d hurt her too much, and even though I’d changed, it wasn’t enough for her.
I couldn’t take back what I did.
She wanted to be with Kyle, to marry him someday and have his children. When enough time passed, she would think of me less and less. And maybe one day, she’d forget about me entirely.
But I would never forget about her.
***
Axel asked me to hang out a few times but I always made an excuse.
Dude, one of my buddies from work got in at the Rainbow Room? You in?
Sorry, man. I already have plans. It was cold to brush him off this way but I didn’t have any other choice.
You’ve ditched me for the past two weeks. What’s going on?
Nothing. Just been busy.
Axel didn’t text me again, probably because he was mad. Hopefully, he would be pissed enough to never text me again.
***
A few days later, Axel called me.
I let it go to voicemail with no intention of ever listening to it.
But he called again.
What did he want?
I ignored the call.
What the hell? His message blew up my screen. I just went by your apartment and it’s for sale? Dude, what’s going on?
Now I knew couldn’t keep ignoring him forever. Instead of being angry like a normal person, he didn’t quit. I called him.
Axel answered before it even rang. “What the hell happened?”
“I bought a bigger place.”
“When?” he shrieked.
“A few weeks ago.”
“And you didn’t think you should tell me?”
“Everything happened so fast…” I leaned back into my couch and stared at the blank TV.
“Where do you live now?”
“I have a townhouse by my office.”
“Cool,” he said. “I’ll swing by.”
“Uh…hold on.”
“What? Is there something wrong?”
“Axel, this isn’t easy for me to say…” He’d been a good friend to me for a long time. I was his best man on the most important day of his life. I would miss him. Actually, I already did miss him. “I don’t think we can see each other anymore.”
“What do you mean? You’re breaking up with me?”
“I guess…”
“But why? What did I do?”
“It has nothing to do with you. It’s Francesca…”
“I’m not following.”
“She doesn’t want me in her life anymore and I have to respect what she wants. I want to stay out of her way as much as possible. I can’t do that if I hang out with you all the time.”
Axel was dead silent.
“Axel?”
“How is that fair? You and my sister break up so I lose my friend?”
“It’s not like I want this.”
“Why can’t we be friends? You and I will just make sure we don’t go anywhere near Francesca. We did it for years when we first came to New York. We can do it again.”
“I don’t know…”
“Look, I’m not losing you because of Francesca. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s what she wants.”
“Whatever,” he said. “I’ve never listened to her and I’m not going to start now.”
It actually moved me that he wanted to be in my life so much. There was a time when he wanted nothing to do with me.
“You sound so sad.”
The comment made me flinch because I didn’t share emotional sentences with other dudes. I only spoke to Francesca that way. “I’ve been better.”
“What happened, exactly?”
“I tried to get her back and I fixed myself…but she wants to be with Kyle.”
“Oh…”
“Even though she loves me and not him, she would still rather be with him—because he doesn’t hurt her. I understand her perspective, but I’m not the same guy anymore.”
Axel remained silent.
“So, I moved to a new place and sold all my things. I’ll never be able to move on if her ghost walks my halls. I need a fresh start if I’m ever going to get through this.”
“I’ll never understand the two of you.”
“It’s okay. You aren’t the only one.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I know you’ve hurt her in the past and everything but…I can tell you really love her.”
If only Francesca had the same realization. “Thanks.”
“I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.”
Nothing would ever make me feel better. I lost the love of my life and I was the only person to blame. If I just controlled my rage, I’d still have her in my life. I would have asked her to marry me by now. But I pissed it all away with my stupidity. “Want to come over and watch the game?”
His smile came through the phone. “Will there be free food and beer?”
“Always.”
“Then I’ll be there.”
Fresh Start
Francesca
Kyle had been working a lot because he took on a new case. He didn’t appear in the courtroom very often, spending most of his time doing whatever he wanted, but when a case really interested him, he took it.
I didn’t see him as much as I wanted to but I understood his passion. His line of work helped people and I respected that. All I did was make people fat. Since I had a lot of free time, I pursued my second shop.
Hawke was one of the smartest businessmen I knew. He understood it like no one else even though his business was making money off of other people. H
e’d met the richest of the rich and knew their secrets.
Since he recommended I stay in Manhattan, I took his advice. I found a vacated corner store. There weren’t as many windows as I would like and the inside was a little smaller than my current shop, but that wasn’t a bad thing.
“The rent will be cheaper,” Axel said. “That’ll be nice. And you don’t need a huge second location.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I walked around and examined the counter and the kitchen. The place used to be a diner and it had a vintage feel to it. If I took it, I’d have to completely remodel the place.
“I thought you wanted to open one in Brooklyn.”
“I think it’ll do better here. Besides, it’s easier for me to get to.”
Axel touched the counters and examined the kitchen appliances. “Will you have to start from scratch?”
“Yeah…”
“That’s going to be expensive.”
“It will.” But it would be worth it in the end. People loved The Muffin Girl so much because it was unique, unlike any other bakery in Manhattan. “This place will look completely different by the time I’m done with it.”
“So, you’re going to take it?”
“Yeah.”
***
I tried to forget about the way Hawke and I said goodbye. Those words weren’t actually said, but they were implied. The second he realized my locket was gone, he knew there was no hope. I made my choice—to be with Kyle.
The following weeks after that were difficult. All I could think about was comforting him, but I knew any contact would just make it worse. I had to steer clear of him in order for this to work.
But I missed him.
In my heart, I knew he changed. For the first time in his life, he focused on himself and addressed the true problem underneath the skin. He took a path of self-discovery and realized he wasn’t the fiend he always feared he would be. While that was important, it didn’t change what happened in the past. He hurt me too many times and I couldn’t just look the other way.
I couldn’t.
I was going over my business plan when Kyle called me.
“Hey,” I said when I answered.
“Baby, I have some incredible news.”
