by Mike Ploof
The flight to Xteriak 3 only took ten hours, and we spent most of it watching Battlestar Galactica, which utterly absorbed the girls, and made Phurshia worry that she might be a Cylon. I even figured out how to get the food replicator to make something akin to popcorn. I was still struggling to get it to make a decent cheeseburger, however.
Xteriak 3 was a strange planet at first glance. It spun counter-clockwise and was purple with a mix of blue. When we passed through the atmosphere, I saw the reason for the purple appearance: the land was covered in tall, gnarly trees with big pluming purple leaves. Even the grassland was purple, which really messed with my eyes. There were numerous rivers and lakes but nothing I’d call an ocean.
Only one city stood out against the purple landscape, and that was because it was gold. It blazed in the light like a beacon in the purple wilds.
“That’s Durzek City,” said Purshia. She opened a close-up view of the city on part of the main window. “It is home to many different species but mainly the Finnarians.”
“What are these Finnarians like?” I asked.
“They are diverse, like most, but they are known to be intelligent and honorable.”
“Targar doesn’t sound like an honorable dude.”
Zex had given us intel on where to find him for a kind of meet-cute that was supposed to get us in the door. Targar enjoyed betting on the zorse races, and he was currently vacationing on Xteriak 3 for that very reason. Durzek City was reputedly a mecca for zorse racing, and there where big annual races going on.
Purshia had called ahead to a resort called Gelgex Prime, which was close to the biggest track in the city. It had a hotel, but it also featured large pads for ships to land on, where they could hook up to utilities, kind of like an RV park on Earth. Guests could remain in their ships and still use the amenities, which looked lavish. There were acres of gardens, fountains, walkways and ponds, and sprinkled among them were spacepads, pools, lazy rivers, and tall purple trees that offered shade from the bright yellow sun.
After we landed, we took a moment to change our appearances using our nanobots. I made sure I didn’t look anything like myself or Lord Zed, my previous alias, so I had the nanobots change my appearance to that of an Xurrian. I watched in the mirror as my skin turned blue, my hair became silver and curly, my eye color changed to purple, and a wide horn grew out of my forehead.
The girls morphed into the same species. We dressed in casual wear, which included a crimson suit for me and white evening gowns for the ladies.
“Huddle up,” I said when they were finally ready. “Purshia, what name did you reserve our pad under?”
She grinned mischievously. I scowled. “What did you do?”
She laced her hands together and shrugged. “You’re Han Solo, I’m Princess Leia, Ella is Queen Amidala, and Val is Chewbacca.”
“Excuse me?” said Val, hands on hips.
I stared at Purshia.
She stared back.
I raised a brow.
She broke out laughing. “I’m kidding.”
I laughed and tickled her until she begged me to stop. “What names did you give us?”
She smiled brightly. “I’m sending the information to your interfaces now.”
“What? How?”
No sooner had I asked than my interface flared to life in the air before me.
Targar Mission Aliases:
Harry – Prince Elvis Jackson
Purshia – Lady Kitty Meow
Ella – Lady Madonna Gaga
Val – Lady Sarah Connor
“Are you fucking serious right now?” I asked, not knowing whether to throw up my arms and laugh or be concerned she might tip someone off to my species. American movies and music were a subculture throughout the galaxy.
“It’s fine.” Purshia waved me off with a giggle. “If you are pressed for more information, the answer will come up on the interface.”
“That’s convenient,” I said. “When did you do all this?”
“During the flight here.”
When we lowered the ramp to leave the ship, we were met by a robot that carried a silver tray offering little candies wrapped in gold leaf.
“Welcome to Gelgex Prime, exalted guests. You have been registered with the hotel and can now enjoy everything Xteriak 3 has to offer. Is there anything I can get for you or any questions I can answer?”
“Can you get me an American cheeseburger?” I asked.
He cocked his head and twitched, and I half expected him to say, “Does not compute.”
“I have searched all available databanks,” he said, “but I cannot find any reference to an American cheeseburger.”
“Thanks, that will be all,” Ella said abruptly. After the robot bowed and took his leave, she scowled. “We’re undercover. You can’t be throwing around words like that.”
“It couldn’t hurt to ask. You never know, maybe they have a food replicator 7000 or something.”
She shook her head, grinning despite her worry. “You need to get over the cheeseburger thing, babe.”
“Never!” I said with a heavy helping of melodrama.
“That’s us,” said Purshia, pointing at a slick-looking hovercar.
“No shit, this planet has Uber?”
No one got the joke, but that was okay; it happened a lot.
The hovercar pulled up next to us, and the doors opened outward like spreading wings. I poked my head in and realized there was no driver. The interior was lined with furry couches. In the center was a glowing box full of bottles with mist hauntingly flowing out of it.
“Eat your heart out, Elon Musk.”
We excitedly piled in, and I grabbed one of the bottles.
“Please announce your destination,” said a sultry voice.
“What’s the track called?” I asked Purshia.
“Lunar Downs,” she said to the air.
“Navigating the quickest route to Lunar Downs,” said the car. “Route found. Travel time ten minutes due to congested traffic.”
“Ten minutes, huh?” I glanced at the ladies, eyebrows dancing.
“We’re drinking,” said Val, popped the top on a bottle, and poured herself and Ella a drink.
“I’ll play with you,” said Purshia, and she nuzzled up to me, purring.
She pulled my dick out of my pants with a cute little snarl and playfully nibbled the sides. Then she stuffed it in her mouth as far as it would go. Her throat muscles massaged the head, and I lay back and enjoyed her skill.
When Val and Ella saw us having fun, they abandoned their drinks and joined Purshia.
Given the limited room, I lined the girls up on the circular couch and pulled their skirts up over their asses, taking turns pleasing each one of them as they passed around the bottle. I was banging Val when the car came to a stop, and the door opened automatically. A pink-skinned doorman was staring at me in shock.
“Car, shut the damned door!” I said with a laugh.
There was a variety of beings coming and going from the racetrack, and when they saw what was going on in the back of our car, half of them stopped to watch.
When the door finally clicked shut, I was laughing too hard to keep going. We tried to pull ourselves together.
We emerged a few minutes later, red in the cheeks and unkempt, but a shake of my pants and jacket got them sitting right, and the girls helped each other unruffle their dresses.
I’d been to greyhound and horse tracks before, but this place was gigantic. The stands ran around the entire track and rose in multiple levels, like in a baseball stadium. There were hundreds of different beings here, and I was baffled by some of the creatures I saw. Not only were they weird, but they wore outfits that would make Lady Gaga’s most famous eye-openers seem tame.
“First things first. Let’s find Targar,” I said, eyeing the crowd.
“Already found him.” Purshia was fiddling with something in midair, and I realized it was her interface. She was a hell of a hacker, as wel
l as a pilot, and she had been tweaking her nanointerface recently.
“How?” I asked.
“I slipped into the track’s system. Took about two seconds to find out he rents a booth here annually. It’s on the seventh ring, number 798.”
“Good job.” I kissed her on the head. “Is it going to be possible to get a spot close to him?”
She fiddled with her interface as we walked the promenade lined with food and drink stands, as well as screens where you could place your bets. The long list of race results and upcoming matches scrolled on the ceiling and across numerous wall screens. Winged aliens flew overhead that looked like dragonflies with bird heads, a group of elephant men rushed by, laughing and smoking cigars, and I took it all in, still unable to believe this shit was real even after all the time I’d spent zipping around the galaxy.
“There’s a booth for rent by the hour right next to him in that row,” said Purshia.
“Sweet,” I said. “Buy it.”
“It’s ten thousand credits an hour.”
“The HIJ will reimburse us.” They’d better! We were here on their behalf, and expenses were not coming out of our pockets. “Hey, remind me to talk expense account the next time we see Zex.”
“Will do,” she said. “… And booked. The booth is ours.”
“All right.” I rubbed my hands together and looked around. “Let’s go down to the track and take a look at the zorses in upcoming races. I’ve got a plan.”
Zorses, as they are so inconveniently named, may sound like horses, but they are not even close. As it turned out, a zorse was a cat-like creature about three times as large, with teeth like a saber-toothed tiger and a tail like a scorpion. They were midnight black with taught muscles under sleek fur. Only their eyes gave them any distinction; they glowed green, blue, red, or yellow.
A zorse named Renegade Star caught my eye as we stood with a multitude of onlookers, all jabbering about who they thought was the best pick for the next race. Sometimes I wished the nanobots didn’t let me understand every alien word I heard. It was distracting, especially since I heard the English words in their voices, which were often unpleasant and shrill.
I glanced around to make sure no one was looking and discreetly shot Renegade Star with a mind-control bolt. The beast freaked out like it had been bit on the lip by a bee, and my head suddenly throbbed as it mentally attacked my presence. I fought back with a massive force of will, dominating the creature with my overwhelming power, thanks to the nanobots which made it all possible.
“I’ve got him. Let’s get to our booth.”
I led the girls up to our rented booth, and a female lioness with white fur greeted me sweetly at the entrance.
“Welcome, Prince Elvis Jackson,” she said with repeated bows. “This is your personal entertainment booth.”
The door opened, and the sounds of the stadium crashed into me. The booth was circular, with an overhanging balcony opposite the door. There were chairs for lounging, a waiter standing on either side of the door, and a bartender waiting to whip us up a cocktail.
“Nice digs.” I strolled to the balcony and enjoyed the view, discreetly glancing to my left, where Targar was laughing with another male of his kind. Behind him was a pair of long red legs, but I couldn’t see who they belonged to due to the dividing wall between booths.
“Is there anything we can get you?” the hostess asked.
“I’ll take a Vodskey, straight up,” I said.
The girls ordered drinks and food, and we settled at the table on the balcony overlooking the track. Targar glanced at us, but we didn’t hold his attention long.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” the hostess asked, handing us drinks.
“Put me down for five million credits on Star Renegade to win in the next race!” I yelled boisterously and slapped the table.
That got Targar’s attention. I saw him watching me out the corner of my eye, and I touched Ella’s shoulder, then grabbed her tit and let out a whoop. “Daddy’s got this one locked down, baby!”
“Hefty bet for a long shot,” said Targar.
I turned like I hadn’t known he was there.
“I’ve got Gallabar for the next race,” he continued, coming over to the rail extending from the dividing wall.
The first thing I noticed about him was the intensity of his eyes, and his furled brow made him look like he was scowling, even when he smiled. He looked like a serious dude, so I eased off the loud-mouth act a bit.
“Gallabar?” I winced. “Did you see how sick he looks? His eyes are yellow at the edges—bad sign. And look at Star Renegade.” I pointed at the big screen above the track that was showing the zorses lining up.
He looked at the screen, and I mentally willed Star Renegade to thrash and pounce around like a tweaked out panther.
“That son of a bitch is ready to go!” I yelled at Targar.
He nodded and squinted at me, as if trying to gauge me. He called to Red Legs, “Change my bet to Star Renegade, and increase it to ten million.”
“That’s my man!” I walked over and stuck out my hand.
He didn’t shake, probably because he didn’t know the gesture, and regarded me with cautious amusement.
“I hope your hunch is correct,” he said with a tilt of his tube-dreaded blue head. His face was covered in small bumps, like little horns. Not a good-looking dude.
“Oh, they usually are. It’s a gift.” I raised my glass as the bells rang, indicating the race would be starting soon. “Good luck to us both!”
The gates burst open, and the zorses shot out of the pens like predators chasing bleeding prey. Three of the ten zorses broke ahead of the others, but Renegade Star wasn’t one of them. In fact, he was last.
Targar gave me a deep scowl.
“Come on, Renegade!” my girls yelled, bouncing up and down and clutching the front rail.
I’d created enough tension. It was time for Renegade to catch up to the others.
RUN! I mentally commanded the beast, and it suddenly redoubled its efforts and began overtaking the stragglers at the back of the pack.
Targar stood a little straighter.
“Come on, you son of a bitch!” I screamed, cupping my hands around my mouth. “Run like the fucking wind, Renegade!” As I said it, I also mentally screamed it.
The pack of zorses went into the first turn, the leaders bumping into each other and snarling as they fought for the lead. As they reached the halfway mark on the backstretch, Renegade moved into fourth place. The leaders were well ahead of him, however.
GO! GO! GO! Show these fuckers you’re the fasted zorse anyone has ever seen!
I could feel Renegade’s excitement swell as he tore down the track like a panther on a mission. Coming out of the far turn, he passed the third place horse. Targar joined the girls and me in urging him on faster. The crowd cheered and stomped their feet, enraptured by Renegade’s spirit.
He passed the second-place horse as the finish line approached. The lead horse was five zorses ahead of mine, but Renegade was coming on like a hurricane. When he overtook the lead horse at the last possible moment and crossed the finish line, Targar cheered triumphantly, and the girls danced around in circles.
I raised my hands and gave a primal scream. “Victory!”
“My friend, I apologize,” said Targar, extending his hand. “I am Targar Leng. And your name?”
“Prince Elvis Jackson,” I said. “At your service.”
I disengaged the mental connection to the zorse and shook Targar’s hand. “Fifteen to one odds. Not a bad return on five million.”
“No, not bad at all,” he said, laughing, his ultra-wide jaw moving in a way that had me transfixed. “I believe I am finished for the day. Your hunch recouped my losses and then some. If you hadn’t just arrived, I would invite you back to my mansion for dinner and sport.”
He glanced over my shoulder at the girls when he said it, and I let him catch me ogling Red Legs, who was a b
eauty.
“You know what? Nothing wrong with quitting while you’re ahead,” I said affably. “I think I’ll take you up on your offer.”
“Excellent.” He instructed the other Finnarian they were leaving. “Did you arrive in a rental?”
“Yes.”
“Send it away. You can ride with us.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Ten minutes later we were zooming through Durzek City in Targar’s pimped out hovercar, with plush seating for about a dozen, a full bar, and a hookah planted in front of the circular couch.
“Care for a puff?” he asked, handing me a smoking tube.
“I already smoked,” I said, waving him off. “Tell me, Targar, who is this lovely lady by your side?”
“This is Minx,” he said, brimming with pride. “Minx, say hello to Prince Elvis.”
“Hello, Prince Elvis,” she said and smiled.
I gestured to the women. “These are the ladies, Kitty Meow, Madonna Gaga, and Sarah Connor.”
“It pleases me to meet you.” He offered them a slow nod and devilish grin.
“The pleasure,” said Ella, running a finger across her bottom lip, “must be ours.”
“Don’t mind them,” I said. “Picked these three up from a sex-slave trader in Gulkerus. Top of the line. I mean, do whatever the hell you want and do it smiling.”
I winked and mouthed, anal.
“You dabble in the trade?” he asked with a cocked brow.
“Dabble, hah!” I laughed. “Does a king dabble in tax collecting?”
He let out a boisterous laugh as the car glided down to a stop. The doors opened in front of a castle.
“Damn.” I got out after him and admired his place.
“I only come here a few times a year,” he said dismissively. “It is one of my smallest homes.”
“How big is the largest one?” I asked.
