He closed his eyes and inhabited a world as the father of Michael, post-graduate (A grades no less), an expert in biodiversity, working with the locals in the Brazilian jungle. Then he drafted several unsatisfactory letters introducing himself to his adult son.
Dear Michael.
Please forgive me —
He started again.
Dear Michael.
Where to begin?
Then he thought about Frankie, and knew the real version of Adam. He was Adam, Dam-dad to Frankie, friend to Ness, lover of Louise, friend of Judy (really, truly, at last) and he ran a factory as best he could — made a mess of it most of the time — but it was the best he could do.
He vowed to phone Elena and explain as soon as he could, but right now he was going to focus on his family.
He imagined Ness, brave and sensible at Frankie’s bedside. Saw Frankie rally, sit up, chat with Ness. He heard her say random, saw them both laughing, watched Louise embrace both of them, saw himself embrace all of them, his manly arms encircling, growing larger and longer to ensure that he surrounded all of them, entirely, safely.
‘Fasten seat belts.’
His long arms shrank back, became ordinary arms on an ordinary bloke fumbling with his own seat belt and Louise’s, because Louise was too distracted even to notice the seat belt sign.
And then they were coming into Wellington, a southerly approach, out over the ocean off Houghton Bay. Turbulence. The plane dipped from side to side — green frothy ocean one minute, hills the next. Judy was sick, suddenly. She vomited all over Phillip’s brand-new casual Hugo Boss jacket. He didn’t so much as flinch. Adam watched as Phillip wiped Judy’s face tenderly, clearing vomit from her hair. He saw for the first time how complete they were, how right … Then, as Judy vomited again, he saw what had been staring him in the face now for weeks. He felt Louise’s nails this time, digging deep into his flesh.
Judy was pregnant. Now it all made sense. The dinner party, Judy sober, revealing her own part in the tragedy of Michael’s death, admitting to things she’d bottled up for years, offering him absolution.
How complicated he had made his own life. He’d allowed his guilt over the death of Michael to colour everything, everyone in his life. Judy was pregnant and she knew about Elena’s child, he knew that now.
Perhaps Judy thought that a replacement Michael was what he needed. And for a moment, holding the photograph of the adult Michael with his blue backpack, he had felt complete, a sense of arrival, a moment where everything and nothing mattered. But sitting here on the plane, wings dipping towards the tarmac (Christ, I hope this bastard knows how to straighten up), he realised there was no arrival, no completion, just landings of various sorts … befores, afters and in betweens. Hope — he’d somehow smothered hope with guilt. And now, Frankie was the best reason ever to hope, to want more, and that meant he loved her mother more than he’d realised. The death of Michael had driven him and Judy apart and now Frankie was pulling him and Louise together.
They were holding hands as the plane landed. He felt the wheels touch the tarmac, the slight bounce, the thud, and then the screaming (the most crucial moment on a short runway) as the brakes did their thing. He looked at Louise, loved her, and knew that Frankie would be okay: she had to be.
She had to be … everything depended on it.
About the Author
Maggie Rainey-Smith began writing with the under-graduate workshops at Victoria University, then completed Owen Marshall’s creative writing course (Aoraki Polytechnic) and a BA majoring in English Literature (Victoria University). Her first novel, About Turns, was a bestseller, and she has had poetry, short fiction and essays published in magazines including Sport and the New Zealand Listener. In 2004, she was shortlisted for the Landfall Essay Prize. Maggie is a director of Challenger Recruitment. She lives in Days Bay, Wellington, with her husband John, and has two adult sons. In her spare time, she likes to read, garden, kayak and cook, and she belongs to two book clubs. Turbulence is her second novel.
Copyright
National Library of New Zealand Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
Rainey-Smith, Maggie.
Turbulence / Maggie Rainey-Smith.
ISBN 978–1–77553–349–8
I. Title.
NZ823.3—dc 22
A BLACK SWAN BOOK
published by
Random House New Zealand
18 Poland Road, Glenfield, Auckland, New Zealand
www.randomhouse.co.nz
Random House International
Random House
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road
London SW1V 2SA
United Kingdom
Random House Australia (Pty) Ltd
20 Alfred Street, Milsons Point, Sydney,
New South Wales 2061, Australia
Random House South Africa Pty Ltd
Isle of Houghton
Corner Boundary Road and Carse O’Gowrie
Houghton 2198, South Africa
Random House Publishers India Private Ltd
301 World Trade Tower, Hotel Intercontinental Grand Complex,
Barakhamba Lane, New Delhi 110 001, India
First published 2007
© 2007 Maggie Rainey-Smith
The moral rights of the author have been asserted
ISBN 978 1 77553 349 8
This book is copyright. Except for the purposes of fair reviewing no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Design: Elin Bruhn Termannsen
Cover photo: Getty Images
Cover illustrations and design: Matthew Trbuhovic
Printed in Australia by Griffin Press
Turbulence Page 24
