“You’re welcome,” he said as she led him down the hall.
Allison was nowhere in sight, which Zach told himself was a relief although it didn’t stop him from pausing at the front door and waiting on the chance she might come out from the back of the house. When she didn’t show, he told Bethany, “We may have to drill some small holes in the drywall to run wires to the alarm. You should be able to touch them up pretty easily, but your sister has it in her mind to repaint the nursery anyway. Knowing Allison, though, I’m betting she’s really bad at it.”
Bethany groaned. “She’s awful. She tried painting a red accent wall in her condo only the paint ran so badly it looked like blood was oozing from the drywall!”
“Yeah, that’s Allison for you. I’ve never known such a smart, talented woman who takes such pride in failing. It’s almost like she’s afraid to succeed.” A flash of something—admission, guilt—leapt in Bethany’s eyes, and he could feel her staring after him as he jogged down the steps to the driveway. He didn’t know if his words had any effect on Bethany, but they’d knocked him for a loop.
Knowing Allison… That phrase kept ringing in his head. He did know Allison. And he was getting to know her better every time they talked, every moment they spent together.
But getting to know a woman, especially one he worked with, was not part of the plan.
And what about holding her when she cried? His conscience jeered. What about feeling the curves of her body pressed against him as he kissed her? Where did that fit into the plan?
It didn’t fit, he insisted. Allison didn’t fit.
But despite the reminder, he couldn’t forget how perfect she felt in his arms, her head tucked beneath his chin, her cheek against chest… Almost as if that spot had been empty his entire life and he’d simply been waiting for her to find the place where she belonged.
Chapter Nine
“You’re going to do great, Zach.” Allison flashed a bright smile as the last PowerPoint slide flashed across the screen.
She’d been practicing that smile all week. Ever since the day at Bethany’s when she’d fallen apart in Zach’s arms. When he’d silently held her and let his touch, his kiss, the tenderness in his gaze soothe her the way words never could. Wrapped in his embrace she’d felt safe and protected and never wanted to leave. She never wanted to let go.
He never stopped resenting me for ruining the life he could have had.
Sooner or later, he’s going to realize you’re only holding him back.
She had to let him go.
When the time came, Allison would wish Zach well and send him off with a smile. It didn’t matter if her heart was breaking. Or that she wanted to erase every bad memory he had as a child and show him how family, how love, meant far more than football or fame. She couldn’t change the hard lessons that made him the man he was now—a man who was going places, a man who’d spent his entire career building on opportunities to move up and move on.
In the end, whether it came when he won the promotion or when he obtained some other far-reaching goal, he would leave her behind.
Zach hit the conference room lights and gave her a rueful smile. “Come on, Allie. Don’t start pulling punches now.”
It was the day before Zach’s meeting with James Collins, and Daryl had asked for a preview of the presentation. Something, Zach had confessed, his boss had never requested before. He hadn’t admitted it, but Allison knew how much Daryl’s suddenly hands-on approach bothered him.
“I think you know me better than that,” she responded. “I’m not the type to hold back, and the presentation is far more personalized now.”
“But you think it needs more.”
Knowing she was on slippery ground, Allison chose her steps carefully. “I think the break-in that happened when you were younger gives you an experience most people don’t have. Plus you’re a great salesman, but what matters more is that you’re a great guy. You care about people. Not just your family, but people you barely know like my sister and an old lady in Sun City.”
“Like James Collins is going to care about any of that.”
Maybe not. But Allison did. She cared too much—about the man Zach was and the boy he’d once been. She understood why it was so hard for him to open up and put himself on the line. The risk of rejection was too great after the way his father had emotionally turned his back before Zach was even born. But if he would crack that door just a little then…
What exactly? Did she really think Zach might fall for her…like she’d fallen for him?
“Allison? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Sure. Fine.” Allison swallowed. As fine as a woman who’d fallen in love with the last man on earth she should fall for could be. “Zach, I—” She heard a sudden pounding and, for a moment, feared her fool heart was ready to jump out of her chest and spill itself all over the conference room table.
Instead, Martha opened the door and stuck her head inside. “Allison, you have a call. It’s your sister.”
More than eager to escape, she tossed an apology over her shoulder to Zach as she nearly ran from the conference room down the hall to their shared office. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it briefly. She hadn’t almost told Zach she loved him, had she? To even think the words was bad, but if she said them out loud, there’d be no taking them back. No hiding from her feelings.
Her heart still pounding from the close call, Allison picked up the phone. “Hey, Bethie,” she said, falling back on a nickname she hadn’t used in years. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m starting to make a habit of this, aren’t I?” Her sister gave a rough, pained laugh. “Calling you at work with problems. I know you hate that—”
“No,” Allison interrupted, shoving her own problems aside, “you can call me anytime. Nothing is more important to me than being here if you need me.”
Silence followed her promise, a gap Allison filled with worry. Did Bethany believe she’d keep her word? Would her sister start to lower the walls between them and let Allison help?
“Gage wants a divorce.”
Bethany’s softly whispered words seemed to suck the air from Allison’s lungs. Once, when she was five, she’d slipped off a jungle gym. The fall had knocked the wind out of her, leaving her lying on the ground, struggling for air.
She felt the same way now… On a sudden gasp, her breath rushed back in and out again, her words topping hurricane speed as she demanded, “He said that?”
Allison had known her sister’s marriage had hit a rough spot; a husband didn’t move out on his pregnant wife if everything was smooth sailing. But she’d never thought, never considered, they wouldn’t get back together.
“I thought if I gave him enough time,” her sister was saying woodenly, “he’d forgive me. He’d have to… But he’s not. He won’t.”
“Bethany, I am so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. How could Gage do this?”
“It’s not his fault. It’s my fault. All my fault—I don’t know what I’m going to do, Allie.” For the first time, her sister’s voice trembled, hinting at the emotion bottled up inside. “I don’t know how I’m going to raise this baby alone.”
“You are not alone,” Allison insisted. “I’m here for you, Bethany, for anything you need. And you know how excited Mom is. Once that baby of yours is born, he or she won’t be able to sneeze without grandma saying ‘God bless you.’”
It wasn’t much of a joke, but Bethany’s watery laugh gave Allison the small glimmer of hope she’d been waiting for since coming home.
Sitting at Bethany’s kitchen table, Allison struggled with the helplessness and anger twisting inside her. Her sister was quiet, her eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, but she hadn’t cried a single tear in front of Allison. Nor had she said one bad word about Gage or offered an explanation for their split.
“I can’t believe Gage would do this.”
Allison had always liked Gage, had grown to love him as the brother she�
��d never had. She knew she was supposed to be understanding and supportive, but she didn’t understand any of this…least of all Bethany’s reaction.
“I know you guys were having problems—” Gage’s moving out couldn’t mean anything else, but beyond that, Allison didn’t have a clue “—but I thought for sure you’d get back together, that he’d come to his senses.”
Swallowing hard, Bethany said, “He has.”
“You’re telling me divorcing his pregnant wife is the sensible decision?” Allison demanded, incredulous. Reaching out to take her sister’s hands, she pleaded, “Talk to me, Bethany. The two of you were so happy. What happened? Is there someone else?”
For a moment, Allison feared Bethany would maintain her stubborn silence, the impenetrable distance the years had put between them. When she pulled her hands away, Allison’s heart sank. Only instead of pushing away from the table or refusing to answer the questions, Bethany cradled her stomach and murmured, “I guess you could say that.”
Feeling like her mental shoelaces were tied together, Allison’s thoughts tripped over one another as she tried to make sense of what her sister was saying. “You mean Gage left because of the baby? Because the baby is…” Unable to finish the sentence, her words trailed off.
Giving her an affronted glance, Bethany interjected, “Gage’s. The baby is Gage’s, Allison.”
“Sorry! I’m sorry. When I asked if there was someone else, I meant if Gage was seeing someone else, but then you said the baby and— Obviously, I’m confused. Why would Gage want to divorce you because of the baby?”
“When we first got married, Gage wanted to wait before having kids, and I was okay with that. I would have liked to try right away, but I agreed that we should have some time alone first. But then one year went by, and another, and another, and we were still waiting. Before long, everywhere I went, everywhere I looked, there were babies. Kids on swing sets at the park, kids in strollers on the track, movie stars adopting kids or having two or three of their own. Everyone seemed to have a baby except for me.
“It had been a few months since I’d talked to Gage about having kids. He’d seemed stressed about something he wouldn’t discuss, and at the time, I told myself I didn’t want to add to his troubles. But then July rolled around. Another year, another birthday, and I didn’t want to wait any longer. The timing might not have been perfect, but timing’s never perfect. So, stressed out or not, I told Gage I thought it was time for us to have kids.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I’ve gone over that moment again and again, and I still don’t know what happened. At first, he froze, and then he just exploded. It was like some action adventure movie where they use slow motion leading up to the big moment. He didn’t want kids. Not now, not ever, not up for discussion.”
“That doesn’t even sound like Gage.” Bethany’s husband had a temper, but he worked hard to keep it under control. Sometimes, Allison thought Gage was almost too controlled.
“I know. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I didn’t believe it. I told myself he had cold feet, and eventually, I’d convince him. I’d wear him down until he saw how great a dad he would be, and I’d have everything I wanted. And then Dad died, and well, I guess I went a little crazy.”
“We all did,” Allison agreed, recalling her mother’s and her own grief.
Bethany offered a self-deprecating smile. “Maybe. But we didn’t all go off our birth control without telling our husbands.”
“Oh, Bethany.”
Throwing her arms wide, Bethany said, “Go ahead. Yell at me. Tell me how I deceived and betrayed Gage’s trust and that I don’t deserve his forgiveness.”
“Is that what he said?”
Her arms collapsing back to her sides like a marionette with broken strings, Bethany said, “Gage didn’t say a thing. Not one word. He left and was gone for days. When he came home, it was to pack up his things and move out. We haven’t had a single meaningful conversation since. So now I have the baby I’ve always wanted, but I’ve lost my husband. I guess you can’t have everything after all.”
“I’m so sorry, Bethany. And I’m sorry I wasn’t here when Dad died.”
Her sister shook her head like she did every time Allison brought up that horrible time. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“We have to, Bethany.” Hating to push her sister now, Allison said, “We need to get through this. I want us to be close again, like we were before. We were more than sisters. We were friends. You could use a friend right now, and—and so could I.”
At first, Allison feared Bethany was going to continue to shut her out, but then her sister leaned forward. She braced her elbows on the table and stared at her folded hands as if they held a crystal ball. Only instead of showing the future, she was seeing the past. “I was at the house when Dad had his heart attack. I called 911, tried to keep him comfortable and to keep Mom calm. She rode with him in the ambulance, and I drove behind them.
“When we got to the hospital, all I could think was that I wanted to see him, as if that might somehow make everything all right. They wouldn’t let us into his room right away, and when they did, well, I think it was because they knew he wasn’t going to make it.
“I was sitting with him, trying to find the words to say goodbye.” As Bethany lifted her gaze, Allison read the devastation, the sorrow, and the bitter resentment her sister had bottled for months. “Dad opened his eyes, looked right at me…and asked for you.”
An echo of the pain her sister must have felt pierced Allison’s heart. She hadn’t been at her father’s side when he needed her… Hadn’t had the chance to take his hand, to look in his eyes, to tell him she loved him one more time… “Oh, Bethany—”
Her sister shoved away from the table. Fueled by the fury she’d finally unleashed, Bethany lashed out. “I don’t even know why I was surprised. Ever since you moved away, it was always about you!” She flung a hand out, and Allison flinched as if her sister had made actual contact. “It wasn’t a holiday, wasn’t a celebration unless Allison came home. It didn’t matter that I was there for every birthday, every anniversary…”
“No! Bethany, no! It wasn’t like that!”
“How would you know? You weren’t here.”
“And that’s why Dad had to ask for me! It wasn’t because he wanted me at his side more than he wanted you there. He could count on you being there. I was the one who missed those holidays, those weekly dinners. I was the one—the one who missed my chance to say goodbye.” Her voice broke on the word, the ragged edges leaving her throat raw and aching with unshed tears. “I regret that more than you can imagine, but there’s nothing I can do to change it.”
Pulling her shoulders back, Bethany regained the calm, stoic demeanor Allison had faced since she’d returned home. “No, there isn’t.”
Allison stepped inside her condo emotionally exhausted. Not since her father’s funeral had she felt so wrung out. But she’d asked for this, hadn’t she? She’d wanted to know the real reason why Bethany wouldn’t forgive her, and now she knew. She knew…
He asked for you… You weren’t there…
And oh, how that hurt! Getting her sister to let go of all the bitterness and anger was supposed to help, but Allison hadn’t guessed, couldn’t have imagined that the process would be so slow and painful. Like peeling bandages off wounds covered too long, Bethany’s words had ripped away pieces of her soul, and Allison didn’t know how that hurt could ever heal.
She moved through her condo in slow motion, fumbling as she changed out of the outfit she’d worn to work as if trying to make someone else’s limbs move, as if trying to guide someone else’s fingers through the necessary steps of unzipping and unbuttoning clothes. When the doorbell rang as she was pulling on a T-shirt and pair of sweats, Allison ignored the sound. Whoever it was would give up in a minute. They’d figure she wasn’t home and leave her in peace—
But when the bell rang again, Allison
dragged her feet into the living room. She was reaching for the handle when a deep, oh-so-familiar voice said, “Allison? Open the door.”
“Go away, Zach,” she whispered, crossing her arms over her chest as she backed away.
The silencing coming from outside lasted so long, she started to think he’d actually listened to her for once. Finally, though, Zach replied, “I’m not leaving, so you might as well let me in.”
With raw emotions so close to the surface, the last thing she should do was open the door. And yet she took one step closer. Then another. “I’m fine.” The words were a last, desperate attempt and, considering the watery sound of tears in her voice, not a very convincing one.
“Allie…” His soft voice carried through the closed panel. “Let me in.”
Dropping her head against the door, Allison admitted defeat. She couldn’t resist, even though letting Zach in would mean so much more than simply opening the door. She might as well put a welcome mat on her heart and invite him to trample all over it.
“Your neighbors are going to wonder about the suspicious-looking guy lingering outside your door all night.”
All night… “You’ve got the meeting with James Collins in the morning,” she said as she opened the door. “You should be at work polishing the presentation until it’s perfect.”
“It is perfect,” Zach argued. “Daryl was impressed. He says it’s a home run—thanks to you.”
“Thanks to me?”
“It was your idea to narrow the focus and limit the technical details. Not to mention the work you did on the PowerPoint. I wasn’t about to take all the credit.”
“You could have,” she whispered. Kevin had done so much worse, but Zach wasn’t Kevin. After getting to know him, Allison wasn’t sure what made her think the two men were anything alike to begin with. Zach had a work ethic and integrity Kevin Hodges completely lacked.
“No way. I’ve always worked alone, but you’ve made me realize there are some things I don’t mind sharing.”
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