and he shook in my arms, and then he moved.
Clasping my cheeks in his large hands, he said something too low and too quick for me to understand as he tilted my head back and kissed me. There was nothing soft about it. His mouth was on mine, the metal ball in his tongue clanking off my teeth as he pressed me into the door. He tasted of something sweet and the bitter tang of alcohol was still on his tongue. Little shivers of pleasure raced through my body as I moaned into the kiss. My hands slid up to his shoulders and my fingers dug into his smooth skin. The kiss was doing crazy stuff to my senses, obliterating my common sense when the lower half of him pressed against mine.
And it felt like it had been forever since I felt this. The sweet wildness that came from a single kiss and the release and freedom of finally letting go, of complete and utter acceptance, of having what I wanted, what I yearned for. The immediate and absolute rush of desire so potent it clouded my thoughts, and the nervous energy and elation that came from tasting love on the tip of my tongue. Nothing compared to this.
Roth broke the kiss, breathing heavily as he cradled my face. “Say it again,” he ordered roughly. “Say it again, Layla.”
I could barely catch my breath. “I’m happy here with you. I...” I dragged my hands up his neck, smoothing my thumbs along his jaw. There was more I wanted to say, but he grasped my wrists and just held them in his hands, staring down at them, saying nothing. My heart pounded fast, but my blood felt sluggish.
A lock of black hair fell into his face and when he finally lifted his chin, the vulnerability was in his gaze again. His beauty was unreal, almost too perfect, but in that moment, he looked more human than he ever had before. “I’ve... I’ve been drinking.”
Not exactly what I had been expecting him to say. “I can tell.”
Letting go of my hands, he took a step back and turned, giving me a rather nice view of his toned back. I was happy to see when he twisted sideways that Thumper was on him—a drunk not-so-pocket-size dragon would’ve been no laughing matter. I was also happy to see all the dips and planes of his stomach.
Really happy.
Those pants hung so low it was almost indecent. Almost. He picked up a bottle off the dresser. He shook it. “I got myself so drunk that I became literally incapable of going after you and stopping you.” He studied the empty bottle he held, frowning. “But did you know that intoxication works differently for us? It only lasted for maybe an hour and then I just felt like shit, so I had to drink some more. Aaand I might be a little drunk still...”
I pressed my lips together to stop from laughing. “I’ll say.”
One side of his lips quirked up as he cast a sidelong glance at me. “I know I shouldn’t be drinking. It makes me a naughty, naughty boy.”
“Yeah, and apparently it also makes your familiars drunk.” I gestured at Bambi, who was slumbering where she’d fallen, a pathetic snaky heap on the floor. “Maybe you don’t get as intoxicated because your poor friends there soak up all the effects.”
Roth tipped his head to the side. “Huh. Live and learn.” He turned back to me, and there was a recognizable heat in his gaze. “I want to kiss you again.”
Even though there were parts of me that were like, all aboard the Roth train, I knew this was not going to happen tonight, for so many reasons. “As you pointed out, you’re drunk.”
He faced me with his chin dipped low and his full lips slightly parted. “I still want to kiss you. I want to do other things. A lot of it involves touching, with and without clothes.”
My cheeks heated.
Tipping his head back, he sighed heavily. “But yeah, drunk. Sorry.”
“Roth.” I took a cautious step toward him. Even plastered, he was fast. “How long have you been drinking?”
One shoulder rose as he turned to the bed. “Since you left? If I didn’t, I would’ve gone after you and possibly let Thumper eat Stony, and you wouldn’t be okay with that.”
“No,” I whispered. “I wouldn’t be.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have drunk this much. You don’t... Yeah, you deserve better than this.” He stopped at the foot of the bed, staring at me as he scrubbed his fingers through his messy hair. “Are you really here? Or did I manage to become the first demon ever to have alcohol poisoning?”
Part of me wanted to burst into laughter, but there was a tight knot of sadness deep in my chest. It was formed by a bitter, rancid guilt. My actions had such a ripple effect. Of course, I hadn’t held those bottles to Roth’s mouth, but I’d never even seen him drink before.
“I’m really here,” I told him.
He looked like he was about to say something as he went to sit on the foot of the bed. I started forward, already seeing that he’d misjudged the distance, but it was too late.
Roth hit the floor in front of the bed, smack on the rear. He tossed his head back, laughing loudly as I clapped my hand over my mouth. I hadn’t been sure what I was coming back to after leaving the coffee shop. There had been this fear—albeit irrational fear—that Roth was just going to pat me on my head and send me on my way. Then there was a part of me that thought he’d sweep me into his arms, professing his undying love for me. Either way, finding him drunk hadn’t even been in the realm of possibilities.
He settled down, resting his hands on his thighs as he looked over at me. “So, you really came back?”
I nodded, then said yes for extra bang.
His gaze dropped and he sighed heavily. “I bet you’re regretting that now.”
“No,” I replied without hesitation as I walked over to where he sat. “I don’t regret it.”
He lifted a brow, but it didn’t erase the lost look he wore. “Really?”
Easing to the floor beside him, I shook my head. “You’re drunk. Big deal. I mean, you probably shouldn’t be this drunk, but you’re not even...human. And you’re like the Crown Prince of Hell. I don’t think consuming alcohol is a deal breaker where you come from.”
“Nah, I guess not.” He bent one leg at the knee as he wet his lips. “You... I don’t want you to look back and think, wow, that was a terrible decision, because he would’ve—”
“Stop,” I said. Pleaded really. “I’m not going to regret my decision even if you end up running for the hills screaming to get away from me.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” he said drily.
I scooted closer and stretched out my legs next to his. “What I’m trying to say is that I made my decision. I’m not going to regret it. No matter what happens between us.” Biting down on my lip, I watched an array of emotions creep across his striking face. “Look, I don’t think we should talk about this right now. It can wait. It needs to wait, because I... I think I really hurt Zayne tonight. No. I know I did. And you’re not in the right frame of mind.” I halted again, because wow, I sounded so mature I kind of wanted to pat myself on the back. “This can wait. We have tomorrow.”
Roth didn’t respond as he studied me, and I had no idea what he was thinking in that head of his, but then he leaned over. He put that head in my lap, like he’d done that night I’d woken up after being healed by the witches’ brew, but this time, I didn’t hesitate. My hands didn’t linger for a second. They immediately went to him, one threading through the silky, black strands and the other curving around his shoulder.
He curled onto his side and closed his eyes. Thick lashes framed his cheeks. Several moments passed in silence, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. His muscles were too tense. “I’ve... I’ve done some really crappy things, Layla.”
My chest squeezed as I stared down at him, and in that moment, I wasn’t thinking about the Lilin or my wings or even Sam or Zayne. I was 100 percent focused on Roth, and the world around us and all the problems it kept serving up faded to the wayside. “I kind of figured that you have.” And that was true. He was a full-blooded Upper Level demon—a Crown Prince at that. I’d never fooled myself into believing he was a saint masked as a sinner.
“
Really shady things,” he murmured.
“Got it.” My lips twitched.
He managed to get one of his arms curled around my leg. “The...first time I was sent topside by the Boss was only a year after I was created. I was to find a Duke who was no longer heeding the Boss’s summons,” he continued as I gently worked my fingers through his hair. I didn’t dare speak, because Roth had never really talked openly about what his Boss had him doing. “The Duke had found a woman, a human. I don’t think she knew what he really was. Not that it mattered. The Boss was calling him back, but he wouldn’t leave her.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I had a feeling that this story wasn’t going to end with a happily-ever-after.
“There were others with me, who’d gotten called in.” His arm tightened around my leg. “Things got...messy.”
I closed my eyes, heart aching.
“That wasn’t the only time. There were other...situations like that. And these situations, well, they never weighed on me before. It’s not in my genetic makeup to feel guilt.” A wry grin flashed across his face and quickly disappeared. “Not until you. Now I think about these things and I wonder if there is any...goodness in me. Or what you could possibly see.”
Oh gosh, my heart was breaking all over again. I didn’t know what it was like to be Roth, to be something that was just the latest in the long line that came before him. Other Princes that the Boss had grown tired of, destroyed in one way or another, before creating this version of Astaroth. And I didn’t know everything Roth had done in his past, but in all honestly, I didn’t care. Who was I to judge? Being that I was nowhere near perfect and was also part demon, myself, I’d done things I wished I hadn’t, and I knew there would be things in the future that I’d want to take back. But Roth had spent eighteen years keeping the Boss of Hell happy. None of his darkness surprised me.
It just saddened me.
Leaning down, I kissed his cheek, and as I straightened, he turned wide amber eyes on me. “I see what you don’t.” I ran my hand up and down his arm. “You’re not selfish, even if you have moments of acting like it. We all do. You’re not evil, even if you were created by the greatest evil of them all. You’ve proven to me and yourself that you have free will, and you’ve made the right decisions time and time again.”
As I dragged my hand up his arm, he shuddered. “You’ve accepted who and what I am from the beginning. You’ve never tried to change me or...or hide me. You’ve always trusted me, even when you probably shouldn’t have.” I laughed at that, thinking of the time he’d left me alone in the Palisades club with explicit instructions not to roam off. “You’ve...you’ve celebrated what I am, and very few can claim that. Like I’ve said before, you’re more than the latest Crown Prince. You’re Roth.”
For a moment, he didn’t move or blink. Then wonderment filled his expression as he stared up at me, and finally, the tension eased out of his muscles. “And I’m yours.”
seven
AT SOME POINT, I managed to tuck Roth into bed and Bambi eventually followed. That was quite the spectacle to witness, a blitzed demonic anaconda attempting to slither onto a bed. I had to step in and lift her back end, and then I’d carefully scooped up the kitten passed out on the dresser and placed it on the bed, as well. I could only hope Bambi wouldn’t eat little Thor if she woke up in the middle of the night with drunken hunger pains.
Then I set about cleaning up the bottles. I stopped counting the ones that had been in the bedroom and took the rattling bag out to the trash. Afterward, I made myself a sandwich and checked in on Stacey.
She was doing as well as could be expected, and she also confirmed that Roth had indeed made an anonymous call. “The police came by this afternoon. Mom thought it was about the house fire, but it was...it was about Sam.”
Sitting in the living room, curled up against the back of an oversize cushion, I closed my eyes. “His family...”
“I know.” Her breath was shaky through the connection. “They told me. They also asked if I’d seen him. I went with the last time he’d been at school. Yesterday.”
“That was smart.”
A pause, and then, “God, Layla, how did any of this happen? Two months ago, I would’ve never seen any of this coming— Hold on,” she said, and I heard a door closing. “My mom has been following me around ever since the police showed up. She’s worried and scared. The police think that Sam...that he snapped and wiped out his family. It’s going to be all over school tomorrow, and it’s not right. You know? That people are going to believe that Sam did something like that.”
“It isn’t,” I agreed, opening my eyes. There was a painting hung on the wall across from me. A picturesque road with autumn on full display, but the bright oranges and reds were dulled. “Sam didn’t deserve any of this.”
“None of us do.” There was another deep inhale on her end. “Okay. I need to be distracted, because otherwise I’m going to lose it again. I’ve been losing it about every hour, on the hour. Okay? Distract me.”
“Um...” My brain emptied. Real helpful there. “Ah, I suck at this.”
She laughed hoarsely. “What’s Roth doing?”
“Well, he’s... Yeah, he’s kind of incapacitated right now.” I cringed, knowing how that sounded.
“Really?” Interest perked her tone. “Why?”
I glanced at the wide archway. “I told him this morning that I needed to talk to Zayne, and I guess he thought that meant that I was going to tell Zayne I wanted to be with him. So he might have gotten a little drunk.”
A strangled giggle came through the phone and my heart lifted at the sound. “Are you serious?”
“Yep. And his familiars? They’re drunk, too.” I paused, grinning a little. “It was quite the show.”
“I can imagine. Nope. Wait. I can’t. You need to go get pictures of this for me.”
I smiled even though that was not going to happen.
“So...you don’t want to be with Zayne? You’ve been obsessed with him since I met you.”
“I wouldn’t say obsessed.” It felt really wrong talking about this with Stacey, but she’d asked to be distracted, so I would do whatever she wanted. “You know I love Zayne. Always have and will, but Roth? He’s...”
“He’s the one,” she said quietly.
“Yeah. As much as he annoys the ever-loving crud out of me, I kind of love that he does. I know that sounds twisted, but it’s true.” I unfurled my legs and stood, curling one arm around my stomach as I started to pace the length of the room, wearing a little path in the Oriental carpet. “I... I love him, Stacey. I really do.”
“I’m not surprised,” was her response.
I started to grin again as I made my second pass in front of the couch. “Oh, really?”
“Nope. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Seen the way you look at him. It was always different with Zayne. Not knocking him. You know I’d give up my left ovary for a shot at that—God, that’s kind of really bad form right now, isn’t it? Like too soon even as a joke?” She sighed heavily. “I’m a terrible person.”
“No! Oh, gosh no! Don’t think that at all, and you’re not a terrible person.”
“Can...can I ask you something? And you’ll answer me honestly?”
I stopped in front of the painting. “Of course.”
“Promise,” she whispered.
“Promise.”
A moment passed before she spoke. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I never really started paying attention to Sam until he started changing, you know? When he started dressing differently and styling his hair. When he started getting confident...”
Oh no.
“And this whole time, all of that, it was never Sam.” Her voice cracked a little. “That was that thing pretending to be him. Does that mean I fell for that thing, Layla? And not Sam? And what does that say about me?”
“Oh, Stacey...don’t go down that path. The truth is, I think you always liked Sam, it just took you a while to r
ecognize it. You didn’t fall for the Lilin.”
“You sure?” Her voice sounded tiny and so very young.
“I’m sure of that, and look at it this way. The Lilin, it acted like Sam so much that none of us could tell the difference. You thought it was Sam. I thought it was Sam—a version of him that finally figured out how to use a comb.”
Stacey’s laugh was a pleasant shock to my ears. “Yeah. Okay.”
Tiny knots formed in my belly. “You get what I’m saying, right? You don’t think that about yourself.”
“No. I mean, I just... I needed to hear you say what you said. That’s all,” she promised, and I hoped she was telling the truth. “When can I see you so I can get the deets about you and Roth in person?”
I wasn’t sure what details I could give her since we really hadn’t talked, at least not when both of us were sober. “You going to class on Monday?”
“Probably so. What about you?”
My shoulders slumped. “I really want to, but right now we’ve got to figure out how to take care of the Lilin, and I’ve missed so much time.”
“Oh, Layla.”
I shook my head, not wanting to dwell on that at this moment. “Once everything is squared away, I’ll figure something out. Anyway, I can try to come see you after school. Depends on what we
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