Every Last Breath

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  would be no walkers in my future while Roth remained ageless.

  “You are like Lilith—utterly unique. Something that should not exist but does. So, too, is the Lilin. It should not exist, but you...you can stop it.”

  My gaze tracked to him as I lowered my hand. “I will stop it.”

  “Really?” He inclined his head. “Because all you’ve done since the Lilin revealed itself is mourn your friend, pout, indulge in relationship drama I would normally only expect from a pitiful human teenager and surrender your chastity.”

  I jerked back, a rigidness taking over my muscles. “What?”

  “I think I spoke clearly.” He stalked toward me, and this time, I didn’t back up, though my throat still ached from the last time I held my ground. “You need to stop the Lilin, but the only thing you’ve really accomplished is the loss of your virginity. Still, I suppose congratulations are in order. It is a milestone, after all. Please pass my good tidings to the Prince.”

  Embarrassed and furious, I felt my mouth drop open. “That’s not true!”

  “It’s not?” Grim tipped his head back and laughed darkly. “Tell me, what else have you managed?”

  I opened my mouth, ready to fire off everything that I’d—that we’d been working on—but the only things he’d really failed to mention were our botched attempts at locating the Lilin, the end of Elijah, and my new tattoo, who was now off doing God knows what with Bambi—who, by the way, shouldn’t even be here.

  Verbally backed into a corner, I said the first thing that shot to the tip of my tongue. “I didn’t ask for any of this!”

  The moment those words left my mouth, I knew they were a mistake. Besides the fact it didn’t do much for the conversation, it was possibly the most incredibly childish thing I’d ever said.

  And that was saying something.

  Grim smirked. “No one ever asks for what life deals them. You are hardly special.”

  My gaze lowered to his boots, and then I squeezed my eyes shut. God, he was right. No matter what I had going on in my life, I hadn’t done enough to stop the evil I’d inadvertently helped create when Paimon had performed the ritual in his attempt to free Lilith—and more innocent people would die as a result. I wasn’t sure what more I could’ve done, but obviously there was something.

  Taking a deep breath, I lifted my eyes to his. “You’re right. I haven’t been doing enough, but I will do anything to stop the Lilin.”

  His eyes glinted strangely, as if they held their own light source. “Anything?”

  “Anything,” I repeated, though the words did not change why I was here. “But I’m not going to forget about Sam. His soul is here and it doesn’t belong here.”

  He moved again, lightning quick, but I jumped back as I threw up my arm, blocking his attempt at another throat grab. Pain pulsed down my arm, and there’d probably be a bruise there later, but better there than around my neck.

  Grim drew back, and I thought I saw approval flaring in his eyes. “Perhaps you still do not understand what is at risk here.”

  Then, without any warning, he gripped my wrist, and we were no longer on the bridge; we were in some kind of building and a wall of flames loomed in front of us. Heat rolled off the burning wall as crackling flames touched the floor and ceiling, but somehow, like the fire in the elevator, they didn’t spread.

  Thrown off by the sudden change, I stumbled back and into Grim. Jerking away, I didn’t make it very far before a strong arm clamped down, around my waist, drawing me back. Air punched out of my lungs.

  “I think there’s someone you need to meet,” he said, voice low in my ear.

  The flames pulsed, and then dropped from the ceiling, disappearing into the floor and revealing what existed beyond. It was a room—a bedroom of sorts, with a great, ornate bed and rich furs covering the bare stone floor. There was a small table and two chairs, even a TV, and a hysterical laugh bubbled up inside me as I remembered what Roth had said about the reception down here. From the ceiling there was a thick steel bolt connected to a chain that ran down the wall, and I tracked the length of the chain to the neck of the woman who stood to the right, her slim hip propped against the wall.

  My breath caught.

  She wore all white, a gossamer gown that showed everything from the collar to the hem, and all the shadowy places in between. This woman, with her hair so blond it was almost white and eyes that were a pale shade of gray, was startlingly beautiful, unusually so with eyes tipped at the corners and a lush, red mouth.

  And that red mouth curved up in a smug smile.

  Then she spoke in a voice that was ancient and heavy as the furs lining the floor. “Well, it’s about time.”

  “Lilith,” I breathed.

  eighteen

  FOR THE FIRST time in my life, I was standing in front of Lilith—my mother—and she was a living, breathing creature. I don’t know why that shocked me the most, but she’d always been more myth than real in my mind.

  There was something inside me that was repelled by the chain around her slender neck. It was a weird feeling, one of familial bonding. After all, no matter what, she was my mother, and she was chained. I didn’t like it. I didn’t even like the feeling, and I didn’t know what to make of any of that.

  “Mother would’ve been a more appropriate greeting,” she said, and that voice was like a thousand Bambis, slithering under my skin. “But then again, I should not expect such courtesy from you.”

  I blinked at the thinly veiled insult.

  Well then...

  Lilith didn’t so much as walk toward the center of the room as she drifted. I wasn’t sure her feet touched the stone at all. “Why is she here? I do not believe it is to free me, not with you here.”

  “You know you will never be freed,” Grim replied acidly. “No matter what the Lilin thinks, your time down here is hardly finite.”

  A change swept over her face, softening the ethereal beauty. “My son? Do you bring word of him?”

  The breathlessness of her voice was a kick to the chest that woke me up. “Your son? You mean, that insane thing running around topside, wreaking havoc?”

  Her pale eyes narrowed on me. “That is your brother you’re talking about. Have some respect.”

  “My brother?” I snorted. “Yeah. No.”

  She shook her head and the long waves danced around her face. “You cannot deny what is. He is a part of you. You are a part of me. The three of us are connected.”

  I stiffened. “I’m not a part of you or him.”

  Lilith raised her chin. “You always were such a disappointment to me,” she said, and I flinched, unable to help myself. “I had such great hope for you. You were to be the one to not only free me, but to rise with me. We would’ve changed the world, but this?” She paused, raising her hands. “This is what I have to show for it. You do not respect me. You do not honor me.”

  “Wow,” I murmured, drawing in a shaky breath. “Just wow. Have you ever cared for anyone—loved them?”

  “Love?” She wrinkled her nose distastefully.

  “Paimon loved you,” I replied.

  She rolled her eyes. “That fool. He failed at releasing me and he is the reason they all watch too closely now. There is no such thing as love, and please, do not expose a whole new level of idiocy by arguing with me. I’ll ask again.” She cast her gaze to Grim, who was still holding me from behind. “Why is she here?”

  “I’ll ask the questions.” Grim’s hold on my waist didn’t loosen, as if he expected me to race forward and tear the chain from the ceiling. Needless worry. That wasn’t going to happen. “Will you call back the Lilin? You know you can. Even from this cell, you can stop this.”

  “Why can’t you make her?” I asked.

  Grim all but growled. “It is not that simple.”

  Lilith’s gaze flickered between us, and then she tossed her head back, letting out a throaty laugh. “Is that a serious question? You ask me to stop my son?” Lowering her head, her
gaze flashed like steel. “If I cannot have my way, then I cannot wait for the destruction he will heap upon mankind. He will bring about the one thing that I could never accomplish—the end.”

  “Why?” I demanded. “Why would you want that? No one wins in that scenario. Not even you.”

  “Why?” Disbelief flooded her face. “Have you no idea what I’ve suffered? First thanks to the one who created me and then at the hands of man? Have you no clue what I’ve lost? My freedom stripped from me time and time again! My choices thrown away! I was cast from Eden, left to fend for myself in a dark world full of horror! You have no idea what I’ve experienced. Do not dare to ask why.”

  “You have suffered,” Grim said quietly. “And so have the many souls I’ve claimed because of your hand.”

  She laughed bitterly. “And I do not regret a single thing.” She glanced down at me. “Well, maybe just a few things.”

  I jolted and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I’m your daughter.”

  Her face tensed. “Then honor me.”

  “I can’t,” I whispered, choked. “Not if honoring you means millions of people will die.”

  “Then we are done here.”

  “So we are,” murmured Grim.

  The wall of flames returned with a thunderous pop, and then we were no longer there. We were back at the bridge, and Grim released me. I stumbled away from him, to the wall.

  I stared down at the water for several moments, feeling nauseous and...and heartsick. There was a wound there, one I’d spent the better part of my life ignoring or pretending wasn’t a big deal, but it was and it did hurt. No matter what Lilith was, she was my mother, and neither she nor my father had ever cared for me. “Why did you bring me to her? Other than to prove she doesn’t and never has cared about me?”

  “It might have seemed cruel, but you needed to see what she truly is, because it shows you what the Lilin truly is. Nothing will change either of them. No amount of rationale or negotiation. The Lilin must be stopped.”

  “I know. I didn’t need to meet her to understand that.” Weary from everything Grim had told me and from meeting the mother for whom I’d been such a disappointment, I faced him. I was done with this. “I want Sam’s soul. You can release it, so it can go where it’s supposed to, and I will stop the Lilin. But I want his soul released.”

  Grim stared at me, his expression apathetic. “I cannot do that.”

  Prepared for that response, I clasped my hands together to keep from swinging and discovering how easy it would be for Grim to take me out despite my newly discovered immortality. “Please. He doesn’t deserve this. Please. I’ll do anything you want me to do.”

  “You should never offer such a bargain to anyone.” His gaze held no cruelty, but I shivered nonetheless. “Especially not me, because I may request from you something you are not willing to give.”

  The shiver hit me again. “I have to do this for him. You don’t understand. Sam was a good person—a truly good person. His soul was nearly pure. He doesn’t deserve an eternity of being tormented.”

  “I do not disagree, but there is nothing I can do.”

  My hands started to shake and I separated them. “No. I know you can. You control the souls that have passed. You’re the—”

  “I know what I am, girl, as I told you before,” he snapped, the passivity in his expression bleeding into irritation. “And I know I cannot release what I do not have.”

  Frustration poured out of my voice. “Then who has his soul? Who do I need to beg? Because I will.”

  “You do not understand.” Grim shook his head, almost sadly. “His soul is no more. Can you comprehend that? Despite what Lilith said, what you are and what a Lilin is are two very different things.”

  “What?” I whispered, my heart suddenly beating too fast. I understood what he was saying, but I wanted to be wrong. I needed to be wrong. My lower lip trembled. “Where is his soul?”

  “The Lilin consumed it, girl. You know that. How else could it take on his form or any other? When the Lilin consumes a soul, it is not the same as stripping it. That is why any Lilin, even only one, is so incredibly dangerous.”

  Horror swamped me. No. No. No. I didn’t know this. There wasn’t a Lilin-handling manual that explains these things. I’d assumed that there would still be some part of Sam’s essence that would’ve been sent to Hell. I had assumed that the Lilin’s ability was like mine. I hadn’t allowed the idea of anything else to cross my mind.

  “Are you...?” I could barely get the words out from around the ball of bitter emotion forming. “Are you telling me there is nothing that you can do?”

  “There is no soul for me to release,” he answered quietly.

  “Oh God.” I closed my eyes, turning away as raw pain and disappointment took my breath away.

  It wasn’t fair. Not at all. Sam had never hurt a single person and now he just... Ceased to exist? Some would argue that was better than an eternity of torment, but to me, it was worse. That everything Sam had ever been, all that he had ever done, simply did not matter. He was gone, nothing left of him in this world or any other, and that was so wrong.

  And what in the world was I going to tell Stacey? This—this would destroy her, but how could I lie, knowing what I knew? But I’d rather shoulder that burden than have her carry that knowledge.

  “I didn’t say there was nothing that could be done.”

  My eyes shot open and I spun toward him. “What?”

  “The Lilin consumed the soul, and that soul is in him, along with any other souls he’s consumed. All is not lost.”

  For a second, I didn’t dare breathe, and then I lost it. “How about starting the conversation off with that instead of letting me think he was simply just gone!”

  “How about you watch your tone,” he replied tartly.

  Every ounce of my being wanted to rage against him, but I forced myself to calm down, because he held all the knowledge. “I’m sorry,” I pushed out. “It’s just that Sam is important to me.”

  Grim arched a brow. “I can see that.” Folding his arms across his chest, he eyed me with stark intensity. “You and I want the same thing. You want to free Sam’s soul and I want the Lilin stopped. I believe this is what humans would term two birds, one stone. Kill the Lilin. Sam and every other soul he’s consumed will be freed.”

  “Done.” Not a second of hesitation.

  “Be warned that it will not be so easy. Souls don’t last indefinitely, trapped like that. I’ve never heard of one making it past a handful of months,” he said. “Time is of the essence.”

  Sam had been gone for a while. “Is it too late for him?”

  “No,” he answered, and I took his word for it, because he was who he was. “But you do not have long. For a variety of reasons.”

  I nodded, not only grasping onto the hope that I could still help Sam find the peace he deserved but fully understanding that the moment I got topside, I needed to find the Lilin.

  “Do not fail in this. It is not just your friend’s soul at risk,” he added, and a blast of icy wind beat back the oppressive heat. “If the Lilin continues unchecked, the Alphas will step in. They will eradicate all the demons and Wardens topside, and if that happens, Hell will have to retaliate. There is no way Hell could stand aside and allow it. The Boss will release the four horsemen.”

  I swallowed hard. “I guess you’re not talking about the Kentucky Derby kind of horsemen?”

  “No.” He didn’t sound amused. “They will ride, and they will bring about the apocalypse. Billions will die, Layla, and the earth will be laid to waste. Only Lilith and the Lilin could truly want that. Not I. Not the Boss or the Big One in the Sky. None of us want that, because all of us will go to war.”

  “No pressure or anything,” I murmured, sighing. “I’m just stopping the apocalypse.”

  His lips twitched into a grin, but it was gone so quickly I might’ve imagined it. “Unlike your mother, I have faith in you, Layla.
But remember one thing. Everyone pays a price in blood in the end.”

  nineteen

  BAMBI AND ROBIN were returned to me right before I stepped back into the significantly cooler hallway. The moment they’d appeared, they’d started bickering with one another. About what, I wasn’t sure, because I was consumed with everything Grim had told and showed me.

  Overwhelmed, I didn’t feel the familiars resume their animal forms and attach themselves to me, or really remember much of the walk back to the elevator or the trip topside. My thoughts were still swirling around in a vicious circle when the elevator doors slid open once more.

  Gleaming amber eyes met mine, and before I could say a word, or tell him how relieved I was to see him, Roth was in front of me. Barely restrained fury tightened the lines of his face as he stormed into the elevator.

  “Have you been hurt?” he demanded.

  “What? No.”