business.
Jameson: Stop texting me and go to bed.
Kendra: Dick!
Jameson: You’re making this very difficult. I’m just going to say it. It’s over.
Kendra: It’s not over until I
say it’s over.
Jameson: Goodbye Kendra.
Kendra: Fuck you Jameson.
Jameson: Kendra, do me a
favor, don’t text me anymore.
Right there is a prime example of how technology and alcohol do not mix well. When I got out of bed, I noticed a glass of water and ibuprofen on the night stand. I threw the tablets into my mouth and chugged the water. I rested my head back down on the pillow. The room was spinning and I felt nauseated. I laid for a few more minutes before I decided to find my husband.
I drug myself out of bed and down the stairs to the great room. Patrick was laying on the couch in the family room watching Sports Center. The floor creaked.
Patrick turned his head and looked in my direction. He asked, “Kendra, how are you feeling. You were pretty damn drunk last night.”
“Yeah, I was. I must have not eaten much yesterday. The alcohol snuck up on me. Did I make a fool of myself?
He smiled, “No, everyone was drunk.”
I was relieved despite the fact I know I made a fool of myself with Jameson. Changing the subject, I asked, “Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
As I headed to the kitchen, he replied, “No.”
I went over to the cabinet to pull out a coffee mug. Patrick made coffee already. He knows me too well. I poured myself a cup of black, warm, and rich coffee. Oh, this aroma was taking away the bitter headache throbbing at my temples.
As I was taking my sip, I heard Patrick holler, “Babe, who is Jamie?”
I dropped my mug. It crashed against the tile floor, shattering to pieces and spilling coffee.
Patrick came running in, concerned. He asked, “Are you okay?”
I grabbed some paper towels and the trash can. I focused on cleaning up the huge mess I had made. Embarrassed, I replied, “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“What happened?”
“You know your wife is a klutz. I slipped on the floor with my socks and dropped my cup.”
He did not buy it. “Kendra, who is Jamie and why was this person texting you in the middle of the night?”
I stared blankly at him.
Patrick interrupted my thoughts and asked something I dreaded ever hearing from his mouth. “Kendra, are you having an affair?”
March 22nd, 2017
I really dodged a bullet to the head the other day. Patrick saw that Jamie texted me. I don’t know if my husband has decided to ignore it because, honestly, my excuse was bullshit. I told him it was one of my friends from the gym drunk-texting me. Yes, it was a lame excuse but it is the only thing I could fumble up last minute. Patrick being Patrick just said, “Please tell your friend not to text so late at night.” I happily obliged with an okay.
However, that is not the only thing that is bothering me about that night. The conversation with Jameson is just eating me up inside. He ended it with me because we both could get caught. He had to make an excuse who was texting him at all hours of the night. This is the first time in the short few months of our affair we almost got caught because of my drunk ass.
Realization started to creep over me, causing a downward spiral of emotions. We both have so much to lose if we get caught. I could lose the love of my life, my family, and my whole world. All for someone who I can’t control myself around, sexually speaking. He can too. I have nothing to offer Jameson but sex. I will not leave my husband for him. I can’t expect him to leave his girlfriend for me because I need a fuck buddy on the side. For the first time throughout this relationship, the ramifications of what we have done is really starting to settle in.
I know he ended it, but I feel we both need to end it. Not over text. There is so much I want to say to Jameson. I need to say it in person, not over the phone or text or messenger. Face to face, to finally say we are over. The other night was in rage. I know there are feelings between us. We have been at this since October. If we are going to truly end this, we need to do it on good terms.
I grabbed my phone. The twins will be at their grandparents’ cabin over the weekend. Patrick will be away on business. Now is the time, to empty the bottle of Jameson. No more whiskey shots for this woman.
I texted him.
Kendra: Hey. Sorry for the
other night. We need to talk,
though.
Immediately, a text came through. Which is unlike any man that I know, especially Jameson.
Jameson: I agree.
Kendra: Please come to my
home.
Jameson: What? Are you
serious?
Kendra: My family is gone for the weekend. What I have to say needs to be private. Just you and me. You live with your girlfriend, so that is out. My place it is.
Jameson: Okay. I guess.
The text conversation ended with me giving him my address. My plan is to make this our last night together. Dinner, wine, everything nice and then talk. The other night was a close call. I can’t have those any more. There is absolutely no reason for us to be together.
March 25, 2017
Today is the day. My last night with Jameson. Part of me is having mixed emotions about ending it. I have grown to care for him. That, I can’t deny. But I have to let him go to live his life. I need to focus on my life and my family. My relationship with my husband has gotten better. My energies really should be focused on improving my relationship with those I love the most, Patrick and the twins.
Patrick had an early morning flight and his parents picked the kids up last night. I am alone. I told Patrick that it is Claire’s boyfriend’s birthday and I plan to show my support and be there. He really didn’t care. He knows I need time to myself. But it was a lie. I hated lying like that but if I didn’t, I would be with his parents at the cabin. This needs to end now.
***
Jameson arrived shortly after six in the evening. He looked debonair as always, like he just got out of a business meeting. Maroon dress shirt unbutton at the top, tight gray slacks that hugged every inch of his tush.
This is going to be hard.
We sat at the dinner table in the dining room which was adjacent to the kitchen. As corny as it sounds, it was a candlelight dinner. I made my infamous chicken eggplant lasagna. We sat. We drank. We ate. Nothing big and definitely not a lot of talking. And when we did talk, it was small talk. Him discussing how busy he has been at work and me talking about my kids.
Then the discussion occurred.
Jameson’s deep, dark brown eyes stared into mine. He asked, “What is up?”
I replied, “We need to talk about what is going on between us.”
“Yeah. I agree.”
“We can’t continue like this anymore.”
“I know.”
“St. Patrick’s Day proved that for the both of us. Patrick saw your pseudo name pop up on my phone.”
“Heather heard all your texts and she saw your name.”
“I think we both agree, that was a close call.”
“Yep.”
“Jameson, I’m going to be honest with you. These last several months have been extraordinary. I found myself again. You helped me. You wanted me in the way I wanted to be wanted. My husband noticed the change in me. It changed him. In ways, you helped our marriage. I feel him and I are back to being that couple.”
He nods his head, then looks down.
I continued, “Jameson, I could never give you what you want. Whether it is now or in the future. One day, you are going to want someone to spend the rest of your life with. You are going to want children with that someone. And that someone will never be me.”
Tears started to trickle down my cheeks. This is proving to be very hard. Jameson is qui
et as the night shines above the lake. Just looking at me with somber in his eyes.
At this point, my emotions took over. Tears were pouring down more. I blubbered, “You love her. Please say something.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I love my husband. This has to stop. It ends tonight.”
He looked at me puzzled. “Tonight?”
I stood up from my chair and grabbed his hand. “One last time before we say goodbye.”
He smiled, “Okay.”
I led Jameson up the stairs of my two-story home, and into the bedroom. My bedroom. He looked at me concerned, “In here?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
“Are you sure? This is your room with your husband.”
I smiled, “If it helps, I changed the sheets.”
He grinned. Before I could make my move on him, Jameson grabbed me and forcefully landed his lips on mine. This is it. Our last time. The heat and passion within us took over. We wasted no time ripping each other’s clothes off. Jameson laid me on the bed. Once again drilling holes into my eyes, his callused hands caressed my face. I closed my eyes, taking in this tender moment between us. Instead of the normal, rough kisses, he pressed his lips to mine gentle and soft. He enters me, moving his hips slowly and passionately. This time is different. I moaned in ecstasy. Every ounce of feeling we have for each other will be set free tonight. I arched my back, allowing his manhood to go deeper in me. He moaned in satisfaction. Jameson leaned down and pressed his lips to my neck, then nibbled. He is being playful. My hands caressed his muscular back, as our hips moved slower but in unison. He pushed deeper. My legs locked around his waist, tightening to ensure no escape. He whispered, “Kendra.”
I answered, “Keep moving. I want to savor you.”
“Open your eyes for me.”
“Why?”
“I want to be lost in your eyes as we come.”
I opened my eyes. He started to move faster with a slight amount of hardness.
I whimpered, “Jameson.”
“Kendra.”
I squeezed my legs tighter around him, feeling the build-up of this more than sex moment. His strong hips pumped hard yet sensitive. I am losing myself within him. I started to sob knowing tonight will be our last night together.
He leaned down and kissed one of my tears. He continued to thrust himself deep inside of me, hitting my spot. I started to spasm around him. Our eyes back to being locked together. The intensity in his eyes is somber. A grunt escapes him. Our hip bones pressing against each other. He grieved, “Kendra.”
I wrapped my arms around him and bringing us chest to chest. Both of us continued to set each other free from one another.
I cried, “I’m sorry.”
He moaned, “Kendra.”
One last thrust before we relaxed, he fell limp on my body. His head rested on my shoulder. He whispered, “Kendra, don’t ever be sorry for this.”
“I just…”
He lifted his head and looked me directly in the eyes again and said, “I care for you. I hate letting you go, but for both of us, it needs to happen.”
The water works continued to spill. “Jameson, you have no idea what you have done for me.”
He wiped the tears from my cheek. “Kendra, you have no idea what you have done for me.”
I breathed, “This is it.”
He leaned down and planted his lips on mine. Then removed them. Jameson peeled himself off of me and laid next to me. His secure arms grabbed hold of me, bringing our naked bodies together. Faintly, he said, “I just want to hold you for the rest of the night.”
“Please do.”
***
Jameson left the next morning. There will be nothing between us ever again. Yes, he meant something to me. He brought this married mother of two back to life. I could never thank him enough for making me realize what I have and what I don’t want to lose. This will be Jameson’s and my secret. We will never speak again.
I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and deleted Jamie from my contacts. Then I went online, and noticed he deleted me from our online friendship. All messages were deleted. This is goodbye.
I set my phone back on the nightstand and started to remove the sheets from the last time I had my last shot of Jameson. The bottle is completely empty.
Epilogue
December 4th, 2017
After Jameson and I ended it, I decided to transfer to another affiliate gym. It was the best thing for the both of us. Seeing him would be hard. I had to eliminate him from my life and that meant changing gyms.
Now, there is a new gym closer to my home. It is part of the Boot Camp Core franchise. I am stoked because I don’t have to drive twenty minutes to workout. They have a morning class that works perfect with my schedule.
But get this. It is just my luck. Out of all places, at my new gym, I ran into Jameson. And oh my goodness, awkward. I walked into the gym fifteen minutes early, to get some stretching done. He was across the gym. He looked at me. Then did a double take. Our eyes connected by a magnetic force. He smirked and moseyed on over in my direction.
He approached me and acknowledged in his deep, sexy voice, “Well, hello, stranger.”
In disbelief, I shook my head and said, “Hey you!”
“It has been a while.”
“Yeah.”
“You look good.”
I blushed, “So do you but you knew that already.”
He laughed, “Oh, Kendra. What’s new?”
“Well, I just got back from Jamaica. You?”
“Nice!” He runs his fingers through his mop of hair and continued, “I’m getting married.”
Mouth to floor. Sucker punched in the gut.
In my best fake excited voiced, I congratulated him, “Wow. That is great. Heather, I am assuming.”
“We’re expecting a baby as well.”
Double whammy.
If I had water in my mouth, I would have spit it all over him. Fake excited voice again, “A baby too. Wow. You’ve been busy.”
He laughed, “Just a little.”
“I’m happy for you. I really am. Who would’ve thought?”
“You?”
“Shut up.”
“How are you and the husband?”
“Actually, we’re doing fantastic.”
“What you’ve always wanted?”
“Yeah. You too.”
The instructor hollered that class was going to start. Before Jameson walked away, he said, “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”
“Okay.”
“One more thing.”
Curious to what he has to say. I answered, “Okay.”
“Let’s get coffee sometime. I know how much you enjoy your stimulants.”
I smiled and shook my head at him once more. Not a single smart ass word seeped from my mouth. Jameson winked at me and walked away to his spot at “our” new gym.
Fucking stimulant!
Sincerely, Nikki
The End!
First off, I would like to say thank you for reading Dear Diary. The whole purpose of Dear Diary was to tap into the world of infidelity. Yes, some will consider this morally wrong. However, for Kendra and Jameson, it was more than that. They were each other’s escape from their own reality. Jameson helped Kendra find herself again which, in turn, made Kendra’s relationship with her husband better. Kendra helped Jameson realize what he wants in life besides a successful career. They were two souls connecting to help each other heal from their own insecurities. I really hope you enjoyed reading this story.
Love, Nikki Sapphire
Acknowledgements
Thank you to all the GEMS that made this story possible. From the cover designer, to the editor, to all the alpha and beta readers. This book is successful because of you all.
Short and sweet just like this novella.
-Nikki
Who is Nikki Sapphire?
She is
a mother, a daughter, a wife, a lover, an author, and whatever she feels the need to be. The point is, that she is not just one person. She is everything that we wish we could be. Nikki is not afraid to tap into the desires we never act out. She is the dark side of us.
Dear Diary Page 7
