by Lara Swann
“As long as you like.” Josh says with a slightly ironic smile, “Katy just dumped me.”
“Oh.” I pause for a moment. “What was it this time?”
“Something about her wanting us to be going somewhere.” He responds, slowly sipping at his margarita.
“I’m sorry.” I reach over and squeeze his hand.
“Don’t be, it’s fine.” He shakes his head, still smiling as if nothing happened.
It makes me laugh, dropping any attempt at sympathy as I take my hand back and look at him. We’ve been through this routine too often for me to expect him to actually need comfort.
“What?” He asks.
“I’d say that’s the reason you got dumped.” I point out.
“Yeah, maybe. She was probably looking for someone who’d fall to pieces over her.” He grins again, swiping the shock of caramel-golden hair from his forehead back on top of his head. “I was getting a little bored, anyway.”
“It’s a pity, actually. I liked Katy - she was…”
“Boring?” He suggests.
I laugh again. “Well, maybe. I was going to say sensible or stable or—”
“Not off her head with drugs, manic-depressive, or never-ending drama, like everyone else has been?”
“Yeah.” I reach over and nudge him. “I really thought she could be your settling-down girl, you know - your one.”
He snorts. “So, I think we have a winner for the best thing not to say to someone who just got dumped.”
“Best thing not to say to someone who cares they just got dumped.” I correct, “Besides, from the sounds of it, if you told her you’d had a sudden epiphany that you were meant to be together, she’d come back around.”
“Not if I told her that the epiphany came from my best friend Cassie Jacobs.” He points out wryly, taking a drink.
“Yeah, maybe leave that part out.” I agree.
Katy has been better than most of Josh’s girls about our friendship - part of the reason I’d liked her - but I’d still pretty much dropped giving Josh advice once they’d started dating. The last thing she needed to feel was that my opinion was part of their relationship.
He rolls his eyes at me. “I thought we were here to talk about you, anyway.”
“I just want you to be happy, Josh.” I say with a fond smile, thinking about his string of failed relationships.
“I am happy.” He grins back at me. “Hell, I’m single now - just think of all the fun I’m going to have with that. Plenty of fish in the ocean and all. Those are the platitudes you should be quoting at me.”
“Mmhmm…and only one small rod to catch them with.” I give him a dirty smile and watch as Josh catches the innuendo.
He splutters on his drink, then laughs openly. “I’ll have you know, the last thing it is, is small.”
I just smile innocently and watch as he tries to recover from almost choking on alcohol. It takes him a moment, and then he’s shaking his head at me again.
“So, c’mon, I came all this way and it wasn’t to talk about Katy - what’s the emergency?” He asks again.
“It was hardly far, Josh.” I point out, but then sigh and stop trying to distract myself from the reason I started drinking tonight in the first place.
“My sister is engaged.” I finally say, and pop a couple of the nuts on the table into my mouth, crunching them.
“Okay…and I take it from the look on your face that congratulations is the wrong thing to say.” He doesn’t quite ask.
I just look at him.
“Is the guy a douche?” He guesses.
I think about that for a moment. “I’ve barely met the guy, but knowing Beth…probably.”
As far as I’m concerned, the best thing about my future brother-in-law is that he’ll distract my younger sister. The fewer family gatherings and events I have to deal with her high-strung opinions on everything…the better.
“So…what is it?” Josh tilts his head as he looks at me, “If you were any other girl, I’d say you were bothered that your younger sister is getting married while you’re still single, but…”
“Ohh hell no.” I laugh. “I assure you, quite the opposite.”
I palm another couple of nuts, shaking my head.
“She’s having a big engagement party next month - which my parents have decided to extend and use as an excuse for the whole family to get together. A whole week. Trapped in a vacation ranch with them all.” I scowl as I finally acknowledge the truth I’ve been trying to ignore all day. “There’s no way I can get out of this one. I’ve avoided the last Thanksgiving and Christmas, and Mom is making such a big deal about it. I’m gonna have to show up.”
Josh looks at me with a hint of sympathy, but rather less than I think the situation deserves. “Is your family really so bad?”
I groan. “Pretty much. Well, some of them anyway. I can already see how this trip is going to go.”
Josh raises an eyebrow at me and I continue, picking out the pistachios in the small bowl of nuts and peeling them just so I’ve got something to do with my hands.
I look up at him, “Maria is married with two kids, Mark has one on the way, and Beth is engaged now. My family is…a little traditional, and now I’m the only one left for my parents to focus on. Twenty-five and single is like…anathema to them. I swear they think I’m a lost cause and are fully expecting me to die alone, simply because I want to get my life figured out before I think about any of that. I simply don’t have time to be thinking about a relationship at the moment.”
I take a breath from my stream of complaints, and down the rest of my drink.
Josh dutifully flags down the waitress to ask for another round and I try to conceal the mess I’ve made of the table by throwing a couple of napkins over the broken nut shells. He rolls his eyes at me, and I stick my tongue out, then push the de-shelled pistachios over towards him.
I don’t even like pistachios, I just wanted something to do - but since he loves them and hates the effort involved, I figure we make a good team.
“So you’re going to get hassled about when you’re settling down and starting a family?” He asks, chewing on the nuts as he considers my impending doom.
“Day in and day out.” I confirm, “Not just that, though - the last time I was fooled into coming back for a family gathering, it was a parade of dates and set-ups. My parents had somehow convinced a string of guys that I totally wanted to date, marry and have children with them, even though I’d never met any of them before. Fuck, the amount of sitting politely through boring anecdotes and tedious dinners…and then having them storm out when I mention that no, actually, I’m not ready to start a family, no, maybe not for years, maybe not at all…And then my parents’ perplexed questions of how I could possibly scare off—”
“Wait.” Josh interrupts, and I’m not sure whether I’m happy to avoid reliving anymore of that last disaster, or irritated at not being able to finish my rant. “I thought you said this was some family vacation, on a ranch? Surely you don’t have to worry about any of that, Caz - they’re not exactly going to invite random hangers-on just on the off-chance you get together with them.”
“You don’t know my parents.” I say grimly, “Besides, the ranch isn’t so far from my hometown - I’m sure they’ll convince at least a few eligible bachelors to drive a couple of hours to join in the festivities.”
He looks at me, obvious skepticism on his face. We’ve been friends for years, but I haven’t said much about my family in all that time. In fact, I make a point of not talking about them - and since I rarely see them these days, it doesn’t exactly come up in conversation. Josh hasn’t heard nearly enough anecdotes to realize I’m not exaggerating in the slightest.
After seeing my expression though, he shrugs and raises his glass again.
“So we’re here getting drunk to help you come to terms with suffering through a week of family pressure and bad dates?” He asks.
“Exactly.” I nod, takin
g a sip of the new margarita in front of me. They’re tasting better and better.
“I can think of worse problems, Caz.” His lips quirk up in a small smile and he shrugs. “But I can get pissed with you either way.”
I smile back at him, laughing a little myself. That’s one of the best things about this - Josh and I don’t agree on everything. Hell, I’m not sure we actually agree on much at all. But we don’t need to. We can rant, and get drunk, and distract each other without any judgment at all.
And right now, that’s just what I need.
I clink my glass against his, and we set to doing exactly that with a grim determination.
As the room becomes a little hazy at the edges and I start relaxing for the first time since I took that call from my mother this afternoon, Josh and I start brainstorming ways that I could possibly get out of this week with my family.
“School got too busy?” He offers.
“Hah, that’d be true. But it doesn’t count anymore…if I have to hear one more thing about how I care so much more about my work than my own flesh and blood…”
“Okay, so…something you have no choice about. Broken leg?”
“They’d come visit. With adoring suitors, no doubt.” I say glumly, then perk up at another thought. “Maybe I can claim I was abducted.”
“By aliens?” Josh asks, perfectly reasonably as he sets aside his whiskey.
He got bored of the margaritas, but they’re still tasting better and better to me. I started craving food a while ago, but I pushed past it and now the only thing the alcohol is making me want is more alcohol. The best point in a night out.
“Nah…cowboys, maybe.” I counter.
“They’d believe that?” He raises an eyebrow, which over his slightly languid expression ends up making him look lop-sided.
“They live in Arizona - hell, they’d probably be fine with it if the cowboys did the honorable thing and I ended up hitched to one.” I roll my eyes. A bad idea, I find out, as I feel suddenly dizzy and stars flash across my vision.
“Okayy…so, c’mon, let’s think about this properly for a moment. How’ve you gotten out of it before?” He tries to give me a level look, but I don’t think either of us can entirely see straight.
I reach for the water on the table, but somehow end up with my margarita back in my hand, and take another sip of that instead.
“They accepted the studying and work excuses for a while.” I say with a shrug. “Especially with the distraction of Maria’s pregnancy, and then Beth being at college nearby…but it’s like it occurred to them when I started med school that this shit wasn’t going to let up for years. The residency won’t be any better, and I’ll be stressed and exhausted…I think they’re afraid I’ll be past my sell-by date by then.”
I give him a wry grin as he snorts at that.
“So you’ve just…not been home?” He asks.
I nod, “Not for long in the last couple of years. Between my exams and strategic planning with friends, I’ve been able to just stop by sometime over the major vacation periods so I can avoid getting ambushed. But…I can’t keep doing that - I owe them all a proper visit. And honestly, I’d like to see my niece and nephew some more too. I just wish I could avoid Mom’s attempts to help with my relationship problem.”
“‘Relationship problem’?” He repeats
“Mhmm.” I confirm. “I’ve been single long enough now that it’s become ‘a thing’. I swear my family thinks I’ve got some major trauma I’m not telling them about, when all I want is some time and space to pursue my own life.”
“Are you sure you don’t have some major trauma, Caz?” Josh teases. “I can’t even remember you with a boyfriend—”
“Yeah, I ditched my last relationship just before we met - a little over four years ago, I think.”
“That’s a long time to be alone, girl.” He starts, but I interrupt before he can get far with it.
“It takes a long time to become a doctor.” I counter, glaring at him. “Don’t tell me you’re going to start too.”
“Okay, okay.” He raises his hands in an over-the-top gesture of acquiescence. “If it’s any consolation, I know plenty of guys who aren’t interested in pursuing relationships or families until their late twenties or thirties.”
“Exactly.” I say emphatically. “Now if only I could get my family to back off as easily. I just need some time until I’m ready - without the constant commentary about how I should be living my life.”
He nods with a small shrug. “And telling them that isn’t the answer.”
“Ugh, if only. No, once my Mom gets something like this into her mind, she won’t back off until it’s sorted.” I say with another groan - louder this time, emphasized by the four or five margaritas fizzing through my bloodstream.
I get a couple of looks for that - and watch with amusement as the frown from the cute guy at the bar immediately smooths into a smile as he catches a glance at me. I hold his gaze for a moment, and on a whim, smile back, letting my eyes wander over his body suggestively.
He runs a hand through his hair and cocks his head at me, and I know if I continue that game for too much longer, he’ll be over here in a flash - regardless of Josh sitting opposite.
“See?” I mutter as I turn my attention back to the table. “I haven’t got a problem. I could have a boyfriend if I wanted one.”
“Must be nice to know you’re hot stuff, babe.” Josh grins at me, then stretches his arms above his head in a move deliberately designed to show off the muscled form of his chest. “From personal experience, I’d recommend taking advantage of it, though.”
I roll my eyes at him. Josh might be priming himself to enjoy the single life, but I can think of better things to do than hook-up with a stranger in my rare free time.
Although…
I glance back at the dark-haired stranger by the bar, then smirk at Josh.
“Maybe I should. I could pick up some random from a bar and take him home to meet Mom and Dad.” I laugh. “I wonder what they’d say to that.”
“I’m not sure how many hook-ups find meeting the parents particularly attractive, Caz.” He points out sardonically. “Especially as you’ve just spent the last several hours complaining about them.”
“Ahh, I don’t know - for a bit of hot sex, I’m sure I could find someone to play along…” I wink at him, a little giddy from the margaritas and enjoying the light-freeing feeling.
He laughs. “Yeah, and the kind of jerk that’d get you…”
“Oooh!” I giggle at that idea. “What better way to shut them up? Bring home a complete asshole, prove I can do the boyfriend thing and give them a reason to be relieved when they hear I’m single again!”
Josh laughs at me - I can tell it’s at me and not with me - but I’m momentarily caught up in this idea. I reach over and push at his hand.
“Heyy, I almost think this could work, Josh!” I exclaim. “I’d avoid the parade of dates and men, at least - no way I can get roped into that if I already have a boyfriend!”
My voice is getting louder again, and I get another couple of looks - though this time they don’t quite smooth away. Josh nudges me back.
“Maybe want to say that a little louder? Bring all the guys to the yard for that cunning plan, hmm?” He gives me a long-suffering smile and I wave it off dismissively.
“C’mon, Josh. Find someone hot for a week of sex, avoiding all the awkward comments and misled guys, and then get him to break up with me - oooh, I could totally make it dramatic and act like I actually am traumatized by the whole thing afterward, too. Give them a reason to let me ignore dating for a while. Whaddaya think?” I announce proudly, gesturing wildly and nearly sending my margarita glass flying.
He swiftly moves it further away from the table edge and takes a long sip of his own whiskey.
“I think it’s a terrible idea.” He says with a laugh. “You do not want to take some random one-night stand home to your parents’ interrog
ations, even if you could find someone to agree.”
I squint at him, trying to work out whether his alcohol-clouded conclusion is more likely to make sense than mine. Reluctantly, I admit he probably has had less to drink than me, and I’m notoriously more lightweight. Which means I can’t just dismiss his point.
Instead, I sigh, running my hands through my hair.
While I could probably get away with natural beauty when I entered the bar, I’m closer to the drunk slob end of the scale now.
Won’t be catching any potential week-long boyfriends tonight then, anyway.
“Fine.” I exhale in irritation. “I guess there’s no avoiding it.”
Josh just looks at me for a moment, then cocks his head with a wide grin, his eyes sparkling with sudden amusement.
“If you just want a terrible boyfriend to show off to your parents and get them to back the hell off for a while, I could play the part.” He raises his glass in my direction. “You’d get to avoid owing an asshole sex for a week, and if anyone can pull off a spectacular break-up…”
I stare at him for a moment.
“Seriously?!” I ask.
I might be dazed and half-drunk, but even through all that, this is the first idea that I think might actually work.
I hadn’t really been serious about hooking up with someone just to take them home with me…but I’d been sorely tempted.
This, on the other hand…
“I am an actor, Caz. Who better to do it?” He winks at me, taking on that superior expression he loves to assume when he’s got something on me and we both know it.
It would piss me off, except I can already feel the beginnings of the relief I’ve been chasing all evening.
“I’m not sure how much acting you’d need to play the part of an arrogant asshole…” I mutter.
“Hey, if you’re not interested…” He says innocently, knowing I’ll cave.
“Okay, okay.” I hold up my hands. “Really, Josh? You serious about that?”
