by Lara Swann
By the time I return with a fresh load of plates, the atmosphere has settled down a little and Maria gives me a smile from where she’s working at the sink.
“What would you like to tell us about Josh, Cassie?” She asks, and I pause for a moment, stumped.
What do I say about the guy who has been the biggest part of my life for the last four years, who I’m only supposed to have known for six months?
Unlike Beth, I am definitely not a gossip, and have no idea how to string together anything remotely coherent, so I just start talking.
“Well, we met in UCLA, and we’ve been seeing each other for a while now.” I start, grabbing a pile of pots and taking them over to the second sink, half-hoping the water will drown out the sound of my voice. “He’s an actor, pursuing theater studies—”
“He’s still in school?” Beth asks in obvious shock.
“No—” I correct immediately, cursing myself. We met when he was in school, but that was years ago… “But he does some shows at the student theater there. He’s auditioning for roles in all sorts of movies and theater productions at the moment.”
That gets a non-committal noise from my Mom and I feel my cheeks burning, wondering what on earth to say next. What do people usually say about their partners? I haven’t had one for long enough to remember in the slightest.
“He’s…a great guy. We get on really well, and…he makes me laugh.” I finish lamely.
I stuck to the truth, I guess. It just sounds strange to say it out loud.
I realize a moment later that I didn’t need to worry about not knowing what to say. The moment I’m done, I get peppered with questions.
Mom immediately asks all about his family and background, which thankfully I can answer pretty well - probably better than if I had only known him for six months. And it’s all the truth, so I start feeling less stressed.
Until Beth interrupts with an endless stream of question about our first date, where he’s taken me and what he’s bought for me so far.
I make a few things up on the spot, weaving as much truth as I can into the stories, and wish Josh was here to help out with this. I don’t have anywhere near his imagination. I can barely keep up with what Beth is asking, let alone start thinking about how to insinuate possible tension between us.
I try and make a mental note of everything I say to tell him later, but even my penchant for filing away information is getting strained by the time Maria interrupts with a laugh.
“They’ve only been dating six months, Beth!” She shakes her head at her younger sister.
“Well, Neil and I—” Beth starts.
“Yes, I know you and Neil couldn’t stay away from each other for more than a few hours during those first few months, Beth.” Maria grins at her. “But you know how busy Cassie is with med school, and it sounds like Josh’s auditions are fairly unpredictable, so maybe you shouldn’t expect the same for everyone else.”
Beth pauses momentarily, glancing at her older sister as if she’s not sure whether Maria is admiring her, or telling her off. It’s the perfect position to put Beth in, but Maria is the only one I’ve ever seen able to do it.
“Here, why don’t you take all that salad stuff you wanted out with Mom.” Maria nods towards where Mom is preparing the meat to grill later.
“Hm, okay.” Beth pushes herself up from where she was leaning against the counter, distracted by the contents of the full fridge.
She grabs a tray and starts loading it up with whatever she selects from the fridge, before disappearing out of the kitchen behind Mom.
When they’re gone, I glance over at Maria and slump down against the counter, letting out a long breath.
“Was that as exhausting as I think it was?” I ask her with a moan, sensing for the first time an ally that I didn’t know I had.
“Most definitely.” She nods, then laughs and comes over to wrap her arms around me. I’m momentarily surprised, before returning the hug. “Hopefully that’ll be the worst of it - they got their round of questions in. Duty done, right?”
She grins and I return it, shaking my head. I never knew she saw it that way too.
“Let’s hope.” I agree. “Thanks Maria.”
She laughs again. “Don’t look so surprised, Cassie - I was the first, remember. Can you even imagine what it was like when I brought John home for the first time?”
I stare at her. I don’t remember at all. I’d been ten at the time, and completely oblivious to whatever Mom put her eighteen-year-old daughter through with the first boyfriend our parents had had to deal with.
“Yeah, exactly.” Maria continues. “Not easy. But I knew what I wanted back then, and it all worked out, even if it took them a while to catch up. You’ll be the same, I’m sure - you’ve always known your own mind just as well as I did.”
She grins at whatever she sees in my expression then turns back to the food, leaving me reeling at the idea that maybe we aren’t as dissimilar as I’d always thought.
Chapter Six
Cassie
It takes a few hours, but we emerge from the kitchen with everything prepared for the grill just as I’m starting to get hungry again.
Total overkill, if you ask me, but my family always get on better when there’s a mountain of food to consume - and Beth is refusing to settle for anything less than perfection. Her engagement do is actually tomorrow, and today is meant to be relaxed, but for some reason she seems to be taking every part of this week as a personal reflection on her relationship.
At least I managed to navigate their questions about Josh and I well enough to satisfy them all - for now, anyway. I can barely remember half of what I said, so I’m hoping Josh can play along without too many prompts from me.
“Ohh, it’s such a gorgeous day, don’t you think?” Mom says with a large smile as we step out to clear blue skies and the sun burning right above our heads. There’s just the right amount of breeze, and it’s the perfect day to be out by the pool.
“Pity we spent the morning inside then.” I mutter as we carry trays over to the tables next to the grill.
Mom gives me a long-suffering look and gestures over to the pool area. “Honestly Cassandra, don’t you want to impress Josh? I’m trying to show him I raised you right, girl, you could at least play along for a few hours.”
“What the…No. No fucking way.” I can’t control my outraged response, and I lose any tolerance for this game any longer.
That’s what this whole damn thing has been about?
“Language!” Mom snaps back at me, but I’m not listening anymore. I’m done playing this fucked up ‘good wife’ role that Mom wants to put me in, and I’ll be damned if she uses me to show off.
I stalk away from the table of food, heading towards the pool with some vague juvenile intention of finding Josh and telling him that the next thing on his list of ways to piss off my family should involve insulting all their food to hell, and treating me like an actual independent person who has value beyond just the kitchen.
Until I catch sight of him.
Exploding up out of the pool, water sluicing down his hard, muscled body and the sun glinting off his ever-present charming smile.
I stagger to a halt, suddenly unable to stop looking.
He’s animated and laughing with someone else, not even looking my way, and I can’t work out what’s unexpectedly caught at me.
I’ve seen Josh hundreds of times - and I must’ve seen him half naked dozens of those.
How have I never before noticed how god-damn hot he is?
I mean, I always knew. Objectively. There’s a good reason he has a constant string of girls vying for his attention. And the way he uses his boyish good looks and powerful, stacked body has made me roll my eyes more than once. He’s attractive. I know that. I’ve teased him enough about it, same as he has me.
But I’ve never felt it before. Not in this gut-punching, sparks straight to my pussy kind of way.
Fuck.
This is not good.
“He’s really good with them.” I jump as Maria appears behind me.
“Huh?” I say stupidly, trying to work out what she’s talking about. I can’t take my eyes off Josh.
“They don’t usually warm to someone new so quickly - especially Ellie.” She continues. “It’s lovely isn’t it, watching them together?”
I blink again, and finally tear my gaze away from the water running down Josh’s rock-hard abs to see Lucas and Ellie bouncing around him in the pool.
They’re who he’s laughing and joking with, as he lunges and dives and just-about-misses them in some intricate game I can’t guess at from here.
“Ah, yes.” I agree absentmindedly.
Now that my focus isn’t narrowed down to just my crazy, bodily reaction, I can hear them shrieking with glee - shouting and screaming as they try and avoid Josh, and splashing out at anyone else who comes new.
“John seems to be appreciating the break, too.” Maria’s voice has turned amused, and I glance up to see John dozing on one of the sunbeds. “At least someone is watching my kids.”
I grin at her, starting to breathe properly again after the shock of seeing Josh…like that. I feel a rush of gratitude at her sudden appearance, and the inadvertent way she completely refocused me away from that crazed reaction.
Even if I can still feel it - an uncomfortable awareness at the edges of my consciousness, a niggling feeling that something is wrong.
But while I’m watching my niece and nephew, and have the distraction of Maria beside me, I can ignore that.
“You know,” After a few moments of looking over at them in silence, Maria starts talking again. “Mom didn’t mean that exactly how she said it.”
And…my fledgling feelings of kinship with her disappear.
“Yes, she did.” I say shortly.
“Well, maybe.” Maria sighs. “But she didn’t mean to insult you, she just…doesn’t understand, Cassie.”
I give her a highly skeptical look. I’m pretty sure she understands completely, and that’s exactly why she makes those pointed, insulting comments.
“Did she send you over here to bring me back?” I ask. “I was the ‘good girl’ all morning, I think I need a break.”
She tries a small smile, and shrugs. “You know how it is…Beth wants some girl time to talk about her engagement, and the wedding, and all of that. Think you can get along for another hour or so?”
I feel like I want to scream, but I remind myself I’m used to exactly this. At least Maria isn’t lecturing me with the ‘it’s her engagement, don’t cause trouble’ argument that Mom would. And then I think of the trouble I’m going to be causing anyway with the whole scheme Josh and I have concocted, and feel a little bad.
A fresh bout of childish screaming erupts and distracts me for a moment, as I watch Josh picking Lucas up and throwing him back down into the water, then using his arms to create waves for the two kids to float up and down on. The boy is grinning and waving his arms around, but he’s been under at least twice now and I frown, glancing at Maria.
“Should he be doing that?” I ask hesitantly.
Her awkward smile turns real as she looks back over at them. “Honey, if he can convince those two that they’re having a good time, he can do whatever he likes.”
I laugh, shaking my head as Josh’s antics find a way to distract me from my familial obligations yet again. Something tugs at me as I watch them, seeing Josh playing and indulging Lucas and Ellie, acting like a big kid himself. I’ve never seen him with children before, but I guess it makes sense that he’d be good at it. He’s always had a way of engaging people.
“He’d be a great father.” Maria says warmly, in a disturbing echo of my own thoughts.
I smile a little, and shrug. He probably would. Eventually. If he ever settles down.
The idea of it disconcerts me a little, but Lucas spots us standing there and drowns out anything I might have thought before I can dwell on it.
“Mommy!” He yells, trying unsuccessfully to clamber out of the water from the side of the pool. Josh boosts him up, and he shrieks with laughter again. “Mommy, Mommy!”
Ellie rushes after her brother, climbing up the ladder steadily and then taking off towards us.
“Don’t run!” Josh yells.
They ignore him, scrambling towards us until they’re pulling and tugging at Maria, droplets of water flying everywhere and getting us both wet.
Maria just laughs and shakes her head as they try and tell her about all the games they were playing, all at once, interrupting themselves and each other as she makes encouraging noises.
Josh comes after them at a slower pace, then pulls me into him, his hands around my hips.
“Heyy!” I object, trying not to get completely soaked.
Which is hard when I’m momentarily distracted by the sudden awareness of his body against mine. I totally wasn’t expecting such an enthusiastic - or intimate - greeting, and I can’t deal with the way my already-confused body seems to want to react. All those disturbing thoughts from earlier come crashing uncomfortably back and I recoil deliberately.
“Sorry, babe, can’t help that I’m excited to see you.” He gives me that heart-spinning grin again and wraps his arm around my shoulder, getting the back of my dress wet and sending droplets of water running down my back. I just about manage to find it infuriating, if I ignore the way those little pinpricks of sensation want to wake up every nerve I have.
At least his attitude is off-putting enough to calm you down.
“You’re getting me all wet!” I push him off with a scowl, and he sends me a provocative look.
“Maybe that’s exactly what I’m trying to do, baby.” He wriggles his eyebrows at me suggestively, and I have to fight not to flush all over at the innuendo.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Josh and I make dirty comments all the time. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t.
But god-damn it, despite him deliberately pushing buttons I hate, I’m at risk of my pussy reacting exactly as he’s pretending to want.
Maria laughs at us, and I’m not sure whether I’m grateful for the interruption, or slightly mortified at talking like that around her.
Maybe you never found this embarrassing before because it was never at risk of being true.
“Thanks for keeping them amused, Josh.” Maria says, nodding towards where Lucas and Ellie are clinging to her again. “Seems like you’re quite the hit.”
“They’re great kids - hell, could almost make me reconsider my no-children policy.” He grins back at her, then winks at us. “Almost.”
I try not to stare in shock at that announcement. Maria doesn’t manage quite as well, visibly reacting as her mouth starts to open.
“Hey - Lucas, Ellie!” He crouches down to their level, smiling widely at them as if he hasn’t just dropped a bombshell. “Want to go back to the pool? We should probably let your Mommy and Auntie go back. They’re doing important things, like…making…foood! And we wouldn’t want to get in the way of that, huh?”
They nod enthusiastically, chattering away as they take the hand he offers out to them. Maria lets go, still slightly bemused, but her instinctive willingness to take a break whenever the kids can be convinced winning out.
“How about we….race back to the pool! Buut, this is a walking race…no running, or you’re out!” Josh says loudly, overly-enthusiastic for their benefit, but I can hear the genuine amusement and enjoyment in it anyway.
They’re gone before either Maria or I can think of anything to say to his I don’t want kids announcement, and then we’re left standing awkwardly together, Maria not quite meeting my eyes.
I have the sudden urge to laugh out loud, imagining exactly what’s going through her mind.
It’s clever of him, that’s for sure - if there’s one thing my family won’t be able to accept, it’s the idea he doesn’t want kids. But with him being so good-natured and charmin
g about it at the same time, and delighting Maria’s little ones…they won’t know how exactly to deal with it.
“Alright, let’s go back and give Beth the audience she wants, hmm?” I suggest easily, resuming our earlier conversation as if nothing has happened.
He’s distracted me enough that I’m mostly over Mom’s most recent infuriating comments, and it’s more fun than it should be to play along with his act.
At least, I’m pretty sure it’s an act. We’ve never talked about children, but he can’t actually not want them, can he?
Especially not after what I’ve seen with Lucas and Ellie today.
Not that it’s really any of my business. He’s a friend, and we’ve always been supportive of each others’ life choices.
There’s no reason it should be disconcerting me.
Maria gives me an uncertain look but is far too hesitant to say anything, and we walk back in silence to find Mom and Beth still fussing around the food.
Dad has started up the grill now, and my stomach rumbles at the appetizing scents starting to drift across the large, open grounds. It’s almost worth it despite having to listen to Beth chatter excitedly about everything she can possibly think to say about how Neil proposed to her.
I should be more interested, I know.
But how can she talk non-stop for over an hour about what probably only took a few hours in real-time?
“Hey, babe!” It takes me a moment to realize it’s Josh yelling, and a moment longer to realize he’s talking to me. “Can you fix me some food?”
I glance over, slightly taken aback at the request - and his attitude. He’s lying there in the sun, drying off from the morning spent in and out of the pool with the kids - who, for once, seem equally exhausted.
“Sure, okay.” I respond, starting to throw together some of the food that’s coming off the grill.
I don’t mind the distraction from what Beth is talking about, and Josh and I do stuff like this for each other all the time, so it’s not until I finish that I notice the conversation around me has tailored off a little.
I give them a little half-smile, suddenly realizing how it must look to them - especially with Josh’s attitude, which from anyone else or in any other context I would’ve shot down hard enough to make him spin.
