by Lara Swann
Am I the only one that sees the issue here?
“Health food and champagne at lunch…any bets on how long before you’re under the table?” I ask lightly.
“I’m not that bad.” She shakes her head with a laugh, trying to work out how to hold a champagne glass, balance the plate of food and eat with only two hands.
“You only think that because you never remember it.” I grin, and set my plate aside to take her champagne glass for her.
Quiche wasn’t really me anyway.
She takes the opportunity to continue eating, but narrows her gaze at me. “Are you just doing that so I don’t drink it?”
“Would I do that?” I say perfectly innocently.
For some reason that only seems to make her more suspicious.
Before she gets a chance to answer, Henry makes a point of coughing loudly and expectant silence slowly rolls out from where Beth and Neil are standing together near the center of the room.
“I just wanted to thank you all for coming.” Henry begins, and I prepare myself for a long speech, wondering idly whether it’s rude to start drinking the champagne during it - then remembering that I’ve got the perfect excuse to be rude even if it is. “To celebrate Beth and Neil’s engagement with us. Adelaide and I couldn’t be happier that Beth is marrying such a fine young man, and I hope you’ll join me in wishing them all the best for their wedding and the future.”
He looks over at Adelaide, and then raises his glass in an obvious signal that he’s done. I blink, not even having had time to put my newest rude-boorish-behavior plan into action, and then Adelaide follows his lead.
“We’re very happy for you, darling, and to our future son-in-law as well!” She raises her glass, and then we all do the same. “To Beth and Neil.”
We repeat the toast, and I clink my glass against Cassie’s before taking a sip.
Neil wraps his arm around Beth’s waist and she squeals as he tips her back and kisses her dramatically, half of her champagne sloshing out of her glass and onto the floor. When they come up for air, all Beth’s friends cheer and she flashes a dazzling smile around at everyone.
The room disperses into muted chatter again, and I glance at Cassie.
“So…is that it?” I ask.
I don’t know whether to be relieved that we might be able to slip off pretty early, or disappointed that the much-anticipated engagement party is just going to be Beth getting drunk with her friends.
“Aeeee!” The ear-splitting shriek comes from the center of the room, and immediately seems to achieve its objective of ending every other conversation. “Hey, so, everyone!”
I look up to see one of Beth’s friends - a tall, pretty blond type - tapping her champagne glass and looking around the room.
“Since this is, like, to celebrate Beth’s whole relationship, and I’m one of her oldest friends, I’ve prepared a few little things.” She turns and looks at Beth with a huge smile. “To make you remember all the good times you’ve had, and you know, how you and Neil are just perfect for each other.”
“Ohhh Emily!” Beth sighs happily, then looks up at Neil, who kisses her again.
She grins back at Beth and then turns to everyone else. “So if everyone could gather round, and you know, join in…we want to make this really special.”
Cassie and I exchange glances, but oblige along with the rest of the family as we migrate to another pink-and-white bedazzled room - this time with large couches and old polished wood furniture.
“Do you know Beth’s friends?” I murmur to Cassie, watching as they follow Beth and Emily.
Cassie shakes her head. “No, I think they’re all from college. Why?”
“No reason.” I shrug.
Now doesn’t seem like the right time to ask whether she’s also getting the impression that they’re as vapid and shallow as Beth.
One of them turns around and catches me looking her up and down - a pretty brunette who gives me a small smile and glances up at me from under her eyelashes. I return it with a polite smile and steer us towards one of the few couches that we could probably get away with not sharing with anyone else.
I have no idea what a few little things might be, but I want to be able to comment on this display to Cassie without having to be too cautious about what I say.
Not that you’ve held back too much so far…
I watch Beth and Neil together, wondering whether I’m being unfair to them both and too ready to dismiss this whole engagement party. The way they look at each other does seem genuine, and just because I’ve seen them both be snide and unpleasant to other people doesn’t mean that what they have isn’t real, even if it might lessen my interest in spending a whole day wishing them every happiness.
“What are you thinking about?” Cassie asks, picking up on exactly when to ask that question as always. “You have a strange look on your face.”
“I was just wondering whether they…really love each other, I guess.” I finally say.
To my surprise, she laughs and nudges me. “Because you’ve never experienced it?”
I look down at her, catching those eyes sparkling back at me and can’t help thinking that I could be perilously close right now.
“I wouldn’t suggest using them as a model.” She continues, saving me from needing to reply. “Maybe it is love, but it’s not what I’d want my relationship to look like.”
I want to ask her more about what she does see her relationship looking like, but before I get the chance, Emily takes over again.
“So first of all, I want to tell a little story about how Beth and Neil met…” She starts.
It’s one of those ‘cute couple stories’ - complete with a little bit of humor, some nudging and winking, and ending with an appropriate aww moment. So much so that I can’t help wondering how much of it is embellished.
“We should’ve hired Emily to create a how we met story for us.” I murmur to Cassie, and she has to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter, nudging me to try and shut me up.
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her closer, smiling as she shushes me.
It gets less interesting from there though, and with Cassie’s warm body right beside me my attention starts to wander. I find myself playing with her hair and wishing I could bring her in for another kiss - and I haven’t had that teenage makeout-on-the-couch moment for a long time.
But it’s hard to sit and listen to all the sweet things Neil has done for Beth, recollections of their first few dates, and all those anniversary surprises - just how many anniversaries have they had anyway?! - without thinking about all the time I’ve spent with Cassie over the years.
Sure, maybe none of it was dating, but I think I’ve got more shared memories of the last couple of years than I do individual ones.
“You know, at least this is one area we can compete with any real couple - I could probably give dozens of these stories off the top of my head.” I interrupt Cassie’s polite attention again.
“Shh! You need to stop saying that stuff here.” She glances around at everyone looking over at Emily and Beth. “And you know, we’ve only been together for six months - how many of those stories work for that?”
“Ah, shit. You know I have no clue when anything happened.” I say, keeping my voice quiet. “And you can relax, baby, no one’s paying any attention to us.”
“You have no idea how good my family is at overhearing the most awkward things.” She says, but then continues in a musing tone anyway, apparently giving up on quieting me. “I could probably piece the time-line together for you, if I have a look back through my diary.”
“You have a diary of things we’ve done together?” I ask immediately, my attention sharpening with sudden interest.
“I have a diary.” She laughs. “Though, since I don’t write anything about work, I guess it probably is of the things we’ve done together.”
My heart skips a beat at the idea, but I cover it with a smirk. “Hah, I have to see th
at.”
“Not as interesting as it sounds.” She gives me a wry smile. “It’ll probably just be an account of all the things you’ve done to piss me off.”
“Even better.” My smirk becomes a grin. “I have to know what’s most effective, after all.”
“Josh!” She snorts, and then I hear Mark cough from the couch beside us.
We glance up to see various dirty looks aimed at us, mostly from Beth’s friends, and I put my hands up in apology.
Whoops.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. We were just a little…distracted.” I say, not particularly remorseful. “Maybe all the champagne.”
“Well, if you can find it in yourself to pay attention for just a little longer, hopefully you’ll find our next activity more…engaging.” Emily says, with a bite in her voice.
That doesn’t sound good.
I manage to refrain from saying that, at least, and deliberately don’t look at Cassie.
From the way her shoulders are vibrating, I can tell she’s trying not to laugh - she obviously doesn’t care that much about interrupting - and I know that if I catch her eyes, neither of us are going to be able to hold it back.
“More champagne is a good idea, though!” Beth adds, completely ignoring my point.
As if they’ve been waiting just for that, the catering staff circulate again - with more champagne and a few nibbles. I consider our refilled glasses with suspicion, but Cassie starts drinking immediately.
“What?” She murmurs as she catches my look. “It’s good champagne - and it’ll make this more fun. I’ll ease off before it starts really affecting me.”
I get the feeling ‘more fun’ might still not bring it up to the level of actually ‘fun’.
I shrug and join her anyway - this is hardly the first night we’ve gotten stupid drunk together. And who knows, maybe she’ll actually take it easy this time.
“Okaaay!” Emily announces, and I wince again. I hope her voice decreases a few octaves by the time the alcohol hits. “Time for some games, guys!”
Cassie and I share a look.
Not good indeed.
“This first game is all about whether you really know each other! First, we want to get all the couples together…” She stands up and starts shooing people into place as I reach over and squeeze Cassie’s hand.
“Dammit.” She mutters to me. “I’m starting to feel like we should have practiced for this.”
I’m wondering the same thing, but I cover it with a cocky smile. “Ohh, I think I know you pretty well, babe.”
“Well let’s hope your answers say the same thing!” Emily appears in front of me, making Cassie jump and my heart trip over itself as she hands me a pile of cards and a pen.
“See?” Cassie hisses at me after Emily has left and I know just what she’s getting at - that sort of thing could have happened at any ill-timed moment.
“Okay, okay.” I say, still not sure I’m actually going to change anything because of it.
“So, the guys will answer the questions about their partners on the cards, then we’ll get the girls to give the right answer, and see how the guys did!” Emily announces. “And let’s do this in silence, please - no cheating here.”
She sends another glare in our direction, and I struggle not to laugh.
Cheating seems a little unnecessary for something that’s meant to be a fun party game.
I roll my eyes at Cassie, and she moves dutifully further away from me on the couch as I unwrap the slightly excessive number of question cards I’ve been given.
I start writing the answers to the first few and slowly relax - favorite songs, food, place, color…I can do all that. I’ve known Cassie for years.
Why were we even worried about this?
But then I find out why. They get more personal and I stumble around, realizing I have no idea about some of these answers. Where she went to school, things about her hometown and past that she’s just never talked about. I shrug, hoping I can put my lack of knowledge down to a six month relationship and this being the first time I’ve met her family.
Then I see the relationship questions and that stops me entirely.
Where did we meet, and have our first kiss, what date is our anniversary and what did we last do to celebrate it…
Fuck.
I look up, at everyone else scribbling away, and a couple of the guys looking as stressed as I probably do right now. Only a group of silly, immature girls would think it fun to make a test out of this stuff and try to show the guys up.
I flick through a little further, looking for inspiration - and ‘how many kids does she want’ stops me. I pause for a moment, staring at it and thinking of the seeds I’ve already planted as the solution comes to me.
Could I really do that…?
But if I’m not going to get the right answers anyway, why not use it as a chance to highlight a few major issues?
However well I might know Cassie, I’m not going to be able to guess whatever answers she’ll make up for this.
Let’s see whether we can introduce a little more tension in our fake relationship.
I scribble a few answers, hoping that Cassie will pick up on what I’m trying to do and follow my lead.
It doesn’t stop me from looking around awkwardly when Emily announces the time is up and collects our cards in. She goes to stand in the middle again and starts reading questions out to Maria. She answers, and then John says what he wrote, to which Emily nods along. I can see most people getting into the swing of things, laughing and smiling at the various answers.
He does very well, only missing a few of her favorite things and hitting all the relationship questions on the head.
Afterward, she kisses him on the cheek and they’re smiling at each other, obviously buoyed by the reminders of things they’ve done together.
Okay, maybe this isn’t such a bitchy game if you’re actually in a decent, stable relationship.
They continue around the group, and I catch Cassie glancing over at me, obviously concerned. I try to smile easily at her, but I know she’s picking up on my mood. I’m starting to see her point about working this stuff out before we came.
Mark and Anne don’t do as well, but he seems to manage passable responses, and I belatedly wonder whether I should be paying more attention to learn more about Cassie’s family.
A couple of Beth’s friends completely bomb out, neither of them appearing to remember anything about the relationship apart from their first kiss. The guy just turns to his girlfriend with a shrug. “Yeah, I’m totally only with you for the sex.”
She gives an outraged laugh, flushes red, then looks around and nudges him with a grin. “You know what? I’m totally okay with that.”
“Can I do that?” I mouth at Cassie, intending to make a joke of it, but from the worried look she gives me it clearly misses the mark. I add a quick, “Don’t worry.”
Then the attention falls on us and I give my best winning smile. Whatever I feel, no one can deny I’m good at portraying the complete opposite.
I smile at Cassie as I start asking her for all her favorite things, getting almost word-for-word answers right. I can see her start to relax as she shoots me a few surprised looks. I have to stop myself from interrupting the whole thing to remind her that I have known her for four years.
How we met works out because we’d already been quizzed about that, but the moment I ask about our first kiss, her slow relaxation stiffens immediately.
She, inevitably, makes up something completely random on the spot.
“At…UCLA.” She says, stiltedly, and when prompted with a ‘come ooon’ from Beth, reluctantly embellishes with more details that are going to be impossible for me to copy. “After…arguing about whether Friends or How I Met Your Mother is better.”
It’s not a bad guess. We argue about that a lot.
“After treating you to an elaborate date at the local diner.” I repeat what I’d written earlier wi
th a wry smile, shaking my head at Cassie as if I’m amused.
“Oh. Yeah.” She says, trying to play it off and act like I was right all along. “I’d forgotten about that.”
“Guess it can’t have been that good, hey?” Emily quips. “You two might have trouble with the next game!”
Another one?!
My heart sinks further. And as much as she’s trying to play it off as joking, I swear she has it out for us because of that interruption earlier.
“Well, I’ll tell you now, the next two were never gonna work for me.” I grin at Cassie, having already decided to preempt the anniversary questions. “Cassie’ll be the first to tell you I have no head for dates and times…and besides, we’ve only been dating six months, we haven’t even had an anniversary yet!”
I steadfastly ignore the fact that Beth’s three-year relationship recounted at least a dozen anniversaries of some form or another earlier on.
Cassie laughs along with me, but it feels awkward - no doubt because she’s wondering how many we’re going to fall down on. It has the intended effect of making her seem less than happy about that comment, and there’s a moment where the previously good-natured atmosphere falters a little.
Emily frowns. “Well, okay, since you already gave away your answers for those - blank - I guess we’ll skip them. The next one’s always fun, though. How many children do you want, Cassie?”
She starts in surprise - somehow only just realizing this would come up, despite having heard three other women be asked it so far - then looks over at me. I know exactly what she’s thinking - I’ve already used no children as a way to worry Maria, and we haven’t talked about whether she’ll play along yet or not. Either way, though, it should work.
And the way she’s looking uncertainly at me makes it easy to mistake our tension from the game for relationship tension. Exactly as I’d hoped.
“I…don’t know.” Cassie finally answers.
The rest of her family are starting to look concerned now, and I know this has always been a hot topic between Cassie and her mother.
“Aww, c’mon Cassie, you don’t have to be certain, just pick a number - one, two, three…you never know how it’s going to work out anyway. It’s just a bit of fun.” Beth enthuses, obviously not minding the drama at all.
