by Lara Swann
As the buildings reared up around me, cutting off the starlight in favor of the glaring street lights that had come on, my mind turned to the other reason that coming home always spawned mixed emotions. I’d lived in this place all my life, on a ghetto the other side of town, but when I came back here the only thing I replayed over and over was a posh hotel room I’d seen the inside of once. A feisty back-and-forth with the only girl who’d been able to match my fire. And gleaming red-gold locks that framed a sweet, heart-shaped face with a passion behind it that had lit my blood and left me longing for the touch and taste of it ever since.
Even after all this time.
Fuck.
I cursed as it hit me yet again; the lingering depths of regret that I’d sworn would be gone by the time I got back. Three damn years. Thousands of miles. Hundreds of irresistible, insatiable chicks.
One passionate night.
It should have been enough.
The sinking feeling in my stomach told me it wasn’t. It hadn’t been enough sixteen months ago, when I was last here. It wasn’t now.
The phone cheerily announced I needed to take the next left and broke my train of thought. As if the fake voice had a clue about what I needed.
I stared at the brightly colored map without seeing it, my eyes focusing instead on the number waiting a few taps behind that. It was the one I always came back to when I was in this neck of the woods again. You’d think I would’ve just deleted it by now.
I even did, once. But then I undeleted it just as fast, something inside me panicking that I might have lost it for good. It was a nonsense, because after three years there was no way it would be the same anyway. That didn’t stop whatever perverted part of me that liked the idea that it could be.
I broke out of the city center and the traffic got lighter as I hit a road that looked to take me along the coast. I hadn’t been this way much when I was younger - it was upmarket, up here. If I’d wanted a romp in the sand, I stuck to the other side of the bay where there was a large enough stretch of public beach that you could find a little privacy. This place was dotted with private beaches for rich kids’ parties. Fun to crash occasionally, but too filled with pretentious snobs to stick around long.
I had no idea what my mother was doing up here - as far as I could recall, she’d never had reason to come to this part of town. But my thoughts weren’t really with her and I just shrugged as I enjoyed the taste of salt on the wind. This far up, it wasn’t tinged with sewage at least.
My eyes drifted back to the phone. I wasn’t sure just when over the last three years I’d gone from curious to obsessive. If you asked me on a good day, I’d claim I hadn’t at all - but out here in the dark, with the lonely lights of my childhood on either side of the darkened coastal road, the argument seemed unconvincing.
This is pathetic.
Annoyed at myself, I yanked the car over to the side of the road, snatching the phone from its cradle and navigating the familiar pathway to that number.
B.
I pulled up the menu and let my thumb hover over ‘delete contact’. My stomach had that annoying heavy feeling again.
This is it, chickenshit. You either delete this number or you’re calling it before the night’s out.
It had been three years. If I was lucky, she might have hated me for a time. If not, I would have gone straight to the forgotten stage. Regardless, the last thing she’d want would be to hear from me.
And hell - it wasn’t like I had anything to say. I didn’t even like the damn girl!
I hadn’t liked her razor-sharp tongue. Her prissy attitude. Her red-hot passion. Her fuck-me lips. Her sweet curves.
Goddamn it.
I hovered there, one second…two…
And slammed the phone back in the cradle. The hesitation answered my question - I was trained for making fast decisions under pressure, so that indecision was a choice in itself. After I’d sat through the snooze-fest this was sure to be, I was going to finally call the damned number.
I chalked this whole thing up to unfinished business - to the fact that my new code of honor couldn’t stand that I’d broken my word. It had been a stupid, lust-filled promise, but it still reverberated through me.
I might have been an arrogant bastard when I was growing up, but I did what I said I would - even if people may have preferred me not to. And until that one dangerous night, I’d never cared enough about anything to make promises I wouldn’t keep.
I’m never going to let you go…
But I had - and without a word, too. Out of all the shitty things I’ve done in my life, I wouldn’t have thought it ranked that high - but it was the one I remembered.
And tonight, I was going to fix it.
Calm found me instantly. Decision made, all doubt and hesitation disappeared. I had my mission - and once that happened, failure wasn’t an option.
Oddly, that thought settled me more than even Dale’s invitation had. Perhaps I’d even be able to act pleasant throughout dinner tonight.
* * *
By the time I turned through the large iron-wrought gates guarding the long driveway, I was suspicious. Coming up this way was strange enough, but I’d passed any possibility of an out of place middle-class house now, and the entrance clearly marked this as one of the more impressive beach-front estates.
I checked the postcode again, reluctant to turn up unexpected on the doorstep of some rich family mansion, hoping to hell she hadn’t been high on something when she sent it. But the gates had opened easily enough for me, and somehow the idea that I might be in the right place was more concerning than a typo in the address.
I was up the path and slowing to a halt in a dedicated parking area before I had a chance to consider it further, eyes darting about as I got out of the car and took in the shadows under the pretty trees surrounding the front of the large mansion. There were nice marble pillars on either side of the archway that framed the porch door, an extravagance that seemed built to be reminiscent of an older, traditional style manor, which the place certainly lived up to. I glanced down again at my slightly worn shirt and jeans - I didn’t have much use for too many civilian clothes - and wondered again just how this night was going to go.
“Seth!”
I didn’t get a chance to compose myself before the door swung open and I was faced with my mother darting down to wrap her arms around me in the overly effusive way she’s always had. It would have worked slightly better if she’d been anywhere near my size or shape, but I managed to extract my arms to give her a brief squeeze and then step back without too much difficulty.
“Mom.”
Her eyes were gleaming as she looked up at me, her face written in such honest pleasure at seeing me that the stab of guilt returned, and I gave her a small smile. Her face still had the stunning beauty I remembered, still defying age and adding to the blessing that I’d always secretly hated. But then I’d never had reason to enjoy the attention it had bought her.
More importantly though, her gaze was bright and clear, looking at me with an awareness that was reassuring. She seemed well - and for that at least, I was willing to give her some time.
“I’m so glad you’re home - I’ve wanted you to meet Terry for so long!”
I let her drag me up the porch stairs, apparently not wanting to leave it a minute longer.
At least she’s too excited to care you’re late…
She stopped abruptly when we entered the large entryway, turning to look at me properly for a moment. My eyes were caught on the large, sweeping stairway set out in front of us and leading up to a balcony that seemed to extend over this room and further into the one to the right as well. Part of me was tracking entrance and exit points, but the larger part just wondered how on earth my mother had fallen in with this crowd. She was pretty, sure, but we’d grown up in squalor and that sort of thing stuck - molding herself into the type of person comfortable in this sort of atmosphere wasn’t something I’d thought she had in her. I
looked back as she touched my arm lightly and the slight hesitancy there made my gut tighten.
“Seth…there are some things I’ll never be able to change, but I want you to know it’s different this time. Just look at this place. Not our usual haunt, eh?”
I should have been able to match the wry smile that gave her, but instead this was just strange. This wasn’t where we belonged, no - and it was never something I’d wanted either.
“There was so much I wanted to give you growing up - and now, I can. We’ve had our difficulties, but stay for a little bit, please? I know you can, that work at the base is light when you’ve just only returned. We can have some proper time together again. Just wait and see, this will be different.”
The anxious hope in her eyes hurt, all the more because I could read so clearly what was written there.
It’s not too late, is it?
A question I didn’t know the answer to. I looked around again, at the opulence of the surroundings, a place I didn’t fit and certainly didn’t want to stay if I could be back at the barracks having a laugh. But I took her in again - the soft glow of well cared for skin, the healthy weight she’d finally put on and the attention in her gaze. She was right, it was nothing like any visit I’d ever made. Almost as if she’d finally heard the frustrated suggestions, lectures, pleas that I’d given up on giving her. It was what I’d wanted for her for so long that I’d almost forgotten the desire.
And she was my mother - whatever that meant. Something in me refused to abandon her now that she might finally be on the right track.
Reluctantly, I turned back to her and gave an inch, ignoring the unease still coiled within me.
“I’ll stay. For a bit.”
Her smile lit the depths of the room and she wrapped her arms around me again, returning to the excited girl-like state I’d never liked. But I couldn’t begrudge her that, and followed when she finally led us to where my new step-father to be was no doubt waiting.
Just what have I gotten myself into?
Her chatter continued as we navigated the broad hallways.
“…I know it’s too soon to say anything, but I really think we can be a proper family now…”
Family?
I didn’t get a chance to ask as she turned into a large sitting room and I stepped through to see an older man standing waiting for us. My mother went to him immediately, slipping her arm around his waist while I stayed by the door, eyes measuring him automatically. His weathered face had the narrow features that gave him an aristocratic edge and made him seem older than his black-and-grey hair implied. The eyes had the same spark of stubborn intelligence that I’d seen in the better officers I’d served with, but without the deadly glimmer I was used to. It took all of two seconds for me to find the slight disapproval I was looking for, but I’d already expected that.
At least he’s not a leather-clad biker bum.
The thought amused me and I let my familiar lazy, arrogant smile spread across my face as I stepped forward with a hand out. His eyes narrowed but he shook it with good grace and nodded.
“Pleased to meet you, Seth - I’ve heard a lot about you, and it’s always good to meet someone serving in defense of our country. I’m Terence Baltimore.”
Yep, the name went with the house.
“Likewise - though I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you.”
My mother’s face reddened as I left out the part where she’d had no opportunity to give me any information, but I kept my gaze on him as I switched easily between discourtesy and charm.
“Guess all the dinner conversation is going to have to center on you, then.”
He smiled tightly and turned to look off into a room on my right - from my initial glance, it seemed to be a library.
“Let me introduce you to my daughter first. Annabelle!”
He didn’t quite raise his voice, but the call had a familiar element of command to it.
Guess he’s got that as well.
There was something else that tugged at me, but I couldn’t identify it as I turned to meet the unexpected addition to our party. Maybe that was what family had meant.
Then I saw her.
For one split second, all my emotions exploded at once.
Time froze and every fight-or-flight instinct sent adrenaline surging through me.
Fuck, no.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell and shout and rage.
Three years ago, I would have done just that. I would have cursed the place down and stormed out.
Of all the people…all the places…how the fuck did my screw-up mother manage to mess my life up again?!
For one second, I just stared at the face that had played through my mind dozens of times in the dankest, darkest places. The face I had finally decided to hit up later tonight - apologize, explain, all the million-and-one things I couldn’t possibly do here. Or at all. That face was now forbidden to me in every way, shape or form.
From the flicker that crossed her face, I could guess she was experiencing her own range of emotions.
Not quite forgotten then. That’s nice.
But I recovered in an instant, quicker than she managed, and my usual armor came down - nothing like false, arrogant charm to protect you.
My smile widened and I met her eyes full-on, the challenge second nature to me.
“This is—”
I cut him off.
“Ohh, we’ve met.”
I shot them both a glance before walking over towards her. Fuck me, but I couldn’t help the seductive saunter of the movement.
“We were at school together, for a year. About…three years ago? Four?”
Her face had closed off it’s parade of emotions now, but I could see the attractive redness on her freckled cheeks, the red-gold hair coiled tightly at the top of her head when it really should be tumbling free around her shoulders. And those wide, deep-green eyes - with a bright, outraged disgust in them that was reserved solely for me.
Oh yes, I’m the devil here. And something in me can’t stop digging deeper…
“Bella, it’s so good to see you again.”
Before she could do anything to stop it, I’d swept her hand up to my lips, bowing lightly over the top of it while I brushed just the faintest impression across the back. My powerful gaze met hers as I came back up and she snatched her hand away from me, glaring back. I knew they couldn’t see our expressions, but I could almost feel her father’s frown at her rudeness and let the corner of my mouth curve in a smile at the small one-up on her.
Why the hell am I doing this?!
But I knew why. I was angry as hell, and while I may no longer have the crazed, explosive reactions, that violent response was still beating hard under all of this. And the Navy had taught me something far more dangerous in the controlled, disciplined attack of cold rage. As for Bella…well, she was just in the blast zone. And such an easy target.
I turned, ignoring her impotent anger without another glance.
“Shall we go on to dinner? I believe I’ve kept you all waiting.”
I didn’t bother to apologize, but no one seemed to notice as Terence latched onto that as a good idea and escorted my mother out of the room. She gave me a suspicious glance as they walked past, my unpredictable behavior instinctively setting off alarm bells. As it should do. But it was her own fault - she was the one who’d invited me here. To stay, even.
The sudden reminder of what I’d only moments before agreed to had discomfort flicker inside me for a moment. But then it was forgotten, emotions locked down, in anticipation of the battleground ahead.
I gestured in front of me and gave Bella an innocent smile.
“After you - sis.”
“Fuck you.”
Her quiet response lit something in me that it shouldn’t have, and I found my smile growing, eyes dancing with amusement as we moved back into territory that was almost familiar. It had a sharper edge now though, the emotions behind it far more deadly.
“You already did, baby.”
Her startled look darted immediately to our parents, but we were far enough behind they hadn’t heard the softly murmured response.
She looked about ready to slap me, but we were already at the entrance to the dinner room and they were both waiting for us at the table. Instead, she turned and walked away from me as quickly as was possible without looking overtly rude. Her escape attempt failed as soon as she realized we’d been placed next to each other, opposite our parents.
I took a moment just to look at the room, the large table spanning the width and covering only one half of the room, looking as though it could seat a good 12 people. If it were on a raised dais, I could almost take this to be a small banquet room from something out of a medieval story.
I shook my head at the fancy notion and moved up to the other place waiting at the table, seeing them all looking expectantly at me.
“Nice room.”
It was clear my mother couldn’t tell whether my flash of a smile was mocking or not, but regardless of what they thought, Terence decided the best option was to take me at face value.
“Thank you. I hope you’re hungry - the food is more than ready.”
The subtle reminder of my tardiness only made me smile, but my amusement at Bella’s inability to escape twisted as I realized it offered me a similar problem. With her on my left, it was hard not to let my eyes linger on the exposed skin of her neck joining shoulder…I could taste the light scent she used in the air, even with the tempting smells of marinated meat that was quickly set down in front of us. If I hadn’t been distracted I would have probably formed an opinion about having people to cook and bring us food.
I kept my hands studiously above the table, knowing unless they were in plain sight it would be far too tempting to run them down the skirt she was wearing, tease that place the hem met skin the way I had so many times before, and let just a finger slip underneath. That was all it took to drive her crazy - I could remember that plain as day - and the dime-a-dozen women I’d known since had only appreciated the attention to detail that Navy SEAL training had added.
