by Lara Swann
I was so screwed.
Ignoring that, I painted my face in a smile for the cameras and moved through the motions.
The majority of the ceremony passed in a daze, just like everything else at the moment.
I'd seen Cora look around a couple of times for Seth, but I could have told her he wasn't here. Wouldn't be here. Not with the way he’d abandoned everything.
It was just me.
The disgraced daughter.
I'd barely spoken to my father since our argument, with neither of us willing to go back there. Even if Seth was no longer in the picture - even if my father might have been right about my whole involvement with him - I couldn't take that first step. Not now. Not alone.
Because I'd been right too, damn it, and I knew there was no way I could make him see that now. It was obvious that Seth had disappeared - and no doubt, how I was feeling as well.
But that didn’t mean I’d been wrong to love him, to feel those things and want that with him. None of the things I said to my father were wrong, and if Seth were here I’d be pursuing them gladly. So I wouldn’t take it back. I wouldn’t just go fix my relationship with my father as Seth had so neatly put it. As if it was that simple.
My relationship with my father had started out messed up, and as far as I was concerned, if this was as ‘fixed’ as it was going to get, it was still better than living the way I had.
Even if the last few days I’d been so completely, utterly alone.
Seth was gone. My father, if he ever could have supported me through this, was gone.
Even Kaylee was gone. She’d avoided me since telling my father about Seth, and I was still pissed enough about that to let her.
The ceremony caught my attention when the priest asked whether anyone objected to the wedding.
In my fantasy, Seth strode in now, his calm and controlled ferocity directed at the wedding party as he objected on our behalf. Like one of those knights from my novels in truth. It wouldn’t be legal, of course, and it would cause complete chaos, but it would make a point. It would be a statement.
A stupid, overly romantic notion, but my body reacted at the thought of it anyway, and I had to scold myself into stillness.
This wasn’t a fantasy.
I held my breath anyway - but they were past that part within moments, and the door remained closed. There was no crash, no objection.
I wouldn’t mind if you were late…
But it was an idiotic thought. It wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t here. He wasn’t going to be here.
Then, before I realized it, they were being pronounced husband and wife.
My stomach sank.
That was it.
Seth was now officially my stepbrother.
Fuck.
* * *
That sinking feeling didn’t improve at the reception as the tightness in my gut spread throughout my whole body, until by the time it evening approached I felt like some kind of wooden doll.
Go here, smile at these people, make an inane comment there, eat, drink, listen attentively.
From what I could tell, my father and Cora were very pleased with the ceremony and reception. Pity that something which had taken so much time and effort was passing before me almost unnoticed, but at least everything seemed like it was going according to plan.
Well, except Seth and I. They were probably ignoring that issue.
If they were, I appreciated it.
In truth, I wanted to be happy for them. I wanted them to be happy. I just wished it didn’t conflict so badly with what I wanted.
Not that it mattered, since Seth wasn’t here.
I wasn’t even sure what I’d do if he was.
Underneath the overwhelming sadness and tinge of hope, there was still that roiling anger I didn’t know how to deal with.
Damn him for leaving me alone.
I kept wondering - was it just Ryan, was it just all the crazy stuff he’d been through in the last week? Or was he simply done?
I couldn’t quite believe that - not the way he’d looked at me before he left. Not with everything we’d shared.
There was so much of me that didn’t want to believe I could be so utterly wrong - about everything.
But it wouldn’t be the first time.
I found myself wandering the gardens of the place they’d hired, drifting further from the main groups of people as I tried to find some element of peace in the cooler air. It was late enough that no one would notice if I only started making a few appearances, and I wasn’t sure I could spend much more time forcing myself to be pleasant as I waited for the time we could all see them both off on their honeymoon.
It was only a few hours, and the car was already waiting outside…
I stopped as a shadow detached itself from the copse of trees nearby.
He might be a sneaky as hell Navy SEAL, but I’d grown used to his presence.
That didn’t change the way everything in me froze, the way I didn’t want to turn around because I wasn’t sure if I was going to scream or kiss him.
He screwed with every emotion I’d ever had, and despite spending the day wishing he was here, it was hard not to feel anything but resentment.
Resentment and deep, unending need. A flare of heat across my body that I wished I could deny.
“Bella…”
His voice was soft, seductive as it had always been, with the same heat that echoed through me.
Damn it.
My hands clenched and unclenched, but I still couldn’t bring myself to turn around.
Instead, he stepped up behind me - a solid, secure weight that immediately made me feel warm and protected with the strength of it. I was hard and tense against him, but his mouth lowered to my ear, breath whispering against it as he nuzzled there.
“My beauty. My Belle.”
The rough tone shuddered through me, and the words lit the part of me that had thought of nothing else.
“Seth…”
My tone held a warning, with too much underneath it for even me to interpret.
“I love you, Bella.”
What the hell did that even mean?
It was too much. Too many conflicting thoughts and emotions.
This time I did swing around, glaring up at him with eyes that for once weren’t filled with tears. Yet.
“No. Not again, Seth.”
The soft sadness in his eyes - the regret - as he looked at me, had my heart beating fast. And I hadn’t realized what seeing him up close would do to me, the way my blood would flood with heat and every part of me would want to press against him and touch and taste and feel…
Damn it!
We were past that. Past everything.
“It’s too late, brother. You might not have bothered to show up - but it happened. They’re married.”
To my surprise, his eyes only doubled their quiet ferocity as he cupped my cheek, the large palm warm against my soft skin.
“I don’t care. You’re not my sister. You never have been. They knew about this when they got married - that’s their choice.”
“What you care about seems to change every few minutes.”
He winced as the double meaning belatedly hit me.
“And who.”
“Fuck it, Bella, that’s not true—”
“No, I’m done listening. You walked out. You left. Done.”
But I wasn’t done. Damn it, I wasn’t.
And when he closed his mouth over my own, taking my words and turning the heat of anger into a gathering passion, my body gave in - I leaned into him as everything I’d tried to push away came back.
How could he do this to me? Affect me like this?
It was insane. Impossible.
That didn’t matter as it washed over me like a desperately missed friend, the comfort and safety and warmth of his embrace promising to drive away every problem I’d ever had.
That didn’t stop the anger - the fury at him, myself and the whole damn world f
or doing this to us.
I couldn’t begin to understand everything I felt, let alone form a coherent reaction as his tongue parted my mouth and he penetrated deep inside me once again.
I wanted to be angry - damn it, I was angry.
But every moment with him stole that away as all those cursed hopes came back.
He’d come back. For me.
Too late.
I pulled back to meet his eyes, seeing the storm in my own reflected there.
“Fuck it, Seth. No. I spent the whole damn morning wanting you here, hoping desperately to see you suddenly appear. Picturing you storming in and making everything right.”
My breath was coming quicker now, whether from anger or desire I didn’t know, the pure strength of emotions driving me.
“But you weren’t fucking there. You weren’t. And now…it’s too late.”
The surprise on his face as his hand ran through my hair made me pause for a moment, and he frowned at me.
“I was there, Bella. I saw the wedding - the whole thing. But I didn’t think you’d want me ruining our parents’ big day with a sudden appearance - especially with the way we left things.”
I stared at him.
What?!
I hadn’t seen him, at all. I’d been looking for him. He hadn’t been there.
“Seriously?”
He nodded, shifting closer to me as his arms came around me again. I wanted to shrug him off, but it felt too good.
“Seriously. You really wanted that?”
“Well…it would have been a good gesture.”
I shrugged as I briefly considered the reality of my little fantasy, and his eyes crinkled with amusement as he nuzzled lightly at me.
“Okay, got it - next time, big, romantic gestures. I love you, baby.”
My cheeks heated a little, but I didn’t think it was from embarrassment as he kissed me again, his hands slowly rubbing my back and promising to relieve some of the tension there.
Everything conflicted within me as I tried to process the crazed emotions of the last few days, and reconcile the promise in his eyes.
Laughter from a little further up the garden path interrupted us, and as my eyes flicked towards it, he drew us back into the small circle of trees.
“Come with me, Bella. Come talk to me.”
“I don’t want to.”
The objection didn’t stop me from moving with him as my body refused to break that firm contact.
Truth was, I had no idea what the hell I wanted. I couldn’t work it out, and having him here was making it impossible.
The seclusion of the trees took me by surprise, the noise and lights of the party fading away.
It focused my attention fully on Seth, and from the way he was looking at me, I could see the same thing in his eyes. Or maybe he’d been looking at me like that the whole time. Those swirling gray depths made it impossible to think of anything but the power and depth of that intense focus.
The rough callouses of his palm stroked across my cheek again, playing in my hair as he held me close, but as much as it was affecting me I didn’t encourage him. I couldn’t.
“You didn’t care that they were getting married? That we’re now step-siblings?”
I still couldn’t believe that he hadn’t intervened - didn’t even seem bothered by that. I didn’t understand it, even as that controlled intensity came into his eyes again.
When he looked at me like this, I felt like we could do anything together - that whatever he said was going to happen.
“No, I really don’t. They can do whatever the hell they like - that’s never mattered. The only thing that matters is the choice we make, Bella. What we want.”
“You made it pretty damn clear what you wanted, Seth.”
“I want you, Bella. Completely. Utterly. You.”
He punctuated each word with a kiss as those steamy, passionate eyes bored into me and my body shuddered with pleasure and need.
I wanted so badly to give in, to believe him and be whisked away in the warmth and certainty he’d always given me.
Instead, I pulled back, the anger rising with the desire as I felt all my messed up emotions starting to surge past that place I’d locked them away.
Everything I’d forced myself to detach from was there waiting for me, and it terrified me.
“You fucking left. The one time I stood up to my father - for you - and you left me alone to deal with it. You fucking proved me wrong. And then I had to live…with them…with this…with the whole god-damned mess while you weren’t there!”
Everything I’d thought or felt throughout the last few days came crashing over me as my hand slapped against his chest for emphasis and I broke down into tears. His arms came around me as he murmured soothingly, but I didn’t want it. I shifted and fought against him, but he just took it, the strength of his body secure and solid against the fury and pain and despair while my emotions wrecked me.
God-damn, but I hated this.
I wasn’t an emotional kind of girl. Or I hadn’t been until I met him. And now…
“I…can’t…keep…doing…this.”
My words were punctuated by gasps of breath as I buried my head against him, my body shaking with the power of how I felt, but his solid support never wavering.
“We won’t. I promise you, Bella. I won’t leave again - not if you still want everything you said you did.”
That spawned a fresh wave of fury as I looked up at him.
“So my god-damn opinion matters now, does it? I told you what I wanted before and you didn’t fucking care. My whole life, my father thought he knew what’s best for me - and now, you…you did the same damn thing. Walked away without even discussing it. I…wanted…you. And you just decided I shouldn’t. I’m fucking done with people deciding my life for me.”
I saw the pain flash through his eyes as I compared him to my father, but I didn’t let up. It was what I’d thought so many times the last few days.
His hand was light on my cheek as he responded softly.
“I know. I’m sorry, baby, it was wrong. It was your decision and I should have believed in it. I was just so fucking caught up in everything that had happened to Ryan and Becky. It kept playing out in my head, and I couldn’t stand the thought of doing that to you.”
He paused for a moment, moving us impossibly closer together as my head rested against his chest, his strong hand stroking through my hair while he took a couple of breaths and continued in that mesmerizing voice.
“I couldn’t accept your choice because I was terrified that once you realized it was the wrong one…you’d walk out a few years later. I couldn’t deal with that. I didn’t trust you to know what it meant, and accept it. And I’m sorry, because I should have. You’ve always trusted me, and you deserve that in return, Bella.”
I looked up at him, my heart in my mouth. I’d never seen him like this - so used to his normal cocky arrogance that the sudden vulnerability took me by surprise. He was being open and honest in such a serious way that…it felt real.
“And I do now. I trust you, baby-Bella. If you tell me you want this - want me - I’ll believe you.”
I found myself caught in the beauty of his intense gray eyes, the way they framed his words with that deep, touching belief.
I only realized then that because he was the kind of guy who’d never doubted himself - who had such astounding confidence in himself and the situations he was in - it had been almost impossible to notice just how limited that was when it came to other people. He’d never truly believed me when I said I wanted him, I loved him. Couldn’t trust in it.
Except now, he was.
My fear and turbulent emotions from the last few days wanted me to distrust - to hesitate, argue and strike back with everything I’d been through, but as I looked up at him…it felt like he’d been through the same. Too much. We’d both been through too much.
And he was right - I trusted him. I always had.
“I wan
t you, Seth. More than anything I’ve ever wanted.”
I couldn’t help myself, I smiled up at him through the echoes of tears and wrecked emotions.
The flicker of hope that some stubborn part of me had refused to let die burst into flames, exploding through me as he swept me up in a kiss that set my heart on fire.
* * *
We made our way back through the wedding party, hand in hand with a lightness and freedom I hadn’t thought possible.
I still needed to talk to my father, but somehow that didn’t matter anymore. I knew what I was going to say, and I knew how it would end - whatever his reaction.
We were together. The love and spark and fire burning between us was alive and real and we were never going to let it go again.
That was all I wanted.
Seth walked protectively close to me, his large presence stirring my blood as it always had while his grip remained firm on mine. I felt safe and protected in the security of his body and warmth, in a way that was so much more intense now I knew what it was and what it meant.
I was his.
And he was mine.
And I knew exactly how my Navy SEAL would handle anything that dared threaten that.
The warmth of his protection engulfed me, even as I wondered whether the mostly drunken revelers we passed now noticed.
It was hard to believe that the light and love shining between us wasn’t obvious to everyone around, but that was probably a good thing.
It was my father’s wedding - keeping the scandal to a minimum would be best.
At least for his sake. Whatever happened between our parents, or between Seth and I from here onwards, I was done caring about what others might think of our relationship.
I loved him - we were adults with no blood relation and we deserved as much chance to be together as our parents.
Still, part of me hesitated over the timing and the idea of spoiling their evening. But it wouldn’t be long until they left on their honeymoon, and we were leaving too. I wanted to talk to my father first.
I wasn’t waiting until after the honeymoon for this.
We spotted them off to the side of the main marquee, close together and smiling and laughing as they touched each other lightly. It had been a good day for them, and their obvious happiness reminded me of how I felt, making my heart swell with warmth - for all of us.
