Well, that did it. The whole room was crying again. Including both him and Jon.
When it was his turn to give Jessie a hug, he pulled Nik along with him.
“This is Nik. She’s the one who recommended all of those creepy books I bought you that you loved. She dropped by to bring food for all of us while we were waiting, and I made her stay so she could meet you.”
Jessie was glowing, despite the tears still streaming down her face. She reached out to grab Nik’s hand.
“Nik, it’s so nice to meet you. Those books kept me from going crazy over the past five weeks, I can’t thank you enough.”
Nik smiled back at her.
“I was happy to help. And I’m so happy that everything went well today.”
Jessie beamed at her.
“Me too. We still have a bumpy road ahead. She’ll be in the NICU for a while, and I’m”—more tears spilled from her eyes, and Carlos put his hand on her shoulder—“worried, but the doctors seem very optimistic, so I’m going to be optimistic, too.”
“What is her NAME?” his mom said from the other side of the room.
Jessie smiled. He and Nik stepped back so everyone could see her.
“Her name.” Jessie looked at her mom and smiled. “Her name is Eva Jane. After her two grandmothers.”
Tia Eva charged the bed and would have tackled Jessie with her hug if Carlos hadn’t intervened.
Chapter Eighteen
. . . . . . .
As soon as Carlos walked inside his house, he fell down onto his couch and tugged Nik down with him.
“I am so damn tired,” he said.
He buried his head in the curve of her neck and finally let his face relax.
“I could not be happier right now to be here on the couch with you. I managed to keep it together around my family for most of the night, and now I need to let myself fall apart for, like, thirty seconds.”
She wrapped her arms around him. He breathed in her smell, her warmth, her presence. They lay there in silence for a long time.
She kissed him on the cheek.
“Hey. I’m really sorry that I showed up at the hospital without checking with you. I think I made something already stressful for you harder. I feel really bad about that.”
He’d already forgotten that he’d been irritated when Nik walked in. So much had happened tonight.
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “I was surprised when you showed up, but I think having you—and the enchiladas—there made it easier on everyone. Plus, my mom hates hospitals and getting to criticize my cooking helped take her mind off of things.”
She ran her fingers slowly through his hair and he closed his eyes. He wished he could stay like this forever.
“When my dad died . . . my mom was at the hospital with him by herself. She’d called both me and Angie, but neither of us got there in time. It was pretty hard on her. I don’t think she’s set foot in a hospital since. I could tell she was having a tough time there tonight, especially since we were all so worried.” He bent down and kissed her hand. “The enchiladas helped. Thank you.”
She squeezed his hand.
“Did you . . . how was yesterday?”
He pushed her hair back from her face and smiled at her. Of course she’d remembered.
“I spent the evening with Angie. She said Mama likes to spend the day at church. Angie usually spends it with friends or Jessie. The first year Angie asked me if I wanted to meet up with her, but I told her I had to work. Which was true, but I’d switched with someone to make sure I was working all day that day.” He ran his finger down her cheek. “But yesterday the two of us ate a lot of tacos and drank some of Dad’s favorite beer, and just . . . talked.” He never would have spent the anniversary of his dad’s death with Angela if it hadn’t been for Nik. He was so glad he had. “Thanks for . . . well, thanks.”
She smiled up at him.
“You’re welcome.”
He leaned forward the few inches between them and kissed her. It had been so hard to not kiss her in the hospital. She kissed him back hard. They dove into each other like they were parched, like it had been just weeks and not hours since they’d last kissed, like she’d wanted to kiss him in these last few hours as much as he’d wanted to kiss her.
He started to pull off her shirt, then stopped and sat up.
“Come to bed. Please?”
She stood up and reached her hand out to him.
Once in his bedroom, he wasted no time in undressing her. She stood there and let him unbutton her shirt, pull off her tank top, unzip her jeans and pull them down to the floor, until she was in only a matching set of a hot pink bra and underwear.
“Where did this come from?” he asked her, as he ran his finger over the lace on the bra.
She smiled and reached for him, but he stepped away. He wanted to concentrate on her first.
“I bought it last week,” she said. “I thought you might like it.”
He touched the lace at her hip and ran his finger underneath it. He kept going until she gasped. He liked it when she made that noise.
“Lie down,” he said. She obeyed him at once.
“Open your legs.” He knelt on the bed in between her legs and stroked her underwear again, first on the outside, and then on the inside.
“You were right. I do like these. I like them a lot. But it’s time for them to go.” He grabbed them from each side and pulled them off her body. She looked down at him. She was already breathing hard. So was he.
He bent his head down to where the underwear had been.
“Let’s see how much you like something now.”
By her gasps and screams and fingernails in his back, she liked that a lot, too.
“You have got to get those clothes off,” she said afterward, as he crawled over her body.
“I had to wait! You would have drawn blood otherwise. Take pity on a poor man.”
She inspected her fingernails and laughed.
“I’ll cut them before next time.” She lay there and watched him as he jumped off the bed, threw his clothes off, and rolled a condom on.
He climbed back on top of her and paused.
“We need to get this off, as much as I love it.” He unsnapped her bra and threw it aside. “Ahhh, that’s better.” He caressed her breasts, and she moaned and closed her eyes. He slid inside of her while her eyes were still closed, and she smiled and clenched around him as their bodies came together.
Afterward, he collapsed on top of her, his head nestled in the hollow between her breasts.
“Mmmm. You know what?” he asked her.
“What?”
“You taste like chilies.”
They both laughed until they cried. He fell asleep, still with a smile on his face.
Carlos woke up the next morning, Nik’s head on his chest, her curls tickling his nose. He looked down at her and smiled. He was so happy to have her with him. He wished she could be with him all the time. His life was so much better with her in it.
“Holy shit.” He sat bolt upright, and she groaned and rolled onto his pillow.
“What? Do you have to be at the hospital?”
He shook his head and stared at her.
“I’m in love with you! I love you!”
He hadn’t meant for this to happen. He’d just thought they were going along, having great sex and hanging out a lot, too, sure, but that it was all just fun. But along the way, he’d fallen in love with this smart, abrasive, caring, hilarious woman.
Now she sat up.
“What? You what?”
He turned to face her. How had he not realized this was happening? She was still half asleep, her hair was standing up straight, and she had that scowl on her face that she always had first thing in the morning. He loved her so much.
�
��I was just lying here awake and thinking about yesterday, and how happy I was that you were at the hospital, and how happy I was to wake up in bed with you, and how happy I always am with you. And I realized I love you.”
Sure, he hadn’t meant for this to happen, but he was so glad it had. They would be perfect together. They were already perfect together. They got along so well; they laughed together so much; they’d understood each other from the very beginning. Her friends liked him; his friends like her. Hell, his family even liked her after last night. The timing was all wrong, but that didn’t matter. This was going to be so great.
She rubbed her eyes and wrapped the sheet tighter around her body.
“Are you sure you’re awake? You had a pretty stressful day yesterday. If this is you talking in your sleep or the end of a dream or something, it’s okay, I won’t be mad. Go back to sleep and we can pretend this never happened.”
That was the weirdest reaction to an “I love you” that he’d ever heard of.
“I don’t want to pretend this never happened! I’m in love with you!”
“Oh my God, will you stop saying that?” She looked terrified. Why did she look like that?
“Really? That’s your reaction?” he asked her.
She shook her head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that; it’s just you woke me up with this and I’m so confused.”
He got out of bed.
“Okay. Let me go make us some coffee. I’ll be back.”
He pulled sweatpants on and went into the kitchen. Had he been dreaming? Was this just him being emotional after last night and making some big declaration for no reason?
No. This wasn’t that. He loved her. If the emotions of last night had made him realize it earlier, fine, but it would have come out at some point anyway.
Had he measured the right amount of coffee into the filter? He’d been so busy thinking about Nik that he couldn’t tell. He dumped it all out into a bowl and measured it again and put all of it, plus two more scoops, back into the machine.
When he went back into the bedroom Nik had put on yoga pants and his old UCLA T-shirt. She was sitting on the edge of the bed. He handed her coffee and sat down next to her.
“I thought about this when I was making the coffee, and the thing is, I love you.”
She wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and let out a deep breath.
“Okay. What do you mean you love me? That doesn’t make sense. We haven’t even known each other for that long. You told me you didn’t want a relationship!”
He took a gulp of his way too hot coffee and winced.
“That’s all true. Well, except that it does make sense, it makes perfect sense to me. Also, we’ve known each other long enough to know how we feel about each other. We’ve seen each other in some serious ups and some pretty bad downs. When I’m having a hard time, you’re the perfect person to have around, because you’re warm and comforting, but you’re also honest with me, even when you’re saying something I don’t necessarily want to hear. And you know exactly when and how to make me laugh.”
He took another sip of coffee. It was still too hot.
“And, I did say I didn’t want a relationship. But you know what?” He made a wide gesture around the two of them. “This is a relationship! We see each other at least twice a week. You wake up here in my bed and you stay here and hang out with me instead of racing home. We text all the time. You helped me make food for my cousin. I met your friends; you met my friends. You met my family!”
She blew on the top of the coffee but didn’t take a sip.
“I know, but that all doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship. It just means that we’re good friends. Good friends, who also sometimes have sex.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“Sometimes?”
She rolled her eyes.
“More than sometimes, but you know what I mean!” She finally took a sip of her coffee. He watched her face while she drank it. He loved that way she always closed her eyes and smiled at the first sip of coffee every morning. How had it taken him this long to realize that he loved her? Sure, it had only been six weeks, but now that he realized it, he knew he’d felt this way for a while.
“I do know what you mean, but I have plenty of good friends—even good female friends—and I don’t feel about them the way I feel about you, sex or no sex.”
She raised her mug to her mouth again but lowered it without drinking any.
“I just . . . I thought we were both clear about what we wanted here. I was having a great time—I am having a great time with you. I just didn’t expect this today. Or ever.”
He set his mug down on his bedside table and took her hand.
“Look. I didn’t intend for this to happen, but it did. Can we talk about what happens next?”
She didn’t let go of his hand, but she didn’t exactly hold on to it, either.
“I don’t really know what you want me to say. I was happy going along the way we had been going.”
He nodded.
“So was I. I’m happy to keep going along the way we’ve been going, too.”
She narrowed her eyes at him.
“I think there’s a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence.”
He couldn’t help but laugh at the skeptical look on her face. She always read him so well. That was another reason he loved her.
“Fine, you’re right. I’m happy to keep going along the way we’ve been going, but I’m in love with you. I get if you’re not ready to say it back right now, but I can’t pretend that’s not how I feel.”
She let go of his hand. Fuck.
“Carlos.” She started with his name. That was never a good sign. “I like you so much, and we’ve had a great time together, but this isn’t what I want.” He tried to break in, but she stopped him. “That you say you love me . . . it changes things. It changes everything.”
Why was she acting like this? What was wrong with her?
“Why do you say that it changes everything? It doesn’t have to! And if it changes things, can’t it change them for the better?”
She shook her head.
“No. No, it can’t change things for the better. It never does. It’ll mean you’ll want more from me, things I’m not prepared to give you, and it’ll ruin everything good about what we had.” She put her coffee cup down. “Don’t you think this was just an endorphin high or something from last night? You can say yes. I won’t get mad. I’m pretty sure you’ll be relieved in a day or so that I didn’t take you seriously about this.”
He stood up. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“No, I won’t. I won’t be glad you didn’t take me seriously. This isn’t an endorphin high, and I don’t want to keep fucking doing what we had been doing. I’m in love with you, Nik! We have something special here, and I know you know it, too. In the short time you and I have known each other, we’ve been there for each other in all the ways that count. I’ve told you things about my life and my work and my family that I’ve never told anyone else.”
He looked at her, sitting at the end of his bed staring down into her coffee cup instead of looking at him. He was suddenly furious.
“Does that even matter to you? Or is it just that you’re good at asking questions, so you used me as journalism practice, to get me to spill all of my secrets? Did you think you’d won something when you got me to talk to you about my dad’s death? ‘Stupid Carlos, he doesn’t realize I don’t give a fuck about him. I’m just taking notes on what technique worked this time.’ Was that it?”
She stood up to face him. At least now she was looking at him.
“Or is it just that you get off on getting men to fall in love with you and then rejecting them? Five months for Fisher, what’s it been, six, seven weeks for me? Was I your new record? I bet yo
u’re thrilled now. Are you going to go celebrate tonight? Another guy that the great Nik Paterson couldn’t care less about fell in love with her; where’s the confetti?”
“No, Carlos, what a shitty thing to say. You know that wasn’t it. You know I really do care about you.”
He turned his back on her and grabbed a shirt out of his dresser.
“That’s bullshit. I tell you I love you, and you tell me you care about me.”
He pulled the shirt on as he walked out of his bedroom. He grabbed his keys off of his coffee table.
“Are you seriously going to leave right now while we’re still in the middle of this?” she said from the hallway.
He didn’t look at her as he slid on the shoes next to his front door.
“We’re not in the middle of this anymore. We’re done with this. Isn’t that what you’ve been telling me? I can’t believe you met my family. I wish you hadn’t bothered to come to the hospital last night. If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t have wasted my time. Fuck caring about me.”
He saw her flinch right before he slammed the door.
Chapter Nineteen
. . . . . . .
Nik stood in Carlos’s living room and stared at the front door. What the hell had just happened?
Her bag was on the floor by the couch. She dug through it for her phone.
Where are you guys? I think Carlos and I just broke up?
As she waited for Courtney or Dana to text back, she collected her stuff from throughout his house: her oversized Stanford hoodie that she’d left here a few weeks ago in his closet, her bobby pins on the nightstand, a travel-sized bottle of her conditioner in his shower. As she walked around and tossed her things in her bag, she got more and more angry. What the fuck was wrong with him, springing “I love you” on her like that and then getting mad at her for not falling all over herself being thrilled about it?
Trust her to get involved with the kind of guy who was so full of himself he imagined his love was God’s gift to any woman.
The Proposal Page 23
