And when had he gotten so damned cautious? He shook his head, trying to clear it. Her opinion of him mattered, sure. But he needed to still be himself. He wasn’t changing who he was, not for her or anyone else. He raised his hand and knocked gently.
“Come in,” she said through the door.
He stepped inside, and she looked up. Surprise was the first thing he saw register on her face, but it was followed quickly by a look that he hoped was welcoming. He thought so, anyway. She was draped over her bed, lying on her belly in a way that was incredibly distracting to him. She had a tablet in front of her, open to some sort of book. That was twice he’d stumbled across her when she was reading.
“I hope I’m not interrupting?” he asked.
“Ugh, you are, but I could use the break, to be honest.” She set aside the tablet she’d been reading. “This is the driest stuff I’ve read since medical school. What’s up?”
“I could use your brain, to be honest,” he replied.
“Oh?” She pulled herself up to a sitting position and swung her legs to the floor. With a sweep of her arm she gestured to the one chair in the room. “Please, have a seat.”
The bedrooms here on the base were all pretty simple. One bed, one small desk and a chair, and a chest of drawers built into a wall. Everyone got the same, so nobody got to argue about more space or better facilities. It was one thing Patrick had prided himself in about the lunar base, right from the first. Even the leaders of the expedition like himself didn’t have any bigger room than anyone else. Everything was solidly made, most of it right here on the moon by pouring silicon powder into the enormous three-D printer.
He sat down on the chair, swinging it around to face Carmen. Her eyes caught his immediately and swept him away. For a long moment he couldn’t remember why he was here. All he could think about were those stolen kisses on the Hopper, and how her body had felt pressed up against his.
“So, you wanted my brain?” she prompted. Her eyes were sparkling.
He blinked. “Yes.” He blinked again, trying to clear his thoughts. She leaned forward, elbows on knees and chin propped on her hands, her eyes locked on his intently. He took a breath. Important to remember to breathe, he thought wryly.
“I send a report of what we found back to Earth,” he said.
She popped up at that. “Right! I heard you over the speakers. Congratulations! All that water – that’s amazing. Just what you were looking for, right?”
He nodded, her excitement fueling his. “Yes. And we’ll be mining it soon enough. But it looks like they want us to abandon this base.”
“What?” Her face fell.
Patrick frowned. He hadn’t wanted to upset her. “Not right away. It’ll take a little while to set up the new base. But we have orders to take all the spare dome parts, pack them up, and set them in place inside the crater with the ice.”
“Hmmm,” she said, blinking in thought. “How many domes?”
“Just three,” he said. “That’s what they sent up on the last supply run.”
“Why only three?” She tapped her tablet a few times. He peeked at what she was working on – she was bringing up lunar topography. She scrolled across to the southern pole, then handed him the tablet.
“Show me where the crater is?” she asked.
Patrick knew that landscape by heart. This image was a little funny – not the same as being there. But even so, it wasn’t hard to find the right pool of shadow. He scrolled to the spot and zoomed in.
“There,” he said, handing the device back to Carmen.
She had the tablet plunk a few roughly dome-size circles into the crater. They barely filled a corner. The available space was huge. She looked up at him and made eye contact.
“I see what you mean,” he said. “There’s room for a lot more than three domes in there.”
“And now there’s oxygen for a lot more than three domes worth of people in there,” she said.
Patrick made a skeptical noise. “That city you were talking about?”
“Well, at the time I was thinking about a someday thing. Way in the future,” she said. “But now? There are some really scared people back there on Earth. They moved the best virologist in the world out to the moon – to the moon, Patrick! Why?”
He looked at her blankly. He’d just followed the orders to bring Dr. Rosa out here. He hadn’t really thought about whether those orders made sense or not. He figured they must… Why would they send the premier research team out to the moon if that wasn’t essential to their research?
“Because the moon was the best place to research a space based virus?” he suggested.
“That’s what the media has been saying,” she replied. “The truth is, being up here slowed us down. We lost days prepping to go, days more setting up. And frankly, nothing up here works the way it ought to.”
He made a protesting sound, which she waved down.
“No, you run a good base,” she said. “But everything is harder up here. Lab experiments don’t work the way we expect them to in the lower gravity. We have a limited supply of everything – on Earth, they’d be throwing whatever we needed at us. Here? The nearest place to get new live rats for testing is a two day round trip away.”
He leaned back in the chair, thinking about her words. If what Carmen was saying was right, why had they sent the team out here at all? Maybe to keep them safe from the virus? But they could do that at the bottom of some mountain fortress. There was no need to go to the moon.
“Why do you think they did it, then?” he asked.
“Honestly?” she asked him, looking nervous.
“Please.”
“Pat, it sometimes takes decades to create a vaccine for a new virus,” she said. “Now, we’ve gotten better at it over the years. But this virus is…alien.”
He almost thought she’d meant to say something else, instead of alien. She had paused, and thought over the word for a minute. What was she holding back?
“So making a vaccine might take a while?” he said.
“There are some viruses we’ve worked on for decades and still never found a vaccine for. We’ve got some good treatments for HIV, but no vaccine and no cure. We might never be able to solve this one, either,” she said. “I think it’s entirely possible that some people on Earth are hedging their bets. This virus is a death sentence right now, so a city on the moon safe from the virus might be looking a lot more appealing than life on Earth.”
Patrick made a scoffing sound. “Seriously? I think you give them too much credit, Carmen. Most of them are not like you. Most grounders would never survive up here.”
“You’d be surprised how much people are willing to live with in order to stay alive,” she said softly.
He stopped talking and looked at her carefully. He’d never seen Carmen so bereft. Her eyes were cast down at her hands, which sat in her lap palm up. Her shoulders were hunched forward. As he watched, a tear dripped onto one of her hands.
“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.
Her voice was so quiet he could barely make out the words. “No one is surviving the infection,” she said. “If we can’t find a cure, we’re looking at a death toll of over a billion people by the end of this year, and two or three billion more next year.”
She sobbed. “If we can’t do this, I will never be able to wash that blood from my hands,” she said, before breaking down in tears. “And I don’t know if we can.”
Patrick stared at her a moment, unsure what to do. Carmen was an incredible woman, who’d shown nothing but strength at every turn. And now she was clearly bleeding out right in front of him. Emotionally, anyway. He’d never been the best at handling his own feelings, let alone helping others deal with theirs. He supposed that was why so many of his friends were like Amy and Fred – quiet people who kept to themselves. People like him.
But he…cared for Carmen. He wasn’t quite ready to jump any deeper than that. Even that little admission made him hurt to see her
hurting, though. He couldn’t see her be hurt without trying to do something. So he did the only thing he could think of. He stood up from the chair and sat down on the bed next to Carmen. Then he gently wrapped his arms around her.
For a moment she froze, and he wondered if he had made a terrible mistake. In an instant, she’d whirl on him for putting his hands on her while she was vulnerable, and she’d kick his ass out of her room.
But then she softened, like butter just beginning to melt. She leaned into his embrace. And a moment later, she wrapped her arms around him, and was sobbing into his shoulder. He sat there and let her cry, holding her just tightly enough that she knew his arms were there, and not so hard that she felt trapped. She shook with her grief, and he knew that she was crying for all the people who had died of this virus, and all the ones who would die tomorrow, and all of the other tomorrows until she found a way to stop the illness and cure the sick. It was a terrible weight to bear. But he didn’t know how to tell her to set it aside.
She wasn’t a fool. He knew that intellectually she understood those deaths were not her fault. But emotionally she felt each one as a blow anyway.
Patrick kept holding her, gently stroking her back with one hand. He couldn’t think of anything else that he could do that would help more.
So he was taken completely by surprise when her face turned up toward his, her lips finding his mouth. Her kisses were soft this time, without all the fervor of the time in the Hopper. But they were no less earnest. If anything, their kisses felt even more passionate for being slower and more careful. More thought out, more considered.
Patrick brushed her hair back from her face. Her eyes were closed, her face the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. And he’d never felt so conflicted. This wasn’t fair to Carmen. She was hurting, and he…he wanted this very badly. He wanted her lips against his with an intensity that almost hurt. But not like this. Not when she was just looking for comfort. So he pulled back from their kiss. She opened her eyes, and they were filled with the unasked question – why did he stop?
“I don’t want you to regret anything we do together,” he said, his voice a soft murmur. Her lips were still dangerously close to his.
“I have not regretted anything we have done. Not one moment,” she replied, her tone matching his. Her eyes sparkled with her tears, but her face and her voice had lost the grief. She gave him a small smile, and then leaned in to his lips again. This time he didn’t pull away.
He was lost in her mouth, the sensual way her tongue felt against his, the softness of her lips. Each kiss was gentle, passionate, and – real. Patrick found himself wishing that they could just go on like this forever.
And then he heard someone clear his throat. Carmen jumped back from him like she’d been burned. Both he and Carmen turned and looked up toward the door, where Carmen’s father stood. He’d opened the door halfway, and was standing half in and half out of the room, as if unsure whether to barge in the rest of the way or beat a retreat. His eyes were narrowed, his bushy eyebrows down, and his mouth was cast in a scowl. Patrick winced. The man was clearly furious.
“I approved you going to your room to work, Carmen, not to kanoodle,” Dr. Rosa said. Then he turned his baleful gaze on Patrick. “But as it happens, I have a need of you as well, sir.”
“How can I help?” Patrick asked, standing up. He’d do whatever it took to calm the situation down and relieve the doctor’s anxiety.
“World Health has found a survivor, in the middle of the Texas quarantine zone. Initial indications are that he’s immune. They’ve moved him to Atlanta for safekeeping,” Rosa said.
“That’s incredible news!” Carmen said. “If he’s immune, we might be able to figure out how, and from there…”
“A cure, yes,” Dr. Rosa said. “I’ll be returning to Earth immediately to pick him up and bring him here. They’ve sent me all the data they have on the man, and he seems very promising.”
“We’re not due to return to Earth for supplies for another two weeks,” Patrick said. “But I’m sure we can get cleared for a special trip under these circumstances.”
“You’re already cleared. We depart as soon as you can warm up the shuttle engines,” Dr. Rosa said. “Please go do so while I talk with my daughter a few minutes.”
Rosa came the rest of the way into the room, stiffly holding the door for Patrick. He hesitated a moment, glancing at Carmen. She gave him the faintest of nods, and he took that to mean she’d be OK. He started out the door.
“Oh, Mr. Wynn?” Rosa said, before he closed the door. “On your way to the shuttle, you may pick up any personal belongings you have in your room. I’ll be returning to the moon base with a more suitable pilot. One less likely to distract my staff.”
Before he could protest or reply, the door clicked closed behind him. Patrick heard the lock turn over in the door. He stood there a moment, trembling. Of all possible outcomes, this was probably the worst he could have imagined. Rosa was going to send him back to Earth and dump him there. With the luck he’d been having, Rosa would use his political pull to have Patrick sent somewhere singularly unpleasant. And he’d never be in space again.
His hands were shaking. He went back to his room to pack his things, feeling like a man on his way to the gallows.
Chapter 11
CARMEN WATCHED her father close and lock the door, barely able to breathe. She wasn’t sure what he was going to say, or do. All of this seemed very out of character for the gentle man she’d admired and wanted to emulate. But this anger! The relish in his voice when he’d meted out his punishment for Pat was shocking. She’d known men like that, but her father? Sure, he’d frowned when she went out on dates, but he’d been off on business as often as he’d been home when she was a teen.
She put her hand to her mouth. He’d never actually gotten to see her go on a date, had he? When he was home, they’d spent the time together. She’d gone off with friends mostly when he was away. And then she was off at college – she’d dated people there, too. But he never saw it.
Carmen blinked, seeing her father through new eyes. Did he think she was still a virgin in need of his protection? If so, he was in for something of a shock. But she’d have to be careful. He was furious, and unless he calmed down, he’d banish Pat. She didn’t want that, and not just because she was growing more and more to count on having him around. She knew how much being in space meant to him. She couldn’t bear to be the cause of Pat being grounded!
“You’ll be gone a few days,” she started, cautiously probing his mood. “Anything you’d like me to focus on in particular?”
“Focus on? I wanted you to focus on your work. Not some pretty face you ran to as a distraction.” He waved a hand dismissively. “You can do what you want. I’m leaving Doctor Levins in charge of the lab.”
Levins was the only man on the team older than her father. She raised an eyebrow, but kept her opinions to herself for the moment. He was not just an old man – he was out of date, and woefully out of his element up here on the moon. Her father never should have brought the man here, so far away from what he was used to. No matter how good he was at his job, if he couldn’t do that job effectively on the moon, then he should have been left on Earth.
“Father, I think you’re making a mistake about Patrick,” she said. She wasn’t sure how to broach the subject, but he seemed more resigned than furious, so why not try the direct approach?
“The man had his hands all over you when I came in. And what were you doing with him alone on that ship, in the solar storm?” he retorted.
“Then you should send me back, not him,” Carmen said. “He’s been on this base for years now. He knows it like his own bones. He’s one of the most experienced people on the base. Don’t you think removing him will hurt the mission?”
“It doesn’t matter, if he–”
“Send me back, instead,” she insisted. “Or keep us both here. But sending him away is wasteful.” She used the word intent
ionally. Her father abhorred waste.
His reaction stunned her. She expected him to argue back, or even shout at her. Instead, he simply crumpled into her chair. She saw clearly in that moment how exhausted he was, how much the strain of the work here was telling on him. He never let that show, back in the lab. He was always the hero there, always the strong center. But in his wilted face she could see all the strain and despair and pain she’d unloaded on poor Pat just a short while ago – magnified, because her father was the one actually in charge. He’d been charged with saving the human race from extinction.
It was a brutal load to carry.
Carmen knelt next to him and gently reached out to stroke his arm. “Father,” she said. “When was the last time you slept?”
“I sleep every night,” he replied stiffly.
“For how many hours? Two? Or three?”
He didn’t reply, which told Carmen that her guess was more or less accurate. He was exhausted, and the strain was starting to crack his usually calm demeanor.
“The one thing I cannot do is send you back, Carmen. You know that. I cannot protect you, there,” he said.
He brushed off her hand and stood back up, resolve locking his face into a cool mask again. “I will rest on the shuttle ride. And I think we will do fine without Mr. Wynn. The rest of his people seem quite capable, and I am sure that there is someone more practical who can be sent up from Earth on the return flight.”
He stalked out of her room, calling back over his shoulder as he left. “Report to Dr. Levins. If you want. Or hide in your room like a child if you prefer. We’ll solve the virus once we have this immune person up here with us anyway, so the work until then is irrelevant.”
He shut the door solidly behind him as he went. Carmen was left staring at the closed door, wondering how things had gone from wonderful to terribly wrong so quickly.
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