All He'll Ever Be

by W Winters

  “He knows we let her kill Stephan.”

  “Maybe that’s why it’s equal and why all his men aren’t raiding our turf?”

  “A man with two enemies, both pointing guns at him, who knows what he’s thinking?”

  Daniel’s tone turns morose. “I have to tell you something you aren’t going to like.”

  “And to think… you’re interrupting this pleasant conversation …”

  “Look who’s making jokes now.”

  “Maybe I’m learning a thing from you.”

  “What happened last night that led him to move more men closer to us?”

  I ask my brother, “Is that what you have to tell me?” I tap the pen against the desk as I think about everything Romano told me about his plans to decimate them in only four days flat.

  Daniel repositions himself and nods, but his eyes are full of worry. “Romano and Talvery know where the girls are.” He visibly swallows and adds, “They followed us.”

  I only nod, not wanting to acknowledge that truth. “Are you sure?” I ask him, feeling the tension build in my shoulders.

  “Yeah,” he answers with a tired voice, the fidgeting of his foot finally halting as he asks me, “What do we do with the women?”

  “If she doesn’t come willingly… I want mine back in the cell when this is over with.”

  Daniel’s expression hardens. His disappointment and anger even, are evident. I don’t care what I told her, what promises I’ve made or how fucked a position she’s put me in. I don’t care about any of it. The possessiveness stirs in my blood and I struggle to contain myself, so I settle on redirecting Daniel. “What you do with yours is up to you.”

  “You can’t do that to her.” Daniel dares to tell me what I can do. “You can’t lock her up and expect her not to fight back.”

  “You’re just pissed this is affecting you and Addison, and I’m sorry for that, but I’m not letting Aria walk away from me. I won’t allow it.” The last sentence is barely spoken through clenched teeth as my heart rate quickens and my hands form white-knuckled fists.

  “Do you want a prisoner or a partner?” Daniel’s question catches me off guard.

  “She’ll never see me as her partner. I will always be the enemy.” I speak the truth that fills me with dread. This war has to happen. I will kill her father. And she will never see me as anything but an enemy once it’s done.

  “Not if you treat her as a partner.”

  “I want someone who wants me back,” I confess to him. “I want her to want me back, and that will never happen once this week is done.”

  “You’re so blinded by hate that you don’t see it,” Daniel tells me as if I’m a fool.

  “You and Addison are different. Don’t look at me like we’re in the same situation. And you fucking know that’s true.” He shakes his head but remains silent.

  “I’ll put her back in the cell if I have to,” I tell him with finality, staring past him and at the closed door. She wanted me once and I’ll make it happen again. She’ll learn to forgive.

  “What are you doing? I’ve never seen you like this.” Daniel’s expression is worried, but more than that, sympathetic.

  “I loved her,” I say, and my answer is harsh; I can feel my control slipping again. It slips so easily with her.

  “And?” he questions me as if he doesn’t understand. As if it isn’t obvious that the woman I love is the enemy. Even when all of them are dead and I’ve taken her back, I will always be the enemy to her and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not a damn thing.

  “You still love her, so why would you do that to her?”

  “I don’t know what love is.”

  “You’re being fucking stupid and this ‘woe is me’ bullshit doesn’t look good on you, Carter.”

  “Fuck you,” I seethe as I tell my brother off. “Addison will run, and you’ll follow like a little puppy dog, but she’ll come back to you because you didn’t do a damn thing to her. Aria…” My throat gets tighter as I speak, threatening to strangle me if I speak the words aloud. “I’m going to kill her family. I’ve locked her up, I’ve punished her.”

  “What you have is different, but it’s obvious to her that you love her. You’ll see.”

  “Love isn’t enough sometimes. I don’t know how you’ve gotten stuck on some fantasy, Daniel. I live in the real world, where I’m the villain. So, go ahead and tell me she’ll love me after this. Keep telling yourself that too. Whatever helps you sleep.”

  Daniel doesn’t answer. A moment passes and then another before he stands up abruptly and leaves me alone.

  The second the door slams shut, I turn back to the monitors, focusing on them as my blood simmers and my gut starts to churn.

  My body is ringing with anger, contempt, and fear. I haven’t felt fear in so long. True fear threatens to consume me at the very real possibility of losing her.

  Not if you treat her as a partner. Daniel’s words echo in my head, but how can he say that when he knows what that means in this world we inhabit?

  Aria’s still staring at the phone and without hesitation, I pick up the phone on my desk and call her.

  Only yesterday, she lay across my desk while I played with her cunt and her ass, knowing she loved it and thinking she loved me.

  A day can change everything.

  The line only rings once before she answers, cradling the phone close with both hands.

  “Hello?” Just the sound of her voice is soothing. Everything about her is a balm for the burning rage inside of me.

  “Do you hate me?” I ask her, needing to know.

  “Have you killed them?”

  A sad smirk kicks my lips up as I touch the tips of my fingers to the screen. I can see her swallow as the silence stretches, I can see her start to crumble when I don’t immediately respond. And I hate it. I hate that this is what will happen to her.

  “No.” The moment I speak the word, her head falls forward and I hear her take in a deep breath. “But you know it has to happen,” I remind her as she sits up straighter, still cross-legged on the bed.

  “I know,” she answers. I watch as she picks at the comforter and then readjusts but winces as she moves. No doubt the lashes from the belt are causing her pain. They barely left a mark on her. I held back, but even so, I know she’s still hurting from it.

  I struggle to breathe as she asks me, “So, it’s inevitable that I’ll hate you then?”

  “That’s your choice.”

  “I know some of the men who have died already,” she confesses with pain etched in her voice. Her words are so strangled and unwilling to be spoken that I almost don’t hear her. It takes me a second and then another, the ticks of the clock marking each of them.

  She covers her mouth with her hand, pulling the phone to one side as she gathers her composure, but keeps the other end pressed close to her ear.

  “There is always loss in this business,” is all I can give her until I think to add, “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too,” she tells me after a moment.

  “This is no different than before when men standing in front of your father were shot, so to speak. They fight for him, and they die for him. It’s all happened before.”

  “I’ll tell you something that maybe you don’t find obvious, Carter.” Aria finds her strength and it gives me hope until she speaks. “I hated the men who killed them before. I just didn’t have a face to associate with their deaths.”

  “Romano.”

  “What?” she questions and in even a single word, I feel the hope start to rise inside of me again.

  “Direct your hate there, not at me.” Maybe I’m a coward for hiding behind Romano while I can, but she can’t hate me. I don’t know what I’ll become if she does.

  She lies back slowly on the bed, ever so slowly, and stares at the ceiling before she asks, “This, wasn’t you?

  “I haven’t had to do anything yet, but things have changed.”

  “What’s cha
nged?” she immediately asks, but her voice is even, devoid of emotion. I can hear her swallow as she asks me, “What exactly has changed?” She bunches the top sheet in her hand absently, waiting for my answer.

  I question telling her for only a moment. But ultimately, I decide to give her what she wants. To treat her like a partner in this.

  “The number of your father’s men that have moved closer to Carlisle Street.”

  “Where’s Carlisle?” she asks with her hand falling back onto the bed, but still gripping the sheet.

  As much as she’d like to know what’s going on, she has so much to learn.

  “One street up from where our territories are divided, Miss Talvery.” My cock hardens as I speak to her like this as if I’m negotiating with the enemy. My little songbird is playing the part of the queen. And what a queen she would make.

  “I don’t like it when you call me that,” she says quietly, but her lips stay parted long after the word is spoken. I watch on the screen as her hand moves to her belly.

  “Your father is preparing to invade and conquer and he’s making it obvious.”

  “He’s defending his territory.” She’s quick to reply, and I find her logic appropriate. Which makes me sit back farther in my seat.

  “Remember who you are, Aria.”

  “I’m still figuring out who I am, Carter.” The air of dominance wraps around her like a cloak when she talks to me like that, with only a whisper of submission. When she gives herself to me with no pretense, only honesty.

  And I take that moment to tell her exactly who she is and will always be. “You’re mine.”

  “Am I?” Her voice is coated in sadness as she closes her eyes.

  “Yes,” the word is practically hissed as I lean closer to the screen, wishing I were there with her now.

  “And if I leave this place; if I leave… to see someone?” she asks me, and I know exactly what she’s talking about. “Would I still be yours?” My pulse hammers in my ears and I bite back the initial response and the next.

  I give her the only truth I know, “You will always be mine.”

  “Carter,” Aria’s voice breaks and she covers her eyes with her hand as she talks. “I’m scared.”

  “You’re brave,” I tell her, and she lets out a humorless laugh on the other end of the phone.

  “I’m afraid I’m going to fail and we’ll both be left with no one,” she tells me, wiping under her eyes and repositioning herself on the bed, once again wincing. My gaze flicks to the nightstand where I left the cooling balm, still right where it was last night.

  Ignoring her statement and refusing to think of that possibility, I ask her instead, “Are you still hurting from your punishment?”

  Again, I’m given that huff of a laugh before she answers, “Yes. You left your mark on me, Mr. Cross.”

  “It’s not the only mark I want to leave on you, songbird.”

  I hear her breathe in deeply on the other end and I lower my voice, forgetting everything but the two of us when I ask her, “Do you love it when I call you that?”

  A second passes before she whispers, “Yes.”

  Again, I reach up to the screen, wishing I could touch her right now. But I can’t. Not when I know the enemy could come at any moment. My men will stay with her and protect her. So long as she’s safe, that’s all that matters.

  “You need to use the balm I gave you,” I tell her and watch for her reaction.

  She glances at it but doesn’t move. The tension rises inside of me at her ignoring the request. A request made to help her.

  “What if I want to feel it?” she asks me before I can scold her, and confusion runs through me. “What if I think I deserve to still feel the pain and I don’t want the balm?” Her voice cracks slightly, but she holds her ground.

  My poor Aria. The weight of two conflicting worlds is resting on her shoulders. And the consequences are heavier than any one person could possibly bear.

  “You need to heal, so that if you disobey me again,” I tease her, “I’ll have a fresh canvas to work with when you do.” I feel the ease of a smile grow on my face as the tension subsides with her genuine laughter. It’s muted, soft, and just as feminine as Aria is.

  “I guess I didn’t think of that,” she says before climbing to the edge of the bed and kicking off the thin sweatpants she’s wearing. She isn’t wearing any underwear.

  The realization reminds me that I’m hard for her.

  My dick throbs as it presses against my zipper and I want to lean back, to readjust, but I find myself leaning in closer to the monitor.

  Holding the phone between her ear and her shoulder, she’s able to grab the balm. She asks me, “Can you see me right now?”

  “Yes.”

  I’m rewarded with a small smile on her lips as she looks around the room, searching for cameras she won’t find.

  “Put the balm down, Aria,” I command her, feeling my cock twitch with need. I watch as she obeys me, setting it back down and standing in nothing but a thin cotton t-shirt.

  “Yes, Carter,” she simpers into the phone.

  “Put the phone on speaker,” I tell her, keeping my voice even so she won’t have an inkling of my deep and heavy lust for her. She does as I tell her, and the moment she does I give her another command. “Set it on the bed and get on all fours like how I had you last night.”

  With the angle of the camera, I can see her pussy easily. I can even see up her shirt as it hangs around her waist and her pale pink nipples are obviously visible. “You’re fucking perfect,” I groan deep in my throat as I unzip my pants and fist my cock, pumping it once and then again.

  Swallowing hard I watch as her fingers move to her sex, and she glistens with arousal.

  “Do you like this, Mr. Cross?” she asks me with the sultry voice of a vixen.

  “Miss Talvery, I fucking love it.” I push my confession through clenched teeth. As I stroke myself, she presses her fingers into her cunt and when she does, her eyes close and her cheek pushes against the pillow.

  Her lips part and I can just barely hear the sweet moan of pleasure.

  “I wish I could shove my cock down your throat right now,” I tell her as precum leaks from my slit. I rub it over the head of my dick and shivers of desire run down my spine and straight through my body, making my toes curl.

  Like the good girl she is, she tells me back, “You’d make me choke on it. I love it when you do that.” Her dirty words make my cock impossibly hard and I know I’m going to cum.

  “Fuck yourself faster,” I command her, and she immediately obeys. Pushing her small fingers in and out of her tight cunt. Her back bows and her hips sway with her impending orgasm.

  “Hold still and grab your ass where I struck you while you cum for me,” I tell her as my balls draw up. And she does. With her head pressed into the pillow, one hand squeezing the marks on her ass and the other fucking herself, she cums violently, falling to her side and screaming out my name.

  My name.

  I lose myself with her, cumming into my hand like a high school prick and wishing there was nothing that separated us. Wishing we lived in a different world.

  Chapter 64

  Aria

  It’s an odd rush of emotion that flows through me. The fear and anxiety are most easily described, but there are others tangled in a knot in the pit of my stomach.

  Carter made it all go away when he told me to touch myself. Submitting to him makes everything go away and the feeling lasts long after he hangs up the phone.

  As I walk out of the bedroom, knowing I’m doing something he’d prefer I didn’t, the haze and comfort that comes from submitting to him dims. It’s a consequence I accept. Before he ended our conversation, he told me what I chose tonight is up to me. He’s giving me the choice, and I won’t waste it.

  I want to be more than I have been all my life.

  A touch of shame washes over me as I think, I want to be a woman who could stand by Carter’s side. It
’s shameful because this isn’t for Carter. This meeting isn’t for my father.

  This meeting with Nikolai isn’t even for him.

  It’s for me.

  My heart pounds in my chest, as does the adrenaline in my blood. Tonight, I’ll live up to my name. To be Aria Talvery, daughter of a ruthless crime lord. And a woman standing between two men waging war.

  My father would have me stay willingly in my room. My lover would have me stay willingly locked in his house.

  I’ll stay and stand where I want after tonight until I see my end. No matter if that means I’ll lose both men.

  Even if the pleasure Carter gave me only an hour ago is still coursing through my veins.

  I can hear Addison making something in the kitchen and I hesitate to go in to see her. I haven’t told her a damn thing and it feels like I’m lying to her by keeping these secrets from her.

  As I step in to tell her I’m going out, the microwave beeps and the smell of chicken noodle soup fills my lungs. Comfort food, even though there’s no comfort here.

  The air is easy between us, but I know it won’t last when she turns around and sees me. I’ve been struggling with whether or not I should tell her since I got the note. I want to lean on her, to confide in her, but I also want to save her from this awfulness that rages inside of me.

  I don’t know what to do. I honestly have no idea what to do, but I know if she asks me, I’ll tell her about everything. And I’ll never lie to her.

  “Dinner?” I ask her as she pulls the door open, not peeking back behind her to answer me. I wish she would. I wish I could get this part over with.

  “You want some?” she asks softly, devoid of the cheeriness I anticipate from her. I watch as she sets the bowl down after removing the paper towel covering the top and trashing it. That’s when she finally looks up at me.

  “Are you okay?” I ask her a question first, but she ignores it, asking her own instead.

  “Where are you going?” Addison’s voice is thick with sleep. “Are you meeting Carter?” The deep crease in the center of her forehead is evidence enough of her concern, but she quickly fists her hands and places one on each hip as her chest rises. The act actually makes me smile and eases some of the nerves bubbling inside of my chest.