by Rachel Hanna
Emma stood at the bottom of the lighthouse circular staircase and looked up to the top. She was in good shape, especially considering her former job, but nothing had prepared her for this.
As she looked at Roger, the man tasked with training her on all things lighthouse related, she wondered how he’d drag his chubby frame up the steps. What if she had to do mouth-to-mouth on him at the top? That would certainly be a terrible introduction to her new job.
Roger took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his already sweaty forehead. It wasn’t that hot outside, but she was sure after their walk up the gazillion stairs, he was going to need a towel.
They started to walk up the stairs as Roger rattled on about the history of the structure. She knew she had to listen, but she was distracted by so many unrelated thoughts ping-ponging around her head. During her first night in the cottage, she’d gotten an unexpected phone call, and she was desperately trying not to think about it.
“The lighthouse was constructed in eighteen-hundred and twenty-seven, but it was renovated after the Civil War due to damage it suffered. Now, there was also some damage in eighteen-hundred and eighty-six after the Charleston earthquake…”
Did she need to know all of these details, she wondered. Were tourists really coming to learn dates and history or were they just wanting a good workout and a nice view at the top? A place to take a picture they could post on social media to pretend their lives were perfect so that a bunch of strangers would be jealous of them? She hoped the latter and feared the former.
“We’ve had our share of hurricanes over the years which required some minor repairs along the way…” he said as he struggled up the last of the stairs. She held up her hands for a moment, thinking he might fall backward and crush her. Roger had to be in his sixties, and maybe even older, but she had to give it to him. He knew his history and he made it to the top.
“Now, how much do you know about the lenses on lighthouses?” he asked, leaning against the wall for support.
She stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. “Um… I watched a video on YouTube.”
He stared at her for a moment. “What’s YouTube?”
Again, she froze in place, unsure if he was joking or just sadly out of touch with modern life. Finally, he let out a big, hearty laugh and slapped her shoulder. “I’m just messing with you, Emma. I know what YouTube is. I even have a channel.”
“You have a channel?” she said, a little amazed.
“Sure! Doesn’t everybody? I like to talk about fishing in the lowcountry. I’ll give you the name of the channel in a minute so you can check it out.”
She was never going to check it out.
“This here is what you call a Fresnel lens. The way that it’s cut allows light…”
As he continued talking, she got the very smart idea of recording him on her phone so she could study it later. Plus, she didn’t have to pay attention right now while her mind was wandering around like a highly-caffeinated squirrel.
When her estranged boyfriend had called her last night, it had been very unexpected. After all, he was one of the things she was running away from. Not that he was abusive or anything, but he was a part of her old life that she was desperate to leave behind. Nobody understood, but she knew what was best for her, and she was determined to start over. What better place to do that than an isolated lowcountry island?
“Our marshes have over two-hundred species of birds…”
What on Earth was he talking about now? Birds? How was that related to the lighthouse? She’d definitely have to re-watch the video she was taking to understand the correlation there. Right now, she wanted to stand at the top of the lighthouse and stare out over the water while she pondered how her life had gone off the rails.
Just a few months ago, she was where she thought she should be. Working in her chosen career field and operating at the top of her game. Or so she thought. Until that day. The one day that would change everything. How she wished she could go back and change things. But sometimes things rip through your life in a way that can never be stitched back together.
“What are you watching?” Tucker asked as he walked up behind Colleen. She was sitting at her desk, supposedly working on plans for the next holiday season, but her mind needed a break. Thankfully, she and Tucker were alone in the office, so she could take a few minutes to unwind if she wanted.
“What do you think?” she asked with a laugh. It had become well known to Tucker that Colleen was obsessed with true crime and mystery videos. She watched them all the time, and she loved trying to solve them. Sometimes, she wondered if she should’ve been a detective or something.
“How do you watch that stuff so much?” He leaned over and kissed her cheek before handing her a bottle of water. Tucker was always bugging her to drink more water.
“I love trying to solve mysteries.”
“Well, maybe you can solve this one,” he said, holding up a file folder.
“What?”
“Where’d the drawings go for the robot dog I was working on?”
Colleen laughed. “I transferred them to the tablet. Honestly, Tucker, I don’t know anyone our age who still uses paper to sketch things. You have this expensive program you’re supposed to be using.” She held up the tablet.
Tucker shook his head. “I like the feel of paper when I draw.”
Colleen got up and hugged him. “I know, honey. You’re an old man trapped in a young body. But, you’re my old man.”
“Yuck, stop all that lovey-dovey stuff,” Meg said as she walked into the office with Vivi on her hip. She handed her to Colleen like she was a bomb about to go off. “Here, take your niece. She’s being a handful today!”
Colleen laughed. “No, that can’t be right. My Vivi is a perfect angel.” She pressed a big kiss onto Vivi’s cheek as her niece kicked and bucked like a wild mule.
“She wants to run around all over the place, so holding her is impossible right now,” Meg said, falling into one of the rolling office chairs nearby. “I saw y’all through the window and decided to thrust my problem child upon you for a few minutes.”
“Where are you headed?” Colleen asked as she sat down with Vivi on her lap. Within seconds, she was plundering though everything on the top of Colleen’s desk. The empty stapler seemed to be her favorite.
“I went by the bakery so grandma could see Vivi, and then I stopped by the bookstore to get her some learning cards. We’re starting to teach her to read.”
Colleen stared at her. “Isn’t she a little young to be reading?
“Actually, this is a great age to start teaching her to read,” Tucker interjected. “Studies show…”
“Never mind, Mr. Know-It-All,” Colleen said with a laugh as she pried her most important file out of Vivi’s hands. She gave her a little stuffed teddy bear to play with, until she got bored with it, of course.
“Did y’all hear the latest news?” Meg asked.
“No, what?”
“Well, it seems we have a new resident here. Grandma told me all about it. Some woman moved here to take care of the lighthouse.”
“I thought that place was closed down?” Tucker said.
“Not anymore. They fixed it up and will be giving tours.”
“I’m glad to hear it. The lighthouse is such a big part of Seagrove. Can’t wait to see the view from up there,” Colleen said. “Maybe a date night in the near future?”
Tucker smiled. “Anything you want, dear.”
“Even though you’re afraid of heights?” she said, smiling up at him.
“I’m not exactly afraid. I just prefer the ground.”
“Uh huh,” she mumbled as she tickled Vivi in an effort to distract her. Letting her run around the office would be a disaster. They worked in the toy industry, after all. She’d break every prototype they were working on.
“Well, I better get home. Christian is coming home early so we can chill out and watch a movie tonight as a family.”
“Sou
nds fun,” Colleen said, standing up and handing Vivi back to her sister.
“The reality is that we’ll probably fall asleep before it’s halfway over. This wedding planning is exhausting!”
“Oh, that reminds me. I tried on the maid of honor dress, and it just needed some hemming. Otherwise, we’re good to go on that. We still need to meet at the florist one day soon, though.”
“Right. I’ll add that to my ever-growing list,” she said, typing it into her phone. “See y’all later!”
As Colleen watched her little sister disappear down the sidewalk, she couldn’t help but be proud of her. Having a child so young couldn’t be easy, and she admired how she’d handled it. She was a great mother, and she was going to be an amazing wife too.
Emma stood at the top of the lighthouse. She stared off into the ocean, her thoughts a mixture of gratitude and sadness. Disappointment in herself and hope for a better future. It was quite a dichotomy.
Her grandmother, for all the trouble she’d caused in her life, had given her a good piece of advice once. “Emma,” she’d said, “Life is going to throw rocks at you one day. At first, they’re going to nail you right in that pretty face of yours. You’ll have scars and pain from it, but next time you’ll know to put your hands up. Because, after all, nobody wants life to beat them up and make them look ugly for the rest of their days. When life throws rocks, for goodness sakes, put your hands up and fight.”
Moving to Seagrove was her way of fighting. Maybe others would consider it running away, just like her boyfriend did. But, for her it meant preserving her sanity. Giving her room to breathe again. Getting out of the spotlight that she’d found herself in unwillingly.
She watched a bird fly overhead, and a feeling of loneliness washed over her. She knew no one on this island, apart from Henrietta and Roger. And, unless she wanted to join the local senior center, she doubted those two people would be her new best friends.
A part of her wanted to find new friends. She was only forty years old, after all. She wasn’t retired. She needed interaction. But the other larger part of her said no. She didn’t need anyone who would ask questions or judge her. She’d had quite enough of that.
Just as she was about to make her way down the stairs and into the cottage for an early dinner, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She usually didn’t answer it, but she couldn’t say no when it was her only real friend, Caroline.
They’d met when they were in kindergarten, and the only person who’d really been there for her over the last year was Caroline. From burying her grandmother, to the day she wanted to forget, her friend had tried so hard to be her rock. “Hello?”
“Emma? Thank goodness! I’ve been worried sick about you! Where on earth are you? Steve said you took your things and left?”
“That’s right.”
Caroline paused a moment, like she was unsure of what to say. “Honey, are you okay? Tell me where you are so I can come to you.”
“I… can’t.”
“What do you mean? Is somebody holding you?”
Emma chuckled. “No. I just need some time.”
“I understand, but you shouldn’t be alone, Em. I’ll come, and I won’t tell a soul. I promise.”
A tear welled in her eye. “I know you would come, but I just want to do this alone, okay?”
“Emma, I have to ask this question…”
“What question?”
“Are you… a danger to yourself?”
“No! I promise I’m not. In fact, my head is starting to feel clearer already.”
“Are you sure? I can get you whatever help you need. You know that.” Caroline was a licensed clinical social worker, and her skills had helped Emma after the “incident”. But there were still dark corners of her soul that no amount of counseling was going to touch. Her hope was that the ocean would wash them away.
“I’m sure. Look, I’m going to be okay. I just needed to get away from all of it. I know Steve doesn’t understand, but I need you to make him leave me alone. Okay?”
“He loves you, Em.”
“If he loved me, he would stop trying to contact me. He needs to move on, Caroline. It’s what’s best. We’re never getting back together.”
Caroline cleared her throat. “Okay. I’ll try to talk to him.”
“Thanks. Listen, I’ve got some things to do. I’ll touch base soon, okay?”
“Okay. I love you, Em.” She could hear Caroline’s voice shaking a bit.
“I love you too.”
As she pressed end, she looked up at the bird that had been flying overhead. Now, a flock had joined it and they formed a V before flying off. It hadn’t been alone, after all. It had been looking for its flock, and they hadn’t let it down. She hoped to find her own flock one day. For now, she’d be that lone bird, aimlessly zipping around in the sky, waiting for some kind of direction.
Janine stood in the kitchen, looking out over the marsh behind the cabin. From the moment she’d moved in, this had felt like her happy place. She loved the abundant wildlife she saw each day, from birds to the occasional alligator. The smell of the marsh was hard to describe, and it had grown on her. Of course, mosquito repellant had become more required than fancy perfume, not that she normally wore that either.
She lifted her coffee cup to her lips, savoring the warmth as it passed from her throat to her stomach. Being petite meant always being cold, even in the often muggy lowcountry.
“I’m off to work! See you tonight!” Colleen called as she hurried toward the front door.
“Have a good day!” Janine yelled back, as she always did.
Having her niece as her roommate had been a godsend. Their relationship had grown, after years of not seeing each other when she and Julie had been estranged. Now, surrounded by more family than ever, Janine finally felt at home.
Of course, having a wonderful boyfriend like William helped too. Seagrove felt like the place she was always meant to be, and she didn’t see herself ever leaving. She finally understood what people meant when they said they had put down roots.
“Knock, knock,” Julie said, poking her head in the front door.
“Oh, hey, sis. What a surprise to see you so early this morning. Everything okay?” she asked as she walked into the living room.
“Yeah, everything is great. Just thought I’d stop by before work and see how you’ve been doing. I feel like I never get to talk to you anymore between work and planning the wedding.”
Janine sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to her. “Come sit.”
“Are you all right?” Julie asked as she put her purse on the back of the chair and sat on the sofa.
“Of course! Just enjoying some coffee before my first classes. You want a cup?”
“No thanks. I had some of Dawson’s coffee this morning.”
Janine chuckled. “That’ll put hair on your chest.”
“Definitely. I swear his coffee is thicker than tar!”
Janine had missed these times with her sister, especially mornings. When they were living together before Julie married Dawson, they were like teenagers again. Late night talks, early morning walks. Coffee, chips and the occasional cupcake. Now, it seemed like they were growing apart. Julie was a new mother again, and Janine had no kids. Julie had a business, a husband and a granddaughter. Her life was full, and Janine was starting to feel like hers wasn’t.
“How’s Dylan?”
Julie laughed. “He’s a handful, as usual. Dawson signed him up for karate to work off some of that excess energy and teach him discipline.”
“Oh, that’s great!”
“Yeah, he starts next week. But he’s a great kid.”
“He is. Y’all are really blessed,” Janine said, taking another sip of her coffee, trying not to make eye contact.
“Okay, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sis, I know when something’s bothering you, and something is definitely bothering you. What is it?”
<
br /> Janine sighed and put her mug on the table in front of her. “It’s no big deal, really.”
“You look sad, and that’s a big deal to me.”
“I just feel a bit… empty lately.”
“Empty? But you have the yoga studio and William. Wait, is everything okay with William?”
She nodded her head. “Yes. Better than ever. And his charter business is going really well.”
“Then why do you feel empty?”
“I hate saying this because I don’t want to make you feel bad…”
“Did I do something wrong?”
Janine’s eyes widened. “Oh no! Not at all. It’s just me. I’m a little envious, that’s all.”
“Envious?”
“You have it all, Julie. A marriage, a new son, a granddaughter, a business. I guess I just wish my time would come to start my own family.”
Julie rubbed her arm. “Your time is coming, Janine. I just know it.”
“I mean, I’m too old to have a child biologically. That ship has sailed for me. But, I’d love to adopt like you did. I think I could provide a great home.”
“You absolutely could!”
“I just don’t want to do it alone.”
“You want to get married?”
She nodded. “I’d love to marry William, but he seems so hesitant. Maybe he’s not sure I’m the one for him. I just wish I knew for sure because I need to keep moving forward.”
Before they could continue their conversation, SuAnn opened the door holding a large covered cake plate. “Morning, girls!”
“Mom, you scared me to death!” Janine said, holding her hand over her heart.
“Get dressed, Janine. We’ve got an errand to run, the three of us.”
“I have work, Mom,” Julie said, standing up.
“Oh, poo! Dixie can handle it for another half hour or so.”
“Where are we going?” Janine asked.
“What kind of neighbors would we be if we didn’t welcome our newest resident over at the lighthouse?”
Janine looked at her sister, each giving a knowing glance at the other. They knew what their mother was up to. She wanted the gossip, and she was ready to go straight to the source. God help the new resident because SuAnn was going to find out her life story as soon as possible.
