“He’s a good guy.” They both say it at the same time. I wonder how good of a guy they would think he is if they knew what I know. How low he slipped to get what he wants.
I nod, lean my head back on this deliciously comfortable sofa, and close my eyes. “Some things just aren’t meant to be. I think she’ll be happy. Have a normal life. Our engagement ended on weird fucking terms. Dax is normal and I think that’s what she needs to stay out of trouble,” I explain. I stop before I say anything further. They have no idea that Lainey came to Virginia Beach in order to spy on Navy SEALs. There are countless women here for that exact reason. The guys are familiar with the tactics, but I don’t think they’ve ever seen one up close and personal. They wouldn’t take too kindly if they did know, either. In the beginning, Lainey gathered information about us. When we started work, where we took our training trips, where our private airport was located. All innocuous things that meant a great deal to the person she reported back to. I called her out right away, but I was keen with things like that. The house next door to Morganna? It was planned. Her friendships with the other wives and girlfriends? A scheme to get in good with them to get even more information about us.
She stopped spying when I asked her, straight up, and despite her reservations, she fell in love with me. Not that she had much say in that. When I fall in love, I make sure everyone around me knows it. She knew it and was helpless to repel my charms. By the time my fateful deployment rolled around she was putty in my hands, so in love with me that she agreed to be my wife. Slipping that diamond on her slim finger was one of the most memorable moments of my life. Now, I’m invited to watch another man marry my woman. That man happens to be the only reason why it’s not my wedding ring going on her finger. Talk about a fucked up situation.
Steve sighs. “I can’t say anything about what the fuck you guys have going on, but Dax is a good guy and Lainey seems hell-bent on marrying him. Are you two still fucking around?” So they know about the fucked up arrangement we had going on for a while. Who told them?
“No. I broke it off a while ago. It was too much trouble. How did you know about that anyways? Doesn’t seem like something a man would brag about. Sharing isn’t caring in this instance.”
“Pussy,” Maverick says, coughing to cover his insult. Then he says, “It was mentioned in passing. Trust me, I think Dax was drunk off tequila when it was revealed.”
I wrap my hands behind my head and look up at the expansive ceiling. There’s a peak in this room and the glass windows at the top make the lighting in here perfection. “I did what was best for her, dude. My life is too dangerous. Like yours, except I don’t have to answer to anyone, so shit is even more fucked up. The last thing I want is anyone hurt on my account.” They’re both nodding when I glance at them. At least they get it. “Imagine if it were Windsor or Morganna at risk,” I say, looking at both of them to drive the point home. No one says anything. They’re lost in thought, thinking of worst-case scenarios and how to stop them.
Steve speaks first, “Well, I’d say let’s hit the strip club and get some drinks, but we don’t do that anymore.”
My turn. “Pussies.” I smirk.
They laugh, but wouldn’t you know, those pansy asses don’t refute me. They’re happily pussies. I want to be the same. One day, maybe. When V is cold in the ground, when I’m finished with working contracts. Maybe I will move to the Hamptons house and settle down eventually. Vacation year-round never hurt anyone.
I tell them about Rosy and how the date went all to hell. They explain what they would do if they were me and I listen. I even pretend I’ll take their advice and call her as soon as I’m back in the city. I won’t, though. I cancelled the second date and haven’t spoken to her since. Try as I might, I can’t bring myself to fuck anyone else yet. What if it feels different? Worse, what if I’ll compare women to Lainey for the rest of my life? I have nothing but love for Lainey, but now I realize I might hate her, too.
“We have Dax’s bachelor party this weekend in the city. Can we stay at your palace by the sea?” Steve asks. He’s back at the bar, rummaging through my mixers.
“What? Like together? Have a romantic weekend together?” I ask jokingly. Maverick gets up and checks his phone. His screen saver is a picture of his wife, Windsor, and their kids sitting on her lap. The kids have his smile and Windsor, in all of her brunette glory, is stunning. I can’t blame him. If she were mine, I’d want her all the time, too.
Steve punches my arm without spilling his new drink—a Manhattan. “No. We’ll bring the families. Of course. Morg will love that place. I saw photos online when you bought it. Wasn’t the seller dude a Sheik or something? Did you sell code formulated out of your left nut for it?”
“I think he was part hostage negotiator. He didn’t budge on the asking price at all. Happily for him, I wanted it badly enough. So, like go to the bars and then head home to them at the end of the night?” What is this madness?
“Exactly,” Maverick says, smiling like a fool. “I like to have my cake and eat it out, too.”
“God, you’re so fucking witty,” Steve mutters. “What do you think?”
I nod. “Sure, sure, of course. You know I don’t mind at all. I’ll give you the codes and the keys before you leave. I’ll let security know you’ll be there. I have them patrol every so often to keep it on the up and up.”
“So teenaged rat bastards don’t throw eggs at your ten-thousand-dollar door?” Steve asks, cackling loudly at his own joke. It’s also a joke that his wife, Morganna, made almost verbatim.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s Molly. “Exactly,” I tell him, lying, before answering the call. I hold my finger up to let them know I’ll be quick and head for my office. They’re wrapped up in a conversation about pop culture and how kids don’t have respect for their elders anymore.
I close the thick wooden door. “What’s up, Molly?” This office reminds me of Dax and his bloody nose. Redecorating needs to go on my to-do list. Lainey will have to help me with that. Oh, shucks.
Molly prattles on about how she wants Horse to have time off so they can go on vacation. It’s what she starts her conversation with, so I know she wants me to remember it. I tell her most important first and the rest can come next.
She surprises me, though. “The guys say they’re ready when you are for operation cooler shark.” I obviously did not give this moniker to the operation that will kill V. I approved it, though. Sounds like the Is are dotted and the Ts are crossed.
“Why didn’t you say that first?”
“Because, well, you have enough on your mind and cooler shark needs to be done before I can take a vacation with Horse, anyways. One in the same, really.”
“When are they thinking?” Even if they say they’re waiting on me I know the timeline is already in place. Professionals are always professionals. Time is precious and the most integral part of a successful mission. A minute the wrong way is enough time to destroy all chances of success. It may even mean your life taken instead of the bad guys’.
“Sunday.” My heart skips a beat. It’s soon. I’m ready. I’ve been ready. I hear the drips of stale water in the back of my mind. I don’t count them anymore. They’re always there waiting, though—background noise that reminds me of what I’ve become and what I’ll never be again.
Molly confirms that everything is scheduled, set up, and ready to go. I won’t be able to sleep until this is over and done with. I hang up the phone, but I’m not ready to face the guys again. I stand in the center of my office and contemplate everything that has brought me to this moment. The cost was high. Love. I think about putting my lips against Lainey’s, how warm and comforting it was. She leaned into me, pressing her body against mine in a way that told me she still wanted me. She despises me for everything I am, but she still wants my body. Can I use that to my benefit?
Maverick raps on my office door a few times and then saunters in, a water bottle in his hand and one of my small remot
es in the other. “Office windows?” he asks, then hits the button that opens the shades automatically. “Yahtzi!” he shouts.
“Good thing I’m not on the phone anymore,” I say.
He clears his throat. “I heard you hang up. I wanted to tell you that I know this must be rough for you. Seeing Lainey marry another man. Telling you that means nothing, I know that. I think you’re doing the right thing, honestly. Letting her go, that is. So I’m here to give you the best advice I can think of. Well, it’s not my advice, it’s Stone’s. Tighten your towel, Cody. You got this.” Maverick slaps me on the shoulder, presses his lips together, and nods his head. I nod. Emotion is so thick in the room right now you can cut it with the side of a dull fork—Maverick, remembering Stone, his dead best friend, and me realizing he’s right.
“Put on my big girl panties and all that?” I ask, smiling, trying to take the edge off.
Maverick runs his hand through his hair. “Something like that, man.” He punches me in the arm, takes a sip of water, and disappears from my office. If he knew I was also contemplating a high profile murder alongside my obsession with Lainey, I’m sure he would have chosen different words.
Words. I owe some to Lainey. I email her at her old, personal address because it’s safest.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Repaying debts
I’m sorry for things I did say. I realize now that I should have gone about breaking things off differently. My words weren’t gentle, nor did they hold much truth. They were words I knew would send you away without looking back. I still think that’s what you need to do, but I can’t stand for another second to pass where you think I don’t want you, that you’re not the love of my life. I’m changing my words to better represent my heart. Marry him because he’s the better choice for you. Marry him because you love him and he loved you when I couldn’t. Spend your life making him as happy as you’ve made me. That’s what would have happened if I never returned and that’s an honest life. I’m okay with this now, Lainey. I mean, I’ll never be truly okay because I can’t lie next to you in bed at night, or see you round with my child, or know what your laugh lines look like twenty years from now. These are the privileges Dax has earned in my absence. I’m grateful to him, Fast Lane. You should be too. Surely you know I don’t think this message will fix anything. My words were unforgivable. Hopefully they’ll help you move on with a sense of pride and love for our years, and not the horrendous lies I asked you to believe. Don’t let them mar what we had just as the joy we did share shouldn’t overshadow the memories you’ll surely make in the future with Dax. Let them exist in the same space if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me.
The café is yours. I’ll stay away. Lettuce isn’t one of my favorites, so I trust it’s hard to find decent lettuce in such a voraciously foodie city. There’s another one two blocks down I can frequent instead.
Forgive me. I’m not sure if I can watch you walk down the aisle to marry another man. I’m a lot of things, but a masochist isn’t one of them. Also, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut at the ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ bit. While I’ve said multiple times I think you should marry him, my illogical side isn’t as keen on the idea. You don’t want me there anyways. I’d only be a ghost from your past haunting a happy day.
(Remember that) Time, and (here is your) Space,
Cody
I hit send and return to the guys in the living room. My overall demeanor is morose, so they try to fix it with bourbon and stories from the old days. Maverick even starts singing a song he wrote for Windsor. As if I needed a reminder of how desperately beautiful lasting love is.
I hate that shit.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Lainey
“THE DRESS IS too tight, the heels are too high, and my makeup is too dark,” I say, staring at the foreign creature in the mirror in front of me. “And the wig…really?” We’re getting ready at Chloe’s mom’s house. She lives on the outskirts of Manhattan.
Chloe scoffs. “Fuck no, it’s not. You look perfect. This is the last hurrah as a single lady. You’re doing it right, Lainey.” Coming up behind me, she rubs her hands down my sides, smoothing the bandage dress over my hips sinfully. I admit that the dress is hot, the heels are to die for and the forty dollars’ worth of makeup on my face does highlight my light eyes and high cheekbones, but it doesn’t look a thing like me. Maybe that’s the point. Disguise myself. The brunette wig falls in waves down my back like a high-class stripper. I move from one foot to the other, trying to see how steady I can be in these shoes. I roll up a pair of nude flats and stuff them in my small handbag. Emergency shoes seem like a good idea tonight. I come fully prepared for anything.
“Shouldn’t I be at least a little comfortable? God knows what you have planned,” I reply, wincing when I see her open another bag of penis straws in the reflection of the mirror. “None of this was necessary. This is for twenty-year-olds on their first engagement, who still have the party gene from college. Not for me. This isn’t for me.” I itch my head where the wig meets my true hairline. “Can’t we just grab a couple of drinks and call it a night?” No one can stop Chloe. I’ll make my displeasure known on principle.
Chloe rolls her eyes. “You think princess cousins Oksana and Natalya will be okay with that? They flew here for a party. A fucking party is what we’ll be having. The party bus is stopping to pick up Windsor and Morganna before heading here. Your cousins are almost ready. This is going down,” Chloe explains, reading her itinerary. It’s not that I’m not grateful, I’m just…not as happy as I should be. I don’t feel like celebrating. After reading another fucking beautiful email from the man I hate, I’m having a hard time grasping what I have to celebrate. Hooray for doing what’s best for me and settling for second choice? I sigh. Giving Dax my all has been challenging.
“You’re really having a hard time with this, aren’t you? You don’t want this at all?” Chloe asks, finally realizing I’m not fishing for compliments and attention. I’m really not into this.
I bite the inside of my cheek. “I do. I do,” I lie. “It’s just a lot for something that everyone does. Weddings happen all the time. There’s so much pressure to have parties and showers and floral arrangements dripping with diamonds, and cake that tastes like Brad Pitt’s dick, that you forget what this whole thing is about to begin with.”
Without looking up from her paper, she says, “God, I wonder how heavenly that tastes.”
I stomp a heeled foot on the wood floor. “What about the rest of what I said?”
She meets my eyes in the mirror. I turn to face her. “I get it,” she says, brushing a strand of hair that isn’t mine out of my face. “You’ll have fun. I promise. If it’s the last thing I do tonight, I’ll make sure you have a good time.”
“I’m holding you to that, Chloe,” I whisper. My cousins, matching in black dresses that look similar to mine, come traipsing into my room, all thick accents and huge, sprayed hair.
It’s hard to tell them apart when they’re not naked. Oksana has a mole at the bottom of her back, right where her ass starts. I know because of all the years they tried to be sneaky. She’d lift her shirt and show me and then pretend to be Natalya. Little bitch. Time didn’t help matters any. They have the same laugh lines. It’s creepy. “You. Look. Amazing,” one says. I assume it’s Natalya because she’s always been a touch nicer.
“Thanks. I’m not sure about this wig and everything else. You both look stunning as always,” I compliment. They both smile, thank me, and reassure me that Chloe’s hard work is top-notch. The twins head to the kitchen to start pre-gaming. That’s the one good thing about Russian twins. Those bitches will drink everyone under the table quicker than you can say ‘vashe zrodye’. Cheers!
I strap my Chanel purse over my shoulder and join my cousins. Chloe comes up behind us and drops pink penis straws in each of our glasses then says, “They
’re almost here. Morganna says the bus is luxe. She also said Maverick was having a heart attack as he watched it drive away with Windsor in it.” I laugh because I know how protective of her Maverick is. The fact that he’s followed her to New York is a testament to that. “They’re not staying with us at the hotel, though,” Chloe mutters.
Chloe tries to change the subject to music. She has enough nineties rap music loaded onto her phone to bring Tupac back to life. “Why? Where are they staying?”
“They’re not staying in the city, Lainey. They have a house in the Hamptons for the weekend. They’ll just have a driver take them there after we’re done smashing the town flat. Their husbands are staying there too.” I already know. I don’t have to ask, but I will anyways just to say his name out loud.
“Cody’s house.”
She nods.
“Of course. It’s a beautiful house.” It’s named after me. I’m jealous and it makes me crazy. Will Cody be there, too? Why do I care? Dax. You’re marrying Dax. I have to remind myself. I swallow the last of my wine without using the penis straw and hear the bus pull up in front of the house. Chloe’s mom has a very nice house in the suburbs. The walkway is manicured and lit beautifully. The twins hobble down the walk before me, and then Chloe, who has two roller suitcases and enough food and supplies for a week. You can never be too prepared, is what she says. Morganna bounds out of the bus, her heels higher than mine, and her dress just as short. Windsor is next. Her tanned legs appear as she carefully walks down the steps. Her long brown hair is styled in fifties waves, pinned in an updo, and her rich purple dress is also skintight. They both look flawless.
“Children did your bodies well, ladies. Thank you for coming!” I hug them both one at a time, getting annihilated by their expensive perfumes and hair spray.
The Crazy Good SEAL Series: Books 1-3 Page 74
