by Bella Emy
“Good-bye, Maddox,” Mrs. Hemmings says before hopping behind the wheel of her red car.
“See ya,” I reply, but she’s already pulled out of the spot and driven off.
“So, you gonna tell me what that was all about?” Adelyn asks as she stuffs another box with some photo albums and other memories sitting on the shelf.
Most picture frames are filled with memories of their time together once they became a couple. There are also a few from before I left Cali, just the three of us, hanging out on a typical weekend. Those were the good old days when everything made sense and it was just plain fun.
I pull out some books from a shelf near the television and turn them in her direction, asking if she wants to keep them, chuck them, or throw them in storage… which just so happens to be Rick’s mother’s house. She said to me if there was anything we were unsure about, not to trash it, but to place it into a box for her to pick up the next time she swings by—which knowing her will probably be tomorrow, or even tonight to make sure nothing fishy is going on around here. I wouldn’t put it past her to check up on us and make sure we’re not fooling around. Sure, she accepted my answer when I told her I would never do something like that to Rick, but I don’t know if she really believed me considering the fact this is not the first time she’s suggested about Adelyn and me.
Adelyn shakes her head. “Put those in the Mom box. She’ll want those… they were Rick’s. I’d hate to throw books away.”
Did I mention Adelyn is a total bookworm? Like one of those sexy bookworms that reads all the filthy, raunchy romance novels. It’s such a turn on. My cock springs to life at the very thought.
And there I go again, getting turned on by this woman. She’s going to destroy me. This isn’t the time or place, and I hope she doesn’t notice my growing desire for her through my sweatpants. I need to stop.
It’s time to divert the conversation elsewhere, so I nod and think of something to say that will turn me off just as quickly. “Oh yeah, my mom hates throwing away books, too.”
There, fixed. Instantly, I go limp. I knew the Mom thing would work.
“So, tell me. What was that all about?”
I furrow my brows. What the hell? Did she notice? Fuck, why did I wear sweats? I should have known better, thinking I could spend time with Adelyn and not get turned on at all. Yeah, right. That’ll never happen because I’m a Goddamn horndog, and I haven’t gotten laid in forever. Not to mention that it’s Adelyn we’re talking about here. She’s the sexiest woman I know. Sneakily, I adjust myself while she looks away, hoping she hadn’t gotten a glimpse before I started going down.
“What do you mean?” I ask, playing it cool.
Adelyn laughs. Fuck, she noticed. Shoot me now.
“That look Christa gave you as I was driving up. I saw her. Like she was reprimanding you.” She pauses for a second and then says, “Bad, Maddox… what did you do?” Then she chuckles again.
If she hadn’t said the rest of that statement, I wouldn’t remember who Christa was, being that for all these years I’ve referred to her as Mrs. Hemmings out of respect. I guess being that she was going to be her mother-in-law, Adelyn and Mrs. Hemmings had a different relationship. I wonder if she called her Mom when they’d hang out together.
I shrug and refuse to get into what Rick’s mom and I were talking about. “It was nothing. She was just reminding me again not to trash anything, really.”
Adelyn scoffs. “Again? Seriously, I get it. I don’t really want to trash anything of his either. I wouldn’t. We wouldn’t. But how many times is she going to repeat herself?”
I say nothing. All I do is nod to let her know I’m still here.
It’s been a few hours since we’ve been going through his things already, and now I’m getting tired of standing. I take a seat on the black leather couch. He’s had this one for as long as I can remember… probably way before I even left for Jersey.
Adelyn comes up to the couch and plops down beside me. She slams her head against the back section of it and turns to face me with a small smile. “Fuck, I’m tired.”
Oh, that pretty little mouth of her when she spews out obscenities… the things I want to do to—
Nope, don’t go there, Maddox.
But it’s already too late. My cock hardens at the very thoughts going through my mind. This is wrong… so damn wrong.
“How are you holding up?”
Her words take me by surprise. How am I holding up? I should be the one asking her that. I know he was my best friend, and that’s by no means unimportant.
But she lost her fiancé. Her lover. Her best friend, too.
I shrug. “I’m okay, you know. It hasn’t been easy for any of us.”
She nods. “I know.”
“What about you? Are you okay?”
Now she’s the one shrugging. “Today I am. But that’s the thing, the pain comes and goes. I can’t cry anymore. I think my tear ducts have completely dried up from all the sleepless nights, all the times I soaked my pillow from crying. It sucks.”
I frown. I wish there were something I could do to make her feel better. I hate that she’s hurting so much. But I get it. I lost him, too. I cry sometimes, and it’s not pretty. “I’m so sorry, Ad.”
She smiles again at me. Her gorgeous, beautiful smile that lights up my heart. Damn. Even though she’s broken and fading into nothingness, I can’t help but notice just how beautiful she is in this very moment with the light crashing into the highlights of her hair. Fuck.
“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry. Plus, it definitely helps when I’m with you, though. You make me feel better, Maddox.”
I offer her the tiniest of smiles. I feel that very same way about her. She always brightens up my day. But I can’t tell her that. Instead, I say, “I guess it’s easier to go through something like this with someone by your side instead of alone.”
She chuckles. “Yeah, ain’t that the truth. If this had happened when you were away, I don’t know what I would have done with myself, Maddox. I would have been so lost without you.” She pauses and searches my gaze, and it’s as if time stops. I want to say something, but I can’t. I feel frozen by the way she’s looking at me.
“So lost,” she repeats, barely above a whisper. She leans in closer and it feels like she wants to kiss me. “Maddox?”
“Yeah, Ad?”
“Can I lay my head on your shoulder?”
Her eyes are swelling up in tears. How can I possibly say no to this beautiful woman, this friend of mine, who I wish could be so much more?
But she can’t, I have to stick by my guns and let the moment pulling me to her pass.
I nod my head and open up my arms. “Come here, Adelyn.”
She leans in into me and sucks in a deep inhale. “I never knew this is how things would end up.”
“I know…”
“No, seriously. I mean, I never knew counting down to my wedding day would really be me counting down to his death.”
I gasp lightly. “No, Ad. Don’t think that, don’t say that. You can’t think like that.”
She scoffs. “Mad, how can I not? That’s exactly what it was. I just never knew that’s what it would be. And it hurts. It’s the one thing I can’t get out of my head. Here I was all excited for March twenty-sixth, failing to realize that would be one of the worst days of my life.”
I nod, caressing the length of her arm against mine. “I know.”
She chuckles. “Want to know what the other worst day of my life was?”
I have a feeling I know what she’s going to say. Miles, her West Highland White Terrier, that she loved so much suffered a tragic death. The day her dog got hit by a car while we were away at an amusement park was high on her list of worst days of her life. By the time we got home that day, he was already gone, and she never stopped blaming herself for it. “The day Miles passed?”
She looks up at me, eyes all full of tears. “That’s another. But I was referring to the d
ay you left. That one hurt so much, too.”
I frown again. “I’m so sorry, Ad. If it had been up to me, I would have never left.”
She smiles softly. “I know.”
“But you know what?” I say, hoping to give her some hope.
“What?”
I take in a deep breath before saying these next words to her. “I’m here now, and I’m never going anywhere.”
She considers my words before saying, “I hope so.”
“I promise.”
She smiles again at me and before she says, “Good,” she tilts her head back down and snuggles tighter against me.
I love the way she feels on me, the way only she could fit so perfectly. I love that she feels like she can find her comfort in me because that’s all I want to be for her.
I’m her friend, and nothing more.
“Thank you, Maddox.”
“Of course, Adelyn.” I look at the time on the wall and realize it’ll be dark soon. It’s probably not a bad idea to get going before the patrol squad comes back. “Hey, if you’re ready, we should probably get going soon… it’s getting late.”
She moves forward and looks at the clock, too. “Shit, I didn’t realize the time. Today went by so fast.”
“It did.”
She takes a deep breath, places her hands on her knees and pushes herself up. “Okay, let’s get going. You still want to come with me to help me with these couple of boxes?”
I had promised her I would help her take some stuff back to her place tonight. She doesn’t need to be carrying all of this by herself. “Yeah, of course.”
She smiles at me as I rise to my feet. “Good. Then we can order some pizza while we’re there. I’m hungry.”
I chuckle. “Sounds like a plan.”
Chapter Thirty
Hours later, we find ourselves sitting in Adelyn’s living room on the carpeted floor, talking and relaxing over some pepperoni pizza and beers. Today was a long day, and I’m just thankful we’re at the end of it… although I hate that it’s almost time for me to leave her.
As difficult as today was to go through all of Rick’s belongings, it was also really amazing. I forgot how much Adelyn and I have in common and how easy it is to talk to her. I find myself letting her in on almost all my thoughts and worries, which I usually keep to myself. I mean, I didn’t even tell Rick half of the shit I’ve told her today.
“Want the last slice?” she questions, ripping me away from my thoughts.
I shake my head. I’ve already eaten three, and I don’t think I can down anymore. Granted, we opted for a medium, since it was just the two of us, but still. “I’m good, thanks.” I take a chug from my beer.
Adelyn shrugs and grabs the last slice out of the cardboard box. “Monday starts my diet and exercise plan, so don’t mind if I do.” She takes a large bite from the slice of pizza and I just watch her, fascinated. For a woman her size, I’m surprised she can fit so much in her tiny belly.
“Diet? Are you trying to disappear, woman?”
She dabs at the corners of her mouth with a paper napkin and places her plate down onto the floor. “I want to lose some weight. It won’t kill me.”
I roll my eyes playfully. “You don’t need to lose any weight. You’re… perfect.” I bite my tongue after saying those last words and immediately wish I hadn’t brought them to life. Damn me and my mouth that I can’t keep shut.
She tilts her head to the side and smirks. “Is that so, Maddox Martinelli?”
My name, leaving her lips, causes something inside of me to awaken. I bite the inside of my cheek and then respond with a shrug. “You know you’re beautiful, Ad.”
It’s as if the air in the room changes and there’s a sudden shift in the atmosphere. Neither one of us says a word for the next couple of minutes. Instead, we just keep our eyes locked on one another.
I break the spell after a few more seconds and chug down another long sip of my beer, draining the remnants. Fuck. I’ll need a ton more alcohol in my system if this is how the rest of the evening is going to play out.
I reach over to the side and grab another bottle. Without even thinking, I pop the cap open and take another generous swig. Please, Lord, please let the alcohol take over soon.
Then it hits me. Damn, how am I going to drive if I’m too drunk off my ass? That would look real cute… Officer Martinelli, pulled over for reckless driving. Oh, what’s that? He’s drunk? Great. Book him.
Yeah, no thanks. I’ll need to watch it. One thing is for sure: I cannot be spending the night here tonight. That would be asking for trouble.
Adelyn breaks the silence, bringing me out of my thoughts. “I feel like I need a change. I’m tired of feeling the way I have been for the past couple of months. I need something different to break me away from this routine. If I can get myself on some kind of diet or exercise plan, it’ll be something new for me… something I wasn’t used to doing while Rick was…”
Her words hang in the air, and she never completes the end of her sentence. Still, I know where she was going with it. While Rick was… Alive? Here? Both work all the same.
She takes a long sip of her own beer, and once she’s done with it, she places the empty bottle over to the side. Is that her second or third? I lost count. Her eyes lower to the ground, closing, and she sucks in a breath. I swallow hard and find myself moving a few inches closer to her.
“Adelyn…”
She tilts her head up in my direction and her eyes slowly open. Once more, they’re full of tears, threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. “I can’t do this anymore, Mad… it hurts so much, every single day. I don’t know how to go back to being me… I don’t recognize the person I’ve become anymore. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see me at all.”
I bring a finger underneath her chin. “Hey, I see you. You’re the same Adelyn, one of my best friends, from so long ago still.” I search her eyes, hoping she’s hearing me now. “You haven’t changed. Everything you’re feeling, all the emotions, it’s all totally normal. You lost someone important to you. We both did. This is in no way an easy feat. But I’m here for you if you need me. We’ll get through this together. I’m always here for you.”
“I do need you… now.”
Her words are like a shock to my soul. She needs me…
I nod. “I’m here for you,” I repeat.
With no indication, she moves herself closer to me and sits up on her knees, facing me. The light from the streetlamp coming in through the window from outside catches her eye, making them appear like diamonds. She’s so beautiful.
“Remember when I told you that when you left, it was the second worst day of my life…”
I nod, hating the fact that she’s reminding me of the pain I caused her. “I’m sorry.”
She lets her eyes roam over me, causing my heartbeat to race. When they reach mine again, she licks her bottom lip then bites down onto it. “I don’t want to feel the pain any longer for any reason, Mad.”
“I’d give anything to make you feel better.” I don’t know what else to tell this girl. I care about her, I fucking love her so goddamn much, but I don’t know what I can do now to take her pain away.
She brings her face just inches from mine and if she leans in any closer, our lips will touch. In barely above a whisper, she says, “Then do it. Make me feel better, Maddox.” She pushes up against me, but keeps herself just close enough that as she speaks her lips brush mine. “Make me feel good. Make me feel anything but this horrible pain that hits me in waves when I realize I’m no longer with him.”
The fullness of her chest presses against mine as she brings herself onto my lap, straddling me.
I can’t control my hands as they land on her silky smooth legs; the shorts she’s wearing have made this so convenient. She lets out soft sounds with each touch.
And then I realize what she wants, what she needs. But how can I cross that line with her and give in to her desires? If we go there tonight
, right now, it’s going to throw the promise I made to Rick out the window. Yes, I promised him I’d be there for her.
But not like this, not like she’s asking me to be.
“Be ev-everything she needs. She still loves… you.”
Rick’s words from that day so long ago come rushing back to the front of my mind… but lying her body down in the middle of the night and pleasing her until the sun rises was not what he meant, was it?
“Mad… please…” she coos once more, tilting her head to the side and placing a kiss on my cheek. She trails a few more kisses down the side of my neck.
The right thing to do would be to gently push her off, to let her know we cannot cross this line.
But what I really want to do right now, what I’m really craving, is the feel of her bare skin against mine.
“Ad…” I can barely take it anymore. Lord knows I want to rip her clothes off right this moment and give her everything she’s begging for.
She leans in closer to my ear and whispers, “Make me feel good, Maddox. Take this fucking pain away and let me know things will be okay. Let me know things will be fine. Love me, Maddox, please. Take me to my bedroom and make me feel something other than the pain… please.”
Up to this point, I’ve been so good about holding myself back, about controlling my emotions. Everything I’ve ever felt for Adelyn, I’ve always put on the back burner to do the right thing and be the best friend to Rick I could ever be.
But the way she’s begging me now, the way she’s making me feel mixed in with the effects of the alcohol is driving me absolutely fucking crazy, and I know I can’t hold myself back any longer.
I want her, fuck do I want her. I’ve been wanting her for as long as I can remember, and I’ve always put everyone before me.
But now, tonight, here with her in the darkness of the shadows while we sip on our beers and she brings herself closer to me with each passing moment, I know I can no longer suppress my wanting her or push my feelings back. I can no longer control the urge to touch her as I have done so many times before.
As Adelyn pulls away from my ear and brings her face in front of mine while she sits on my lap, I grip onto her sides tightly and slam my lips on her for the second time in my life.
