by L. D. Davis
“Why would you even ask me that?” Emmy asked, looking at me with mild irritation. “That’s not what I have to tell you, and FYI we were never really ‘together’. Take a sip of your drink. Take a few sips.”
I raised an eyebrow at her as she waited for me to do as she instructed. Whatever she had to tell me must have been deep if she wanted me drunk for it.
“I prefer to remain lucid,” I said, pushing the glass aside. “Just tell me whatever it is you have to tell me.”
Emmy sighed heavily. “Okay, but first I need a drink.”
I waited while she took a long sip from the glass.
“Please, the suspense is killing me,” I said in a bored tone and rested my cheek in my hand.
“Okay, I won’t beat around the bush,” she said.
“Em, you have beaten the fuck out of the bush already,” I pointed out. “Just say it.”
She took a breath and then blurted out her next words. “Emmet is bringing a girl with him to Louisiana. I think they’re serious. I mean, they would have to be for him to expose the girl to our mother.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Is that it? Is that what you needed me to drink for?”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Not that I would want to hurt you or anything, but why are you not surprised and why don’t you look heartbroken?”
“Because we have been broken up for three years, Emmy.”
“But I thought that maybe you guys were just going to wait a few years and get back together, when your career slows down and Emmet is out of school.”
“So, what…did you think he was supposed to save himself for me? What a romantic notion.”
Emmy frowned. “I thought…I don’t know…I thought…”
“Would that have been fair to either of us?” I asked her. “To be alone for years and years? We were both so young at the time; so much could change in a few years, Emmy.”
“You still love each other. That hasn’t changed,” she pointed out.
She knew that Emmet and I had left the party together on New Year’s Eve; she and Felix had seen us make our escape, but she thought that he just kissed me. I didn’t bother telling her the rest, because the night had been sacred and somehow speaking of it to her would have tarnished it.
“No, that will never change,” I admitted. “But it doesn’t change the fact that we are not together.”
Emmy was quiet for a minute, sipping her drink and staring at the fake fruit basket in the middle of the table.
“Do you think you will want him later? When your career has shifted into something more manageable?” Emmy finally asked.
I would always want Emmet, but I didn’t want to tell Emmy that. It would lead off into a whole other conversation that would leave me feeling more sad and sorry and I was sad and sorry enough.
“There isn’t any point in me thinking that far ahead, because I have no idea when that time will be or what I will be doing or where he will be or what he will be doing,” I said to her.
“Are you going to be okay with him and her?” Emmy questioned worriedly.
“I’ll be fine,” I promised as I got up from the table. I made a show of checking my watch. “Don’t get too drunk or they won’t let you on the plane,” I warned her. “Benny will be here to pick us up in an hour.”
“What’s up with that anyway?” she asked with a snort.
“Nothing is up with that,” I called over my shoulder as I exited the room.
“Benny and Donya sitting in a tree,” she began to sing, but I ignored her as I went up the stairs.
On New Year’s Day, I got an email from Benny. He wished me a happy new year and asked the obligatory questions one asks when you’re contacting a friend you only speak to once or twice a year. It took me a day or two to answer him, but I did, as I always did. Usually the emails came to a halt after a couple of days, usually on my end, but this time I kept it up for a few weeks, even when I was working away from home. The emails turned into phone calls and the phone calls turned into a few meals in New York or Philly or somewhere in between, a visit to a museum and one concert. My schedule was still insane, so I didn’t see him much.
Initially, I had no doubt that I rather latched onto Benny because I wanted to shake Emmet from my system, but then I realized I really liked Benny, as a friend, of course. Whether or not Benny liked me more than that, I never considered, even when Emmy made stupid remarks about it.
Even though I just wanted Benny as a friend, I kind of wished he was going with me to Louisiana, just so that I wouldn’t look like the loser ex-girlfriend when Emmet showed up with his new girlfriend. Despite how strong and sure I appeared to Emmy, it hurt me deeply to know that Emmet was with someone else. Em was right, it had to be pretty serious if he was willing to expose the woman to Sam. Did he love her? Was he in love with her? Did he mean it when he said that I would always own him completely no matter what? If that was the case, did he see my face when he kissed her? Was it my body he envisioned when he was intimate with her?
My chest hurt just thinking about the long weekend ahead, but I again reminded myself that this was my own doing. I chose my career and forced Emmet to choose his, and this was where it left us – him with a new girlfriend, and me still alone.
*~*~*
Emmy was going to be staying in Louisiana a couple of weeks, so she had more luggage than I did. Benny helped us get all of it into the terminal and checked in. He walked us to the gate, insisting that he’d hang around until we boarded.
“Well, isn’t that sweet,” Emmy drawled and then looked at me, batting her eyelashes. “Donya, isn’t Benny sweet?”
I narrowed my eyes at her for a fraction of a second before agreeing with her.
“Yes, he is indeed very sweet,” I answered and smiled at him.
“Well, I am going to go call Mayson and see how she’s doing in her new program,” Emmy said, walking backward and grinning entirely too much for a phone call to a struggling Mayson. “I’ll be back in a little while. Why don’t you two sit down and chit chat?”
If I had something to throw at her in that moment, I would have. I glared daggers at her until she winked and turned her back on me.
“She’s a nut job,” Benny joked, gesturing to a pair of chairs.
“Like mother like daughter,” I said, sitting down.
Benny sat down beside me. He leaned over with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. I surreptitiously checked him out as I always did. He was a good looking guy. I would have had to had been blind and fingerless to miss that. He had dark hair, cut short on the sides and a little longer on the top. His brown eyes were warm and open and, okay, a little sexy, and all the brawn he had as a big bullying kid was now pleasurable to the eye, and I’d imagine pleasurable to touch. He was very well built, bigger than Emmet, and he had a nice pair of lips that he occasionally bit down on. I really liked when he bit his lower lip.
I nearly smacked myself in the head. I had been looking at him for too long and he noticed.
“Do I have something on my face or something?” he asked, but I had a feeling he knew I was simply checking him out.
“No,” I said and looked away.
“You know while you were locking up the house, Emmy invited me down for the weekend?”
My head snapped back to him.
“She did not,” I said, but I knew she probably most likely did.
Benny nodded with a small chuckle. “I told her I appreciated the invitation, but unless I got it from you, I would have to decline.”
“You wouldn’t decline if I invited you?” I asked, tilting my head like a puppy.
His eyes flickered down to my lips before meeting mine again. “No, I wouldn’t decline, but I figured if you wanted to ask me, you would have already.”
“Oh,” I said and suddenly felt like an asshole. I didn’t even consider seriously bringing anyone, not even Felix who had an open invitation. I especially didn’t consider Benny, even though he was already famil
iar with the family. Too much would be implied in bringing him.
“No big deal,” he said, waving it off.
“Well, no, it’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy having you there,” I said hastily. “It’s just that Sam and Emmy and possibly even Emmet would make a big deal out of it, you know?”
“Yeah, I get it,” he said, nodding. He wasn’t smiling anymore, but he was trying, and I think I just insulted him.
“It’s not that I wouldn’t want…to…you know…” I gestured with my hands between us. “But my schedule is insane and I never stay in one place for very long.”
Benny looked at me intently.
“Donya, I understand your schedule. I get it, but if I was ever lucky enough to be the guy you came to when you had a minute to breathe, I would count myself lucky and take what I could get.”
I looked down at my lap. Emmet had said something very similar once.
“What if I don’t have much to give?” I asked when I looked back at him. “I don’t know if I can ever…love you, and certainly I can’t guarantee my time.”
“I didn’t ask for your love,” he said quickly. “If that comes later, we’ll worry about it then. But I love spending time with you – when I can get it – and I will be fine if we stayed just friends from here on out, but I’m not going to lie. I wouldn’t mind holding your hand…” He took my hand into his. “I wouldn’t mind holding you in my arms while we watched a movie or being able to kiss you before you board a plane.” He inclined his head toward the window and the planes outside. “And I certainly wouldn’t mind finding out how you’d react to my hands on your naked skin.”
I sucked in a breath and stared at him.
“You wouldn’t have to love me for any of that, Donya, just like me…a lot,” he grinned. “We can have monogamy without the commitment if you aren’t ready for a one. I wouldn’t want you sharing all of that with another guy, too. I’d want all of that for myself only, but there wouldn’t be any other rules that govern a committed couple.”
Part of me was elated. The other part of me only wanted Emmet and no one else, but Emmet had moved on, and Benny was offering me a relationship without all of the added drama.
“But you see how busy I am,” I said. “You wouldn’t demand more of my time?”
“No,” he said shaking his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I would love more of your time on any given day, but if I don’t see you for a few weeks I won’t cry about it.”
This seemed entirely too easy and I told him as much.
“Look, there is no pressure now and there will be no pressure later if you decide to do this with me. It really is as easy as that. Think of it as a friends with some really nice benefits kind of thing.”
I thought about Emmy’s relationship with Felix. They had both said that it wasn’t a serious relationship. They enjoyed spending time together and sleeping together, but their hearts weren’t in it. When they split ways, I barely noticed the disconnect because they were each fine with it and remained friends. Could I do that with Benny? In a way, I felt like I would be betraying Emmet, especially since I was the one that ended our relationship. I felt that maybe it would make me a hypocrite. Was the situation different enough to justify doing this with Benny? I wanted to discuss it with Emmy and see what she thought.
“I can’t give you an answer right now,” I said quietly.
“No pressure,” he reminded me. “But can I give you something to think about?”
I raised an eyebrow in question. Benny leaned forward and with his free hand he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger. His lips touched mine firmly, with purpose. Without much thought, I opened up for him and his tongue slipped inside my mouth. I audibly sighed, because the kiss was really good, and when he pulled away a short time later, I almost chased his lips with mine.
“So, think about that while you’re gone,” he said quietly.
Before I could answer, our flight was announced and then Emmy cleared her throat behind me. I stood up suddenly, tearing my hand from his, and began to gather my things. We thanked Benny again for the ride and Emmy again extended an invitation to him. I pinched her hard on the arm and steered her towards the gate and waved goodbye to Benny.
Chapter Forty-Two
Silence had fallen across the entire dinner table, except for the sounds made by forks clinking against plates, glasses being set down on the table, and the occasional clearing of a throat. Even Sam was markedly quiet as she looked Emmet’s girlfriend over, but Laura was looking me over, trying to figure out where she knew me from.
“You look so familiar,” she had said after introductions had been made, but no one volunteered the two pieces of obvious information.
Somehow, while Emmet and I laid eyes on each other for the first time in months, and during the introduction to my replacement, I had managed to smile and pretend it was nice to meet her. Since it was obvious she had no idea that Emmet and I had been together, I had to be sure not to look as hurt as I felt when he held her hand and put his hands on her. I had no idea how I was going to make it to Monday without breaking into a million pieces.
“You know who you look like?” Laura said, breaking the silence at the late evening dinner and pointing her fork at me. “You look like this girl who was in my favorite Felix Hunter movie. I think she’s with Felix, I mean, I don’t really pay attention to the gossip shows and magazines, but you know sometimes you hear things or see things and don’t mean to? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen pictures of them together. Damn…what is her name? She’s been in a few other things, but she’s not an actress, clearly. She wasn’t that good. I can’t even remember her name.” She giggles and blunders on ahead. “She’s a model, or was. I don’t know. I don’t really follow those things. You look a lot like her. She’s really pretty, but I’m guessing a lot of those models are all looks and no brain. What the heck is her name…”
The silence at the table was now a stunned one. I stared blankly at her, not because my mind was blank, but because she was an idiot that didn’t deserve any expression.
“Her name is Donya Stewart,” Emmy said coldly, glaring at Laura.
Laura started to laugh, but then took a good look at everyone staring at her around the table before her eyes landed on me and grew wide.
“That’s you?” she exclaimed.
“I didn’t know Harvard had a special program for the daft,” Emmy muttered, pouring herself a glass of wine.
“Emmy,” Fred warned.
“Explains how Emmet got in,” she added in a murmur.
“Are there anymore insults you want to throw at me?” Emmet asked, throwing his fork down.
“Oh, please, may I?” Emmy asked sarcastically.
“Esmeralda, don’t blame your brother for his girlfriend’s lack of wits,” Sam admonished.
“If everyone is just going to insult Laura, we can leave,” Emmet snapped.
“Oh, I’m sorry, honey,” Sam said, patting Laura’s hand. “But you have to admit that you kind of dug yourself into a bit of a hole there.”
“I really am sorry,” Laura said to me with sincerity. “That really was stupid of me.”
“Are you apologizing for calling her a bad actress or for calling her stupid?” Emmy asked her.
“That’s enough,” Fred said to her. “It was an honest mistake. Leave her alone.”
“Laura, I say things to upset people all of the time in this family,” Sam said, almost proudly. “You’ll fit in just fine.”
“Yeah, because you fit in,” Emmy scoffed.
Sam glared at Emmy. “You know, I can’t think why I asked you to come here, you miserable twit.”
“I don’t know why you asked me either. You don’t even like me.”
“Sometimes I wonder,” Sam said.
“Don’t you two start,” Fred growled.
“You’re really pretty, and I’m sure you’re very smart,” Laura said desperately to me from across the table.
“But you still thi
nk she’s a bad actress,” Emmy concluded.
“Leave her alone,” Emmet demanded. He looked at Laura apologetically. “I’m sorry about my mom and sister,” he said softly.
I had a hard time looking at the way he looked at her.
“What did I do?” Sam wailed.
I had enough of the stupid fighting. Any other time it would have been entertaining, but I was anything but entertained. Watching Emmet jump to Laura’s defense and put a protective arm around her was killing me.
I put my napkin on my plate and stood up. I started to walk away from the table, but thought better of it and snatched the bottle of wine and exited the room, ignoring Sam and Emmy calling my name.
*~*~*
I was sitting out at the dock, smoking my second much needed cigarette and sipping the much needed wine when I felt Emmet’s approach. Moments later my cigarette was snatched from my mouth and tossed into the water before he sat down in the chair across from me. Then he thought better of it, got up and took the bottle of wine from me, too.
“You don’t drink,” he said.
“I’m thinking I should start,” I answered wearily and tilted my head back to look at the night sky. Stars that I could never see in New York glittered in the darkness.
“I’m sorry about Laura,” he said on a sigh. “She’s really a nice person.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said meaningfully. “It’s not even close to the worse thing I’ve heard about myself. Emmy took it hard, though.”
“I guess I don’t blame her. She’s kind of pissed that I brought Laura with me.”
“Yeah, she is,” I admitted.
“What about you?” he asked quietly. “How do you feel about me bringing her?”
I turned my head to look at him in the semidarkness. “You’re free to bring home whomever you want.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“You don’t need to ask to know how it feels,” I said quietly. “You already know, but it shouldn’t matter how I feel. I could have chosen not to come when I found out, but honestly, I’m tired of playing the ‘avoid Emmet’ game. Why can’t we just coexist?”
