by L. D. Davis
A long time ago, I may have put my hand over his heart and told him that we were connected, but I didn’t do that this time. I crossed my arms again and fisted my hands.
He stood with his feet apart, one arm folded and his hand on his chin as he watched the kids. He looked so damn sexy in his basic green t-shirt and a pair of jeans.
“You’re going to move out of Emmy’s,” he said finally.
“I’m moving literally a yard away,” I pointed out.
“I know, but you’re moving on already and I’m…I don’t know…stagnant. At first I stayed because I didn’t know what to do. Then I was getting to know my sister again.” He looked at me suddenly. “I threw her away, Donya. I didn’t want to look at her and be reminded of you, but I was wrong. She’s still my sister – my little sister – and I don’t know what happened to her while I was avoiding her all of these years, but I know I wasn’t there to protect her like I should have been. I feel like I have a lot to make up to her.”
“You do have a lot to make up to her,” I said quietly and then reached out to put a hand on his arm. “But you don’t have to live with her to do that. You have to get on with your life. It’s not like you don’t have the money to do it.”
“You’re right,” he said after a moment. “But it’s still a little embarrassing that after all you went through with Jerry you’re picking yourself up and going full steam ahead while I’m living with my kid sister.”
“I give myself very little time to mourn the things I’ve lost,” I said quietly.
“Really,” he said, looking at me curiously. “Does that apply to all things?”
I knew what he was asking me. He wanted to know if that applied to him, too. Of course it didn’t.
“All things but one,” I said softly. “There are some things…or people that will always stay with me, but even if I’m dying inside, the only way I know how to survive is to keep going.”
I walked away from him then, because all that we had lost over the years suddenly slammed into my chest without warning and it wasn’t something I was prepared to deal with at that moment.
“Okay, kids, let’s go get some lunch,” I said to Rosa and Owen.
“Can we have McDonalds?” Owen asked me as he put his little hand in mine.
“I think McDonalds sounds great.”
I locked up my new home and took Owen’s hand again. Emmet lifted Rosa into his arms and took my free hand and we walked back to Emmy’s linked together.
*~*~*
My divorce was finalized the week after I showed Emmet the house. The media had all kinds of wrong ideas about what broke up our marriage, but I tried not to pay it any mind, especially when they suggested that I cheated on Jerry with Emmet.
I made a quick trip out to New Jersey a couple weeks later to get the rest of my belongings that Jerry had packed up and put in storage and to say goodbye to my Dusky that Mayson had claimed for herself. I hired movers to take my things back to Illinois and had dinner with Mayson and Tabitha before catching a flight back to my new home.
I was exhausted as I entered my house in the early morning hours. It still smelled of fresh paint and…newness. Emmet and Owen helped us pick out the furniture and every day after work Emmet came over to help me put away my new purchases or set up a room a certain way. I even gave Owen his own room, the very one he picked out for himself, because he felt more and more like my own child and I wanted him to have his own space when he was with me.
I went upstairs and stopped first in Owen’s room to check on him, only to find his bed empty. I checked Rosa’s room next and her bed was also empty. I swallowed back any panic that had begun to rise and opened my bedroom door. I sighed with relief and then smiled at the scene before me. Emmet was sleeping in the middle of the bed with both kids curled up on either side of him. Tangled was playing on the television. I carefully removed the remote from Emmet’s hand and turned the TV off. I had just resigned myself to sleeping in Owen’s bed or the couch when Emmet’s eyes fluttered open.
“Hey,” he said, smiling sleepily up at me.
“Hey,” I said, smiling back.
“You’re back.”
“Yeah, I just got in.”
“You look tired,” he said with a yawn.
“Exhausted,” I said moving away from the bed. “I’m going to go sleep in Owen’s bed. I have always wanted to sleep under Batman sheets.”
He grinned and said “I thought you were going to say that you’ve always wanted to sleep under Batman.”
I grinned too and said “Well, it depends on which Batman we’re talking about. Michael Keaton isn’t my type and I hated Clooney as Batman.”
“So, that leaves Adam West, Val Kilmer, and Christian Bale,” Emmet said.
“Okay, so I wouldn’t mind sleeping under Christian Bale,” I said with a wicked smile.
Emmet chuckled softly. “Are you trying to make me jealous?”
“How can I make you jealous of someone that is so far removed from us in this little Chicago suburb?” I asked, laughing.
“Bullshit. I have proof that you personally know Christian Bale,” he said.
“So?” I shrugged. “Christian Bale don’t got nothing on you, honey,” I said sweetly. “Goodnight.”
I waved my fingers and started to walk out of the room, but Emmet called my name as loudly as he dared.
“What now?” I asked, yawning. “I swear to you that I didn’t sleep with Christian Bale.”
“I’m not sure if I really want to know who you’ve slept with besides the three of us that I am aware of.”
“Well, there’s the whole list right there,” I said, throwing my hand up.
Emmet stared at me for several seconds as he tried to ascertain whether or not I was being truthful.
“You can read me like a book, Emmet,” I said and actually felt myself blushing. “You know I’m telling you the truth. Don’t look so surprised about it, though.”
“I’m not surprised, I mean I am, but it’s just…why?”
“Why what?” I asked impatiently.
“Why didn’t you sleep with anyone else? I mean it’s not that I wanted you to, but you have been around some of the most attractive men in the world and I’m sure some of them probably wanted to take you to bed.”
I kicked at Rosa’s shoe that was on the floor and didn’t meet his eyes when I spoke. “It’s hard to have an orgasm while trying to imagine that the guy I’m with is someone else. So, I didn’t bother trying.”
Emmet was quiet for a long time, but I knew he understood my meaning. Even though Jerry was a decent lover, my mind often drifted to Emmet. While some women could pretend and orgasm that way, I couldn’t.
“Anyway,” I breathed out as I again began to turn away. “Goodnight.”
“Wait, Donya, that’s not why I called you back in here. I’m sorry.”
“What did you want?” I asked, daring to look into his face again.
“I just wanted you to lay down with us,” he said gently and beckoned me with his hand. When I only stood there looking at him and the kids, he smiled and said “Just sleep.”
Just sleep he had said a long time ago with his bed between us.
After another moment of indecision, I kicked off my shoes and climbed into the king size bed next to Rosa.
“Thank you,” he whispered and tucked my hair behind my ear. He began to stroke my hair and it put me at ease. Soon my eyes closed and I began to drift off, but then a thought occurred to me.
“Emmet,” I murmured.
“Hmm?” he responded sleepily.
“Remember what we wanted a long time ago? In New York, in your hotel room?”
He was silent for so long, I didn’t think he remembered, but then he spoke. “I’ve never forgotten,” he whispered.
“If you want me again, all you have to do is ask, or demand, or just take.” Emmet had teased.
“I will always want you,” I had answered. “But that isn’t why I’m lookin
g at you. I’m just trying to imagine us ten years from now. Will it be like this you think?”
“Maybe with a kid sitting in bed with us?” Emmet said, looking at me with gleaming green eyes.
“Maybe two kids?” I had smiled.
“We have our two kids,” he said. “But part of the equation has eluded us.”
That made us both sad, and the sleep that had been ready to take me moments before didn’t return for a long time.
*~*~*
I woke up cocooned in Emmet’s strong arms, my head against his chest, my arms and legs wrapped securely around him. I was more comfortable than I had been in years. It felt so damn good and he smelled so damn good and…
I pushed Emmet’s arms off of me and sat up in a panic.
“Where are the kids?”
Emmet bolted up and was on his feet and hurrying out of the room before I could even make it off of the bed. As I stepped out of the bedroom, he was coming out of Rosa’s room.
“They’re downstairs I think,” he said and took the stairs two at a time.
I followed after him, but only taking the stairs one at a time because falling on my face would help nothing and no one. By the time I got to the landing, Emmet was calling out that they were fine. I went into the kitchen and was relieved to see the two kids sitting at the table eating cereal. There was cereal all over the table though, three different types. Amazingly there was very little milk spilled.
Emmet had the trashcan and was swiping cereal off of the table into the can.
“Rosa was hungry,” Owen said conversationally.
“Mam?” Rosa said, looking at me.
“Rosa,” I said, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I started to sweep the cereal into piles with my hand.
“Wowo imme eerial.”
I sighed and looked at the mess. “I see that.”
“Owen, next time wake us up, okay? You could have hurt yourself getting the cereal down,” Emmet said distractedly as he cleaned up.
“Okay,” Owen shrugged.
“Dad?” Rosa said.
And Emmet…bless his absent minded soul…Emmet said “What,” as he used paper towels to soak up the milk.
Rosa repeated what she had told me about the cereal and Emmet nodded and said “Yes, baby girl.”
I stood there in shock, staring at him as he absently cleaned up the mess. He realized I was staring at him and looked at me with his brow furrowed.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly and went back to helping him clean up.
“It’s not nothing,” he said.
“I need to get the broom. Do I have a broom?” I asked no one and hurried from the room to search for a broom.
After the cereal was all cleaned up and then the kids were cleaned up, Emmet asked me if I wanted breakfast as he opened the fridge.
“I made my sister breakfast,” Owen said as he and Rosa colored at the table.
This time I didn’t allow my shock to show. I busied myself washing their cereal bowls and spoons, but I knew Emmet was frozen at the fridge behind me.
“I could go for some eggs and bacon,” I said casually. I looked at the clock on the stove and thought better of it. “Actually, I have to go soon.”
“Go where?”
“Remember? I told you I have a meeting with a few people about my business idea?”
“The business idea you still haven’t told me about,” he said sourly. “On a Saturday though?”
“Yes, on a Saturday,” I said and turned around to face him. “I can take Rosa to Emmy’s if you have something you have to do or somewhere to go.”
“She can stay here with us,” Emmet said, looking at me with uncertainty.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked in a voice higher than I meant it to be. It had been a long morning already and I just woke up. I woke up in Emmet’s arms and then Rosa called him Dad and then Owen called Rosa his sister. It was too damn much for one morning.
“Because you’re behaving strangely and you are pretending you didn’t just hear that.”
I laughed. “Yeah I heard that and something else, too, but you were too distracted to hear it.”
His eyes narrowed in confusion. “Hear what?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, waving a hand. “I have to shower and get ready to go.”
I started to leave the room, but Emmet caught up to me and put a strong arm around my waist and pulled my back against his front. It was the closest contact we’d had while conscious since the night of Emmy’s wedding.
“What didn’t I hear? And what is this business meeting about?” His lips moved against my ear as he spoke in a low, sexy, dangerous voice. I stifled a moan, because it would have been all kinds of obscene in front of the children.
“Dad?” Rosa said again. I felt Emmet stiffen. When he didn’t answer, Rosa said it again. “Dad?”
“Dad, Rosa is calling you,” Owen said, sounding annoyed that his father hadn’t answered his ‘sister’.
Emmet released me and together we turned to look at Rosa.
“Rosa…” Emmet said her name carefully.
She pointed to the picture she was coloring and giggled as if she had just shown him something hilarious.
“Yes, that’s funny,” he said to her and offered her a big smile. Then he turned to me without the smile.
“Hey, don’t look at me,” I said, holding my hands up and backing up. “Why don’t you ask her ‘brother’ about that?”
I turned and hurried from the room. I ran up the stairs – two at a time –went into my room, closed the door, and asked the room “What the fuck is happening here!”
No one answered.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
It was late in the afternoon when I got home. When I opened the door, a savory smell wafted into the foyer and made my stomach growl with anticipation. I opened the hall closet and hung up the garment bags I came in with and then walked down the hall and into the kitchen. Rosa and Owen were sitting at the table again, coloring, just as they had been when I left hours before. Emmet was at the stove stirring something in a pot. How domesticated my life suddenly was.
Emmet stayed over the night before I left for New Jersey and it was only supposed to be for a couple of nights so that he could take care of Rosa, but he looked very comfortable in my kitchen – in my whole house really. Honestly, he looked like he belonged in my house. He didn’t look like he should leave any more than I should.
I had been thinking about him all day, even when I should have been focused on business. I thought about our late night skate, how exhilarating it was, and how much I felt like the young girl that Emmet kissed while she was standing on her skateboard. I thought about our shopping excursions while trying to find furniture for the house. I chose nothing without his input, so when I saw him sitting at the table or lounging on the couch or even in my bed, it looked like he was at home. I thought about all of the items he had in that box under his bed and the painting that was now hanging in my bedroom, and of course, I thought about his relationship with Rosa.
“Even though she isn’t mine, she is a part of you, and I know I’ll love her.”
He loved her as if she had been his all along, and maybe she had. If I have been his all along, wouldn’t any extension of me also be his?
I thought about that night of Jorge’s party when Emmet had been kneeled down in front of me with his hand on my cheek while my hand was in his hair. I thought about that first kiss in the empty parking lot where we used to board, and that morning in his bed the night after we fought in the rain. I thought about our breakup on the boardwalk and our subsequent reconciliation in Louisiana, and the heartless words I uttered at the end of that summer that separated us for several months. I remembered how his hands felt on me the night of Felix’s party when he refused to leave my side. I could hear our bodies moving together and our moans and smell the arousal during our first time making love. I never forgot how when I needed Emmet th
e most, he had flown all the way across the country to be with me. I could feel the dirt and grass pressed against my back at our pond after he proposed and I joyfully accepted.
Other memories flooded my mind – our time split between New York and Cambridge, the big fight we had when I accepted a job in Paris instead of going away on vacation with Emmet and the makeup in Felix’s French penthouse with the perfect view of the Eiffel Tower. The heart shattering breakup that I thought had been for Emmet’s own good when, in hindsight, it was out of selfishness on my part. The New Year’s love making with the crowd celebrating the new century below us. Our big fight the night he met Jerry, and the horrible scene at our pond a year later.
So many memories. So much wasted time. I was tired of wasting time. I was tired of being without the only person I ever truly wanted, the only person in the world that I couldn’t get away from no matter how far I went because we were bound together by a force bigger than us.
“Hey,” Emmet snapped his fingers in my face, shaking me out of my deep reverie. “You okay?”
“Yes,” I said, shaking my head lightly.
He looked at me skeptically. “What’s going on in your head?”
“A lot,” I said truthfully.
“Okay,” he said. He looked at me for a moment and then went back to the stove.
After dinner, Casey came to pick up Owen. Rosa cried for ten minutes after he left and it was Emmet who finally soothed her and made her smile again. She was still calling him Dad, and neither of us did anything to stop her. Every time the word left her lips, I sensed his heart swell and cry out at the same time. He was conflicted, because he really, truly loved her like a daughter, but he wasn’t in a position to make it official.
Once she was asleep for the night, Emmet and I settled on the couch in the family room and he again asked me about my business meeting.
“Oh, it’s best if I show you,” I said and got to my feet.
“Show me what?”
“You’ll see,” I said over my shoulder as I walked out of the room and down the hall. I took out one of the garment bags and went back to the family room. “Can you stand up and hold this while I unzip?”
