“Sorry. I told you I can be a dick. I don’t know how to approach any of this. This is new.” I apologize.
“It’s okay. Look, this is new for both of us. Your brother said it best the other night, we have 9 months to figure this all out.”
“What else did my brother tell you?” I ask, hoping that he didn’t talk shit to her about me.
“He said you could be a dick, that most of the time there’s a good reason behind it, or an underlying reason behind it. But he also said that you were a really good guy.”
“I gave you warning about being a dick.” I smiled.
“Oh and he doesn’t read romance novels. Those were Katrina’s.” She smiled.
19
Tatum
Since Saturday, Max has been extremely attentive. He hasn’t been overbearing but he’s been constant with making sure I was okay and that I had everything I needed.
After our lunch, we drove to Mission Beach and sat on a bench overlooking the sand and just talked. We discussed our childhoods, our teen years and our college years. Max mentioned his behavior in college matched his recent behavior before he went to rehab, which was troublesome at first, but he seems to be managing his sobriety fine. During our outing, his sponsor called him and while I sat beside him, Max told him about me, with my permission of course and filling him in on details every so often.
On Sunday, he brought over bagels with jam, since he read somewhere that I couldn’t have soft cheese. He’s not how I pictured him, but of course this is all new and this could just be a faze. Only time will tell, however I hope it lasts. I haven’t really seen the “asshole” version of him, but I see someone who is willing to get to know me and put in the time.
Max had texted me that he was on his way and I’m standing outside by the curb for him to pick me up.
I see his silver Audi turn onto my street and start to slow as he approaches, and looks for an empty parking space. I step out onto the street a little bit so he can see that he doesn’t have to find parking. I see his smile through the windshield, when he notices me.
He really is good looking. Just the right amount of scruff, choppy brown hair, piercing blue eyes and perfect lips, he is undoubtedly edible. My heart is beating and I feel like a sauna has taken place between my legs.
Fucking hormones!
I slide into the seat and Max smiles at me.
“You alright? You look flushed.” He asks, his smile falling.
“I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” I breathe out. He smells so good. He smells like a mixture of pine trees and strawberries. I look at him; his hair is just the right amount of hair you would want to pull during some wild sex. And immediately I squeeze my thighs together and take a deep breath.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asks genuinely concerned.
If only he knew how incredibly turned on I was at the moment, that concerned look wouldn’t be in his eyes. But I nod my head anyways as I’m finding that my throat is dry.
I look in the center of the console and he has a bottled water, unopened sitting there. I reach for it.
“May I?” I ask.
“Of course.” He smiles. “So where to?”
We approach the doctor’s office and I check in. Within minutes, we’re whisked back and immediately separated. I’m having to pee in a cup and Max is taken into the room. Upon finishing, I hand my pee cup to the assistant and before we enter she asks questions in regards to my personal safety.
“The only thing that’s unsafe right now are my hormone levels. I think other than that, we’re all good. He and I are all good.” I assure her as she starts to open the door.
Max is looking down at the floor and barely looks up as I enter.
“Are you okay?” I ask him sitting down on the chair next to him.
“There a lot of pictures on the wall that I didn’t feel comfortable with looking at while alone, in public.” He smiles, briefly looking up at me.
I laugh, noticing the various female anatomy diagrams along the walls. I note there is a 3D sized model on the counter that he’s avoiding as well.
“In private though, you’ll check out the diagrams?” I tease shoving his shoulder with mine as he laughs. The contact pretty much made me squishy on the inside. I could very well be a puddle right now.
Mother-loving hormones!
A quiet knock interrupted our moment as the doctor stepped inside. We did a round of introductions and then I hopped up on the table. The doctor pulled an ultra-sound machine into the room and asked me to disrobe my pants. Max blushed and looked towards the wall, but I saw his eyes try to come back to me. The doctor had me lay down and Max came to my side. She pulled out a wand looking instrument and proceeded to have it disappear underneath the cover up I was wearing. From the looks of me, I didn’t look pregnant, but I sure was feeling all the effects of the first trimester.
She squirted clear jelly on my belly and then Max stood by my side watching every movement of the doctor and me.
The machine showed us blobs of unidentifiable objects until she finally settled on a hollow looking area with something that almost looked like Piranha plants from Super Mario Bros. I heard Max’s breath hitch and I felt a tear prickle my eyes.
“Peanut.” I whispered.
“Peanut.” Max also whispered and the tears fell. Hearing the rough emotion in his voice was my un-doing.
Max grabs my hand and squeezes.
“There you go. It would appear that you are 7 weeks to the day.” The doctor says, she types something into the computer and the machine is printing something, one of the photos I assume. She does that a few more times and then pushes a button and I hear a rapid beating.
Max squeezes my hand again as the tears are flowing.
“Is that… the baby or is that Tatum?” He asks, his voice sounding like he just woke up.
“That would be your baby. Tatum’s heart beat would be slower.” She explained.
“Not right now it wouldn’t be. Omigosh, this is amazing!” I am so emotional right now, I normally would be shying away from the fact that I’m crying but with the constant squeeze of Max’s hand and this whole experience, I’m out of my normal element.
The doctor printed up a few photos for us, and then she showed us where the baby was in each photo. I handed Max the photos and he helped me get up. The doctor gave us our pamphlets and instructed us on prenatal pills along with the can do’s and the don’ts of pregnancy. Armed with mountains of information, Max and I left the doctor’s office.
“Do you have to go into work right away?” He asked.
“No, I have the day off.” I should have gone back into work, but I thought ahead in case I was overly emotional, which I am.
“Want to catch something to eat or some decaf coffee?” He asks, obviously listening to the doctor about the coffee.
“Yeah, sure.”
We head to a cute little coffee shop and I order a muffin and some warm milk, of which Max immediately makes fun of me for.
“So, this is definitely cool.” He says as we sit down.
“What is?” I ask.
“You have a baby growing inside of you. I totally put it there.” He leans back and smiles.
“You’re taking to this a whole lot different than I thought you would.” I admit.
“I’m personally impressed with myself as well.” He boasts.
“Max, your cocky is showing.” I smile. He briefly looks down to his lap, which causes me to laugh as well.
“Don’t get me wrong, I am totally freaked out, and I’ve had a few of holy shit moments, but I’m okay with this, I’m excited. And then seeing and hearing the baby, solidified it. Made it even more awesome. I’ll say this, before rehab, I would have really freaked out. Now, I’m cool.” He sounds like he means it, there’s no reason for me to suspect it.
“So, how do we do this?” I ask getting to the point.
“What is the this that you are referring to?” He asks.
“Well
, I suggest that we get to actually know each other. I would have monthly appointments it seems, do you want to come to them all?” I start.
“Yes and yes. I want to be as involved as you will let me. I want to be the person who takes you to the doctors and the first person you call if you need help, if that’s okay.”
“Okay, that seems reasonable.”
“As you know, I will have a spare room soon. I’m sure that Davis told you. I would really like it if you moved in?” He asks.
I think my eyes just came out of their sockets. “Max, I don’t know about that.”
“I’m not saying right now. I’m saying that maybe eventually that would be smart. Living alone, while pregnant, I can totally go pick you up pickles and ice cream in the middle of the night. Just think about it. Davis moves out at the end of the month, I’m just trying to think of how I could help.”
I’m speechless. I don’t want to say something in the moment, and I’m honestly not sure how I feel about his proposal. It’s a little too soon, plus I don’t even know the guy. Except, you’re totally knocked up with his baby.
“I’ll think about it.” I say. Too soon, too soon.
He smiles. “Good.”
20
Max
It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve found out that I was going to be a father. I’m terrified, because what if I won’t be a good father? I’m excited, because I can be a good father, I’m nervous, because I may fuck it up and I’m happy for a new opportunity, and maybe a new direction in my previously fucked up life. Maybe this baby is what needed to happen at this point in my life to wake me up and slap me around a bit.
I’m trying my best to get to know Tatum as well, we’ll be co-parenting together, so we might as well right? I think getting to know her scares me more than the baby does. This experience was something that I was supposed to experience with Betsy. Parts of me are feeling guilty for that, while the other part is reminding me to not dwell on the “what could have beens.”
Since I’ve known about the baby, I’ve gone to two meetings a week, as well as maintaining my support with Leo. He almost went back to the bottle, when his fiancé started freaking out over seating, arrangements which subsequently had him freaking out, thankfully he came over to my house and we talked through it. I think Leo keeps waiting for me to break down as well, since a kid is a whole lot bigger than seating arrangements but I’m staying level headed.
I’m standing in my bedroom, looking at the drab colors. When I moved back into the house, I removed most of the color from it. Betsy threw color throughout the house as what she would call a splash with my masculine blacks and grays. I turned from my room and walked into the 2nd bedroom. Davis moved out earlier than what I expected, but since he was my brother and not an actual tenant, there was no big deal about it. The room in there, also very boring. I went through each room of my house and mentally added a list of items I would need to purchase to change things up a bit.
When I was walking from the hallway bathroom to my office, the doorbell rang. I half jogged to the front door and opened it.
Nikki stood there, in purple velour sweats and a ball cap. She looks casual, like she just came from studying. She smiles as I move aside and allow her in. A mist of apples follows her as she walks through my house and into the kitchen. She’s been here enough that she apparently helps herself, I take note. She’s quite comfortable here, in my house, with my stuff.
“So Max, what’s crackin’? I haven’t heard from you in a while.” She says as she grabs a glass of water.
“Been busy. Work, life… you?” I say sitting down on the barstool.
“Well, working my ass off in school and stressing on finals.” She says like we usually have this conversation.
She needs to let off some steam, I see what she’s doing now. I stand up and walk around the counter and corner her. I place both of my hands on either side of her after I removed the glass from her hands.
I lean into her and slightly press myself against her. I can do this.
“Is this what you want Nik?” I whisper against her neck as I trail my lips down slowly. This doesn’t feel right. I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
She lets out a breathy hum and slowly nods.
“Did you need to relax?” I whisper as I dart out my tongue and run it the length, feeling her shiver against me.
“I thought it might be a good idea.” She mumbles as her nails dig into my shoulders.
I press against her to try to excite myself, but nothing is happening. I continue kissing her neck and then start moving my hands to cup her breasts. I notice that her nipples are on point and I reach under her shirt and tug on her right nipple. She lets out a moan and wiggles against me practically riding my thigh. I pull off her shirt and un-do her bra and pull her nipple into my mouth. This usually gets me going. But nothing is happening with my dick, I’m flaccid and showing no signs whatsoever of the desire to fuck. What the hell, my big head is not communicating with my little head.
I pull my lips away from Nikki’s breasts and I take her lips with mine and plunge my tongue inside, I’m slightly frenzied but fuck it. She keeps up and is pulling my shirt over my head. In the second that we separated, I rubbed myself against her, and then immediately went back to my savage attack on her lips.
Still nothing is happening in my southern regions and now I’m frustrated. I pull back from her and breathe heavily against her shoulder; she is still grinding slightly on my thigh making small noises of excitement. I allow her to ride my thigh as I catch my breath. My eyes are squeezed closed and instantly Tatum comes into my vision, and I’m all of a sudden hard as a rock. What the fuck?
I start kissing Nikki again, I grasp her ass and pull her into me more. My eyes are still closed and I’m picturing Nikki is Tatum, grinding against my thigh, making those sounds, and I pull back. Suddenly, I put some distance in between Nikki and myself and pull myself together. With the loss of my thigh and whatever else it was that Nikki was doing, getting off most likely, she whimpers.
“I’m sorry Nik.” I breathe out once I have gained a steady breath.
“What happened?” She asks, stepping closer to me.
I move out of her reach and put the counter between us, in case she reached out to touch me.
“I can’t do this.” I admit.
She grabs her bra and shirt off the kitchen floor and puts them on.
“I’m sorry.” I say with my face in my hands.
She pulls the barstool next to me out to sit on and faces me.
“Are you okay?” She asks.
“I should be asking you that, I didn’t let you finish.” I say to her through my fingers.
“Meh, I can take care of that later. I just thought you would be more fun than Bob.”
“Bob?”
“Battery operated boyfriend.” She explains.
“Ahh, yes. Sorry though. I’ve got some things going on.”
“I could tell, usually you’re ready to go right away. You weren’t this time.”
“We’re friends, right?” I start and wait for her to confirm or deny. I know that we are, because we’ve had actual consistent conversations and I’ve never kicked her out or ditched her immediately after sex.
She nods and I take a deep breath.
“I’m going to be a father.”
“Holy shit, well now I get it. Wait, you’re always careful…” She trails off, probably mentally checking on when we last slept together.
“Yeah, don’t worry, it’s not yours. I was black out drunk, we both were actually. And now, in like 8 months, I’ll be a daddy.” I admit.
“Um, congrats? Are you okay with it?” She asks. “You know especially with your sobriety?”
“Actually, I am. I’m surprised at that, thinking that maybe I should be freaking out a little more. Should I be?” I ask, lowering my hands fully and looking at her.
She still has the sultry look, her lips are red and swollen from my attack on her
just minutes ago.
“To be honest, I have no idea. I remember my brother in law freaked the fuck out when he first found out that he and my sister were having a baby. But he’s good now. I think that everyone is different. What about the mother, what’s going on there?” She asks.
“That’s the funny thing. She works with my brother. Totally not intentional though, I didn’t know until a month ago, right before I found out I was going to… you know. She’s cool, I actually asked her to move into Davis’s room since he moved out.”
“Did she accept?” Nikki looks at me hesitantly.
“She hasn’t yet. I’m still working on it.”
“So, you’re broken now. No more playtime.” She pretends to pout. “I guess, we can just be friends.”
“Hey, I’m not broken!” I protest, “But it might be for the best. Maybe I should grow up and I don’t know, become the father-type. What would a father do?” I ask.
“Um, I picture Al Bundy.” She laughs.
I sit up and put my hand in the front of my pants. “Nope, not happening.” We laugh.
“While I’m bummed that I lost my number one buddy, I’m excited for you.” She smiles.
“How many buddies do you have Nikki?” I ask, cautiously. Not in the bit interested, but I don’t want to come off like I don’t care.
“Just you and one other. Matt, he and I don’t talk much though, you and I actually talk. We’re kinda pals too.” She smiles.
“Weirdest chick I’ve ever met.”
“What? Because I own up to wanting and having sex? Other females wish they could speak so openly, hell there would be less cat fights. All that pent up sexual frustrations, that’s why I’m so easy going… I get laid on the regular.” She brushes her hand on her shoulders.
“I appreciate your friendship, and well you know our sexual times.” I say to her smiling. “Sorry, I couldn’t go through with it today though, you know to help ease your mind over finals and all.”
No More Heartache: The MORE Duet Page 11
