by E M Gale
“Hey, I don’t feel too good about the Kreegle, but they were attacking the ship and trying to kill us!”
Price’s face cleared. He looked calm again.
‘What the hell was he thinking about just then?’
“I know. You shouldn’t feel bad about killing pirates.”
I was confused. I wanted to ask him again about why he didn’t like soldiers. Perhaps I ought to respect his privacy, but I wanted to know. I thought he could read what I wanted to ask from my face.
“Well, Flow, I think I should inform you that you’re late for work,” he said.
“What?” I looked at my watch and groaned. “Why am I always late?”
He smiled at that. “Why bother going in?” He put his arms around me. “Stay here instead.”
“What?”
“Well, what are they going to do to you? Space you for skipping one shift?”
I sighed. “I s’pose I was the first one to turn up last night.”
He nodded. “Saved them the trouble of doing their job.” He started nibbling on my neck.
‘I could pull a sickie. Just ’cos I’m a vampire doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get duvet days.’
I grinned at Price.
‘And anyway, how would they know if I was sick or not? I might have some weird vampire flu.’
Price pushed me down onto the bed.
‘Shit, I’d like to stay but…’
He was now nibbling on my ear, but working his way back to the artery in my neck.
‘Damn, I’ll have no self-control if he gets there…’
I thought he was gonna go for my throat again, but I pushed him off.
“What?” Surprise wasn’t an emotion that suited Price. “What’s up?”
“I gotta go. I can’t just not turn up for my shift.”
He sighed. “Yes, you can, what are they going to do if you don’t?”
I shook my head and stood up. “I’ll, uh, see you later, then.”
‘Hmm, should I kiss him goodbye?’
He looked amused at something.
‘Dammit, I still don’t like him.’
I shook my head then I ran from the room and sprinted down to the mercenary area.
‘Yup. They’re lining up. Another bloody lineup.’
And this time, the captain was there. He was watching the door as I ran in and moved to the opposite corner of the room. “Clarke,” said the major with a sigh, “you’re late.”
‘Well, I really didn’t think I would get told off this morning, given I was the first there yesterday.’
“Yeah,” I said with a shrug.
He looked sharply at me.
“Sorry, sir,” I mumbled.
We all went to the mercenary bar for debriefing. Everyone perched where they could. I sat on the floor, finger-combed and rebraided my hair then repinned it neatly on top of my head.
‘So mistakes of that mission, Clarke. Breaking the gun. Using an over-large sword in a confined corridor. Taking an annoying and distracting vampire along for the ride. Although without his warning about the flashbang I would have had to do that fight blind and deaf. Yeah, that would have been worse.’
After the debriefing we went on with combat exercises. I got a few odd looks from the marines during that shift. I ignored them, of course. At some point, Petey sidled up to me.
“Hey, Clarke…” he started.
“Yeees?” I said cautiously. He looked curious. I don’t like curious.
“You’re not… that Clarke are you?”
‘Uh-oh.’
I tried to keep my face still, not allowing any emotion to show on it. I didn’t want them to know that I didn’t know who they thought I was.
Sticks chimed in with, “Well, I just presumed that you took Clarke’s name, to y’know, be scary.”
‘Be scary? What?’
“Maybe she’s her daughter or something?” suggested Wright, a tall mercenary, who had dyed his hair a plum colour, but it needed redoing since he had half-inch-long brown roots.
“Don’t be stupid, vampires can’t have kids,” said Smith, who was stocky and blond.
“No, the orcs have always been a bit weird with her,” said Stonewall. “Polite-like.”
“Well?” asked Cliff, looking curious rather than gormless.
‘What to say? What to say?’
I coughed awkwardly. “Clarke’s my name.”
“And? Should we be saluting you?” asked Wright.
“Heh, well, if you want to.” I grinned. “You can bow down to me when you see me as well. Kiss my feet. Follow me around and make me cups of coffee. Give me back massages.” I smiled happily. “You volunteering?”
“Yeah, right,” said Petey. Wright shook his head. I laughed at that.
“So… is Clarke really your name?” asked Cliff.
“It’s the name my father gave my mother.” I shrugged. They stared at me.
‘I am really going to have to find out what my future self is famous for.’
“Why are you pretending to be a normal vampire?” asked Tim. I looked round. I was surrounded on all sides by curious mercenaries.
‘Not good.’
I coughed again, awkwardly.
“I ought to have recognised you at the start,” said Sticks. He was looking at me in a considering way. He had his hand on his mouth and was nodding.
“I recognised you!” said Cliff eagerly.
‘Oh, what the hell is this?’
“You’re more… ‘sociable’ in real life than in the books and films,” said Petey with a smirk.
‘The what?’
“Nah, you know they always cut the good bits out of those things,” said Wright, grinning.
‘Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. C’mon, guys, give me a hint of what I am. Actually, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.’
“Though this is the worst disguise ever,” said Stonewall.
“Who says I’m in disguise?” I said, with a shrug.
“That was exactly my point.”
‘Oh.’
“And your acting, ‘pretending’ to be crap,” said Petey. “I could see through that,” he lied. I coughed again.
‘What to say? Help!’
“The major knew her from the start,” said Tim.
‘Oh, you noticed that?’
I looked at him. He grinned.
“I might have met him before,” I said. They were all staring at me.
“So, what are you doing here?” asked Phil, a black mercenary with a shaved head.
‘Um.’
I rolled my eyes and tried to think of an excuse.
“Keeping a low profile,” I said significantly. They all nodded at that.
‘Ah, I guess that makes sense. Now they think I’m definitely ’that Clarke’ but in hiding. But at least they won’t give me away to the rest of the ship by trying to get me to admit to it in public. Time to change the subject.’
“And anyway, what are you guys doing being mercs?” I said.
Their reaction was interesting. They all looked a little perturbed.
“We’re, er, smuggling stuff,” said Stonewall, frowning.
“I knew the major from the military,” said Petey, regarding his fingernails.
“Oh, you know… left the forces, needed a job,” said Wright. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
‘Wright is too young and too healthy for anything other than a dishonourable discharge and somehow he doesn’t seem the type. I could believe that of Petey though.’
“Wanted a little adventure,” said Cliff with a guilty grin. His ears went red and his cheeks reddened as well. Cliff was not a good liar.
‘Those are nicely put-together cover stories. Interestingly, not one of them mentions any trouble with the law. Surely signing on as a smuggler or pirate traditionally comes shortly after avoiding being grabbed by the long arm of the law?’
I grinned to myself.
‘None of them have been seen with any contr
aband or indulging in any criminality. In fact, I haven’t even seen a single one cheat at cards, even Petey, who looks like he ought to. Even normal people do that.’
‘They were offended about my comment about them pretending to be brave, like firemen. Also, they are well-organised, move fluidly in a battle, stick together, have shiny shoes. Like lining up. How to test my hypothesis? Hmm, I wonder…’
I drew myself up to full height, wiped the grin off my face and shouted: “Is that the best you can do, soldier? Stand to attention properly!” And they all did!
‘Shit!’
I laughed.
They stared at me, then relaxed. Half of them forgot themselves and relaxed to stand ‘at ease’ rather than slouching like a mercenary. Still, the point of the training was that it did end up ingrained. They looked around at each other unhappily. I grinned at them.
“Smugglers, eh? Mercenaries, huh?” I said, looking at them. “Really, you weren’t selected for your disguise skills, were you?”
‘Now to test the second half of my hypothesis.’
“I just hope that the UESF is paying you guys well,” I said.
They all looked rather taken aback and looked around at each other again, even more uncomfortable.
‘Ah-ha, I was right!’
‘So this isn’t a smuggling ship at all, is it? It’s a UESF military ship in disguise.’
‘Then why the hell am I on it? Why did the captain let me on? And I suppose this means that the major is still a major. That’s why he didn’t like me using the word ’retired’ around him, he’s still in active service. Then… oh, shit! Does that make me a soldier, a marine? Is that better or worse than being a mercenary? Better, right?’
“Uh… we’re just smugglers, sir,” said Cliff. The rest of the UESF soldiers nodded.
“It’s Clarke,” I said automatically, “and of course you’re smugglers and mercs out for a little adventure, and I’m just a normal human exploring the galaxy one dive bar at a time.” I smiled.
I got a few nods at that.
‘I think we have an agreement.’
Some of the marines looked a little disturbed.
‘They are genuine UESF marines then, not mercenaries. Hmm, am I not supposed to know this? Why on Earth didn’t the major tell me? I suspect that this was what he wanted to tell me. He certainly didn’t like me asking him about why he was smuggling. I doubt he’s comfortable about doing anything illegal.’
‘Is that why they let Price on board? A normal smuggling ship would have no problem transporting a vampire. Price is unwittingly part of the disguise.’
‘If this is a military ship in disguise as a smuggling ship, that would explain the lack of interesting goods aboard.’
I smiled at them all. They looked nervous.
‘Who the hell do they think I am? I think I shall have to look up my future history after all.’
“You could have told us, Bron,” whispered Wright. The orc chuckled.
* * *
“Well, shift’s over,” said Petey.
“Drinks,” I said. “Need alcohol.”
He laughed at that.
“Let’s celebrate that we’re still alive after the pirate attack,” said Stonewall. “I suggest the civvie bar.”
‘Ah, that’s how they refer to it when I’m not around then?’
“The one that has booze on tap, not in a vending machine?” I queried. “Such luxury.”
“It’s even got a carpet too,” remarked Grom, with a wide-toothed grin.
“Yeah, what is that about? Such needless luxury. And it’s not even sticky.”
Marines didn’t just fight together, but drink together too. I ran on ahead to take a shower and get changed. No-one seemed to have noticed that I hadn’t changed my clothes since yesterday. That was an advantage of having several outfits which were all basically black trousers and tee-shirts. I hurriedly pinned my hair up again and then hightailed it down to the bar. The marines had taken over several tables in a corner that, unfortunately for me, was not dark. There was even a glass of red wine there ready and waiting for me in front of an empty chair opposite Petey.
“Wow, Clarke, great evening wear, dressed to the nines today,” remarked Wright.
“Hey, I pinned my hair, talk about effort,” I remarked, taking a sip of my wine. “Maybe I’ll put my face on next time, since we’re in such a high-class establishment.”
“And your high heels too,” remarked Wright. They laughed.
“If you got any,” quipped Smith.
“Hey, what makes you guys think I haven’t got any?”
At this point, some other crew-members came into the bar. I saw Cleckley, Price, some of the techies. None came over, but then again, who would want to approach about fifteen high-spirited marines, or mercenaries as they thought they were?
“So which one of the lovely girls up on the bridge would you do?” Grom asked the table in general.
“Ah, well, the wannabe officer, Anna, of course, she’s the prettiest,” said Bron.
“Noooooo, I like that other one you brought,” said Petey, looking at me. “The blonde, Jane. She’s much nicer, looks kinda athletic, you know what athletic girls are like.”
They chuckled.
“Yeah, I reckon Anna’s hard work,” said Smith. I nodded, agreeing.
“Yeah, but she’s stunning!” said Bron. “None of the other bridge bunnies come close to her!”
“You’ve not got a chance, she’s out of your league and besides, she’s got an eye on one of the grease monkeys,” said Phil.
“Why’d she want one of them effeminate wrench-wavers when she could have a real man like me?” said Bron, sticking his chest out slightly. I sniggered.
“What about you, Clarke?” asked Petey with a dirty grin.
“What about what?”
“Which one would you sleep with?”
“Eh? Out of an effeminate wrench-waver or a real man like Bron? Bron obviously.”
Bron grinned at this.
“Unless he had a really big wrench to wave,” I added to deflate Bron’s ego a bit.
Most of the marines sniggered.
“No, out of Anna and Jane,” clarified Petey.
“Eh? I’ve never considered that…”
“You could always choose both,” said Smith.
“Heh, she’s a girl, she shouldn’t have to answer that,” said Cliff. His ears were red.
“What? Being a girl makes you blind? The obvious choice is the bouncy, yet strict Anna,” said Wright.
“Heh,” said Bron.
‘Anna has a fan club.’
“Well, which one would you pick?” asked Tim.
“Guys, they’re my friends! I don’t eye them up in that way,” I explained.
“You missed a chance there, then,” said Petey with a smirk as he picked up his beer.
“Heh, seriously, which one would you choose if you had to?” asked Tim.
“She’s probably slept with both of them. She did arrive with them,” said Smith.
‘Eh?’
“Did you?” asked Wright.
“Sleep with them? No.”
“Seriously?” asked Smith.
“Ah, I don’t believe you, I know what you va–” said Petey. I elbowed him.
“Shhh, bloody hell!” I looked around, but I didn’t think anyone had been close enough to hear that. I glared at the marines. “Bloody hell, guys.”
“Sorry,” said Petey. He didn’t sound sorry at all, of course.
“And so you stop bloody asking, I have not slept with either Jane or Anna,” I clarified, waving my finger at him.
And at that point, feeling I was being watched, I looked up and saw them staring at me by the bar entrance.
‘Did they hear that?’
“Yeah, fair point,” said Petey. They started walking over. “But if you get the chance, you want to pick Jane. Anna might be the prettiest by miles, but that Jane looks like a right goer, if you know what I mean
–”
Jane pulled his chair back, knocking Petey to the floor. His feet kicked the table, jogging the beers.
“Ah! Watch it!” cried the marines.
She poured the remains of Petey’s pint into his lap.
“Jane!” cried Anna.
“Crazy bitch,” said Petey. Until Jane glared at him. He held his hands up.
“Sorry,” he said to her. “Crazy fucking bitch!” he muttered.
“Jane, apologise!” said Anna. She had her hands on her hips and was giving Jane one of her disapproving looks that I thought she saved up for me.
“Ah, put a cork in it,” said Jane. Anna’s eyes went wide. Then Jane turned to me. “And don’t you go getting any crazy ideas, Clarke. I know what you are like and I am not going to sleep with you.”
I chuckled. “Whoa! Homophobia! Don’t worry, Jane, I’m not interested in you in that way.”
“You’d better buy me another drink,” said Petey. He’d picked himself off the floor and was glaring at Jane. She negligently flicked some pelfre on the table in front of him.
“Get yourself something nice, get me a beer and Anna’ll have the white wine,” she said.
He leered at her. “Sure, sweet cheeks.” Then he went and stood up at the bar and dried himself off with a bar towel, muttering darkly.
Jane then righted the chair, wiped it down with a bar towel and sat on it. “Anyway, you guys have spent too much time with padla bitches like Clarke, you wouldn’t know how to handle a real woman.” She grinned at me like she was being witty.
‘What the hell does ’padla’ mean?’
I frowned at her. “Oh, I see you’re as nice as ever, Jane, you need more sex to work out all that vinegar.”
“Oh? Isn’t that your solution to everything? More sex? You’re a bloody perverted slut, you know.” She said it in a conversational tone of voice.
I shrugged. I didn’t like being called a slut, but I couldn’t really argue the point.
“Jane!” said Anna. “How can you speak like that?”
Jane rolled her eyes and I got the feeling that perhaps she and Anna weren’t the best of friends any more. “Don’t start with your tedious rules again. Unlike Clarke, I don’t get off on being told off.”
‘Who enjoys being told off? Especially by Anna?’
“Why don’t you lecture these guys?” continued Jane, waving her hand over the whole table. “They’re all wantonly sleeping around. That is the sort of thing you like to talk about, isn’t it?”
