by E M Gale
“What?”
Bec Ku laughed again and then tossed the envelope to me. I looked inside. There was some sort of electronic device. I unfolded the letter. It said, ‘Clarke, if you’re reading this, Bec Ku’s just lost a lot of money! See you on Tortuga and I hope that this is the first of many more lucrative business deals. Regards, the Right and Honourable Kuj Kuz-aj.’
I stared at Bec Ku and he just crumpled into laughter.
“What is this?” I said, pulling out the circuitry.
“What the hell do you think? The terrifying vampire Clarke is not all that bright, is she?”
“It’s a hyperspace transmitter,” said the robot. “Why are you selling Kuj Kuz-aj transmitters?”
I squeezed the bridge of my nose.
‘That’s why we couldn’t find the hyperspace transmitter that guided in the assassins. They searched the bar for it when all the time it was in my pocket! And that’s why we had so many more pirate attacks suspiciously aimed at me—this is why!’
‘Blood and damnation, I’ve been had.’
“So, which rumour brought more pirates, then?” asked Bec Ku. “We’ve got a bet on that too. I bet it was the woman one.”
“You bastard. Why the hell were you trying to kill me, and why do you think it was a good idea to gloat over it?” I put my right hand on my sword.
Bec Ku’s laughter choked off and his hand reached towards the gun on his hip.
“Now hold on there, Clarke, you don’t want a reputation as someone with no sense of humour, do you?”
“I don’t think it’s funny. I could have been killed.”
Bec Ku shrugged. “Nah. Look, we weren’t trying to kill you, just, y’know, make contact.”
“Make contact? By trying to get me killed?”
“It’s not like that. Kuj Kuz-aj knew you could handle it. But this way, you helped wipe out a few of our enemies.” Bec Ku grinned. “Mutual enemies, since they were willing to chase you across space for a pittance.”
“Not mutual enemies, some surrendered when they realised who they were chasing. What exactly were the rumours you jokers put out?”
“Well, that a tall woman was smuggling something very valuable for Kuj Kuz-aj and she’d been tagged with this.” Bec Ku waved the transmitter at me. “And the other rumour was the same, but mentioned that you were a vampire instead. Kuj Kuz-aj reckoned more people would take the bait for a vampire rather than a woman, but then he listens to idiots like the Knights Lumen Christi. I, of course, reckoned that people would fancy their chances against a sapiens sapiens more than a sapiens vampiricus.”
I sighed and put my hands on the table. “Morons. Both of you.”
Bec Ku relaxed and moved his hand away from his weapon. “Hah! You’re a good sport, Clarke. Not the brightest star in the galaxy, but a decent sport.”
I gave him my scariest glare. “Telling me how sporting I might be will not stop me hunting you and your boss down for the injury, if not the insult.”
Bec Ku paused and then laughed. “Ah, you padlas are a bit prissy, but all right.”
“Moron.”
“Well, I’d better be off. Thanks again, Clarke, your trusting nature and trustworthiness just made me two mil.” He grinned and then slid down from his seat, managing to make it look like he would shoot the first person to make fun of his difficulty. He did a mocking salute at me before heading off to do whatever nefarious deeds space pirates did.
‘Bloody hell, Clarke.’
I counted the money out under the table so that no other dive denizens would get any clever ideas about how they could make a fast fifty thousand pelfre. I wasn’t surprised to see it was exactly the full amount. I hid the money away in a second wallet.
When I looked up, the robot was staring at me.
“What?”
“Clarke, may I advise you to never bet with Kuz-aj and his cronies?”
“Huh, I won’t. You know him?”
“Yes, Kuj Kuz-aj is quite the gambler and Bec Ku is his partner in crime, though it seems you know that.”
I shrugged.
“And why do you have dealings with Kuz-aj?”
“I’m skint.”
“No, you’re not.”
‘No, she’s not. I am.’
“Uh, robot, you’ll not tell anyone about this, right?”
The robot sighed. “Who would I tell?”
‘Good. This whole event has been rather embarrassing.’
I grinned and I drank my beer. “OK, now I’m on free time, what is going on here?”
“You are drinking a beer,” stated the robot, “and rueing the day you trusted Kuj Kuz-aj.”
‘I know that!’
“Is Robert Deegen prancing around a ship he built and named Tortuga, impersonating a fictional character?” I paused. I could visualise it. “I bet he’s even got an opera cloak.”
“Robert Deegen is dead,” said the robot. “But you are correct, Alucard does wear a cloak.”
“Y’know, I really don’t believe you. I could be wrong, I’m not a hundred percent sure, but you are up to something and I think I should tell you that I can be here for days yet. It’s a big station… but I have an investigative nature.” I grinned at the robot.
‘If I’m honest, I’m beating the grass here, trying to rile it into giving itself away.’
“He is dead,” said the robot. I frowned.
“Tell me, oh robot, where do the vampires hang out on this ship?”
“All over the place. But only the ones who are pirates will be in this area,” said the robot.
“Well, other than me. I’m here,” I commented.
“You are a pirate.”
I sighed, crossed my arms and blew the air out of my mouth in an annoyed fashion.
“No, I am not! That’s the second time today. Why?”
“Well, you look the part. Maybe you should buy yourself an eye patch.”
I raised an eyebrow at the robot.
“Kinky. By the way, you don’t sound robotic any more, Rob.”
“My name is Igor.”
“Uh-huh.” I glared at the robot.
‘Stupid thing.’
It had no expressions.
“I would have thought that those stupid eyebrow things would move. I need expressions,” I remarked.
The robot said nothing.
I sighed. “OK, robot-thingy, where do the non-piratical vampires hang out?”
“Well, they are all over the place, but try levels thirty-eight to forty.”
‘Hmm, OK.’
“Do you know anything about vampire society?” I asked him.
‘I know nothing. I needed to know something.’
“They are formed into clans or bloodlines. They enjoy drinking each other’s blood.”
“I know that much. What about me specifically? How will the vampires react to me?”
“They will either sleep with you, talk to you, challenge you, or, more likely, all three.”
“Challenge me?”
“Yes, vampires seem to enjoy challenging each other.”
I was bemused. “To what?”
“Sword fights.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Duels. The winner is the first one to draw blood.”
‘Oh, well, at least they are non-fatal duels.’
“Sounds like fun,” I remarked.
“Well, yes. Unsurprisingly, your future self seems to enjoy duelling.”
“Is she any good?”
“Yes, you’re good at sword-fighting, you know that.”
‘What would it be like to fight a vampire? They’d be much faster than the pirates. Oh, well, Clarke, time to bite the bat and see what the other vampires are like. I’ve only met one so far. As my future self is still alive, I suppose that means I won’t get killed in a duel on Tortuga.’
‘And perhaps I will bump into a vampiric future version of Rob there, but first I’ve got to ditch the robot, otherwise he’ll just sit behind his com
puter and observe from afar. So…’
“Hello, robot…” I smiled at the robot. Then a thought occurred to me. “Hey, don’t you want to tell me I can’t charm you?”
“I would have thought you’d got it by now,” he said drily.
“Are you going to talk to your past self?” I asked, eyeing him closely.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“You know, I think the robot would have said ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t understand’.”
The robot said nothing to that.
“I’ve already spoken to my future self,” I remarked, looking closely at him.
“I don’t understand,” said the robot.
“Oh, no, Rob, the robot would have understood that sentence. He knows I have a future self, but the robot doesn’t know he has a past self wandering around, because he probably doesn’t, but you do.”
“I don’t understand.”
I stared at the robot, watching him for any sign of trickery. Then I sighed and ran my hand over my hair, pulling curls out of the plaits by accident.
“Or I’m crazy. Do you think I’m crazy?” I asked him.
“I am not a trained mental health professional.”
“I just kinda thought…” I sighed.
‘I am going crazy. On the one hand, this robot reminds me of Rob. I thought that I’d caught him out a few times. On the other hand, if Rob is still alive, why on earth has he not greeted us in his characteristically flamboyant style? It can’t be that he would give anything away. Just because Rob becomes a vampire does not mean that anyone would realise I am one too. And really there’s nothing wrong with them finding out now.’
‘And anyway, he could let me know he was alive at least, if he is. Why would he play silly games like this? The Rob I know doesn’t play silly games.’
“What?” said the robot.
“Nothing.” I shook my head and massaged my temples.
‘I’ve had enough of this, these questions, this teetering between hope and acceptance.’
“Robot,” I said abruptly. “I am going for a swim. You can’t come because you are metal.”
“I will leave you then.”
I frowned at him. “Where will you go?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
I sighed.
‘Well, whatever.’
I shifted myself out from the booth. I could have ditched the robot there, but I felt I ought to protect it from kleptomaniac pirates. We headed up to level twenty-four in silence until we left the elevator.
“I will find you later, Clarke,” said the robot.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Why?”
“You did say I was your robot.”
“Yeah, but usually I have to do more than just say something is mine to get it.”
“Not always,” said the robot significantly.
‘What did that mean?’
“Well, OK,” I said with a grin, “this ship is mine.”
The robot laughed.
“It is not your ship.”
‘I didn’t think that would work.’
I nodded and headed into the pool complex. I ducked around a corner where no one could see me and turned into a mist.
‘Hey, thinking about it, would I be able to follow the robot?’
But by the time I got outside he had gone. I probably couldn’t have kept up anyway. Mist form is slow.
‘Now, I know there are loads of people around, I can smell and hear them, so I can’t reform here in the middle of them. They probably all know I am a vampire, but it isn’t very subtle. To another service corridor then.’
I misted over to one and under the door. No one ought to be able to see me here. I reformed.
‘Yay, another empty access corridor. Why do I seem to spend half my time in random corridors?’
I wandered out on to the main concourse and looked around.
‘No robots. Damn.’
Alucard
A dozen or so bars, at least as many drinks, and a lot of traipsing around the vampire levels of this place later I had collected a lot of strange looks, a fair few offers of sex (some quite tempting) and a grand total of zero people who knew who Alucard was or where I could find him. Giving up on that approach for now, I had wandered into a nightclub called Fangs and found out what passed for fun amongst vampires: group blood switching, gossiping in the mind meld and finishing off with an orgy that I skipped to return back to my room for a few hours’ sleep before attacking the day again.
Coffee in hand, I wandered down to the living room to look out at the stars. Except instead of stars I saw clouds.
‘Clouds? In space?’
I padded over to the window.
‘Oh, I see, they’re dust sculptures: the gas and dust that new stars are made out of. Pretty.’
The towering columns of clouds were lit up by newborn stars burning within them. They were a riot of colour, though the predominant colour seemed to be sodium orange.
‘They weren’t there yesterday, so this space station must be rotating. Probably that’s how they generate the artificial gravity here. And I guess that’s why the elevator seemed to be upside down. Instead of feeling the gravity pointing into the centre of the planet like it does on Earth, I felt the centrifugal force pointing outwards to the stars.’
I mused on this as I drank a cup of coffee and looked at the dust sculptures. They were beautiful but unlike anything I’d ever seen outside of images from the Hubble telescope. I finished off my liquid breakfast.
‘Time to get dressed. I’m sick of being called a pirate and I’m on holiday, therefore I am going to wear one of these pretty dresses.’
I sorted through the wardrobe looking for the least vampirey one there.
‘Well, this one’s blue, so I guess that’s a little less gothy than the red or the black.’
The dress had a tight bodice, a skirt that flared out from the waist and came down to the ankle and a low, but not too low, neckline. It was embellished with ornate embroidery and lace. The arms were flared so I could still wear and use the hidden knives. I even decided to leave my hair down and just tie a gold scarf that I had found around my head to keep it off my face. I grinned to myself, and then looked around in confusion.
‘Now, why aren’t there any mirrors in this flat?’
I walked down to the window and looked at my reflection on it. The outfit looked cool, but I couldn’t see the colours: the reflection was just a monochrome version against the orange of the dust sculpture. I spun around a bit, making the skirt flare out.
‘Not too bad, I think.’
I’d never watched what I ate. I found it more useful to have a figure that men liked rather than one that women found fashionable, and the dress clung rather flatteringly to my curves.
There was a knock on the door. Smelling the ozone and motor oil of the robot, I jogged up and I pulled it open.
“Are you Rob Bot number 27?” I asked him.
“Yes,” said the robot. I moved aside to let him in, but he just stood there, his camera eyes staring unblinkingly. I would have found that a little disturbing, but I knew this robot now.
“Is everything OK?”
“Yes,” said the robot, finally entering.
“Hey, robot, why are there no mirrors in this room?”
“I don’t know.”
“How am I supposed to see what I look like? It’s damned frustrating,” I growled.
“If you stand there I’ll take a photo.”
“Oh, you got a camera too? It’d better not have a flash.”
“Smile,” said the robot. I smiled. There was no click, no flash. “I’ve taken the photo, Clarke,” said the robot.
“Oh, OK.” I fiddled with my hair. There was a whirring sound from within the robot, he opened up his chest compartment again and there was a Polaroid-alike at the bottom of the compartment. The picture was made out of the same material as Anna’s photographs. I waved it around for a bit befor
e realising that it didn’t need developing like a Polaroid did. So I looked.
‘Oooh, well, OK, I look a little odd. I’ve still not gotten used to the vampire thing and I do look paler, younger and more perfect than I used to. But the dress is pretty much exactly the same colour as my eyes. Nice. It looks good. Medieval, but good.’
“Maybe I should try wearing blue rather than red,” I remarked, tossing the photo onto a dresser.
“Maybe.”
I tried to put the swords on over the dress. They kinda pulled it down.
“You probably have a better sword and belt than that.”
“Oh? Does my future self wear a sword with her dress then?”
“Yes, she seems to dislike not carrying one.”
“Which one does she wear?”
The robot headed towards my future self’s weapons locker.
‘I guess he’s been here before, then.’
He pointed at a rather thick leather belt with a few metal rings to attach a scabbard to and one of the swords in its scabbard.
‘I’m being dressed by a robot now.’
If I put the belt on tightly, then the sword didn’t pull the dress down, but instead swung freely by my hip. I pulled the sword out of the scabbard a few times, did a few attacks and sheathed it again, just to check it out. Then I pulled it out and looked closely at it. It seemed a good sword, but I didn’t really know much about what made a good sword and what made a bad one. The hilt was textured and a matt black colour. The sword itself wasn’t shiny at all. It was made of some weird material that was a dark matt grey colour. The scabbard was rather beaten up and was wrapped with black leather. The sword was not heavy at all, so I guess that I could use it rather fast, and it seemed to have been made, or at least adjusted, for me, since it fit my grip perfectly. I tested the length–I held my hand at my side and swung my arm. The sword was a few inches off the floor. It was perfect. I sheathed it and pulled on a pair of soft, bendy, black suede boots. They stuck out of the bottom of the dress.
“OK, I’m ready,” I said. “Where are the others?”
“They have congregated in Anna’s quarters.”
“Well, I guess we’d better go there then.” I strode out of my room, the robot lurching along behind me. “Hey, random people on this ship aren’t going to laugh at my outfit, are they?”
