by E M Gale
“Don’t you want love?” asked the robot.
“No. I don’t do that sort of thing. I don’t have relationships.”
“What, not even by accident?”
I looked at the robot.
“You’ve not gotten close to anyone?”
I sighed and looked off into the distance.
‘Too close. Well… I don’t know. There was Price. Did I consider following him? Well, Clarke? Didn’t you? I don’t know why. I don’t like him. At all. Or miss him. Not even a little bit.’
I shook my head at my thoughts. “Well… sort of. Weirdly. Maybe.”
‘I wonder where he is now? He couldn’t be here, right? We have a very fast ship and we left him behind on Antigua Nuevo…’
I thrust my fingers into my hair, mussing it up. “Gargh! I don’t even like him,” I said. “And I don’t want to see him again.”
‘I suppose he might have gotten a fast ship here as well, and I’ve been here a day. Well, there’s no harm in asking, just ’cos I know he’s here doesn’t mean I will go and see him, of course.’
“Hey, robot, is there a vampire called Jonathan Price on this space station?”
He was quiet for an overlong pause. I looked at him in confusion.
‘What is he doing? Checking data banks or something?’
“No,” said the robot.
I sighed.
‘I guess he wouldn’t come here–too many vampires and he has to avoid his clan at the moment. I know that. Why did I even ask? Stupid idiot. And anyway, I don’t want to see him again. He’s bad news. And he chucked me off a balcony, don’t forget that, Clarke. He’s not someone you want anything to do with.’
“Why did you ask about Mr. Price?”
“Oh, no reason,” I said, staring at my coffee morosely.
There was another pregnant pause. The robot just stared at me with his TV eyes.
“I don’t understand him. At all,” I muttered, shaking my head.
“Would you like me to inform you if a vampire by that name comes aboard?” asked the robot.
‘Well, no. Because what would I say to him? The whole thing was rather intense. What would we do? Sleep together? Hurt each other? Cry on each other? Well, I would cry. Then what, part again? Argh, it is stupid. What would be the point?’
“Yes, please do,” I said.
‘Of course, just knowing he’s aboard doesn’t mean I will see him.’
I was quiet. The robot was quiet. I ordered some more coffee. The waiter pretended not to see the robot but still managed to avoid tripping over it.
“Hey, Clarke, why did you choose to be a mercenary?” asked the robot once the waiter left.
‘Oh?’
I grinned at him. “Heh, if I didn’t already know that you weren’t, that would make me think that you weren’t a future version of Rob.”
“Oh, why?”
“Well, as soon as they find out about me being a vampire–which I figure has to happen at some point, someone will let it slip–I’m going to tell him all about it.”
“So… why did you choose it?” asked the robot.
“I didn’t choose it! That’s what I wanted to tell him. I wanted to scream it at him. Especially on that first day, when he kept going on and on about it. The only way the captain would let me on the ship was if I accepted that job. So I did. I didn’t realise quite what it would mean at the time”–here I shrugged–“but I would probably have given it a go anyway.” I sighed. “However, I didn’t have a choice.” I thought for a moment. “Well, we could have stayed on Ragnarok IV, but we were running out of money, and… well, maybe not.” I was holding my forgotten coffee for warmth, shaking my head and thinking about the past. “I was so crap at the start. I worked around the clock to try to get my combat skills up to a level where I wouldn’t get killed the first time someone shot at me. I made so many mistakes. And since then, I’ve tried to learn all this stuff about tactics and things like that. That was because I found out what my… career will be.” I sighed and shook my head, pulling myself out of my reverie. “And I presume, oh robot, that you know about the end of the Etrusian war?”
“Yes.”
“Did you know I’ve already fought that battle? Thanks to the wonder of Rob’s time machine and my future self’s kidnapping of me?”
“No, actually. I thought that you weren’t plucked out of this timeline to go back yet.”
“Really?”
“Clarke, your future self, picked when in time to pick you up.”
“Ah, I see.”
‘That makes sense. She needed to pick me up before I saw this space station, and after I knew of Rob’s death. She didn’t really have much of a window of opportunity.’
“Hey, does she talk to you a lot about stuff then?” I asked.
“Who?”
“My future self.”
‘Was that not obvious?’
“Yes, when she’s here. But she’s rather secretive about a lot of things as well,” said the robot.
I nodded at that. “Might as well be discreet.”
“You take it to a whole new level.” The robot sounded bitter.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “She takes it to a whole new level. We’re not the same person.”
The robot said nothing.
‘Maybe he’s brooding. Can an artificial intelligence brood? I suppose, if he’s truly intelligent, why not?’
“OK, then, robot, tell me, when do they find out about me?”
“Who?”
“Oh, honestly, who do you think? Rob, Anna and the others.”
“And what, specifically, are you talking about them not finding out about? You have too many secrets that are hidden from several different groups of people all at the same time.”
‘Bah, Jane would understand why I can talk to the robot if she heard this sort of thing. That was a complex sentence.’
I held my fingers up to enumerate. “One: that I am a vampire. Two: that I am some sort of military leader for the vampires and have been for the UESF as well.”
“Ah, that.”
“Yeah, two big secrets to keep.”
“Well, Clarke, they will find out you’re a vampire when you have to use your vampiric skills in front of them.”
‘Ah.’
“Like when?”
“For example when the ship gets attacked and they see you fight. They might start asking why you are so fast and so strong–oh, and capable of vanishing.”
‘Oh.’
“OK then, how do they react?”
“Well… badly.”
“Really?” I asked worriedly.
“Yes, what did you expect? You turn out to be a vampire and all this time you’ve not told them whilst everyone else knows.”
“I did turn into a vampire in front of them.”
“They didn’t notice.”
I was exasperated. “What was I supposed to do? Make an announcement over dinner?” I was wringing my hands because I did feel a little guilty.
“You could have mentioned it at some point,” said the robot acerbically.
“You think I should have? Or should will?”
‘How’s this time travel tense thing work anyway?’
“Yes. But you won’t. You seem to like keeping everything from everyone.”
‘Ooo. Hey, my robot is tetchy.’
“And the general thing? I think that is specifically what I have the bet on.”
“They’ll look you up. After the fuss you made this morning, I’d be surprised if they haven’t looked you up already.”
“Really? Do they? Have they?”
“I don’t think that they do, actually. Shockingly.”
I sighed. “Hey, robot, can I tell you a secret, one that I’ve not told many other people?”
“Yes. Please do.” I had the robot’s full attention now. He stared at me with his unblinking eyes.
“I really have no idea what I am doing. At all.”
He laughed
. “Oh? I thought you were ‘Clarke, always has a plan’. Often you can’t tell what the plan was meant to accomplish until, say, fifty years later, but there’s always a plan.”
I raised my eyebrows at that. “Oh? People assume I’m competent then?”
“Very. So you’re doing a good job of faking it.”
I nodded at that. “Well, don’t tell anyone what I said, then.” The robot laughed.
I waved the waiter over and paid for dinner. He was quite professional–he acted as if it were perfectly normal to go for dinner with a robot, though he flicked his eyes towards the robot when he thought that I wasn’t looking.
“So, how are you going to ditch me this evening?” asked the robot.
“Me, ditch you?”
“I presume you intend to go and find some vampires?”
“Well, yes. I imagine that sort of thing is quite boring to watch.”
‘Heh.’
“We don’t talk much,” I added with a grin.
“Yes,” agreed the robot.
“Anyway, do you know where vampires duel on this ship?”
“You want to duel?”
“No… I want to watch a duel, to see what they do.”
“Ah, do you want me to tell you the etiquette?”
“Oh, you know? You’ve seen one?”
“I’ve seen several. Unlike vampiric group sex, duels are quite fun to watch.”
‘Heh.’
“OK, then.”
“Well… most duels are for fun or practice. Just in case, I don’t know, the vampires get attacked by the orcs again.”
I raised an eyebrow at that.
“The rules of the duel are stated by both parties, usually, something like ‘short swords’. Then the vampires attack each other and the winner is the first to draw blood.”
I nodded. I knew that much.
“The duels are usually fought twice, so a duel is two fights.”
“Shouldn’t it be called a then? Y’know, two people, two fights, a ?” I interjected.
“Oh, very funny.” The robot did not sound amused. “The loser of each fight gets down on one knee and has to bare his or her neck, so that the other one can drink a bit.”
“Nice.”
“Duels for advancement are different.”
“Oh?”
“They are rare and usually are only done after the duellers have fought several practices. They consist of three fights so there is always a clear winner.”
“Oh? And why do people fight them?”
“To advance in rank, or to settle a disagreement, instead of murder.”
‘OK, right then. Sounds kinda… Renaissancey. Will I find groups of young vampires wandering around swashing their swords against their bucklers?’
“How’s it work?”
“The lower-ranking Founder challenges the higher-ranking one. If he wins he gets the higher-ranking one’s rank and the higher-ranking one gets demoted by one. If he loses he has to serve the higher-ranking one for one hundred years.”
“Eeek! Who would risk that?”
‘What a horrible punishment!’
“Yes, and because you are very good at sword fighting, no one has ever challenged you for rank that I remember. No one thinks they can take you,” said the robot.
I nodded.
“It’s only the Founders who duel for advancement. The normal vampires usually just do it for fun or to settle arguments.”
‘OK.’
“So vampires can’t kill vampires then?”
“No, not quite. A Founder can kill a vampire in his clan if he wants, but a Founder cannot kill another Founder and a vampire cannot kill another vampire.”
“Why?”
“It’s the law,” said the robot.
“Oh, so it’s not a mystical thing then?”
“No, although the normal humans think it is.”
‘Ah, I see.’
I shrugged. “You know anything else useful?”
“Yes; get really good at sword fighting.”
I laughed at that. “Yeah, I see that.” I stood up. “Well, OK then. I’ll watch a duel later, but first I want to get another day’s holiday.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“Oh, I’m heading down to the Egg to ask for one. I like it here, no pirates attacking me–”
“Plenty of necks to bite,” interrupted the robot.
“Ah, robot, it’s like you know me,” I said. “Can you lead me down there, please?”
You Can’t Steal Your Own Ship
I walked into the docking bay and admired the pretty ship. It was looking rather well patched up and still, to my eyes at least, resembled a silver egg. I wandered around for a bit, looking for her staff.
“Ah, Cleckley, will you be here in about twenty minutes?” I asked, espying him strolling back to the ship and reading through a stack of papers.
“Oh, hi, Clarke, nice dress,” he said, looking up distractedly.
“Uh-huh. Do you know if the major is here?”
“Yes, he’s in his quarters.”
“Great. So will you be here in a few minutes?”
“Why?” He narrowed his eyes at me, now giving me his full attention.
‘Why is Cleckley so suspicious?’
“Don’t worry, you’ll like it,” I said with a grin.
He sighed. “I’ll be in my office.”
“Cool. See you soon.” I jogged off towards the major’s quarters. There were marines on the ship as well. I walked past most of them, it seemed.
“Hey, Clarke, didn’t know you owned any dresses,” said Wright. I noticed he’d taken the opportunity that shore leave had provided him to re-dye his roots so his whole head was mulberry-purple.
“Whoa, what is it, fancy dress night at Fangs?” said Smith.
“Oh, honestly, guys, it’s just a pretty dress, not a big deal,” I replied.
“Hey, are you gonna fight pirates in that get-up? You planning to distract them with your bosom?” suggested Cliff.
“Oh, no, she’s gonna suffocate them, hehe, in her cleavage!” said Smith.
I went bright red and crossed my arms over my chest. “Gargh! Stop that now!”
They laughed uproariously.
“You guys do know that there is a whole space station up there filled with bars and wenches and whatever else you could want? Why are you here annoying me?”
“And dress shops,” said Wright.
“I didn’t know that you were that girly,” said Petey.
“The sword really sets off the outfit, you know. It brings out the colour of your eyes,” commented Phil.
“Argh!” I screamed and stalked off to find the major. I knocked on his door.
“Come in,” he called, so I did. “Hi, Clarke, n–”
“Don’t mention the dress,” I said darkly. Then I raised an eyebrow at what he was wearing. I hadn’t thought he was the type of man to own a soft and ornately patterned dressing gown. His hair was squashed on one side where he’d been sleeping.
“OK. I’m glad to see you’ve not been kidnapped then,” he said.
I sighed. “Sorry for disturbing you. Did you mean what you said about having extra time here?”
“Yes, to say thank you for paying for everything. You didn’t have to do so, but we appreciate it nonetheless.”
I smiled.
‘I didn’t pay for it and maybe in two hundred years seven hundred thousand pelfre won’t matter.’
“We can stay here an extra day or two.”
“I was thinking a day, if that’s OK.”
He nodded. “Of course. I thought you’d say that.”
“Why?”
“Well, obviously, you come here a lot, you have your own docking bay, robots and staff with standing instructions. Can I ask you who owns this space station?”
I shrugged.
“It’s not you, is it?”
I raised my eyebrows.
‘Well, I don’t, but I thi
nk I ought to.’
I coughed nervously. “Tragically not.”
The major smiled. “It’s OK. I won’t tell anyone,” he said. “You know, you do take it very seriously.”
“What?”
“Getting into character. I know who you are, so why were you asking me about Tortuga as if you really were a brand-new recruit?”
I sighed. “Disguises don’t work unless you take them seriously.”
He nodded. “I suppose.”
“Right then, I’ll see you later,” I said.
He nodded.
“And er, sorry for waking you.”
“I was awake,” he lied.
I headed back out into the hall and found more marines with a sense of humour and nothing else to occupy their time. Phil had joined the crowd milling about.
“So, Clarke, you’re going incognito as a woman then?” asked Phil, a grin on his round face.
“What? I am a woman!”
“No, she’s been swept off her feet and is getting married tomorrow, to the owner. The robot’s an engagement gift,” said Sticks, showing he had quite an imagination on the sly.
“Oh, very funny.”
‘Thinking about it, was the robot the reason that the major thought I owned the place? I have a private docking bay equipped with engineers and I’m being followed around by one of the owner’s robots? Ooops.’
“Oh, I know. You had a makeover, they said less swords, more velvet?” suggested Smith.
“Please, guys, find someone else to wind up.”
“You fallen for a vampire from the medieval ages and he’s dressed you up like that?” suggested Cliff.
“Stop taking the piss out of my pretty dress!” I yelled at them, before storming in to med bay.
“Oh, that’s why she’s dressed like that, she’s ill! She’s become allergic to black!” said Petey. All the marines laughed.
“Ooo, nasty,” said Sticks.
“Robot, you’ll have to wait outside,” I said.
“Really?” he said, sounding disappointed.
“Yes.”
I shut Cleckley’s office door on the hooting marines and the robot. I could still hear them out in the med bay as there were no orderlies on duty to chuck them out. I shook my head and threw myself down into the chair opposite Cleckley. He looked amused.
