by E M Gale
She lifted her head and stared at me.
I sighed and took the money back. I pocketed that wallet and took out the other one containing most of my wages and then handed her ten thousand pelfre out of that.
“What’s that?” She took the wallet off me and counted the money.
“My wages.”
“Clarke, there’s around twenty-seven thousand pelfre there!”
I nodded and yawned again.
“I know you’ve only been paid twenty-five since we started and I know you’ve spent some of it. So where has the rest come from?”
I sighed. “I bought some orcian coffee and some cigarettes and sold them on.” I held my hands up. “And don’t start about it, because cigarettes are only illegal in New California and orcian coffee’s not illegal for orcs.”
“And the other purse?”
“Electronics.” I frowned. “Not even smuggling, that one. Kind of a bet.”
‘Yeah, a bet on me. a joke at my expense.’
Anna chewed on her lip.
“So none of it’s even illegal really. There’s no international law about carrying orcian coffee and we’ve been in international space most of the time.”
“Not when we were on planet.”
“Well, it’s not fair to expect everyone to look up the law when they arrive somewhere.”
“They have us sign a contraband declaration form when we land.”
“Yeah, but does any one read that?”
“I do!”
‘I did too, just to know which law I was breaking.’
Anna looked like she was about to cry.
“What’s the matter?”
She stood up. “I can’t take your dirty money!”
“Come on, Anna, the money’s not dirty, and what does it matter how I made it?” I closed her hands around the notes. “What matters is you’ve made it legally.”
“That’s money laundering.”
“Hardly. It’s a gift. Or a loan, if you prefer, that you can forget about. It’s only laundering if I get some of it back. And I won’t.”
“No, I’m not allowed to have a side job and you’re not allowed to smuggle strange alien drugs–”
“It’s only illegal to stop stupid sapiens sapiens poisoning themselves, it’s not illegal if you can tolerate it–”
“Clarke!” She shook her head. “No, I can’t take this!”
And with that she forced the notes back into my hands and stormed off.
‘Bloody Anna.’
Dead, Deader Than Dead, Definitely Not Undead
I nearly fell asleep on that sofa, but the vague worry someone might try to rob me after seeing all that money got me walking up to my quarters. So instead I woke up in a small, plushly decorated red and gold room, which confused me until I realised it was my private lift to my quarters and I’d somehow fallen asleep on the journey up. I dressed in a red velvet dress, stared at the stars and daydreamed whilst I drank some decent coffee.
‘That’s one experiment done; normal coffee does nothing to me. Somehow I’ve managed to become immune to normal doses of caffeine and now I need a much higher dose to get an effect. And what about the other ingredients in orcian coffee, the ones that build up over time and are responsible for the long-term fatality of the stuff? Normal humans can drink a small amount of orcian coffee and not get a fatal dose of caffeine, but the other poisons accumulate in the fatty cell walls and aren’t flushed out of the body. When they build up too much it’s fatal. Somehow, it seems I’ve gained an immunity to those poisons too. But why is orcian coffee not poisonous to me? It apparently is to vampires as well as humans, but not me? Odd.’
There was a knock on the door. I opened it, expecting the robot, and I wasn’t surprised.
“Morning, Clarke,” he said.
“Yo, Rob Bot 27?” I asked.
“Yes, well, what are you planning to do today?” He sounded like he dreaded the answer.
I grinned. “Fly spaceships; I’ve only got a few more days to learn as much as I can. Bite necks, as you put it. I’ve only got a few days to do that as much as I can, as well. But first, have my friends come looking for me?”
“No, they don’t know where your room is.”
“Yes, I know that, but I don’t want them to find out. I need to make sure that they don’t start looking for me, asking around or anything. Where are they all?”
“Well, Anna and Rob are getting brunch on level twenty-eight–”
‘I bet that’s a posh level.’
“–and Jane and Mark are in a dojang on level fifteen.”
“What’s a dojang?”
“A Tae Kwon Do training room, their form of dojo.”
“OK, take me to Jane and Mark then, please.”
He left and I followed.
‘What on Earth would they be doing in a dojang?’
As we wandered my mind drifted away from the mystery of Jane and Mark’s newfound interest in martial arts.
“By the way, have any vampires called Jonathan Price come aboard?” I asked the robot.
“No,” he said. We took the lift down to the strains of Huey Lewis and the News playing Back in Time.
“Hey, robot, why are you hanging around with me and not Rob? Surely you’re more interested in what your creator is getting up to?”
‘When I thought that the robot was Rob, it made sense that he would rather talk to me; if he didn’t want to blow my cover, then he couldn’t talk to Rob. But if the robot can talk to my future self at any time and Rob is only going to be on the station for a short time, surely the robot would be more interested in talking to him?’
The robot didn’t say anything.
‘Odd.’
He silently led me to the dojang. When we arrived, I walked in quietly and leant against a wall. The robot waited just outside the doorway, not coming in. Although the room was large, it was smaller than and more healthily lit than the vampire duelling arena, but otherwise it was quite similar. There was a flag on the wall here too; this one was a South Korean flag, so I presumed that this was the Tae Kwon Do dojang. There was no one else in the dojang, so unlike me last night, Jane and Mark didn’t have an audience. They had their shoes off, but I stood in the waiting and observation area next to where they had left their shoes so I didn’t have to take off my nice boots.
Jane was wearing light-coloured jogging bottoms and a loose-fitting tee-shirt. For once her blonde hair was tied back in a neat bun. Mark was dressed similarly in loose, dark trousers and a faded college shirt.
It was obvious that, despite the fact that she had never mentioned it, Jane had done quite a lot of Tae Kwon Do. She was teaching Mark and, from his skill, it looked like she was teaching him the basics.
‘I wonder how long she’s spent doing this sort of thing? I didn’t know she was a martial artist.’
Jane was performing the punches and high kicks precisely and accurately, hitting the same spot in the air again and again. She had a toned physique, but this was the first time that I’d seen any evidence that she worked at it. Mark was a tad on the pudgy side. He spent far too much time at staring at computer screen and drinking Coke–few PhD students were fit–so he was really struggling. But he was trying hard, probably to impress Jane; his face was red and he was sweating and frowning with concentration.
They were advancing up the gym, doing successive repetitions of three punches and a high kick. They were side on to me, but they had not noticed me; they were rather absorbed in what they were doing. That, or it was because I was standing still. However, I was wearing a scarlet red and standing next to a cream wall, so it was not as if I was hard to spot.
They stopped what they had been doing and started sparring. This was far more interesting to watch. Jane definitely had spent a lot of time doing this. She executed her attacks with a fluid grace and could kick above her head; it took time to learn that sort of flexibility. Mark did a little better at the sparring than he had done at the practice. They finished, then smiled at eac
h other, both looking hot and sweaty. When they turned to walk over to their shoes, they noticed me. They looked shocked, so I raised an eyebrow at them. Jane glared at me and Mark blushed.
“Hi, guys,” I said with a smile. “Nice sparring. I had no idea you did martial arts, Jane. Perhaps we could spar someday.” She narrowed her eyes at me briefly.
‘I wonder how Aikido and Jitsu work against Tae Kwon Do? Jane’s shorter than me, but if she was attacking with her legs she’d have the range on me, since the styles I know involve using arms. Would I be able to get close enough to throw her or would I just get kicked in the head?’
“How did you get in?” Jane demanded in a clipped fashion.
“Uh, the door?” I said, jerking my thumb back at the door and the robot who was peering through it curiously.
“Oh… I didn’t notice you,” said Mark.
‘Well, no, you were busy having fun, why would you?’
“That’s good. If you were doing your kata properly and concentrating on your sparring, you ought not to have noticed someone coming in,” I said.
‘I lose all notion of the passing of time when I’m doing kata, even astrobatic kata.’
He nodded, picked up a bottle of water and gulped half of it down.
“Do you want to get some post-workout coffee?” I suggested.
“How about lunch?” suggested Mark, looking at Jane. She frowned at me and then looked at him.
“That is, if I’m not intruding,” I said.
She shook her head at me, looking confused for some reason.
‘Why? Oh, I think I know.’
“Don’t worry, Jane, I’m not mad at you about yesterday,” I said magnanimously.
“OK,” she said awkwardly. “I was trying to be funny, with the… er, robot joke.” She was giving me a measuring look.
“Yeah, I know that.”
‘It wasn’t funny, but who cares. I can’t be bothered to hold something dumb like that against someone.’
“Shall we go and find Rob and Anna then?” suggested Mark. I nodded.
‘Might as well.’
“Yeah, sure,” said Jane as she undid her curly, blonde hair from the bun and retied into the low ponytail she wore.
‘How can anyone wear their hair like that and it not annoy them? My hair is about as curly, a bit shorter and a different colour, but mine tends to annoy the hell out of me if it isn’t pinned up tightly or tied back. The only reason I can stand it tied back with a scarf, like I have it today, is because I won’t have to read anything or fight anyone. Hopefully.’
We followed the trundling robot along the corridors to where Anna and Rob were.
“You’ve still got that dumb robot then?” asked Jane.
I nodded.
“So what, is it imprinted on you or something?”
‘Even making polite conversation she manages to be rude. I think I should worry if she’s ever truly polite to me.’
“He does wander off, you know,” I said.
“Can I just ask, why are you keeping it with you?”
I shrugged. I couldn’t tell her the truth–namely that he was a person and spoke to me–since I didn’t want to have yet another discussion where the damn thing pretended to be a normal robot to make me look crazy.
“It’s not really that great an AI,” said Mark. “I was interested in it at first, but it’s hardly intelligent.”
I looked at the robot, amused, but he said nothing and I didn’t want to talk to him.
“Huh,” I said.
“It’s just a normal guide robot,” continued Jane. “Why do you bother dragging it around with you?”
“It sets off my outfit,” I said. She looked like she wasn’t sure whether I was joking or not. “And anyway, despite the fact that there is one here, I object on principle to visiting the secret pirate base tourist information centre for a map.”
Mark laughed at that. Jane looked confused, then grinned.
We arrived at a nice open-plan cafe and saw Rob and Anna. Rob looked happy to see us. Anna frowned at me.
‘Why? What the hell have I done now?’
“Hey, Clarke, I see you brought my robot back,” Rob said. I nodded, leaving the robot with them whilst I ordered an orcian coffee and a steak sandwich. I told them not to cook the steak. I took my lunch and sat down with the others, and started munching.
‘Ah… they haven’t cooked it at all.’
It was fridge cold, which wasn’t all that great, but at least it was meat. I seemed to be hungry and craving iron again; it seemed that was a side effect of having people drinking your blood.
“You’re up, then,” said Anna.
I nodded. “How are you guys?” I asked Anna and Rob in between munching.
“Wow, you must be starving, Clarke,” said Anna.
I paused to look at her. “That’ll be the vegetarian food you insisted on yesterday.”
Jane and Mark sat down to join us. Anna ignored my tone.
“Anyway, where did you go yesterday, Clarke?” asked Mark.
‘Uh… well…’
“She had a one-night stand and got her friend to cover for her,” said Anna. Rob frowned at Anna.
‘Which friend? And why’s she telling them that? She knows I like to keep such things quiet.’
I stared at Anna in confusion. She smiled, which was weird.
“Oh,” said Rob. “Are you planning to see him again?”
“Uh, who?”
He chuckled. “Never mind.”
“By the way, guys,” I said, deciding to try to avoid that whole discussion with Anna, “we’ve got an extra day’s holiday here.”
Mark frowned. “We could leave the ship here, find somewhere… safer.”
I eyed him.
“Oh, really? How come we get longer?” said Rob.
‘Um… ’cos I asked for it, er…’
“Well, I don’t know why, they don’t tell us grunts anything.”
They nodded. I finished off the last crumbs of my sandwich.
“Ah, so you went down to the ship, then?” asked Anna. I nodded.
‘Y’know, I really want to take them onto one of my cool spaceships for a ride. That would be fun. So maybe I should just tell them I’m a vampire. Hell, it’s a miracle Anna doesn’t already know. Maybe my life would be easier if they knew. And the robot seemed to think it was a good idea to tell them. OK, then… how to broach the subject? Hmm… Here goes nothing.’
“Look, guys, um… there’s something I should say…”
‘Yeah, right, good start.’
I regarded them. They didn’t seem to look like they expected anything of import to happen.
‘What if they refuse to talk to me after this? They could reject me. Anna doesn’t like vampires and, well… But I ought to tell them. They will find out eventually. And it’s better if they hear it from me.’
I nodded to myself. “So–”
“Did you see Dr. Cleckley on the ship?” asked Anna.
‘What? What’s that got to do with anything?’
“Eh? Yes, of course. Anyway–”
‘I’ll start with the mysterious musician. Might as well explain how I became one as well.’
“–before we came here I met this guy, he was, er, well–”
‘–a vampire. C’mon, Clarke, say it. Spit it out!’
I didn’t say anything. They were looking at me.
‘Dammit. Well, maybe they don’t need to know. But really they should. Still… will they look down on blood-drinking? I suppose I don’t have to go into details.’
“I met this guy, and, well, I went back to–”
“Why ‘of course’?” asked Rob suspiciously.
“‘Why of course’ what?” I said, completely confused. My internal monologue had drowned out their chatter.
“Why, ‘of course’, did you see Dr. Cleckley?” asked Rob, frowning at me.
‘Eh? What’s Cleckley got to do with anything?’
“You are
not listening to me, Rob,” I said, in an annoyed tone of voice.
“Well, I’m listening now, Clarke,” he said, getting annoyed as well.
‘Oh, no. OK, I’m not telling them in the middle of an argument. Shit.’
“Oh, calm down,” I said with a regretful sigh.
‘No showing off my flying ability, then. Oh, I wanted to show them space. Today I am going to fly to the dust sculptures. That reminds me.’
“Hey, robot,” I said, smiling at him.
“Yes, Clarke?” he replied warily.
“I presume that you’re not coming with me today, since you got bored yesterday–”
“You managed to bore a robot?” asked Jane incredulously.
I nodded and grinned at her. “Impressive, isn’t it?”
Rob was glaring at me. None of the others knew what I was talking about, since they looked confused.
“I may not,” said the robot.
“OK, um, y’know…”
‘How to ask this in front of the others, without giving away about my pretty spaceships? Hmm.’
“Hypothetically…”
‘Argh, I don’t know how to ask: can my spaceship make it to the dust sculptures and back; does it have enough fuel; will it be broken by the dust, or the radiation? Hmm, I need some books on spaceship mechanics as well, I think. Sigh, I’ve got even more stuff to learn.’
I continued: “Them dust sculptures–”
“Oh, no, Clarke, don’t you dare,” interrupted the robot. “You have no appreciation of danger. You just jump straight in, regardless of the fact that you don’t have the skills, the tact nor the diplomacy to get yourself out of trouble!”
Everyone stared at the robot.
“Aw, c’mon, I always do all right,” I argued.
“Only by sheer… I don’t know quite what to call it.”
“Skill, intelligence, good planning.” I counted them off on my fingers with a grin.
“Good planning! Yesterday you confessed that you had no plan!”
“I always have a plan. You said it yourself. ‘Clarke always has a plan.’”
“I’ll admit that somehow, by sheer luck you do OK. Maybe you have a charmed life, but that doesn’t mean that you should take unnecessary risks–”
I grinned at that. “Risks are necessary to learn, oh robot.”
