“I never knew about his family, Gaige.”
“That’s how Griffin was. He came to us after his real life career. He was smart, brave, and a little crazy for a man his size and look.”
Miller grinned. “He was like a fat dork, huh?”
“And if you said that to him, he’d put a knife in your gut.”
Miller made a fist and slammed it on the table. “I can’t stop thinking about it all. Today. Yesterday. Ten years ago. Tomorrow. Fuck.”
“It’s a lot, bro,” Gaige said.
“I want to kill him in the worst way, Gaige. But I try to walk the straight path here. I know what’s at stake. I put a bullet in Jerry’s head and everyone’s life changes. Yours, mine, his, the MC goes down, and then his family… Ella… the baby…”
“Oh, shit,” Gaige said. He took a few steps. ”You can’t do that to yourself.”
Miller stood up. “He’s fucking hookers, Gaige. He doesn’t touch her. She has nothing and me walking away was supposed to give her everything.”
“You’re talking like a weak man, Miller,” Gaige said. “You better sack up, brother.”
Gaige stood at his seat. Miller stared at the VP. One bullet could change everything. Fuck, one bullet could take Miller out and then Gaige would be wearing the President’s patch.
“Sack up,” Miller said. “You’re right, Gaige. I’m going to cross the line. Say fuck you to everything I know.”
Miller moved and Gaige put a hand to his chest. Miller grabbed Gaige’s hand and twisted it. He spun and put Gaige against the wall.
“What the fuck are you doing, Miller?” Gaige asked.
“Just checking up on her. That’s all.”
“Let me come with you. You shouldn’t be riding alone, brother. None of us should.”
“No,” Miller said. “Jerry doesn’t have the balls to take me out. Or try to again.”
“You’re really going to cross the line.”
Miller nodded. “I’m just going to check on her. That’s all.”
Words that seemed so innocent and were so far from it. Words that didn’t ignite the war but poured more gasoline on the fire. Words that Miller knew were bullshit. He wasn’t just going to check on her. He was going to get her back. The way it should have always been.
six.
Beck cut a new tooth and was enjoying a good night’s sleep. More than once Ella told herself to just take a nap, too. To sleep a little. Rest her body. Let her mind relax. But she couldn’t do that. Not with the papers on the counter downstairs. She knew the second Jerry saw them, he’d flip his lid. She thought about leaving but knew that would make it worse. He’d put an APB on her. Christ. The entire town of Frelen would be looking for her, for Beck.
Then Ella wondered if Jerry could use some favors to make it seem like she kidnapped their child. That’s all Ella needed right now. To end up in jail and to have Beck in the care of Jerry.
Biting her nails, Ella rushed down the stairs and to the kitchen. She grabbed the envelope and took it upstairs. She had the chance of having everything served to Jerry directly. But she didn’t want to embarrass him. In her mind she had a speech that Jerry needed to hear. Then she’d leave. He’d be devastated but it was all for the better. Kind of like one of those moments on a talk show when someone gets to speak their mind and they feel stronger after doing so.
That’s what Ella would do.
She lifted the cushion on the rocking chair and slid the folder under there. Beck was still sleeping and hopefully would sleep all night for once. The poor little guy definitely needed it.
Ella collapsed to the floor and hugged her knees. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she tried to figure it out. Giving Jerry divorce papers wasn’t going to change a thing. Even if he signed the damn things, what would Ella do next? Where would she go? She couldn’t stay in Frelen, that was for sure. But there was nowhere else to go.
You always have a home with me, darling. Always.
Ella squeezed her eyes shut. She shook her head. That was a long time ago. That was merely a fantasy. Her way of striking back at her mother for being such a shit mother. For her father not taking care of himself and getting himself killed in a drunken car accident. That’s all he had been. And that’s all he would remain. Not even a name at this point, just a figure in her imagination that stirred up memories.
When Ella looked at the crib again she had a vision of him standing there. His big, strong hands, lifting the babe. Holding the baby tight, soothing the baby the way a real man would. Gently rocking back and forth, the chains hanging off his jeans jangling together. The smell of freedom, musk, man, and sweat. The tattoos, earrings, the wild look in his eyes.
Ella pulled herself to her feet and forced herself out of the room. She felt like slapping herself. What kind of person was she? Fantasizing about someone else taking care of her child? That was as bad as Jerry out fucking other women, wasn’t it?
“No,” Ella whispered.
Jerry was worse. He was the worst. Even the night of their wedding…
Ella heard a knocking sound from downstairs. Her heart instantly began to race.
They had a doorbell. Why didn’t it ring?
Slowly, she walked down the stairs. She looked around and grabbed the fireplace poker. The fireplace that had never been turned on, not once. Like most of the houses in the development, it was added just for show. Everything was for damn show.
The knocking came again.
“Who is it?” Ella called out.
“Can you open up?” a voice said.
Ella had her hand at the doorknob. She pulled away. “Tell me your name.”
“Ella, please. Darling.”
Darling?
Darling…
Ella unlocked the door and tore it open. It was a bad mistake to do. Anyone could have been waiting there to attack her. Christ, for all she knew with Jerry getting involved with other MC’s, she could have been a target.
Yeah, she was a target alright, or at least her heart was.
And it just got struck.
Ella felt her jaw hit the ground when she saw him standing there at the door.
Taller than ever, his shoulders a mile wide, rounded like wet cut mountains, his rippling arms filling out the short sleeves of a t-shirt. The same ink on his arms, but nothing past his elbows. The chains on his black jeans. The black leather cut with the Back Down Devil name and logo on the breast. Years had aged him well, even more to perfection as it cut him up and turned him from a gorgeous young man to a sexy and built real man.
“Miller,” Ella whispered.
How long has it been since I’ve said that name?
Color flooded Ella’s cheeks, as she was sure one of the last times she whispered it like that, he was deep inside her body.
“What…” Ella lost her breath. She swallowed hard and gently touched her chest. “If you’re looking for…”
“No,” Miller said. “I’m here to see you. To check on you.”
“Check on me?”
Miller grinned. The bad boy sly grin was still hidden behind the toughness of man. “Yes, darling. To check on you.”
“We haven’t… I haven’t…”
“It doesn’t matter. I know things are…” Miller shook his head. “Do you know anything that’s going on?”
Ella stared. Jerry had told her if anyone asked her questions, the best thing was to deny it all. Play stupid. Keep the housewife act going strong.
But this was Miller. Her first true love. The man who took her innocence and gave her a wild spark that was still hidden somewhere inside her.
“He’s not here,” Ella whispered.
“But you are,” Miller said. He stepped forward. “I know you know. That’s okay. He’s doing stuff that…”
“I don’t want to cause any trouble.”
“You’re not.”
“The President of a motorcycle club is standing at my door. My hus… Jerry isn’t home. This is middle class living, Miller. You can’t be seen
like this.”
“Then invite me in.”
A bold statement.
Ella knew she should have shut the door and apologized. Instead, she backed up and let Miller into her house - and right back into her life.
As he breezed by her, she felt her nose tingling a little, wanting to smell him. That roughness. That wild sense of freedom. That feeling of no fear of anything. Christ, even right now, stepping into the house, that took serious guts to do.
Miller did it.
Ella gently shut the door. She pointed to the kitchen. “Talk in there? The baby is sleeping.”
She watched Miller’s face sink a little. He turned his head and looked at the steps. Never before did Ella think of Miller as a father or a man who would want a family. He was always an outlaw. The kind of guy to fight because he felt like it. The kind of guy to take off and ride because the road called to him. But tonight there was pain in his eyes after hearing the words the baby.
In the kitchen, Ella kept on one side of the island, Miller on the other.
“You want a drink?” she asked.
“No. Thanks. I don’t want anything from this house. From his house.”
Not even me?
Ella looked away.
“I just need to know you’re doing okay here. What Jerry has become…”
“That’s my problem,” Ella said. “Not yours, Miller.”
“Maybe somewhere inside me it is my problem,” Miller said. “Okay?”
“Look at me. I’m right here. Right where I’m supposed to be.”
“Supposed to be? Is that where you want to be?”
Ella felt a little anger rise up. Her feelings of love and hate for Miller had been tangled up for years, usually left in the dark and stranded because they didn’t matter.
“What do you really want?” Ella asked. “You just show up here? Are you looking for him? Because he won’t be home for hours yet. Probably out fucking someone else.”
Miller made fists. “That’s exactly why I’m here. That wasn’t supposed to happen to you. Ever.”
“Well, it did. He’s lost it…”
Miller started to inch around the island. For a second, Ella put her hands out, stopping anything from happening.
“No,” she said. “Fuck no, Miller. You’re not doing this to me.”
“Doing what?”
“This. Whatever this is right now. You have something to ask me about Jerry, then do it. You want to know about the other bikers that were here meeting him? Fine. I’ll tell you. He got mad at me for seeing what I did. Then we argued. He…”
Miller was way too close now.
Ella closed her mouth.
She slowly reached back and gripped the edges of the counter. She stared up at the rugged yet beautiful biker and felt herself shivering from deep within her core. A shiver she couldn’t remember having in a really long time.
Slowly, Miller reached forward with one hand and touched her face. It threw a spark that turned into a flame inside Ella’s heart.
“What about you?” Miller whispered. “That’s what I’m worried about right now. You.”
“I already told you. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“You… you never showed up,” Ella blurted out.
No. Why would you say that? What are you trying to do?
“What?”
“That night. You never showed up. He did. And now…”
“Jesus Christ,” Miller said. “That’s what you think? I did…” Miller shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re married. You have a kid. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And if you’re ever not okay, darling, you call me. No matter what.”
They were then in silence.
Miller took his hand from Ella’s face. Her left hand shot up and grabbed his hand, putting it back to her cheek. It made her feel alive. It made her feel warm. It made her feel safe.
“He’s coming after you, isn’t he?” she whispered.
“A long time coming,” Miller said softly. “That’s all. The same power struggle as before.”
“Someone’s going to end up dead.”
“People have already died, darling. I buried a table member. One of my closest brothers.”
“Because of Jerry?”
Miller nodded. “I just want you to be safe in all of this.”
Ella’s lips quivered. “You’re going to try and take him out.”
“That’s a hard thing to admit to when I’m staring at his wife.”
“No,” Ella said. “I have the papers upstairs. I’m going to give them to him…”
“What papers?”
Why are you telling Miller all this?
“Divorce,” Ella said. “I never…” She winced for a second. “I just…”
Ella slowly moved her fingers along Miller’s rough hand. His knuckles were like stiff ricks, feeling swollen and always scarred from the years of fighting and protecting himself and his club. A man so beautifully handsome and loyal to Back Down Devil.
With her other hand she reached up and touched the President’s patch on his leather cut. “When this happened, it made me happy. For you. That you got there.”
“Took a lot of time,” Miller said. “A lot of bullshit.”
“You were always the smartest and strongest.”
“No. I was weak. Maybe I still am, darling.”
Miller started to inch down. His forehead touched Ella’s just a little. She then looked down, pulling Miller’s hand away from her face. She braced herself with her free hand against the edge of the counter again and bit her lip as she made her next move.
She placed Miller’s hand to her tender breast and squeezed.
What the hell…
Ella swallowed hard.
“Oh, darling,” Miller whispered. “You have no fucking idea…”
Ella felt tears fill her eyes.
Miller’s touch was so good. So damn good. So beyond anything tempting and wild she could possibly muster up in her mind.
As fast as Ella put his hand to her body, she ripped it away. She slid along the counter and turned, shielding her face.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry.”
Ella looked back and saw Miller just standing, hands balled up into fists.
“I shouldn’t have let that happen,” he said. “I didn’t come here to make more problems. Truth is, I have no idea why I came here. My VP was against it. It’s a bad move. I just needed to see you, darling. To know you’re okay.”
Ella had a million things to say and only seconds to say them. But she held back. Just like she’d done for years. Always holding back. Feeling the deep crush of heartbreaking pain in her body.
“I have to go,” Miller said. “Remember what I said. Don’t ever let that fucking guy hurt you. Ever. Take care of your baby.”
Miller turned and left the kitchen. Ella felt her stomach twist in pain. She wanted to throw up. The front door opened and shut, softly, Miller showing care for baby Beck upstairs sleeping.
That’s when Ella was finally able to burst into tears.
Miller’s words ran through her mind.
And if you’re ever not okay, darling, you call me.
“I’m not okay,” Ella said. “Fuck, I’m not okay at all.”
seven.
Miller put his hands to the wall, letting the hot water run down his back. He stared down at his cock, admiring the hand wrapped tight around his shaft, pumping him. Blood red nails racing up and back. He felt a set of tits bouncing against his back, another hand touching his waist, nails playfully digging at his skin.
“Oh, you’re so fucking big and full,” she said.
“Don’t say that shit to me,” Miller said. “Ever.”
Her hand moved faster, harder. Miller felt himself ready to go. He put his head back and made fists, pressing them against the wall. When he started to come, he thrust forward, grunting with e
ach pulse of his dick.
He needed the fucking release. That’s all it was. Shooting it all out of his body, that goddamn feeling that Ella had kicked up. Putting his fucking hand to her tit? He had come so close to fucking kissing her right there on the spot. Christ. Miller hadn’t expected the wild fire to still be burning after all those years, but it was.
Miller looked down again and watched the woman stroke him slower and slower. Squeezing at the tip of his dick, getting every last droplet out of his body.
After he was done, she kept going. Playing. Pressing her tits to his back harder. Yeah, she wanted hers now.
Miller grabbed the woman’s wrist and pulled her hand away from him.
“Get out,” he ordered.
“What?”
“Get the fuck out of the shower. Out of my room.”
“Are you serious?”
Miller stood tall and looked back. “Do I look like I’m fucking joking about anything right now?”
The woman stood there, naked, a nice set of tits, flat stomach, shaved everything. She was a dream standing there. Wet, wild, ready to do anything Miller wanted.
“Out,” he growled.
“What if I say no? I’ll stand here and touch myself until you can’t resist me.”
Miller turned. The woman stepped back. She put her hands to the wall. She stuck her chest out. Lifting her left leg, she put her foot to the edge of the shower, showing off her wet center.
“Come on,” she whispered. “Take it out on me. Anything, Miller. Just anything.”
Miller lunged at her, his hands grabbing her waist.
“Yes!” she cried out.
Miller put his nose to her neck. As he took a breath, he knew it wasn’t the same. It would never be the same. This woman wasn’t Ella.
Fuck.
Miller then lifted the woman and pushed her out of the shower.
“I said out!” he growled. “Out! Right fucking now.”
The woman stood outside the shower, eventually grabbing a towel and walking to the door.
Miller opened the curtain. “Hey.”
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Go find Blaine,” he said. “He’ll take care of you. You want nasty shit, go. Now. And I don’t ever want to see you in this clubhouse again.”
“Fuck you.”
The woman slammed the door shut behind her.
SAVAGE LOVE (A Back Down Devil MC Romance Novel) Page 4
