Ella put the bottles of milk in a small fridge Miller had in his room. She had to move bottles of beer and booze out of the way to make room. The sight was a little sad though. The life of a biker mom.
Biker mom.
That was something new for Ella to think.
Ava and Emily were completely fussing over Beck. They had him on the bed, changing him into his PJ’s for the night. Outside in the clubhouse things were sometimes loud, sometimes quiet. There had been talking, yelling, and even a couple fights. All of which surprised Ella but didn’t worry her too much. Each time something happened, Emily was there to try and comfort her. Ella always smiled. This whole thing Ella had been through before.
The only reason she was worried now was because each yell or thud made her wonder if Jerry had come. In a straight fight, she knew Miller could destroy Jerry. But with his badge and power, legal rights and justice, Jerry could barge into the clubhouse and take Miller and the MC down.
Once Beck was dressed, Ava lifted him off the bed. Beck let out a cry and grabbed at Ava’s chest.
“That means he’s hungry,” Emily said.
“He certainly belongs here,” Ava said. “Not afraid to grab what he wants, huh?”
Beck smiled big.
Ella took Beck to the other side of the bed and sat there, feeding him one last time. The others already broke open one of the bottles of vodka and were starting to drink. Ella just held her baby and rocked as he nourished. There were no more promises to make. No more words to share. This was all going to come down to trust. Ella had to trust Miller. With her life and with the life of her son.
Beck’s eyes grew heavy and he started to fall asleep. It was maybe a little early for his bedtime, but considering he had a crib with an actual mattress, Ella hoped he would get a really good night’s sleep. A much needed night’s sleep, considering how bad the other night had been.
“Hey, let’s leave for a second,” Mia said when Ella stood with a sleeping Beck in her arms.
They left the room and Ella slowly put Beck down. He quickly turned and let out a baby groan. His right hand went to his mouth like he was going to suck his thumb, but he didn’t. Ella put a blanket on the baby and then patted his shoulder. She leaned down and kissed his cheek.
“I love you,” she whispered. “Everything will be okay. Miller might look scary but he’s a big teddy bear. He’s the sweetest man I’ve ever known, Beck. I wish you…” Ella shut her eyes and swallowed. “Sleep tight, baby.”
Ella stood and gave it a few seconds.
Beck was out cold.
She went to the door and opened it. Ava stood there holding a bottle of vodka.
“Time to drink,” Ava said.
“Where? I don’t want to go back in the room…”
“It’s covered,” Emily said. Her head popped out of the room across from Miller’s. “There’s nobody crashing here.”
“It’ll probably go to Trev,” Ava said. “If he doesn’t sleep outside.”
Ella looked back at the door. A hand touched her shoulder.
“Hey,” Mia said. “The little one will be fine.”
“You think?” Ella asked.
“The prospects are right there,” Mia said. “They’re armed. They know their orders. Nobody is going to come within ten feet of the room without getting a bullet.”
Ella nodded.
Trust.
That’s what it was all going to come down to right now.
Ella went into the next room and left the door open. She had to be able to at least see the room where Beck was sleeping. She then took a bottle of vodka and drank. It was cool, smooth for a few seconds, and tasted great. She hurried to pound what had to be at least three shots worth.
“Damn,” Emily said. “You need to cool it.”
“I’m good,” Ella said. “I’m really good.”
“This is really weird,” Emily said. “If I can say something…”
“Anything,” Ella said.
“My man wants to kill your husband.”
“Mine too,” Ava said.
“And mine,” Mia said.
“I know,” Ella said.
“I feel so bad,” Emily said.
“Don’t. There used to be something there and it’s not there anymore.”
“So you and Miller knew each other before all this?” Ava asked.
“We go way back,” Ella said.
“She’s blushing,” Mia said. “You and him…”
Ella nodded.
“Damn,” Emily said. “You know, I’ve always thought he was hung up on a woman. The way he acts with other women… he’s not like the other guys. Not like Blaine.”
“Nobody is like Blaine,” Ava said. “Blaine is nasty.”
“But he means well,” Mia said. “And that’s coming from a woman he kidnapped.”
“All this should scare me,” Ella said. “But it doesn’t. I’ve seen it all before.”
“How serious were you two?” Emily asked.
Ella grabbed the vodka bottle and drank some more. “As close as could be. Miller was my everything. My… my first.”
“Aw,” Ava said.
“I thought we were going to be together forever. I made my peace with the MC life and everything. I knew he was in danger but he liked it. It was his purpose. There was always tension between he and Jerry. I knew Jerry secretly liked me. He would hint at it. It was the total trap between a good boy and bad boy thing. Jerry was handsome and sweet. He would take me to a movie. Try to hold my hand. Total gentleman at everything he did.”
“And Miller?” Ava asked with a grin.
“Opposite,” Ella said. “He was dirty. He was sexy. He didn’t take me to the movies. He took me for a ride on his motorcycle. Bought me beer, fought someone, and then just went for me. He didn’t casually try to hold my hand. If he wanted it, he’d take my hand. If he wanted to kiss me, he just did it. If he wanted to touch me, he did.”
“You never stopped him?” Emily asked.
“No. Because I wanted him to do it. I was dying for it. I needed someone like Miller. To just… open all those doors.”
“I’m sure he opened more than doors,” Mia said and laughed.
“Yeah,” Ella said. “It was like a hundred miles an hour all the time. My first time quickly became a second and third. I was so sore from it I had to fake sick. Told my parents I had my period and the cramps were horrible. As much as it was fast and hard… I wanted more. I needed more. Miller became this addiction.”
“I know the feeling,” Emily said. “With Gaige…”
“I think we all get it,” Ava said. “It just works, right?”
“Oh, it works,” Ella said. “But then things started to get dangerous. There was some kind of war happening. Of course, Miller could never talk about it. He just went with what the club needed to do. There were nights he was gone all night. He’d show up and take a shower, bloody. I’ll never forget standing there watching him in the shower. His beautiful body. The blood swirling around the drain.”
“Wow,” Mia said. “I know that feeling…”
“Then there was a night when we were supposed to meet. He promised he’d be there. No matter what. I sat there, waiting. And Jerry showed up. I was going to tell Miller how I felt. That I wanted to be with him forever but he needed to let me in more. I wanted him to trust me more. But Jerry showed up and just took over. He sat next to me. He grabbed my hand. He kissed me.”
“That’s bold,” Emily said.
“Well, Miller never showed up that night. When I saw him again, he was hurt pretty bad and he told me it was better if I went with Jerry. That Jerry was on the better path. He was going to stay on the right side of the law and that I’d have what I wanted. A house, a fence, a family. I tried to argue but Miller insisted. He demanded it. Then he kind of disappeared. I went months without seeing him. At that time Jerry was patient with me. He was so kind. So calm. I think I convinced myself to fall for him then. Next thing I knew,
years were going by. I was engaged, then married, then pregnant. Miller became the President of Back Down Devil MC and everything felt right. He and Jerry were talking, working together. It was like the world was good. Now it all fell apart again.”
Ella blinked and a tear fell from her eye.
“Damn,” Ava whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
Ella nodded. “From the second I got pregnant, it was just different. I regretted that it was with Jerry. Somewhere in my heart I always wanted to be with Miller. So maybe all this is my fault then. I pushed Jerry away and into whatever mental state he’s in.”
“No,” Mia said. “Don’t you ever think like that. Your husband… Jerry… whatever he is… he worked with my uncle.”
“Jake,” Ella said.
“And my uncle killed his wife and his son. My nephew was killed in all this. If I blamed you for a second, I would have attacked you by now.”
“Jesus,” Ella said. “I didn’t really know it was that bad.”
“It’s that bad,” Emily said.
“So now Jerry is going to end up dead,” Ella said. “How does that work? He’s too powerful. If Miller gets put away…”
“That’s enough of this talk,” Ava said. “This is why they get mad at us. We sit around and speculate. Then we cry. Screw that. Let’s be happy. Tell us everything about being a mother, Ella. About being pregnant. Just… be happy right now.”
So that’s what Ella did. She drank and she told stories. She laughed as she told stories of how she used to watch horror movies and pee herself each time she jumped when getting scared. She dove into personal stories of her body changing. Her boobs swelling, filling, leaking.
By the time she stopped talking, she felt close to Emily, Mia, and Ava. They talked and the hours went by with ease. The two bottles of vodka were then gone and Ella stood up, wanting to go get more. When she stood, that’s when she realized she was drunk. A reach for the dresser proved useless. She missed the dresser and went right into a wall. Ava yelled and Emily grabbed at Ella.
“Are you okay?” Emily asked.
Ella started to laugh. “I’m drunk. Not puke drunk, but I’m drunk.”
“Yes you are,” Mia said. “Should I go get another bottle?”
“No,” Ella said. “I don’t want to be rude. I’m tired. I was going to get more to drink but I’m tired. I’m drunk and I’m tired.”
“Okay,” Emily said. “Hey. You’re amazing, Ella. For everything you’re going through and doing. You are strong and beautiful.”
“You’re really cool,” Ava said.
Soon Ella was being hugged by all three women. Sandwiched between them and their drunk words.
“Thank you,” Ella said. “I needed tonight.”
“Good,” Emily said. “Now go wait for Miller to come get some.”
“Oh, Nate will be ready to go for hours,” Mia said. “He gets drunk and talks about fighting and then he comes to me to relax him.”
Ella was a little grossed out about it. Then she said, “Miller sleeps on the cot in the hall.”
“I thought that was for a prospect,” Ava said.
“No. He won’t sleep with me. Like next to me.” Ella paused and swallowed. Her mouth was really dry. “But that’s good. We don’t need that. Me and him. No way. It can’t happen this time. Not again. He’s got to focus and kill Jerry. Then I have to go.”
“Don’t say that,” Ava said. “You never know…”
“Oh, I know,” Ella said. “We talked about it. I can’t break up this MC.” Ella pushed from the women. “I have to check on Beck now. I have to go. Thanks for the drinks.”
Ella didn’t look back until she opened the door to Miller’s room. And when she did look back, the women were gone. Gone to their rooms to get ready for bed. Maybe wear something sexy or just sleep naked, waiting for their men to come to them.
That wasn’t Ella’s fate though. She was going to check on Beck and then fall asleep. Go right to bed. She’d wake up to the soft cries of her son and start another wonderful fucking day in this madness.
As Ella stood and watched Beck sleep, she gripped the railing of the crib to keep her balance. And she cried. Silently, she cried. It felt good to do though. To let it out while she was drunk. Her honest emotions showing forward. Her heart and mind able to be open.
Beck was supposed to be Miller’s child.
I shouldn’t have married Jerry. Ever. Never ever.
I was supposed to wait for Miller. I was supposed to prove my love for him.
Where the fuck was he? What was he fucking doing?
Ella stepped back and sat down on the bed. She put her head back and let herself collapse down to the bed.
“Why, Miller?” she whispered. “Why’d you never show up that night? Where were you? You… you broke… my heart…”
Ella shut her eyes and slipped away into sleep.
The next thing she felt was someone touching her. She jumped and groaned.
“Easy, darling,” a voice said.
Miller.
“Miller…”
“I’m just moving you up the bed. Don’t worry.”
Ella felt her body move and then felt Miller kiss her forehead. His breath smelled of whiskey and smoke. “I… sleep tight, darling. I’ll see you in the morning. I’m here. Right outside the door if you need anything. Beck is fine. Just checked him, too.”
Miller kissed her again.
Ella wanted more but Miller was already gone. She forced herself up on her elbows and watched the door shut.
“No,” she whispered. “No.”
Ella swung her feet off the bed. She stood and braced herself. It was four hours later already. Shit, it was almost time for normal people to wake up and get ready to go to work.
The sleep had helped with the vodka.
Ella was still buzzed but far from stumbling drunk. She saw the silhouette of the crib. Walking to it, she saw the figure of Beck, still sleeping.
Miller had checked on Beck. He came into the room to check on the baby. That was more than someone else ever did for the baby.
Ella opened the door and there was Miller, on the cot. Two feet from the door. No blanket on himself, just his large body. Boots pointing up. Jeans. His leather cut still on. His head was turned to the left, his right hand covering his eyes.
By far, one of the sexiest things Ella ever saw in her life. A biker just there, right before her.
She walked to the end of the cot and dropped down to her knees. Her hands came forward and she grabbed the belt buckle. Tugging at it, she watched Miller, waiting for him to wake up. But Miller didn’t move. Ella opened Miller’s jeans and pulled at them, bringing them down just enough to see the root of his thick cock. She reached her hand into his jeans and pulled, feeling his thickness in her hand. His dick plopped back to his shirt, filling up by the second as he got harder and harder. She gripped him at the base of his shaft and slowly pumped, making sure he was fully hard.
That’s when Miller started to stir. He put his feet on the floor and moved his arm from his face.
“Cut it out,” he grumbled and wiggled his hips.
“No, Miller,” Ella whispered. “I fucking want you.”
It was the most seductive Ella could remember being in a long time. Maybe not since Miller. Maybe not since their wild nights outside, her stripping naked against the moonlight, rocking her hips as she danced to no music, so she could turn Miller on.
Now, she propped herself up and moved over Miller’s dick. Her hand squeezed at the fleshy tip of his erection, squeezing, seeing a droplet come out of him. Her mouth was hungry and her tongue quickly lapped up that droplet.
“Fuck,” Miller whispered.
“Yes,” Ella said, letting her breath cascade down his shaft.
She came down, her lips touching the tip of his cock. She opened her mouth and slid down. Ella made it down barely an inch before he pulled back. She closed her lips and kissed Miller, then pulled away. Taking a breath, she pr
epared herself again. He was full and thick, and her mouth needed to open wider for him.
“Ella?” Miller asked.
She looked at him. His eyes were half open.
Ella grinned and then bit her lip. Her hand squeezed at the root of his cock and then she went back to work. Opening her mouth again, she took him into her mouth. Down over the thick head of his cock to his steel hard shaft. She sucked and moved her lips up and down on him. Her tongue pressed against the bottom of his shaft, adding more pressure, coaxing and pleasuring him, wanting to taste everything.
Her hand started to pump again, meeting her lips as she sped up. Her mouth was instantly comfortable with Miller’s thickness. Goddammit, she missed this. Loving him. Tasting him. The way his fingertips touched the back of her head and pushed, testing her limits. Her body started to rock as she sucked him. Between her thighs she was moist, her body warming and aching for attention.
But this was about Miller.
“Ah, fuck,” Miller groaned.
His rock hard stomach lifted and lowered. Planting his feet to the floor, he thrust up, starting to fuck her as she sucked him. He reached down and peeled her fingers off his shaft and put her hand to his stomach.
“Just your mouth, darling,” he said. “Keep going.”
Ella looked at him while she kept going. He was awake now, and he was back in charge of things. She groaned with her mouth full, her other hand touching his leg. Each time she pulled back against his cock, she felt his leg muscle tense and jump. He was getting fuller, too. Almost ready to go.
Ella sped up.
Moving harder and faster, she couldn’t get enough of Miller. His big hand dug into her hair and pushed, keeping her mouth way too far down on himself. She felt her body quivering, her mouth and throat wanting to call it quits.
No. Keep going…
Her toes curled in her socks as she moved even faster. Her hair was everywhere, bouncing. She was a fucking mess. Everything was a fucking mess.
But it was a beautiful mess.
“Yeah,” Miller groaned. “Right there, darling. Fuck. Right fucking there.”
SAVAGE LOVE (A Back Down Devil MC Romance Novel) Page 12
