“I told the housekeeper I was meeting Sinclair here. Once I was inside, I started searching every room for you.”
“How’d you know I was here?”
“I spoke to Darcy.”
Of course he had. “Jeez, doesn’t take much to make her crack.”
“Actually, it took entirely more than I was happy giving.”
What did that mean?
“Who did this to you, Cassie? Speak quickly. No doubt Sinclair is on his way, and I want to be prepared to kill him if I have to.”
“Down, boy,” I dared tell him, trying to lighten the mood. He looked furious. Dangerous.
He raised his eyebrows. “Down, boy?”
“Sinclair has been nothing but amazing. He rescued me yesterday when Asswipe attacked me behind the diner, and brought me home with him. I’ve been sleeping off this flu ever since. He even had a doctor come out to check me over. God knows how much that cost him. I didn’t even know doctors made house calls anymore.”
“He can afford it,” Wilde muttered. “What diner? What were you doing there? Who attacked you?”
I studied him carefully, wondering how much to tell him. In the mood he was in, he was capable of anything.
“Cassie,” he rumbled. “Tell me.”
“No.”
He sat back, and if my face hadn’t been throbbing in pain, I would have laughed at the look of shock on his face.
“No?”
“No. I know that’s not a word you hear often. Do you know what it means?” I asked. I was being a bit of a bitch, but I was mad at him. More than that, I was hurt. Though I held some blame. Wilde never promised me anything. It was my fault I wanted to mean something more to him than just sex.
“You’re angry at me. I understand that.”
“Do you? Why are you here, Wilde?”
He tapped his finger against his whisker-covered chin. “Because I fucked up. I owe you an apology.”
I stared at him in surprise. I’d expected he might find me eventually, demand that I explain myself, that I return.
I never expected an apology.
At that moment, Sinclair strode into the room. “Cassie? Are you well?” He completely ignored Wilde, who stood with a scowl. Sinclair moved across the room and stood on the opposite side of the bed from Wilde. He leaned down and placed his hand over my head.
“Don’t touch her,” Wilde roared. Reaching over, he shoved Sinclair’s hand away.
I looked back and forth between them both, wishing my head wasn’t throbbing so horribly.
“Keep your voice down,” Sinclair told him. I shivered at the low, deadly tone. “You trick your way into my house, bully my housekeeper, and harass my guest who is ill and recovering from being attacked. You’re skating on thin ice.”
Wilde didn’t melt under that tone the way I would have. Instead, he turned to me, a frown of concern on his face. “Sick? What’s wrong with you?”
The panic in his voice surprised me.
“I’m fine,” I reassured him in a soft voice. “It’s just the flu. Sinclair and Alice are taking good care of me.”
“I bet they are.” Wilde sent Sinclair another searing glare. “What did the doctor say?”
“That she needs rest and quiet. She also needs to keep up her fluids.” Sinclair gave me a chiding glance. “She should never have been working while ill.”
“She is sitting right here,” I muttered. I had to hold my own around these dominant men.
“Working? Where?”
“I was waitressing at a diner. Doubt I’ll get that job back.”
“You were waitressing? Why?” Wilde stared at me in disbelief.
“Why do you think?” Sinclair asked. “She needed money to support herself.”
“I’ve really fucked up.” Wilde sat back in the chair.
“Yes, you have,” Sinclair agreed.
“Can you leave us alone?” Wilde asked him.
Sinclair looked down at me, waiting. I nodded, wincing. “Have you had any painkillers recently?” I shook my head. He reached for the pill bottle, knocking two into his hand. He handed them to me then passed me a glass of water. I took them, aware of Wilde’s close scrutiny.
“I’ll leave the door open,” Sinclair said, turning to walk away. “Yell if you need me.”
“What does he think I’m going to do to you?” Wilde asked.
“He’s just looking out for me.”
“He fawns over you. He wants you.”
“Wilde.” I groaned in exasperation. “I am not your possession. I am not something you can bring out when you want to play and then put in a cupboard when you’re done.”
“Of course you aren’t.” He studied me. “Is that how you think I see you? As a toy?”
“That’s how it sometimes felt. You shut me out of your life. When it came to sex, it was no holds barred, but it felt like every other part of your life was off-limits to me.”
“You are the first woman I’ve ever shared that much of my life with.” He gripped the arms of the armchair. “I never meant to make you feel that way.”
I stared at him in surprise, this was the most we’d ever talked about our relationship, if you could call it that.
“I know I can be demanding. I want everything my way. I get that. I’m overprotective and possessive. I drove you away.”
“I don’t mind that you’re possessive or protective. But did you go too far? Yeah. Like when you told me to quit college. I’m not quitting my studies. I’m going to graduate and find a job. I want to matter to you. I want more than sex.”
“What we had wasn’t just about sex.”
“No? I was good enough to fuck, but not to take to the club. We could talk about sex, but not about feelings. I could have Darcy over, but you didn’t trust me enough to let me go out on my own. A relationship can’t be about sex alone, Wilde. Not and survive anyway. A relationship needs communication, trust, caring.” I sighed. “This is my fault.”
“How is this your fault? It seems I’m the one who fucked everything up.”
“No, I did. You never promised me anything. It’s not like I didn’t know you before we got into this. I guess deep down I thought I would be the one to change you. The one you would truly care about. I thought I was more special than I am. So I’m really sorry, Wilde. I handled this badly. I should have stayed and talked to you. But I didn’t think I was strong enough to walk away from you.”
“I didn’t want you at the club because I didn’t want to expose you to that part of my life. You’re an innocent.”
“Innocent? Seriously, Wilde, after the things we’ve done?”
“What we’ve done doesn’t even come close to what goes on at the club.”
All of a sudden it hit me, and I could have kicked myself for not realizing it earlier. “You thought I couldn’t handle what went on at the club?”
He shrugged. “All the other women I’ve dated knew the score, they were from the club.”
“Right. I guess they also knew that you wouldn’t be monogamous to them.”
He frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“I called the club the night I left, looking for you. The woman who answered didn’t even know who I was.” That still stung.
He leaned forward, took my hand in his. “My regular PA was ill that night. The phone must have diverted to the bar. What did she say?”
“Oh, basically that you were too busy—in the middle of a scene—to talk to me.” God, it hurt. It was like a stab to my heart. Anything else and I could have stood and fought my ground with him, but not if he’d been with someone else. Not if I meant that little to him.
Wilde sat back, his face going stony. “What was her name?”
I bit my lip. “I can’t remember,” I lied, not wanting to get her in trouble.
“You remember. But I’ll let it go for now.” He paused. “I was called to help with a scene. One of the women hurt herself. Nothing bad. I was not in “the middle” of a scene.”<
br />
“Oh.” That bitch made it sound like he was. Maybe I should tell him her name.
“There’s only about five of my staff who would have answered the phone and three are men. I’ll find out who it was.”
I had no doubt he would, and I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes when he did. But her little comment had caused me a lot of pain so I didn’t feel too bad about it.
“That’s why you left? Because you thought I cheated on you?”
“Anything else and I would have stayed. I would have talked it over with you and made you listen, even if you didn’t want to talk. But I couldn’t take you sleeping with someone else. It was the last straw.”
“I never even looked at another woman. Why would I when I had you at home? I know I’m not easy to live with. You give an inch, and I’ll try to take a mile.” He stood, running his hand through his dark hair. “I honestly don’t know how to change that part of me. I thought if I kept you safe and happy with me then you would never want to leave.”
“I never wanted to leave you, Wilde. Even though you might never love me, I love you.” It was a gamble, laying it out. He might run, but I needed him to know.
“You love me?”
“Yes. And I also hate you, just a little.”
He nodded. “I get it.”
“Do you? Because I’m not entirely sure I do.”
“My mother died,” he said abruptly.
What? I just stared at him dumbly, wondering at the change of topic.
“When I was ten, she committed suicide. I found her body.”
“Oh, my god. That must have been awful.” My heart melted for the little boy and sang with sympathy for the man who was obviously still hurting. Part of me couldn’t believe he was telling me this. That he was opening up part of his life.
“My father was an asshole. He’d drink too much and hit her. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters. It was just me and my mother against him.”
That poor little boy.
“She always protected me. Always got me out of the way when he went into one of his rages.”
“And then she left you,” I whispered. Shit, it made so much sense. Why he didn’t talk about his family. Why he closed himself off from caring about anyone.
“Yes. I couldn’t understand how she could do it. I still don’t. We could have left. Could have made a life for ourselves. Instead, she left me with him.”
“You loved her, and she left you.”
“Yes, and I’ve never let anyone close to me again. Never allowed myself to care about anyone again.”
“But you do. You just don’t realize it.”
I could tell he was about to argue, so I quickly continued. “Look at Greer. Why did you hire her?”
“Because she’s good at her job.”
“She was living in her car with her kids. Few people would have given her a job. Not only did you hire her, but you also found her a place to live. You got her back up on her feet. You didn’t even really need a housekeeper, did you?”
He shrugged, looking uncomfortable.
“Then there’s Matt. I know other people refused to hire him because of his previous record.”
“He was wrongly accused. I have my lawyer working on it.”
“He told me. But all other people saw was his record. You care about people, Wilde.”
“You’re trying to make me into a better person than I am, Cassie.” He gave me a frustrated look. “I have more of my father in me than I thought.”
I stared at him in shock. “What do you mean? You’re not abusive.”
“No? I tried to control you. I told you to quit college.”
“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have hit me when I told you to shove that order up your ass. You would never, ever hit me, Wilde.”
“You can’t know that.” There was a haunted look in his eyes, and I realized how deeply this affected him.
“I do. Because I have pushed your limits time and again, and you have never even lost your temper with me. Are you a bossy bastard? Yep. Would you take over my life if I left you? I have no doubt. But I’m no doormat to be stepped on. I can tell you no, Wilde, believe it or not.”
He stared at me in worry. “You’re young.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’m young. Doesn’t mean I don’t know my own mind. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because I go along with what you say most of the time that I don’t know what I want. I’m never going to argue with you for the sake of arguing, that’s not who I am. But if something matters to me then I’ll tell you no.”
“And if I don’t like hearing you say no?”
“Then you’ll just have to be disappointed, won’t you?”
He grumbled under his breath. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t, Ian.”
“You don’t know that.”
“So you think because your father was abusive you will be too? So if I take your logic and apply it to my life, I’m going to end up a selfish, drug-addicted whore, is that it?”
“Don’t speak about yourself like that.”
My stomach fluttered at the stern note in his voice. But I couldn’t turn back now. “But isn’t that how I’ll end up, Ian? If you’re destined to follow in your father’s footsteps, I must be destined to follow mom’s path. And then there’s my father. I have no idea who he is. He could be a murderer, a pimp, really, you should just run away now.”
He leaned over me, his face inches from me. “You are nothing like her. You say that again and I’ll blister your butt.”
“And you’re nothing like him,” I said gently. “Just because you’re possessive of me doesn’t make you violent. We walk the path we choose, Ian.”
He sat back in his chair, staring at me for a long moment.
“I trust you, Ian. I couldn’t let you take control in the bedroom if I didn’t”
He ran his hand over his face. “Fuck. I’m fucked up.”
“Aren’t we all?”
He smiled at me and I knew I had gotten through to him. Thank God.
“You never told me why you married mom.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m an asshole, and I don’t want you to know how much of one I really am.”
“Try me.”
He was silent for a long moment. “I married her as a smokescreen. I married her so I could tell the women I was fucking that I was married. Then they wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Being married allowed me to live the life I wanted without as many problems. Still think I’m such a great guy?”
He wasn’t. He was flawed. He had so many problems and faults that a therapist would make a fortune off him. But he was a better person than he thought he was. And while there was some truth to his words I knew that wasn’t all of it.
“So why her? You could have married anyone.”
“She knew the score. It was a mutual arrangement.”
“Yeah, doesn’t seem the greatest arrangement for you, having a druggie and a teenage girl in your house. Having to pay for me as well as mom, and don’t tell me her habit was cheap.”
“Just money.”
“You told yourself you married mom for a selfish reason, but I think deep down you did it for me. I think you felt sorry for me.”
“Felt sorry for you? You were the toughest and orneriest kid I’d met in my life. A headache from day one.”
“Yeah, yet you didn’t get rid of me. No matter how much I pushed you. You care about me, don’t you, Wilde?”
My heart started to beat faster.
He sat and stared at me through hooded eyes. “I’m fucked up.”
“I know.”
“I’m no good for you.”
“Possibly, but that’s debatable.”
“I’m bound to fuck up over and over again. I know I will. You can’t run off each time.”
Tears filled my eyes. “I won’t. I won’t run again.” I’d never do what his mom had. “But
you have to open up a bit. Let me in. And ease up on the overprotectiveness. I can’t let you keep me at home, naked and chained to the bed.”
“Damn, there goes that plan.”
“Ian Wilde, did you just make a joke? I’m shocked.”
“I like when you call me Ian.”
“I like it too, Ian.”
We smiled at each other. It was silly, we’d lived together for years and yet for the first time, I felt like I truly knew him.
“I’m going to go out with Darcy and have her over. I’m finishing my degree. After I graduate, I will get a job.”
He rubbed his jaw. “You can go out with Darcy, provided Matt or I escort you. We’ll watch from a distance. Matt will still drive you, but otherwise stay out of your way. And I suppose I can let you have a job.”
“Let me?” I glared at him
His lips twitched, and I realized he was teasing. Jesus, he was serious about changing.
“I want you to come home with me. I want to look after you.”
“You going to take my temperature and make me chicken soup?” I asked him.
“I’m sure I can manage the temperature part. Best if Greer makes the chicken soup. I’ll need to hire her again. And Matt.”
“You fired them? Damn it, Wilde.”
“I know. I’ll make it up to them. I’ll make it up to you as well.”
Reaching out, I clasped his hand and squeezed it. “You already have.”
Chapter Eleven
Cassie
He was walking on eggshells around me. I almost started wondering what had happened to the real Wilde. The abrupt, bossy Wilde who always expected to get what he wanted.
Since we’d arrived home three days ago, he’d fussed over me and taken care of me. It was exactly what I’d needed. I’d felt like absolute crap. Even now, I still felt shaky and tired. But I was ready to get out of bed. I was going stir crazy.
Moving from the bed, I entered the bathroom and turned on the shower. I was determined to bathe and get dressed while Wilde prepared breakfast. Having Wilde care for me had shown me a completely different side of him. One that I was certain no one else ever saw. It made me love him even more.
I was growing a bit tired of scrambled eggs and toast. He was trying, but the sooner Greer returned, the better. To make things up to Greer for firing her, Wilde had sent her and the kids on a holiday to Disneyland—all expenses paid.
Wilde (Bad Boys of Wildeside) Page 9
