His mouth sent a jolt down her body. Her legs felt weak as if she too was drunk. She gasped. “Daniel, please.”
“Please what, Sophie?” He kissed her jaw and neck pushing away her wrap and grabbing her by the shoulders, he pulled her against him.
She froze. Any curiosity she may have had turned to terror when she felt his shaft hard against her center. Caged and helpless she waited for the pain to come. Tears streamed down her face. “Please, stop, Daniel. Please.”
He pulled away and took her face in his hands. Staring into her eyes, her fear seemed to sober him. “Shh, sweetheart. No one is going to hurt you.” He picked her up as if she was a child and placed her gently on the couch, then backed away continuing to study her.
She sat up clutching her flimsy white wrap at her neck. “Don’t look at me like that.”
His eyes were like hawk waiting to pounce on its prey.
Once again, a victim in a melodrama, she loathed herself.
His voice was soft. “Sophie, I look at you as a man looks at a woman he wants to make love to. I can look at you no other way.”
Wiping away her tears, she sat up straight. Deep breaths steadied her nerves as did the fact he wasn’t going to rape her. It was only her fear creating the drama. “I’m sorry for making a scene. I have been quite a bit of trouble for you and I apologize. Generally, I never cry or faint and I don’t usually traipse around in the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep and I thought a book might help.”
“Sophie?”
She looked up at him, but not into his eyes. His intense eyes would only make her cry. Something needed saying, but she was not at all sure what it was. “Thank you for not ravaging me, my lord.”
“Go back to your room, Sophie. It might be for the best.”
She practically leaped up from the couch and ran to the door. She didn’t even say goodnight before leaving the library and running up the steps to her room.
* * * *
The hunting expedition was not as much fun as either Thomas or Daniel anticipated. For one thing, they both had a terrible head the next morning. The second problem was there were two nitwits following them around giggling and asking stupid questions.
Serena asked, “Mr. Wheel, why is your gun so much bigger than his lordship’s?”
Thomas said, “They are both exactly the same size.”
Then, both girls bounded into gales of laughter.
Sylvia asked, “You have shot so much more pheasant than his lordship, Mr. Wheel. Are you not the much better shot?”
Thomas said, “His lordship is by far the better shot.”
Serena said, “You seem a much finer walker than his lordship, Mr. Wheel.”
Daniel tried to hold back his grin, but failed miserably. He looked down at Thomas’s feet. “Definitely a much finer walker, Tom.”
“Oh, shut up.” Thomas rubbed the side of his head.
It was a shame the silly girls had followed them and because of them, the hunt was cut short. Daniel had wanted to speak to Thomas about the preceding evening with Sophia. Of course, the account would have to be abridged. He would never disclose some of what had occurred, but why had she been afraid of him? Why had her eyes turned from the lioness to a kitten about to be drowned? Something had happened to this girl and he was determined to know what it was.
However, the presence of the twins forced them back to the house early and he didn’t speak to Thomas about Sophia or anything of importance.
* * * *
After luncheon, everyone went out to enjoy the stunning weather. A game of ninepin began. Each team had two people and for fairness, each team was a man and a woman. Sophia was not at all sure who had designed the teams, but she suspected it was Aunt Daphne because Daniel Fallon and she were partners. Thomas was Dory’s teammate. Sir Michael had arrived and with him two other young men, Walter Gautier, the future Viscount of March and his brother, Hunter. They each partnered one of the Dowder twins. Markus and Emma rounded out the teams.
Sophia had never seen the game before so Daniel explained. “The idea is to toss the ball and knock down as many pins as you can. The team that knocks all the pins down in the least number of throws wins.”
He stepped closer to explain the rules, but she stepped away keeping her distance. He might have forgotten the events of the night before, but she hadn’t been drinking and her memory was clear. “I’m not very good at sports, my lord, so I’ll apologize now for the aggravation I’m about to cause you.”
Amusement spread across his handsome face. “We shall manage.”
Dory and Thomas took their turn.
The ball was made of some kind of wood. It was half again as big as Dory’s elegant hand and she had quite a bit of trouble tossing it. She did manage to knock down three pins and everyone clapped encouragingly. Thomas only knocked down two, but Dory missed her mark on her next throw. Then Thomas took out three more and left only one standing. Dory came close, but she missed on her third try, leaving Thomas to finish the play.
“Six balls,” Markus announced. “Dorothea, you really have always had the most abominable aim.”
Dory shrugged prettily. “You try it then, if you think it’s so easy.”
Nodding, Markus and Emma stepped up and waited for the footmen to set the pins back in place. Emma threw the first ball, knocking down two pins. Markus followed, managing to fell four and everyone cheered the feat. Then, with remarkable aim, Emma hit two more pins. Markus missed and he cried out in anguish.
Sophia laughed at how seriously he was taking the game.
“My brother is very competitive,” Dory explained.
“So I see,” Sophia said.
Markus patted his wife on the back. “It is up to you then, Em.”
“Really, Markus. It is only a game.” Emma rolled her eyes and took the ball. With a show of excellent skill, she knocked down the last pin and Markus whirled her around in celebration.
Then it was Daniel’s and Sophia’s turn.
“Shall I go first?”
She nodded and he leaned over and tossed the ball toward the pins knocking down four.
Nervously, Sophia took the ball. She concentrated on the pins and tried to imitate Daniel’s moves. She looked down at her positioning to see if she had it correct and was horrified to see how much of her breast was showing. She looked up at Daniel hoping he hadn’t noticed. However, his eyes were unabashedly staring at the flesh swelling above her dress.
When he raised his eyes to her face, she tried to give him a scathing look.
He just shrugged.
Heat bloomed in her cheeks and she turned back to the pins. She swung her arm and the ball came out, sailing off to the right, so far past the pins, one might think Sophia was playing an entirely different game.
Gales of laughter followed.
Sophia covered her face and laughed.
Daniel looked at her and then in the direction of the lost ball. “Her aim is a bit off, but I think that is the farthest I have ever seen a woman throw a ball.”
“I think it was headed toward the lake, my lord,” Dory said.
“I’ll find it,” Sophia offered. “After all, it was my throw.” She was still laughing, as she headed off in the direction of the lost ball.
Daniel followed, after having to forfeit their turn.
He walked up next to her. “Have you always been so disabled, Sophie?”
“I’m afraid so, my lord.”
He frowned. “Daniel. My name is Daniel. You called me that just last night and yet this morning we are back to a formal address.”
“I’m surprised you can remember last night, my lord.” She exaggerated the formality.
“I remember, Sophie. I’ll never forget how you looked in your nightdress or how sweet your toes were as they curled into the carpet.” He touched her arm, but she jerked away.
“What are you afraid of?” His voice was so soft, so compelling
that she stopped and turned toward him.
She struggled for the words. “I’m not afraid so much as I’m being smart about things.”
“Smart about things,” he repeated. “What things?”
“You. I’m trying to be smart about you. I don’t want…” Frustrated that the words escaped her, she shook her head and walked on to search for the ball.
He followed.
She looked under a bush and behind a tree. It must have rolled down the steep hill leading down to the lake. She started down slowly, but took off faster and faster until crashing into the lake was inevitable. She could throw herself to the ground, but getting wet was better than risking injury by hitting the ground.
Daniel reached out and pulled her back from the edge of the lake.
She slammed soundly into his chest.
His breath was rough with exertion.
“Thank you, my lord.” She panted and stared into his eyes. She had no time to think before his lips were on hers. Inside her head screamed for her to push away, but the sensation was so wondrous. His lips were so soft and his arms felt warm and safe. She sighed and relaxed into the kiss.
His tongue gently demanded she open for him. When she did, he sighed. His tongue swirled in and out of her mouth in an irresistible rhythm that muddled her mind.
She tentatively touched her tongue to his and he moaned deepening the kiss.
His breath was warm and he tasted of coffee and a taste uniquely Daniel. She loved his arms around her. He was a wall to retreat behind and nothing would hurt her. He whispered something in her ear as he spread kisses across her cheek.
His kisses distracted so, that she didn’t understand his words. The tingle, which had begun in her belly, now settled between her legs and she was certain she should push him away. Unique in beauty and tenderness, she’d never known anything like it.
His hands roamed up and down her back and his kisses became more ardent and forceful.
Delight turned to fear, her heart beat harder and her mind filled with the horrors about to happen. She remembered the searing pain of the night in her father’s study and the shame that had followed. Sophia pushed him away. When he didn’t immediately release her, she pounded on his shoulders.
He stopped kissing her, but he didn’t let her go. He crushed her to him. “Sophia, stop this. I’ll not harm you. I’ll not do anything you do not wish. You are hysterical and must stop this now.”
In spite of the force of his words, his voice was soft and calm and it was that steady calmness that made her listen. He was not forcing himself on her. He wouldn’t throw her to the ground. He wasn’t raping her.
She was safe. She stopped struggling and cried softly into his chest.
“It’s all right, sweetheart. No one will hurt you again.” He stroked her hair. “I promise I’ll always protect you.”
When she thought she could, without bursting into a fresh bout of tears, she looked up at him. His eyes were so blue and so filled with warmth and something else she dare not even think.
“Shall we sit?” He didn’t take his gaze from hers.
She nodded and swallowed down another bout of tears. It wasn’t easy, but she managed to sit down on the grass and look out over the lake while maintaining her composure. Hundreds of thoughts ran through her mind. What made this different than what had happened with Alistair Pundington? Why had Daniel stopped when she asked? He was a man. Her mother had told her, as an explanation for her uncle’s behavior, that men couldn’t help themselves. Yet Daniel had stopped on more than one occasion as soon as Sophia panicked.
“I know you do not wish to talk about this, but I’m going to ask you a few questions I hope will only require yes or no answers. I would like for you to answer them honestly.” She focused now on her slippers, which the run down the hill and the wet ground near the edge of the lake, left ruined.
“Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”
“I’ll try,” she whispered.
His voice remained soft and kind. “Alistair Pundington claims to have had you in the way a husband takes his wife. Is this true?”
Oh good, she was ruined. When would this nightmare ever end? She tried to answer but a whimper was all that escaped her lips.
“Sophia, please answer.” He touched her cheek, brushing a tear away.
“Yes.” Tears ran down her face unchecked and unstoppable.
He dropped his fingers away from her face and his hand fisted in the grass. “He took you to his bed and had his way with you?”
“No.” A mouse squeaked louder.
“No?” His voice was louder now, not as sweet as a moment before.
She lifted her arm to cover her face and head.
There was no strike.
Silence fell between them. “I’ll not harm you, Sophie.” His voice was soft again. “What do you mean? You said he had you.”
She cried harder. The world crumbled around her. How had this happened? Why couldn’t she have had one nice season in London and then retired to the country for the rest of her life? Why did Daniel Fallon have to have come into her life and ruin everything? “There was no bed.”
“What happened?” No kindness remained in his biting remarks. “Were you in such a hurry he took you on a floor, in the garden? Where did this lovemaking take place?”
“Not love,” she wailed as her breath came in short gasps. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted Daniel to understand until that moment, but she saw now, it was never going to happen. She no longer saw love in his eyes, only hatred and disgust.
“Not love? Lust? Where did this lusty encounter take place?”
His eyes were so bright with anger.
Caught between fear for her safety and the desire for him to understand, she gasped for breath. She would likely never see him again after this week, but she wanted him to think well of her. At the very least, he should know she wasn’t a whore. “My lord, I shall say this only once and really it is none of your business. I’m nothing to you. We barely know each other.” She filled her lungs. “When I was sixteen, a man whom I had known all my life, dragged me into an empty room in my own home where he raped and beat me. You may call it anything you like, but you may not call it love. What I know of men is violent and hateful and has nothing to do with love.”
His eyes flashed ferociously and his hands balled tearing grass from the lawn.
Running wasn’t out of the question, but she was tired of being a scared mouse. She didn’t even know why she’d told him. It wasn’t his business. Somehow, she just wanted him not to hate her.
His eyes softened as he seemed to recover from his shock. When he spoke, he said the last thing she’d ever expected to hear. “Marry me.”
She must have lost her mind. Had the Earl of Marlton just proposed marriage after learning she was not a virgin? The entire world had gone mad. She stared at him, sure she looked a proper fool.
He watched her and his expression softened even more. He touched her damp cheek. “Marry me.”
“I cannot.”
He took her hands in his and kissed the back of each while staring into her eyes. “Sophie, I want you to be my wife. Marry me.”
Sophia turned her head and looked out at the lake. “I shall never marry.”
“Because you are afraid of your wedding bed?”
Even the mention of a bed sent a chill of fear through her. Her body stiffened and all her muscles ached with the effort it took her to keep herself from running.
“What happened to you was an act of violence, Sophie. I swear to you that could never be the way with us. I would never harm you. You may trust me.”
She laughed at that. “Really? A moment ago, I would have sworn you were ready to strike me. Go back to your opera singer, Daniel, or find yourself a proper English bride. I’m not for you. I’m not for anyone.”
His eyes widened and his neck pinked. “First, I would never strike you or any woman, but
let’s put that incorrect assumption of yours aside. I would like to know what you intend to do with the rest of your life. Die an old, impoverished spinster?”
She wiped her face, expecting to see a smirk or a look of superiority but his frown was sincere. Sorrow lived in the depths of his eyes. How adorable those eyes would be in the faces of their children. A vise wrapped around her heart. She would never have children or grow old with someone. “My aunt has generously offered to make me her companion and leave me a cottage and sum upon her death.”
“And that is what you want, to be an old maid with no life beyond some cottage in the country?”
Somehow, he’d made something quite pleasant sound lonely and dark. “Don’t worry, my lord, I shall manage.”
He ran his hand through his hair felling the wavy locks from their queue. “But I shall not.”
If she hadn’t known better, she would have thought he was truly injured by her rejection. She stood and brushed out her dress. “Oh, I think you’ll be just fine. You are the type of man who always survives. You are the type of man who will never lack for the company of women.”
“I want you.”
“Yes, so you said. I have also made it clear I do not wish to marry. You will have to look elsewhere. I’m sorry.” She said all of this graciously and in what she hoped was a slightly haughty tone. Whenever Lady Collington used an air of superiority in her voice, people tended to listen to her and not argue.
“Sophie.” It was a whisper. He still sat on the ground, but he looked up at her in such an imploring way she wanted to kneel down and take him in her arms. She wanted to protect him, to cradle him and in turn, to be comforted by him. Impossible.
“You want me, too,” he said.
Snapping her head around, she looked out toward the lake. She needed answers, but she had none. She didn’t understand the feelings she experienced when she was with Daniel, but she knew fear and whenever his desire for her grew or their kisses went too far, terror filled her and she wanted to scream. She wouldn’t make a good wife. That much was certain. If she couldn’t perform her wifely duties, he would go to his opera singer or some other woman and that would be unbearable. “It makes no difference. I cannot be a wife. You have seen what happens.”
Tainted Bride Page 12
