by Jessica Marx
I don’t want to speak to him yet so I send a text letting him know that I’m fine. Seconds later, my phone rings. I have no choice but to answer.
“Hi, Mason.”
“Samantha. Where are you? I just got to the loft and you’re not here.”
“I went to the doctor.”
“Are you okay? What did they say?”
“I’m fine. Just a bug.” I hate lying to him, but I have to.
“When will you be back?”
“I don’t know. I’m with my mom on Long Island.”
“What?” he asks, upset, “when did you go? How did you get there?”
“I took a train this morning after you left.”
“You should have had Dan take you.”
“I didn’t want to trouble him,” I lie again. This conversation is making me feel even worse.
“Dammit. You’re sick. You shouldn’t be riding on the train.” I can hear the frustration in his voice. Mason’s so used to being in control. I’m sure this is driving him crazy.
“Sorry,” I reply, with so much more meaning than he knows.
“Don’t be. I’m sorry for getting upset. I just… I care about you.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re not off the hook yet, babe. I might have to spank you for being a bad girl,” Mason replies, sounding much more like himself.
I blush and press the phone closer to my ear, but don’t say anything back.
“I have to get back to work. I can have Dan come pick you up if you like,” he asks hopefully.
“That’s okay. I’m just going to stay here. I think I’ll take one more day to rest before I come back in to work.”
“Sure,” Mason replies, disappointed, “if you change your mind, let me know.”
“I will.”
“Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“I…I hope you feel better.”
“Thanks.”
It sounded like Mason had something else to say, but he hung up.
“Someone sounds like they’re worried about you,” my mother comments, turning the car down our street.
“Yeah.”
“When are you going to tell him?”
“Never.”
“Sam, you can’t keep this baby a secret forever. Mason is the father. He has a right to know.”
“I know.”
We pull into the driveway. My mother looks at me, “Mason loves you very much. He’s not going to leave you. He’s not going to be upset. He’s going to love, and care for, and spoil this child, just like he does to you.”
“How can you be so sure?” I ask through watery eyes, “he’s never even told me he loves me. He’s been with a million women. What if he thinks I’m trapping him?”
“I think that’s your hormones talking, Sammy. It’s so obvious when I see the two of you together. You must feel it in your heart. Don’t let the voices in your head talk you into believing otherwise.”
I hope she’s right. I love Mason. I love being with him. I know he has fun with me. I know he cares about me. But giving up every other woman forever? Being with me - and a baby? I just don’t know.
19
Samantha
Mason calls me after work, but I don’t answer. I don’t want to lie to him. I decided the best way to do that is to just avoid him - for as long as possible. Okay, maybe it’s not the best way, or the most mature, but it’s all I can manage right now. I can’t stay home from work much more than another day. I’m already pushing the limits as it is. I’m going to have to face the truth much sooner than I would like.
I send him a text around dinner time that I don’t feel well and will call him in the morning. He replied with ‘okay’, but even without hearing his voice, I know he’s not ‘okay’ with it. I hate doing this to him, but I need to decide the best way to tell him. As much as I want to keep it a secret, I can’t. Even if I could lie to his face every day, my body will be a dead give away soon enough.
In a weird way, I wish my ignoring Mason will make him mad enough to go out and cheat on me. Then I would know - I could be sure of who he is and just end it. I know in my heart that’s not going to happen though. I’m going to have to tell him and whatever comes of it, I will deal with.
20
Mason
What is going on with Samantha? She’s avoiding me. I know she’s sick - I saw her throwing up. Something just isn’t right. She’s not herself. I can tell she’s holding back. I don’t know what she’s keeping from me, but there has to be something.
The thought that there’s someone else crosses my mind, but I honestly don’t think there is. We’ve spent almost all of our free time together. I would know if there was someone at work. There would be no way to keep that a secret. With all the gossip that flies around the office, I definitely would have heard. I dismiss the whole idea.
Maybe that’s what it is. Perhaps we spend too much time together. Maybe Samantha feels crowded and suffocated in our relationship. That must be why she’s acting strange and went back to her mom on Long Island. She must need a break. I want to spend every minute with her - but not if it’s going to ruin the amazing relationship we’ve built. If I have to back off to make things better, as much as I don’t want to, I will.
21
Samantha
I wake in the morning to a text from Mason that says, ‘hope you feel better today.’ It’s nice, but I find it strange that he didn’t call me. He didn’t yesterday either - or text last night. I wonder what’s going on?
I quickly remember my wish for him to cheat so we could just move on and kick myself. That was a terrible thought. I should have never let it cross my mind because now I feel like something is wrong.
Mason likes to stay on top of things - especially me. I mean that physically as much as mentally. It’s not like him to not call when we’re apart. It’s also unlike him to just wish me well without asking how I am. He likes to know everything. What’s up with that?
I’ve been trying as hard as I can to avoid him, and now that he’s avoiding me, I’m worried. I’m doing it because I’m hiding a secret from him. Is he hiding something from me? I really don’t believe so, but I don't know what else would have caused him to change.
Oh my God. I’m a mess. My hormones are really fucking with my head. I need to get a handle on things. I’m pregnant - it happens to women all the time. I haven’t told my boyfriend. I’m sure that’s more common than I think. He seems to be taking a break from me - that’s common enough. Put these all together though, and it’s a recipe for destruction.
I can’t let any of this get to me. Today, I work. I have to be focused and do my best. I’ve already been out for too long. I’m sure half of my department is just waiting for me to drop the ball so they can take my spot.
First thing I see when I get to my desk is a post it on my computer: ‘welcome back. Come see me -Kait’
That doesn’t sound good. Shit. I hope she’s not mad. How could she not be? She asked me to help lead her team so she can take comfort knowing I’ll be helping to run things when she takes her maternity leave, and then I just took off for days on end with no more than a quick phone call. I didn’t even call her directly - I spoke to Alex. I didn’t want to have to lie to Kait too.
I get settled in and walk to Kailyn’s office. Her door is open. She’s busily typing something up while quiet music plays in the background.
“Sam! You have no idea how happy I am to see your face!”
A wave of relief washes over me. I thought the ‘see me’ was a bad thing. I guess she just missed having me here.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, pulling off her reading glasses and looking up.
“Better, thanks,” I lie. I don’t feel much better, In fact, I feel worse. My world is crumbling around me. I just know I’m not dying or contagious now.
“Good. I need you here. Now tell me what’s going on with you.”
“Nothing?”
“Sam, I know you we
ll enough to know you’re not the kind of person that takes off because you don’t feel good. I’ve also had Mason moping around my office asking if I know what’s up with you.”
“I don’t understand. I was sick.”
“He told me. He also told me you’ve been backing off.”
Mason was talking about me? To Kaitlyn? That kind of makes me feel good.
“Then, I started thinking. You’re symptoms sound similar to what mine were just a few weeks ago. I don’t know,” Kait says, waiting for me to answer her unasked question.
“I’m not sure what you’re implying, Kait.” I am very sure. I’m just hoping she changes her mind.
“You’re pregnant. It’s not really an implication. I think it’s a fact.”
My face turns bright red. How did she put that together all by herself? That must be why she makes the big bucks.
“Did you say anything to Mason?” I ask, confirming her conclusion.
“Oh my God, Sam! We’re going to have babies together!” Kait gets up and hugs me, “this is so awesome!”
“Yeah,” I reply without any excitement.
Kaitlyn takes a step back, “what?”
“Well, let’s see. You’re married and in love. I’m dating a guy who is a known womanizer. It’s just not the same.”
“Sam, Mason is over the moon about you. I’ve worked with him for almost ten years. I’ve seen him go through countless girlfriends,” I roll my eyes. “No. I mean, yes, he was a player. He’s just not anymore. Not since you came along. He’s always had this weird thing for you - since you interned with us. I’ve never seen him upset over a woman before - never. He truly loves you. I know he does.”
“Did he tell you that?” I ask defensively, “because he hasn’t told me.”
“No, but he doesn't have to. It’s obvious.”
“Not to me. Especially not now. He’s been avoiding me like the plague.”
“Did you ever think it’s because you’re pushing him away? Maybe he doesn’t want to crowd you. Remember, he doesn’t have any idea what’s going on.”
Hmm. I didn’t think of it that way. I’ve been so focussed on Mason wanting to leave me once I tell him I’m having his child, I haven’t looked at it from any other angle. Still, I just don’t know. I want this baby, but I don’t want to lose him because of it.
“I don’t know, Kait. It’s just so complicated,” I say, holding back tears.
“Nothing that’s worth while is ever easy, Sam.” Kait hugs me again, “come on! We’re going to be twinsies - big bellied twinsies!” she adds, trying to make me laugh.
I chuckle and notice Alex standing at the open door. I straighten up, as does Kaitlyn. We try to look businesslike and professional instead of like two pregnant, emotional roller coasters.
“Mrs. Redding, your ten o’clock is here,” she announces. Alex doesn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she heard most of our conversation. Hopefully not, Kait hasn’t told too many people yet and I’ve told exactly no one here - most importantly, Mason.
With all the work I have to catch up on, the rest of the day flies by. I receive one interoffice message from Mason, but he doesn’t bother to walk over to my side of the office. I don’t go to his either. I’m not ready to face him. I can’t until I’m ready to tell him. I can’t lie to his face.
I’ve been evading Mason at all costs, but when he doesn’t offer for me to come back to his apartment, I’m insulted. I shouldn’t be - I brought this upon myself - but I am. Like it or not, I’m going to have to tell him soon and accept whatever his reaction is. It will be better than all of this wondering anyway.
I walk slower than usual to the subway, hoping Dan will pull up with Mason in the back of his car and pick me up. I must have watched too many romance movies because that never happens.
I take the train back to my mom’s house. We eat dinner together and I go up to my room. I’m depressed. I don’t want to be without Mason. I need him. I realize I’m afraid to tell him because I’m scared he’s going to leave me.
My phone vibrates. It’s a text from Mason:
‘I miss you.’
‘I miss you too.’
‘Can we not do this anymore? I don’t like playing games.’
If only he understood, I’m not playing games - but it’s my fault he doesn’t get it.
‘Let’s talk tomorrow. I don’t want to play games either.’ There. I’ve committed to talking. Tomorrow will be the day I tell him. I have to.
‘I would love that. Good night. Sweet dreams, Samantha.’
I love you. That’s what I want to say anyway, instead I reply with ‘goodnight.’
22
Mason
This feeling I have right now - the wondering, the doubt, the pain at the thought of losing someone - is why I’ve never let myself get attached to a woman.
I own and operate a billion dollar company and not one problem or threat we’ve ever encountered has caused me to falter the way Samantha is right now. Whatever it is she has to say to me today, I will listen. Whatever it is she needs or wants, I will do. I’m not going to lose her.
What’s getting to me the most is the chance that there may be nothing I can do. There’s always the possibility that she’s just not into me. I don’t really think she feels that way - but what do I know? I’ve never felt this way about any woman - ever. For the first time ever, I might be out of my league.
My father barges in my office interrupting my chain of thought.
“Can I help you?” I ask, disgusted with him, as usual.
“No. No, you can’t help me, Mason.” He stops in front of my desk, his face red with anger, “I warned you. I tried to stop you - but no. You know best. You know what you’re doing. You know everything, don’t you?”
I run through some of our recent deals and discussions in my head trying to figure out what he’s talking about, but I can’t think of anything. I’ve been on top of everything - more so because he’s here - watching and waiting for me to fuck something up. I stare at him blankly.
“Do you really think you could keep it a secret from me?”
“Dad, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Like hell you don’t. Why am I hearing about your personal business from that slutty receptionist? You may not like or trust me very much, but our employees do.”
“Kim?”
“Kim, Alex, all of them. They’re all in on your secret. I’m sure the whole office knows at this point. God, you are such a fuck up.”
“One thing I’m not is a fuck up, dad. Do I need to point out what I’ve done for this company again?”
“It has nothing to do with the company - not yet anyway. It will soon enough - just like I warned you.”
“Jesus, dad. What the fuck are you talking about?” I ask, frustrated.
My father’s face changes. He glares at me wearing a sinister grin, “holy shit. You really don’t know, do you?”
I stare at him blankly and shrug.
“Well, isn’t this special?” he says with a smirk, “I wish I had a cigar.”
“What?”
“You know, to congratulate you. You’re going to be a father.”
“What?” I repeat, but my head is spinning, “what the fuck are you talking about? Have you officially lost it?”
Garrison takes a seat, “no. I haven’t lost anything - although soon enough I’m sure I’ll be fighting to hold onto my money - our money.”
I lean back in my chair. He’s serious. Samantha’s pregnant. It has to be true. Everything makes so much sense now. Being sick. Throwing up. Avoiding me. Holy shit. The old man might be right - at least about her having my child - not about her motives.
“We haven’t discussed anything yet, but I can assure you, Samantha isn’t looking for a payout.”
“You can assure me of whatever you want, but judging at how you’re the last one to know, your word doesn’t mean shit.”
Fuck. What’s happening
? Why hasn’t she told me yet? How do the office gossips know and I don’t? Once I handle my father, I’m going to have to determine what to do with Samantha. How could she not tell me? Does she not trust me?
My father stands, “Well, this didn’t go how I thought it would. I’ll let you mull this all over. I’m going to get back to work.”
“Fuck you.”
“Hey, don’t take it out on me. I’m family. You may not like me, but at least you can trust me to tell you the truth.”
I grind my teeth together. The only thing worse than listening to my father, is knowing that he’s right. I bang my fist on the desk. Fuck.
23
Samantha
I keep looking over my shoulder for Mason. We’ve been so distant, but since we plan on talking today, I feel better already. I assumed he would too. I thought maybe he would sneak up and surprise me at my desk - but he hasn’t.
Just before lunch, I get an interoffice message from Mason:
‘Come by my office at the end of the day.’
‘Sure.’
That’s it. I thought he’d be excited to see me. I’m sure he’s just busy. I’ve been nervous all day just thinking about telling him. It continues to get worse as the day goes on.
By five o’clock, I’m packed and ready to go. I’m doing this. I’m going to tell Mason and he’s going to be so happy. He’s going to wrap me in his arms and let me know everything will be fine. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. I’ll know for sure soon enough.
As I pass his reception area, Kim smirks at me. She’s never especially nice to me - she’s barely even cordial - but there’s something about the look on her face that’s extra bitchy today. Whatever. I walk passed her and continue to Mason’s office.
I knock and enter. He’s sitting in one of the leather chairs by the window poring over some portfolio. He looks up when I enter and stands. He doesn’t look very happy to see me. I stop where I am.
