by Jessica Marx
I wonder how we are supposed to act tonight. Ryan and I didn’t discuss it at all. Do we act as friends, like we always have? I know I would rather keep it secret, since he is leaving tomorrow and I don't want to deal with the added stress of people asking about us after that. Ryan is much more open and probably doesn’t care who knows. I guess we should have figured that out, but there really wasn’t any time to think about it. I’m not even sure what we are at this point. If he was staying, we would probably try dating, but he’s not… Then again, if he was staying, neither of us would have recognized our feelings in the first place.
I keep busy for the rest of the day. I clean up and straighten the apartment. I glance over at our little Christmas tree several times. There are no gifts under the tree and it will be lucky if it survives until Christmas, but I love it anyway. Ryan and I almost had a little life together here. We make such good friends, we know we can live together, and we also know now that we make very good lovers, too. Maybe I will go to California. Maybe I should take the chance. I really have nothing to lose. If things don’t work out, I can always come back. I don’t know though, that’s a lot of ‘maybes’ for me. I’ll keep thinking about it, and in a couple of months, if things are going well, I’ll know better what to do.
Late in the afternoon, I decide it’s time to leave and go meet everyone. I lazily take a shower and get dressed. It’s still so cold outside, so I put on my coat, hat, and gloves and head outside for the short walk to our favorite pizzeria. Tara and Keira are there waiting already, beers in hand.
“Hey, girls,” I greet them as I walk in.
“Hey, stranger,” Tara replies, giving me a hug.
“Yeah. What’s up, girl?” Keira says, hugging me next.
I laugh. “It’s winter. I’m not a fan of being outside. Call me when spring is here.” I order a beer and see Tony walk in. He sees us by the bar and comes over to join us.
“Hello, ladies,” Tony says trying to sound suave.
“Hey, Tony,” we each reply, giving him hugs as well.
“Three of you and one of me. This could make for an interesting evening,” he jokes.
“You wish,” Keira says with a laugh.
We clink our glasses and make conversation for a while, and then I spot Ryan walking in with Adam. My heart stops momentarily. I wish I could give him a signal—like, “hey, let’s not tell anyone what happened,”—but all I can do is make faces at him trying to convey my thoughts. I know it’s not going to work, but there’s a chance we’re on the same page.
Ryan and Adam walk over to the corner of the bar where we are gathered and say their hellos. Ryan kisses me on the cheek. It’s not our “normal” behavior, but not so over the top that anyone notices. Tara may have seen, but I’m sure she’ll wait until we’re alone to say anything. We let the hostess know we are all here and she takes us to our table. We all sit down and Ryan takes a seat next to me.
I feel the electricity between us and hope no one else notices. We are all laughing and talking like every other time we’ve been together. I feel completely different, though. Ryan and I have this secret, and I feel like it’s written all over my face, but it appears no one knows. I’m glad Ryan decided to play it cool instead of telling everyone. I would have felt completely awkward. They all think we have something going on to begin with—at least, that’s what it seemed like when we announced we were moving in together. So I’m sure telling them we slept together wouldn’t shock anyone. The “love” part might, though.
We enjoy our “last” dinner all together. There are lots of laughs and many toasts to our soon-to-be famous friend. Everything seems so surreal—last night seems almost like a dream. If it wasn’t for Ryan sneaking his hand on my thigh for a squeeze every so often, I may not think it was true. Then, with everyone toasting and talking about what Ryan’s new life will be like with all his new Hollywood friends, it brings me back to that whole reality. I try not to listen when they talk about all the starlets and models Ryan will be “boning,” but I know that it’s a strong possibility. Between all these mixed feelings—our hidden romance, and uncertain future—I might explode.
Our group leaves the restaurant together and walk in the direction of our apartments. Tony and Adam are going out for more drinks, and hopefully some hot hook ups. They try to convince Ryan to go, but he says he wants to stay home for his last night here. The boys say their final goodbyes, at least for now, and give big bear hugs to each other before parting ways. Tony and Adam walk toward the bar they’re going to and the rest of us continue on.
We walk a couple more blocks and reach our building. Ryan says goodbye to Tara and Keira, who both start tearing up when they hug him. They wish him luck and make me promise to call this week to hang out.
Ryan and I walk up the stairs to our building. He takes my hand in his as we near the doors, and when he opens them, I see Tara looking at us curiously. She will definitely be calling me tomorrow to ask what’s up.
Ryan keeps my hand in his as we ascend the stairs to the third floor. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us tonight, but I’m nervous and excited.
Ryan unlocks the door and pushes it open. We step inside and remove our coats and hats and shake off the cold. As I begin to remove the sweater I’m wearing over my top, Ryan struts over to me. He helps slip it up over my shoulders without a word and takes a step closer. With his hands on my shoulders, he bows his head down and kisses me. It’s not soft or gentle like the other times—it’s rugged and needy, and I like it.
Ryan’s tongue is in my mouth, moving and probing deeper as mine weaves with his in sync. He tightens his grip on my arms and kisses me deeper, pushing me back against the wall. I put one hand around his back and grab onto the hair on the back of his head with the other, pulling him toward me so every part of our bodies are touching.
He reaches down to the hem of my top and pulls it up over my head. He puts both hands on my breasts and forcefully massages them over my bra before removing that, too. He takes his mouth off mine for a moment so he can look at me and gives me a devilish smile that makes him look even sexier than he ever has. He pulls off his own tee shirt and throws it off to the side.
Ryan takes my breast into his hand and leans over to put it in his mouth. My nipples are completely erect so he runs his tongue along one, licking it, before moving to the other. I have both hands on his head and I’m running them through his hair. He straightens up and starts kissing me again with the same intensity, pressing his own chest into mine. He slides his hands down over my arms down to my waist and unbuttons my jeans. Without skipping a beat or taking his mouth off mine, he nudges them down over my hips.
I am so turned on, seeing Ryan like this. I’m used to his sensitive, caring side. This aggressive, take-charge attitude is intensely sexy. He runs his hands down my sides and over the front of my panties, pressing his palm against my pussy and rubbing it up and down. He lets one finger slide between my fold as he moves his hand over the soft fabric, teasing me. I shove my hips forward, trying to reach Ryan’s body and run both of my own hands up his muscular chest. I pull his shirt up and Ryan moves his lips off mine so I can lift it over his head, and then begins kissing me again. I can feel his need and desire with every stroke of his tongue.
He takes his hands off me to undo his own pants and quickly takes them off along with his boxer briefs. Ryan reaches his hands around my sides and pulls me into him. My breasts are tight against his chest and his length hard and ready against me. He moves himself back so he can deftly work his shaft between my legs. Ryan starts pumping his cock back and forth over my panties between my folds, teasing me again. I grab his firm ass with both hands and bring him closer into me, wrapping one leg around him at the same time.
“Come on, Ryan. Fuck me,” I say, which is very out of character for me. But his behavior is bringing out a different side of me, exposing a woman that I wasn’t aware existed.
He still doesn’t say a word but pushes my panties
to the side, letting the tip of his erection touch my bare skin. Then he easily slides two fingers inside me and I gasp. We are still kissing and I grasp his shaft in my hand and begin to stroke him while he fingers me. Each time my hand moves toward my body, I pull him harder so the tip of his erection touches my wetness, begging him to enter me. He’s not giving in yet. Ryan inserts another finger inside me and moves faster, pumping his hand while I continue to fondle him.
My knees are weak. I can’t take any more. I need him—now.
I put my hands behind him again and try pulling him closer. Ryan slides his fingers out from inside me and tugs my panties down, until they fall freely. In one move, he plunges himself between my inner lips. I’m so wet already that I eagerly take in his whole length, enveloping him.
Ryan begins to thrust into me, hard. My back is still against the wall and I have one leg around his thigh. He easily lifts my legs around his waist. I throw my arms around his shoulders and start kissing and sucking on his neck as he continues pumping, moving himself in and out of me while making small circles with his hips.
I grab at his back with my hands and squeeze, “Oh God, that feels so good,” I whisper against his lobe.
Ryan groans for me. “Fuck yeah, it does.”
Ryan’s hands are under my ass, helping me stay perched on top of him. He is pistoning in and out and I am bouncing up and down, and the steady pulse of our movements is taking us both to the edge of climax. I start moving faster and Ryan plunges so deep inside me. He doesn’t pull out but makes small figure-eights, continuously hitting all the right places. I grip his shoulders and Ryan presses me back into the wall as he pulls himself out until just the tip of his manhood is still inside me, and then buries himself back in, groaning as he does.
He repeats the same motion a few more times, and it takes me over the edge. I’m squeezing him with both hands, groaning as I surrender myself, my body shaking. Ryan delves deep inside me one last time before he can’t hold back anymore. I feel the warm liquid emptying into me and he spasms with release.
I kiss Ryan on the cheek and rest my head on his shoulder, slowly placing my feet back on the floor without breaking our embrace. He moves his hands up my back and kisses me on the forehead. We are both exhausted and grinning from ear to ear. I don’t think either of us wants to move, so we stay where we are. We just stand there, holding each other.
Ryan backs away enough to see my face, “What’s wrong?” he asks. “Was it that bad?”
“No. I just don’t want you to go,” I finally say.
Ryan kisses me softly. “Just come with me.”
“I can’t. Not yet anyway” I reply.
We both bend down at the same time and gather our clothing off the floor. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and clean myself up. I take a moment while I’m in there to collect my thoughts. I can’t recall a time in my life when I’ve been so happy and so sad at the same time. It’s literally only hours until Ryan leaves, and I’m in panic mode. There’s no way I can go with him right now. I just have to remember that if we are meant to be, putting a relationship on hold for a couple of months won’t make a difference. If he truly loves me and wants me to be with him, he will wait. And after he leaves, if I still feel the same, I will go.
I come back into the living room and Ryan is on the couch with a box of cookies. He looks so cute and innocent—the complete opposite of the man who just had me pinned against the wall.
“You all good?” he asks me.
“Yes,” I reply, beaming at him. I walk over to the couch, grab a cookie, and plop down next to him. “I’ve never seen that side of you.”
“I usually don’t use those moves with my friends. They tend to think it’s weird,” Ryan quips.
I giggle. “I mean, you were forceful and dominant. I don’t see that trait in you often. You’re always so nice and sweet.”
“Really? I always think of myself as a take-charge kind of guy,” he answers.
“I guess,” I say trailing off. “That was amazing, you know.”
“Damn right it was.” Ryan winks at me. “Maybe we are just meant to be together.” He squeezes my hand and kisses me one more time, just lightly on the lips. I lay my head on his shoulder and curl up next to him. We sit there, just cuddling and enjoying the end of Ryan’s time here. We don’t really speak—I don’t think either of us wants to talk about the inevitable—we just want to enjoy the time we have left.
17
We wake when the sun rises and shines in through our small window. Ryan and I are still curled up together on the couch. It’s very early, but as soon as I move, he hugs me, pulling me closer to him.
“Good morning,” he says in a sleepy voice.
“Morning,” I reply. It can’t be good. Even though we are here together now, Ryan is leaving in a few hours.
“I’m going to make some coffee,” he announces. He kisses me lightly on the head, stands up, and stretches.
I stretch too and walk into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. This is going to be one very hard goodbye today. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the morning without breaking down. I take a deep breath and go meet Ryan at the table where he already has a mug of coffee ready for me.
“So, this is it,” Ryan says solemnly. “I really don’t want to leave you, Eve.”
“I don’t want you to leave, but you have to go,” I reply, frowning.
“I know. Will you please consider coming with me? Just come in a couple of weeks and meet me after I’m settled,” Ryan pleads again.
“I need some time. You need some time. This is life-changing for you. Let’s take it slow. We’ve waited so long to be together already. A little longer shouldn’t make a difference.”
“I know. I just… I know,” he concedes.
“So what do you have to do before you leave for the airport?” I ask, abruptly changing the subject.
“Not much. Just get the last few things together. PGR has pretty much done everything. All I really need to do is show up,” Ryan explains.
“What are you going to do for Christmas?” he asks me, staring at our little tree.
“Probably just stay with our parents again... They’ll be happy I’m there,” I reply. “What about you?”
“I don’t know. I have a couple of old friends out there. I’ll see who wants me for the holidays,” he says, trying to sound enthusiastic.
“That sucks. I wish you could have at least left after the holidays,” I say somberly.
“Yeah, me too. Because I was cast so last-minute, there is a ton of things I need to do before they start shooting. There’s no other way and they’re not going to hold up the whole movie so I can stay with my girlfriend for Christmas.”
“So, I’m your girlfriend now?” I reply, smirking.
“Yes, you are,” he answers.
“Do I have a say in this?” I ask.
“Only if you’re saying yes.” Ryan chuckles at his own joke.
“What about our parents?”
“What about them? You’re my stepsister. They know we’re close. It might take them time to warm up to it, but I promise you, they will.”
I laugh, too. I’m glad we are having some fun and making light of things.
“I’m going to pack the rest of my things and get ready to go. Hopefully, we’ll have some time to chill,” Ryan says.
“Sure.” Here come the tears. “I’ll go shower and stuff, then,” I reply. I guess fun time is over.
Ryan gets up and squeezes my shoulder on his way out of the kitchen. I sit in silence for a few minutes before I get up and drag myself to the bathroom. I don’t feel like showering yet, but I don’t really know what else to do with myself.
I stand there and let the water flow over me and try to clear my head. I just need to get through the goodbye, and then I can let myself go, if I want. I just want to keep it together for Ryan.
I put on my robe and walk to my room to get dressed. I hear some music
playing and Ryan shuffling around. It’s going to be very lonely here soon. When I emerge into the living room, I see his boxes and suitcases by the door. My eyes begin to well with tears again. I take some deep breaths and calm myself before he can see me. Ryan walks backwards out of his room, takes one last look around to make sure he has everything, and steps into the living room.
“I only have a few minutes before my car comes,” he says. He walks over to me and takes my hand in his. “Don’t forget about me, Eve. I’m going to be waiting for you.”
“Of course I won’t forget. You’re going to be famous now. Your face will be everywhere. Besides, we also have these cool new things called phones and e-mail, so we should be able to keep in touch,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood. As much as I want him to stay, I also want him to leave so we can get this goodbye over with already.
Ryan forces a smile. I can tell that he’s very nervous as reality is finally setting in. He brushes the hair away from my face and lets his hand linger on my cheek. He looks into my eyes, appearing to be taking everything in so he will remember my face and this moment. Then he leans in and presses his lips onto mine.
He spreads my lips apart with his tongue and we immediately fall into a deep kiss. I wrap my arms over his shoulders and run my fingers through the hair on the back of his head, pulling him closer. Our tongues are entwined, weaving and writhing together, our mouths acting as one. We grasp and hold onto each other, Ryan’s tongue explores the inside of my mouth, reaching and stroking every part of mine like he doesn’t want to forget.
The buzzer rings, indicating that Ryan’s ride is here. He presses his hands more firmly against my cheeks as we take in the last moments together, locked in this kiss. We slowly break apart. Ryan gently presses his soft lips to mine, kissing me gently several times before the buzzer rings again.
