by Kate Keir
Turning away from Pen, I found myself looking up into the face of Lyall.
“I expect you to be able to complete a textbook perfect shape-shift by the time I get back, love.” He smiled.
I bit my lip and said nothing, making him raise his eyebrows questioningly.
“Flora?” Finlay called, making me turn my head. “There’s no reason we can’t start practising your shifting now. Let’s go.”
“Okay, I’m coming,” I called back, before returning my attention to Lyall. He opened his arms and I stepped toward him, wrapping my own arms around his waist and allowing him to pull me into a warm hug.
“Please be careful,” I whispered.
“I will. I’ll see you soon.”
We hugged each other tightly for a few seconds longer before he released me and gently kissed my forehead. Then he crossed the room to catch up with Pen, and they walked out into the hallway and left for the west.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I couldn’t be sure whether it was the fact that I was so worried about Pen and Lyall, or if the sudden loss of my shifting mentor had impacted my abilities. But no matter how hard I tried in the days after they left, I just couldn’t shift. I could barely even get to phase three in fact.
“This is pointless,” I growled as I sat down on the grass and drank back a whole bottle of water. I had just had my fourth failed shift of the morning, and it was only ten thirty.
“It’s not pointless, Flor. You just need to get your focus back. Maybe we need a break for a while. We could go and swim? Or head into town for some lunch?” Finlay sat next to me and smiled encouragingly. He’d been so patient with me even when I was throwing tantrums—which had been quite often.
I looked around the Everwood, thinking about how nice it would be to go and spend a few hours in the real world. Then I remembered the last two trips I had made to the city both could have ended in me coming face to face with Sluag for real.
“Nope, I’m good here.” I was playing with my empty water bottle, turning it over and over in my hands.
“Flora, I know I’ve got plenty of stuff wrong over the last few weeks. I’ve failed you too many times. But you don’t need Pen or Lyall here to keep you safe you know?”
I was silent, concentrating on my bottle.
“Flor, you do trust me, don’t you?” He knelt down in front of me as he spoke and gently took the bottle from my restless hands.
I met his eyes and studied them for a moment. They were beautiful, such a bright blue they were almost ultra-violet, and they held a purity and honesty in their depths.
“Of course, I trust you.” I smiled.
“Then why are you so reluctant to do anything lately, except almost kill yourself trying to shift?”
I sighed. “Because I don’t particularly want to end up getting my throat cut open, allowing evil to break through the veil and destroy the world as we know it. Plus, I don’t want any of you to die protecting me. Pen’s doing this ritual because she thinks Sluag is going to kill one of you, maybe more than one.”
“Pen’s doing the ritual to give us options if that time comes, not when. I’m worried about you, Flor. You’re usually a tough cookie, and lately you seem so fragile. He’s getting to you.”
I started, wondering how Finlay knew that Lyall was getting to me. Then I realised he actually meant Sluag.
“Has Sluag summoned you again?” Finlay’s eyes narrowed.
“Actually no. It’s all been quiet on the messed-up trips to the land of the dead front. It’s just horrible knowing that he can do it whenever he wants and I’m pretty sure he can read my mind when I’m there too. It makes me feel creepy and unclean.” I curled my lip as I spoke.
“Pen will find a way to stop him from getting into your dreams, Flor. I know you must be disappointed that wasn’t the first ritual she figured out. But give it a bit more time and you’ll be free of him, I swear.”
“I know. I’m not really disappointed. I just wish I didn’t have to lie in bed, wondering if my soul is gonna get kidnapped again when I fall asleep.”
“You are so brave, Flor. After everything you’ve found out and gone through over the last few weeks, most people would have fallen apart. But I knew you wouldn’t. You’re amazing.” He leaned forward and planted a soft kiss against my cheek, which was still flushed pink from my shifting exertions.
I pulled back from him the tiniest fraction and he frowned. “Why would you do that, Flor?”
“Because I know you want more, and I don’t think I can give you it.” I lowered my eyes.
He captured my chin and gently pushed my face back up so we were looking at each other again. “You and I were meant for each other, Flor. We grew up together. We know everything there is to know about each other. You are the most important thing in the world to me, not just because you’re a Soul Keeper, but because you’re you.”
I stared back at him. “Finlay, I just don’t know if I can ever think of you in that way. It’s exactly because we’re so close that it feels strange for me to even consider pushing past the boundaries of friendship. Of course, I’m attracted to you, you’re bloody gorgeous, but I’m not sure I can.”
“Lyall, told me about the colour of your fur when you shift.”
I blinked in surprise. “When?”
“Just before he left. If that doesn’t tell you that you can trust me, then I don’t know what else will, Flor. Can’t you feel it? We’re already bonded, even though we’ve never done this…”
He didn’t give me a second to think about what he was doing. Leaning forward, he planted his lips against mine, hard.
A thousand thoughts ran through my mind in that moment: guilt toward Lyall, confusion about what would happen next with Finlay and me, and fear that Sluag would try and take Finlay away if he knew how important he was to me.
The thought that should have run through my head was that I should stop kissing my best friend. But it didn’t and so I didn’t stop. Instead I kissed him back, sighing as I let the last of my willpower crumble.
When he eventually pulled away from me, he breathed out in a rush of exhilaration. “That. Was worth waiting for.”
I couldn’t be sure I hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of my life. “I don’t think we should have done that,” I whispered.
“Maybe we shouldn’t have, Flor. But I’m not sorry. I know you probably don’t want to hear me say this, but I love you. I’ve loved you my whole life long.”
I stood up quickly, completely freaked out by what Finlay was saying. “Finlay, I can’t hear that right now. Nothing’s changed. I still can’t make you any promises. Not until I understand what the hell is going on with my life.”
He stood up too and wrapped me in a bear hug. “Flora, I should never have pushed you, and I won’t do it again. I swear. We’ll do everything on your terms and in your time. Just give me a chance? That’s all I’m asking. Just give me a chance to prove myself to you?”
I laid my head against his hard chest and listened to the heart beating within. I wanted to say yes, because I didn’t want to hurt him and I wanted to trust Finlay would always be there for me. “You already have,” I whispered.
“Thank you.” He leaned his head down and kissed my hair. “Wanna try shifting again?”
“Hell, yeah. Let’s do it.” I laughed.
We separated and Finlay took his usual relaxed stance while he called out words of encouragement to me. Whether it was because I felt like things were really getting back on track with Finlay, or whether it was because of his kiss I couldn’t tell; but I sailed through phase one and two of my change.
“Amazing, Flor, you’re at phase three. Keep going.” I couldn’t concentrate on Finlay’s face, just his voice.
I heard my bones crunch and grimaced at the pain, but I fought to try and keep control of myself and the situation because I could sense that this time was exactly like when my change was interrupted by the Draugur attack. I was going to shift.
Dropping to my knees, I struggled against the urge to vomit. Inside my head, I cursed Lyall for telling me I would be able to cope with this. I felt as though I would die before I managed to discover my inner animal.
Then, out of nowhere the pain suddenly stopped, and I gathered myself enough to look down at my hands—or what should have been my hands—on the grass in front of me.
Instead of human fingers, I saw two huge, white furry paws that ruthlessly flattened the grass around them. A strange sensation drew my attention to my ass, and I realised I was wagging a bushy tail behind me. I laughed, delighted, but the sound that came out of my mouth was more of a half snort and half growl.
Looking around, I caught sight of Finlay staring at me, eyes wide in surprise. I opened my mouth to ask him what I was, because I still wasn’t sure, but the words wouldn’t come out of my feral mouth.
Then I recalled the way Lyall had spoken to me inside my head when he had been in shifter form. Concentrating hard on the question inside my mind, I stared intensely at Finlay, hoping that would be good enough to allow him to hear me.
Finlay, what am I?
He continued to stare at me for another full minute before he seemed to snap out of his shock enough to say, “Well that’s interesting.”
What’s interesting? Finlay, tell me? I growled impatiently.
“You’re a white wolf, Flor.”
Sitting my furry behind down with a thud in the grass, I howled—I actually howled—in frustration.
Oh for God’s sake, can anything ever just be simple for me?
Chapter Twenty-Four
I lay awake in bed for a long time after I left Finlay. He had handled the discovery of my inner animal a lot better than me. I had felt an insane need to keep saying how sorry I was, but he just brushed my apologies off, telling me I had nothing to be sorry for and that we should be glad that I had finally learned how to shift.
I had picked my phone up several times through the night, considering sending a text to Lyall, letting him know he had been too hasty; I could, in fact, still bond with either him or Finlay. But each time I returned my phone to my bedside table without hitting send, unsure why I was suddenly so reluctant to make contact with him.
I finally began to drift into a hazy zone of “almost” sleep as my muscles started to relax and my mind slowed down a little. Even before I was fully under, I felt the tug of another mind inside my head, beckoning me to fall deeper into my slumber.
I realised it was Sluag calling me, and I gave an involuntary kick, almost as though I thought I could swim back up and out of my dream-state to escape the summoning. It frightened me to discover he had the ability to drag me to the Endwood even when I wasn’t quite fully asleep; his control over me seemed to be increasing.
There was no solitary walk through the charred trees for me tonight. As soon as the dark landscape of the Endwood materialised before me, I saw Sluag sitting on a rock just a few metres away. He was grinning delightedly, which probably didn’t mean anything good for me, I thought miserably.
“Hello, Little Dreamer. Or should I say, hello, little wolf?” His eyes burned with amusement as his wide grin exposed his hideous rows of teeth.
“Do you spend your whole life following me around and watching what I do? Because if you do, you probably need to get a life, Sluag. Oh, wait, you can’t, can you?” It was childish and provocative, but I had so much going on in my mind, I didn’t have the energy for him.
He chuckled and the sound was hideous, like fingernails across a gravestone. “I like you, Little Dreamer. I’m going to miss that spirit once you’re dead.”
“I’m starting to think being dead would be better than having to put up with you inside my head.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him, determined not to let him know how much these summonings took out of me.
“Speaking of which, I think you have some interesting information in that little red head of yours.” He focused his fire-pit eyes on mine as he tapped two of his long grey fingers to his scaly head.
The sudden nudge against my mind sent me into a blind panic. I now had enough access to his thought-space to know he was aware that Pen and Lyall were away, but he didn’t know where they had gone to. His mental intrusion was an attempt to steal the information from my unguarded subconscious.
Inhaling sharply, I followed my instinct, imagining a tall stone wall circling around Pen and Lyall inside my head. I felt a satisfying bump against the barrier as I ejected Sluag from my mind.
“Looking for something?” I sounded a lot more confident than I felt. If I let him know where Pen and Lyall were, he would undoubtedly send his Draugur after them. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Hmm.” He was irritated, I could tell. “Your abilities flourish with every passing day, Soul Keeper.”
I smirked, relieved I had stopped him from taking the information he craved.
“Of course, this means your impending death will probably need to take place sooner, rather than later. I can’t have you becoming too powerful, can I, Flora?”
“I’m not afraid of you, Sluag.” It was a lie and he knew it.
He raised his nose and inhaled deeply, making a show of sniffing the air. “You’ve been very close to the traitor today, Little Dreamer.”
I stiffened. I hated it when he called Finlay a traitor. But I didn’t let my mental barrier drop, knowing that he was probably talking about Finlay to try and distract me.
“I have to say, I am slightly surprised that you haven’t heeded my warnings about the white-headed warrior, Soul Keeper. It seems he has you wrapped around his little finger.” Sluag stood up from his rock with a flourish.
I chose a rock of my own and sat down. It was hard work concentrating on keeping him out of my head and my legs were trembling.
“We talked about this last time, Sluag. Finlay and I are stronger than ever. I really should thank you for helping me to see how to put things right between us.”
I gritted my teeth and groaned as he fired his mind forward and into my own while I was speaking. He had hoped to catch me unawares, and he almost did. I had only a second to spare before he would have had full access to Pen and Lyall’s location. Instead he recoiled back from my barricade and out of my mind once again.
“Tell me, Flora. When you were having your beautiful moment with Finlay, did you feel even an inkling of guilt for Lyall?”
“Of course, I felt guilty. I still do.” My gut twisted, and my mind rang with warning bells. Why was I talking about this with him?
“You shouldn’t worry yourself so, Little Dreamer. You won’t need a boyfriend when you’re dead anyway.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust as he said boyfriend.
“The more you threaten me but don’t actually kill me, the less scary you become, Sluag. You can’t touch me or my Dion from down here, and it must drive you crazy to know it. Finlay loves me. He will never betray me even if I choose Lyall over him. I think you’ve been stuck in the depths of hell for so long you don’t know what friendship and loyalty look like.”
“I know exactly what friendship and loyalty look like, Flora. Shall I tell you?” He had moved closer to me and was pacing up and down in front of my rock, nudging my mind with his own every now and then as though to check if I was still paying attention. My wall was holding strong, however.
“Loyalty is something that Finlay lost when he chose to come to the Endwood and promise to give you up to me, in return for the guarantee of an eternity as my right-hand man, when I rule your pathetic little world.”
“Bull,” I snarled.
“Is it, Little Dreamer?” He raised his eyebrows and continued, “Friendship is something you can’t have, because you keep Finlay and Lyall hanging on, waiting for you to make a decision about your future. What sort of a girl treats her friends like that? You’ll have no one to blame but yourself for Finlay’s betrayal, Flora.” He gave an exaggerated sigh.
My face burned in shame. “I was thrown into this without
any instructions. The only reason I’m in this situation is because someone has to stop you from sending your evil into the world. I’m not trying to hurt either of them,” I yelled.
He didn’t reply. He just smiled at me expectantly, his burning eyes lit up with triumph.
I threw my hands to my head as I realised he had managed to get into my mind, find what he wanted, and leave before I even knew he was there.
“No,” I whispered.
“Yes,” he hissed, almost bouncing in glee.
“But, I didn’t feel a thing.”
“Oh, Soul Keeper, you are so confident of your own abilities, and yet you have no idea of mine. It doesn’t have to hurt you when I break into your mind. I don’t even have to let you know that I’m there. But I am very good at making you believe that it hurts, so that you don’t even realise you’ve let your little wall down too far.”
“You were playing with me,” I murmured quietly.
“I was.” He rubbed his hands together in glee. He had never looked more hideous.
“What happens now?” I stood up from my rock, stepping toward him.
“Why, I thought that would be obvious. Now, you will return to your room, and I need to go and get my Draugur ready for a visit to the west. The Standing Stone Circle of Broca, more precisely.”
The Endwood and Sluag both started to shimmer and fade as he released me from the summoning. For the first time, I fought against my expulsion; although, I didn’t really know why. He wouldn’t listen to my pleas for the life of Pen and Lyall, even if I begged.
For the first time since I had discovered I was a Soul Keeper, I felt young and afraid, but most of all I felt stupid. How could I have thought I had the power to keep him out of my mind?
As soon as I was back in my bedroom, my hand flew to the phone on the bedside table. There was no hesitation this time as I scrolled through my contacts before hitting call on Lyall’s number. The phone didn’t even ring once, instead going straight through to voicemail. They mustn’t have any phone signal.
