by Malone, M.
It’s a scary thing to see her looking like this. It reminds me of why I’ve made the decisions I’ve made recently. It’s all for her. She deserves everything Finn and I can give her.
“Come on in.”
We walk past her and into the house. It’s dark with the curtains drawn.
“Let me just change my clothes and try to do something with this hair. It’s so hard to wash in the shower now. I get dizzy sometimes.”
“I used to wash my sister’s hair in the sink when we were younger,” Emma comments.
“In the sink? That’s a good idea.” Mom pats the bandanna on her hair again.
“Do you want me to help?” Emma takes off her jacket and then rolls up her sleeves. “I was usually helping her strip out a bad dye job so a simple wash should be easy.”
Mom looks shocked but then smiles at her. “Would you? I’d love it.”
They walk toward the kitchen and I follow behind. “Do you guys need any help?”
Emma scrunches her nose up at me. “No boys allowed.”
“I’ll just go grab my shampoo and a towel.” Mom leaves the kitchen, seeming more cheerful than I’ve seen her in weeks.
Emma curls a hand around my forearm. “Don’t worry. She’ll be sitting the whole time with her head over the sink. This way she doesn’t have to worry about slipping in the shower. It’ll be fine.”
My mom keeps canned sodas in the back of the fridge for me so I pull out a cola and take it back to the living room. I flip on the television but keep the volume low in case they need me.
The soft murmur of their voices and the occasional burst of laughter filter in from the kitchen but otherwise it’s silent. It’s a good silence. A peaceful silence. We haven’t had much of that lately.
No matter what happened before on our date, Emma has given me the most unexpected gift. She’s taken my mom’s mind off the chemo and brought it back to the land of the living. She’s smiling and laughing again just like she used to.
There’s nothing in the world that could mean more to me.
As Emma is cleaning up, my mom comes and sits on the couch next to me, rubbing her hair absently with the fluffy blue towel around her neck.
“I’d forgotten what it’s like to just laugh and gossip about nothing. We put so much focus on treatments and therapies and we overlook the simplest joys. Laughter. This was a really nice day.”
She glances over at me. There’s a silly little smile on her face, one I haven’t seen before.
“What?”
“Nothing. Just that I like her.”
“It’s not a big deal, Mom. She’s just someone I’m helping out. A friend of a friend.”
“Still, I like her.” She watches me with her knowing eyes. “It’s okay to like someone, Tank. Not everyone leaves. I know your father left. Now I’m … I’m leaving you.”
Her voice breaks a little and I’m not sure I can listen to this.
“Mom,” I warn, not wanting to hear anything else she has to say. Not if it’s going to be talk about her leaving us.
“I’m just saying, it’s okay to like someone.”
“Okay, I’m not talking about girls with you. That’s not happening. And you aren’t going anywhere. I’ve got the money for your surgery.”
Her hands fly to her mouth. “How could you have gotten that much money so fast?”
“I’ve been working really hard and I just had to figure a few things out. Finn and I worked it out. We’ve got it covered now. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”
“You’re keeping something from me. I know it. Just tell me you didn’t do anything illegal.”
“Mama.”
The word takes me by surprise even as it leaves my mouth. I haven’t called her that since I was a kid.
“I told you, you don’t have to worry. It’s nothing like that. It’s just Finn and I moving some money around. Okay?”
She doesn’t speak but her shoulders sag a little as she sits back.
“Good. Okay. I just worry about you, Tank. I worry about you most of all.”
Chapter Nine
Emma
Claire appears in the doorway of the kitchen. She still has a blue towel around her neck but her hair looks almost dry, the light brown strands curling at the ends.
“You don’t have to clean that up dear. I can do it.”
“I’m almost done. See?”
As I sponge up the puddles of water around the sink, I sneak glances at her. She looks so young to have a son Tank’s age and she’s a lot of fun. We spent a pleasurable hour while I was washing and conditioning her hair talking about my college classes and all the things she regrets doing during her college years.
It shouldn’t have taken that long really but I wasn’t in any hurry and Claire didn’t seem to be either.
She’d asked all kinds of questions. I think she’s wondering what my relationship is to Tank.
“All done.”
I wring out the sponge and place it back on the counter. Earlier, I gathered up the loose hair in the sink and put the caps back on the shampoo and conditioner bottles.
“It would be nice if we had time to do manicures and pedicures, too.”
I try to remember the last time I had this much fun. It’s been a long time since Ivy and I have done anything together.
Everything these days is about money and our lack of it. She’s always with Jon lately and I’ve been working around the clock. There’s not a lot of time for fun. I hadn’t realized until now just how much I’ve missed it.
“I do, too. Visitors are few and far between these days. I tell you what, cancer lets you know who your real friends are. Mainly it’s my boys.”
Claire presses another section of hair between the folds of the towel, blotting out the excess water.
“They come out every few days to check on me and they call everyday. So I can’t complain.”
I lean back and observe Tank as he sits on the couch. There’s so much that I want to ask her about him.
Has he always been so intense?
He seems to carry a heavy weight around with him. He helped me the other day and he didn’t have to do that. Anyone else would have given me a ride home and then driven off without a care. Instead he took me home and put me in his bed. Which would have seemed self-serving except he didn’t take advantage.
Even when I wanted him to.
Tank comes in the kitchen and places his empty soda can in the recycling bin. The trash can is almost full so he pulls the bag out and ties it off.
“Let me take this out before we go.” He opens the back door and takes the trash to the can directly outside the door. “Okay, Mom. We should get going. I didn’t mean to keep Emma out this long. I don’t want her to get sick of me yet.”
Claire holds out her arms and Tank enfolds her in a hug.
“Thank you for coming darling. I really appreciate it.”
To my surprise, Claire pulls me into a hug, too. “You too, Emma. I’m sorry I interrupted your afternoon together. Well, not really since I had too much fun to be sorry. But you should take her out again, Tanner. Make it up to her.”
“I’m not sure if that would be a reward or a punishment. Maybe she’s had enough already.”
He squeezes her arm and she smiles up at him. It’s so funny to watch Tank deal with his mother. He’s so careful with her.
Claire walks us to the door.
“Lock up behind us, Mom.” Tank waits until she closes the door and we hear the latch slide into place.
I follow him down the driveway to his bike. He hands me the helmet but I don’t put it on.
“You’re different than I was expecting. This whole day has been so different. I didn’t even want to go but …”
“But what?”
“It’s just you. The thing you said back at the beach. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. You’re right. I was being judgmental. You made me think about things, really think. I wouldn’t have expected that fro
m you. Most guys just look at women taking their clothes off as entertainment. Not as people.”
He holds my gaze and then tugs on a lock of my hair. “It’s not hard to see them as people if one of them is cutting the crusts off your peanut butter sandwiches and waking you for school in the morning.”
The enormity of how I’ve insulted him twists my stomach into knots.
“Tank, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“I know. But I misjudged you, too. One thoughtless comment doesn’t override the good things. You were really great with her. I haven’t heard her laugh like that in a long time.”
“Your mom is awesome. She told me about all the gorgeous men she dated in college.”
He grimaces. “Yeah, she can be a little TMI with the details.”
“That was the best part. I listened shamelessly and made her tell me every detail. Twice.”
He laughs along with me. “Good. Maybe she’ll tell all that stuff to you and not to me or Finn.”
“My mom had this salon she liked to go to and they would do her hair in the most beautiful styles. So, I never really had an at home spa day with her. Now I’m just left wondering how many other things we never got to do. How many other things did I miss out on because I thought we had plenty of time?”
The words dry up and I’m left staring back at him with this sick sense of despair I can’t express. My throat closes up and there’s this awful burn behind my eyelids.
“I’m sorry about your mom, Emma. I would say I understand but I’m starting to realize I don’t have the slightest clue.”
I grab his hand. It’s huge and there are callouses on the palm. I rub my thumb over the rough skin while I gather my thoughts.
“Your mom is still here and you’re doing exactly what you should be. Spending time with her. Appreciating her. I don’t know what’s going on between you and your dad, but it’s not too late to make up with him either.”
I can tell he doesn’t know how to respond. I’m probably annoying him, pushing my nose into his business. We barely know each other and I’m trying to tell him how to live his life? But in that moment what I’m saying has nothing to do with Max Marshall, his money or doing a job. It’s one hundred percent truth and I like Tank enough to want to make sure he hears it.
“It’s none of my business but I feel like I have to warn you. Need to make sure you understand. Your mother, your father can be taken from you at any time. You never realize how lucky you are to have parents until you don’t.”
“You’re right. But my family situation … it’s complicated.”
I look back at the house where Claire stands in the window watching us. I hand the helmet back to Tank and walk back up the driveway. Before I even get to the door, Claire has it open. She’s watching me with this patient expression.
It’s like she knows what I need and she’s just waiting for me to figure it out.
I take the last few steps at a run, almost knocking her over with a hug. My shoulders shake uncontrollably as I try to rein in my emotions. When I’m finally composed again, she wipes the tears from my face and smiles at me.
“It was so wonderful meeting you, Emma. Tank had better bring you back to see me. Until then, be patient with him.”
“I will. Thank you.”
Tank is watching us with a baffled expression but he doesn’t say anything as I get on the back of his bike. He puts the helmet on my head and secures the strap beneath my chin. He’s so careful, like he’s afraid to hurt me.
He’s hard to resist on any given day but now, after seeing him with his mother, it’s pretty much fact.
Tank Marshall is going to be a problem.
* * *
We pull up outside of the house. Ivy’s car is the only one in the driveway. Jon loves taking her to fancy hotels, which she thinks is his way of showing her a good time. In my opinion it’s pretty sketchy, like he can’t take her to his house.
Secretly, I think he’s already got a girlfriend.
She texted me earlier that they wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. It’s only a temporary reprieve but I’ll take it. I need to get my own place. They might be out now but eventually he’ll end up back here. I don’t want any repeats of the other morning.
“Is that his car?”
Tank looks over his shoulder at me. He’s so close I can smell the scent of his leather jacket and the aftershave he uses. It’s nice.
Oh, who am I kidding? It makes me want to climb inside his coat with him.
“No. They’re not here.”
“I hate the idea of leaving you here alone. What if he comes back?”
“He’s not dangerous, Tank. Just annoying and gross. As long as Ivy’s with him, he’ll be in her room. I won’t have to see him until morning.”
I climb off the back of the bike and unstrap the helmet. My hair is stuck to my forehead so I run a hand through it trying to fluff it out a little.
“I’ll pick you up.”
“No, you don’t have to do that.”
“Your car is still back at the beach, remember?”
After spending the evening with his mom, I totally forgot about my car. The smoke coming from beneath the hood probably means my cracked radiator finally busted. The last time I got it serviced, they told me I needed a new one.
I didn’t have the money for it then and I still don’t.
I could probably ask Ivy to borrow some but I already know her solution to the problem. She’ll ask Jon for the money and there is no way I want to owe him anything. I’d rather walk.
“I might as well leave it there. I need a new radiator. Probably a new engine, too.”
“I’ll take care of it. After I’m done, I’ll bring it back to you at work. No arguments. After all, you just spent the past hour helping my mom out. We’re friends, right? It’s no big deal to help a friend out.”
I can’t think of anything to say. He’s making it easy for me to accept his help without feeling like a total charity case but it still feels like too much.
“I can pay you back. At least for the parts.”
He shakes his head. “You can make me dinner.”
“You drive a hard bargain. I’ll make you dinner if we eat at your mom’s house.”
He looks at me in surprise.
“What? I really had fun today. Plus, I can tell she really enjoys it when you visit. I’ll cook there if you don’t think she’ll mind.”
“No, she’ll love it. We haven’t had many family dinners lately. First because she wasn’t feeling well and then Finn, well, my brother doesn’t go out much now. Do you mind if I invite him?”
“Of course not. I think your mom will be really happy to have both of you there. What’s he like? Your brother, I mean.”
He glances at me and his lips tighten. “Never mind. I’m definitely not inviting him. He’ll spend the entire night hitting on you and then I’ll have to pound my own brother.”
Heat spreads through me at his possessive statement. After our disastrous beach date, I figured he wasn’t interested anymore. I definitely wouldn’t have expected him to be jealous at the idea of his brother hitting on me.
Why would he even care?
“I’m sure he won’t even notice me. Ivy’s the one who has men panting after her everywhere she goes.”
His gaze holds mine. “You have men panting. If you don’t know that, then you aren’t paying attention.”
I suck in a breath as his breath washes over my face. His eyes drop to my lips as he gets closer. Is he going to kiss me now? I lick my lips and his eyes immediately go to my mouth.
Then he leans closer and grabs the helmet from my hands. He sits back, looking all together too satisfied considering that he’s gotten me all riled up.
Then it dawns on me that he’s playing with me.
I adjust my bag and start walking up the driveway. When I turn around, he’s still watching me with a small smile.
“What?”
That smug smile gets even w
ider. “Nothing. I told you I’d get you to dinner one of these days.”
Then he starts the engine, drowning out any reply I would have made, and pulls off leaving me staring after him.
* * *
I fill my time Sunday doing laundry and cleaning the house, trying to pretend I’m not secretly hoping for Tank to call.
He doesn’t.
Not that I care. He’s confusing and distracting and who needs that kind of drama? I have enough on my plate trying to find another job and planning for my eduction.
By Monday morning, I’m emotionally exhausted from thinking about everything. Even Mr. Stevens notices when I call one of his longtime clients by the wrong name. Luckily we’re so busy I don’t have much time to brood.
I only get out of the office to pick up a deli sandwich for Mr. Stevens. I don’t eat my own lunch until after three o’clock, a ham and cheese sandwich I threw together on the way out the door this morning.
When I take a bite, I discover I didn’t put any mustard on the bread. I let out a disgusted sigh.
“I know that sound. Dating trouble?” Mr. Stevens puts a file on my desk and then leans against the wall.
“Not really. We’re not really dating.” I glance at him from the corner of my eye.
He looks like a lawyer with his standard blue suit, red tie and strong jaw line. If his brown hair wasn’t thinning in the front, he’d look like an actor playing a lawyer on a crime drama.
He’s always come across as logical, objective and fair. He’s the perfect person to ask for an impartial opinion about Tank. As far as I know, they don’t know each other outside of their professional relationship.
“It’s about Tank Marshall. I went on a date with him. It was nice. Strange but nice. I don’t have a lot of experience dating. You’ve been working with him for a while now. Does he come across as a decent guy to you?”
Patrick looks uneasy. “Look, kiddo. I can’t divulge information about my clients. You know that. But that family … just watch yourself, Emma. You’ve had a rough year and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
